CHAPTER 10:
Shaky Paths
"Ready for your first day?" Iliana asked excitedly. Kahet snorted while Leitjin fidgeted.
"I'm used to it" Kahet mumbled and ate his morning meal. He wore a thin fabric brown tunic with a simple loincloth and black sandals. His brown hair was tied up in a ponytail while his green eyes looked tired. The nine year old hated new instruction years because it usually came from his grandmother as the teacher and he couldn't wait to start his Chiva training once he became fourteen.
"I don't want to go!" Leitjin whimpered and pushed his food away. Similar to his brother's tunic, he wore it in a beige color while wearing the same ensemble as his brother and most yautja male children. His black hair was brushed into a low ponytail as he rattled his mandible tusks in nervousness against his teeth. Unlike his confident brother, the five year old Leitjin was more a shy and quiet child, and usually tried to avoid social encounters.
"I know you're nervous but you have to" his mother soothed and pushed his food back to him. Squeezing his hand in assurance, she smiled, "This is when you begin to grasp the knowledge of society and what your expectations will be. Kahet did the same thing too and look, he's confident."
"He's used to it, I'm not" he said sadly and hugged her waist. "I want to stay here with you."
"You can't, this is mandatory" she sighed and kneeled down to look into his scared eyes. "New situations are a little scary but I'm sure you'll fit in and Kahet won't be far from you."
"What if they make fun of me?" he sniffled and looked away. "I don't know anyone."
Kahet glanced at his brother and felt sorry for him. He'd gone through the same thing as well but in his case, he was the first hybrid so everyone either asked him confusing questions or left him alone because of what he was. He had hated his first year but now, he was used to it and his cousins were close by too so he had no worries.
"You'll be fine, it's fun" Kahet said, trying to cheer up his brother. Leitjin looked at him nervously and he patted his head. "If anyone bugs you, just tell me."
"Really?" he asked, hesitant. "You. . .you'll be there?"
"Of course, I'm your big brother" he smiled proudly at him. "No one messes with you while I'm around."
Leitjin nodded slowly and began to eat his breakfast again. He really hoped his mother was right and he'd fit in with the other kids. However, he was still nervous about how other children would react to him. Would he make friends or would they ignore him? Sighing gently, he ate and tried to stomach his food despite his nerves were on edge.
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"All right, children, find a spot to sit at and get comfortable" Iliana spoke up to the class of fifteen boys and girls who occupied a quiet room within the library, where classes were held. Usually, the first five years, both genders were combined to teach the traditions, customs, and language grammar of the yautja society in the Lower Division. Once they were ten, males and females were separated and taught the knowledge they needed for their future ranks in their Upper Division studies.
"You're our teacher?" one boy spoke up haughtily. "You're not a yautja."
"Yes, but I've lived here far longer than all of you and have been approved by a fellow instructor to teach you for your first year" she spoke clearly to all of them. "So, does anyone here object so far?"
Mother!, Leitjin thought happily as he picked a spot at the front to sit at. Her eyes stayed on him for a few seconds in recognition before she showed them a silver tablet with a digital inscription.
"Can anyone tell me what this means?" she asked the quiet children. They shook their heads but Leitjin raised his hand meekly. "Yes, Leitjin?"
"It's the symbol for the La'u-Yun clan" he said shyly while his cheeks turned darker.
"That's exactly right!" she smiled and nodded causing him to look down bashfully. "Now, I want you to practice this symbol on the tablets you've brought with you and I'll look over them in five minutes."
Leitjin took out his tablet from his little brown knapsack along with an inscribing pen. His fingers gripped it delicately while his brows furrowed in concentration. He was determined to write the inscription as best he could and hopefully, better than the other pups. Iliana watched her new students, especially her son who kept away from everyone.
After five minutes or so, the children put down their tablets nervously as Iliana walked over to each of them to observe them. Some had made a good attempt while others had scribbled something, while others went way off and drew objects.
"Uh. . .let's try again" she said, raising a brow. "Every morning I will expect you to write a new word and learn it into your writing."
"What if it's too hard?" one of the girls asked.
"I will help you until you understand" Iliana smiled at the orange tinted girl. "In this class, you will learn the alphabet in order to write and read our language. You will also learn the basic rules of conduct in society so you never get in trouble as you grow up."
"Will we get assignments?" another boy asked near the front.
"Occasionally, but most of your work will be here" she said and clapped her hands. "Return to your second try and I will recheck your work."
The pups nodded and began on their work once again. Iliana sat down in a chair nearby and prepared the slides of containing the letters of the yautja language. It took her forever to get a handle on them due to the fact that each letter was a symbol and could change when used in a word. Unlike English letters which were one symbol, yautja letters contained different lines and symbols, almost like Asian languages. She remembered the nights Kantra tried to teach her, only to get him frustrated at getting nowhere since her vocal chords were much different. Eventually, Bai'Kar taught her since her son held no patience.
I'm sure they'll get a hang of it, she thought. Their brains are more advanced and ready to learn than mines was.
Once the time passed, Iliana made another walk to see their work and saw it had made a little improvement. Returning to her seat, she grabbed the educational props and held them in her hands.
"Okay, now that you learned how it looks, we're going to learn each letter of the word" she smiled at all of them. "By the end of today, you'll be able to write each letter in the word La'u-Yun."
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"I can't believe you're teaching" Kahet whined to his mother as he ate lunch on their table back home. "Kids are going to laugh at me. I'll be the baby of the entire Lower Division."
"Honey, you're exaggerating" Iliana said, shrugging and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I'm not even teaching your class."
"But you're right down the hall!" he pointed out and sulked angrily. "Do you have to teach?"
"I like mother being the teacher" Leitjin said happily as he tore off his tunic and threw away his sandals. With an infectious smile, he said, "I won't be alone."
"Mother can't be your only friend" Kahet pointed out sharply and narrowed his eyes. "I don't like it. What will father say?"
"He doesn't have a say, he's away on a mission" his mother responded firmly and looked at her oldest child, "And I'm going to continue teaching, Kahet. Females can have non-hunting jobs onboard if they want and it's time I got into a profession. Your father's away a lot and I want to do something while you attend school so I won't be alone here. I'm used to putting my mind to work on something and since there's nothing to do in the morning, I chose this."
I would've rather stayed a veterinarian but the yautja have no uses for that, she thought glumly. And I've no idea on their anatomy and physiology either.
"I'm sorry you don't like it, Kahet, but I plan to keep teaching" she stated and crossed her arms. "Nothing bad will happen, so don't worry."
"Yes and she can hide snacks for us so we can eat them during break" Leitjin added hopefully.
"Kids will probably beat us up for them" Kahet muttered under his breath making his brother look down.
"No one will hurt you, your grandmother and I will make sure of it" his mother said sharply. "Now, eat your meal."
"No! I don't want to eat" he hissed and ran away from the table. Running down the hallway, away from his room, he found a small room next to his parents bedroom and went inside. Locking the door from the inside, he sat down and rested against one of the metal walls. Kahet's eyes trailed over the collection of trophies his sire had attained over his warrior years. New skulls also adorned a new case that he had used for trophies where he visited planets to hunt and keep his skills up against strong prey.
One day I'll have a room just like this, he thought excitedly.
"Kahet! Get out of your father's room now" his mother's voice ordered from behind the door. "You know the rule: Your father must be there with you."
I hate it when he hides in there, she thought.
"I'll get out only if you stop teaching" he said, defiantly. "I don't want kids making fun of me!"
"They won't, sweetheart" Iliana sighed on the other side and ran her hand down the door. "You may not like it but I have to do things outside the home too."
"You have us and father" Kahet said, confused. "You don't need a class."
His mind is still innocent, she thought warmly.
"Kahet, I can't be inside the house always" she explained gently. "I'm human and I have a tendency to be curious and try new things. I want to give something to our society and this is one way. I'm sorry that you're upset about this but I'll try not to get in your way at school, okay?"
Iliana felt sorry that he felt insecure about his safety and most of it due to her being his mother. It's not that he was embarrassed of his mother but he was tired of the taunts over the years because of his half-breed genetics. Ignoring those kind of people helped most of the time, but there were some who persisted no matter what and that's what he hated the most. That and he didn't want to get picked on for his treats by bullies also.
"Fine" he sighed in defeat and got up while clicking irritably. Unlocking the door, he walked outside towards his mother and looked down, "I'm sorry."
"I know, it's always hard fitting in" she nodded and hugged him tightly. Letting him go, she said, "How about you finish your meal? You don't want it cold, do you?"
"No" he said, shaking his head and followed her to the kitchen, "When will father return?"
"In a few weeks" she sighed and tried to forget her usual worried thoughts. "Now how about going to the gardens later?"
"I was going to go with Bakuub but all right" he grinned happily.
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"Glad I got you out of there, huh?" Sali'ah grinned proudly. Iliana chuckled in agreement and nodded. "I'm the same as you. I get tired of the babble and decide to do my own thing."
Sali'ah had just rescued the poor Iliana from a weekly female meeting that females in the Ade'k'ra attended either as regulars or varyingly. Iliana had never attended one seeing as she was either tending to her children, talking to Zia or Sali'ah, mating with Kantra, or training with Aru'Kar. However, after her class, Bai'Kar caught her off guard and brought her to a meeting. Surprisingly, the meeting had been small and consisted of mated females who apparently, liked to gossip in this meet. Since it was her first time there, everyone had questions about her and humankind. Eventually, the subject was changed which she was more than happy for. Iliana soon became bored about who was mating with who temporarily, who was expecting, who'd made a drunk of themselves, and so on. Eventually, Sali'ah, who had also been swindled into it, yanked the half asleep Iliana and taken her and said they needed to check on their pups before Bai'Kar could say otherwise. The two women now walked through the halls in freedom as they headed for the mess hall.
"Are they mandatory?" she sighed in disdain. "To be honest, they're not that interesting. I like the advice but not the gossip."
"I'm so glad you became my brother's mate" she laughed and wrapped her arm over the smaller female's shoulder. "Otherwise, I'd be bored to death. The meetings aren't mandatory, it's just a way for females to gather with friends and relax without the influence of males."
"Thanks- oh, there's a free table!" Iliana said, pointing quickly.
Both females walked to the open table quickly before it became filled for the lunch period. Sali'ah usually came here with Iliana during the lunch period and Bai'Kar sometimes joined them unless she aided other females on board with other matters. Iliana was surprised at how many things Kantra's mother could do within a day. Sitting down, they relaxed their feet and sighed in relief at being away from the female meeting.
"So how are the little runts behaving?" Sali'ah asked her.
"Not bad, they're getting the hang of things" she smiled timidly then sighed, "At first, I don't think they took me seriously because I'm human but eventually, they realized I'm there to stay."
"Some can be hell raisers" she nodded in return and chuckled, "If any angry parents come to you, just tell me and I'll beat the crap out of them."
"Didn't Sau-Trul tell you to stop that?" Iliana laughed, eyes shutting to hold back her laughs. "You've almost knocked out half the ship, according to him."
"Meh, he doesn't tell me what to do" she snorted and moved back against her chair. The eta's arrived and placed plates of food onto their tables and bowed quickly.
"Thank you" Iliana said, dipping her head thankfully. The servants stared at her in puzzlement but nodded shyly and left.
"You still do that? Iliana, you know the way of our people towards the eta caste" Sali'ah informed her as she shook her head. Grabbing some food onto her plate, she sighed, "You must be their most respected female to serve for by now."
"I was raised differently and I treat everyone courteously, no matter what the social status" she smiled softly as she began to eat. "Some of them are nice, I talked to some once."
"Iliana, it's rare for anyone of the upper castes to speak to one from below" she told her quietly then smiled, "Good for you, you're becoming a rebel."
"What?! No!" she gasped quickly. "The last thing I want is to upset the balance of this ship."
"You're headstrong, I wouldn't be surprised if you end up an Elder's mate one day" Sali'ah teased playfully.
"Kantra wants to be an Arbitrator, he will not qualify for Elder in the future" Iliana chuckled as she watched more residents enter the mess hall. "It doesn't matter though, I just want to my mate with me no matter what status he has."
"My brother's lucky, most females would pressure the male to better himself" Sali'ah told her simply. "Females always choose the best male and males must make themselves worthy all of the time."
"Is that why your father dislikes Sau-Trul? Because he's at the top here so far?" she grinned cheekily. Sali'ah chuckled and shook her head.
"He wanted me to mate a Warrior or Leader but I decided on Sau-Trul" she smiled in distaste at first but smiled at her mate's name, "I've never met anyone who tolerated my stubborn attitude and I tolerated his cold one so we fit perfectly."
"Parents, you love them but sometimes you must ignore them" she smiled but it faded quickly. Sometimes when the word 'parents' popped up, she couldn't forget hers and wondered where they were and if they ever thought of her. She missed them years before she met Kantra and hoped they-
"Iliana?" Sali'ah's voice popped into her thoughts. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I just missed my parents" she sighed and put on a sad smile, "And Kantra, I miss him every time he leaves."
Poor Iliana, she's still not used to our long years and her humanity always makes her more emotional when alone, Sali'ah thought in sympathy.
"My brother will be fine" she assured her and patted her hand, "Is everything all right?"
"I just miss him" she whispered and looked downcast. Biting her lip in an afterthought, she mumbled, "Sali'ah, can I confide in you?"
"Of course, you're my sister" she smiled in assurance and pushed her plate to the side. "Anything said stays between us."
Iliana hesitated but said, "Kantra's becoming distant with all of these trips. I know his missions are private but he's becoming different over the years and it worries me. He's been acting so quiet these recent months."
"Males here are aggressive, Iliana" Sali'ah reminded her gently and squeezed her hand. "My brother is a male of varying moods but you must remind him of the man you want him to be."
"I have but he dismisses it" she sighed and closed her eyes for a minute. "He leaves on his trips so frequently, sometimes I feel as if I spent no time with him at all and he keeps everything to himself."
"Talk to him, Iliana, get through to him" the older female advised softly. "My brother is devoted deeply to you. He will not displace your feelings over his missions."
"I hope so" she said nimbly and returned to eat her food nervously. "I just have to wait then."
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"Mother, I don't get this" Leitjin called to his mother from the main foyer. He'd been trying to understand his assignment but ended up scratching his head confused. Kahet looked over from the couch where he sat while he played with his silver daggers in content. Leitjin pouted at him, "No fair, you don't have work."
"Grandmother helped me" he grinned smugly. "I finished it yesterday."
Iliana walked in tiredly and sat down on the couch as a dizzy spell hit her suddenly. Placing the back of her hand over her forehead, she closed her eyes quickly and lay back against the couch. Kahet looked at his mother worriedly and rushed to her side to squeeze her hand gently.
"What's wrong?" he asked, fearfully. "Should I call Uncle Ani-De?"
"No, I'll be fine" Iliana said, taking deep breaths to clear her head. "Probably just stress, don't worry."
"Mama!" Leitjin cried and ran to his mother to place his head on her lap. She smiled gratefully and caressed his brown forehead softly. Her youngest always reached for her when he was worried, unlike Kahet who was more attached to his father.
"Will you be okay?" Kahet asked, clicking his throat worriedly. She nodded and wiped her eyes with her hands.
"Mm-hmm" she said and patted his cheek. "Do you think you could help your brother?"
Kahet nodded and grabbed Leitjin's hand while getting up from the couch to lead him back to his study area. The two brothers sat down and went over the assignment quietly to let their mother relax. She smiled thoughtfully for their consideration and rested for a bit.
I've been feeling nauseous since yesterday, she thought but then sighed mentally, Please don't tell me I'm pregnant again!
"Damn Kantra" she mumbled but smiled gently nonetheless. "My Kantra."
I'll go see Ani-De tomorrow, she thought.
Hearing her front door open, she sucked down the queasy feeling in her stomach and stood up to see who it was. Seeing her armor covered mate in the doorway, she sighed in relief and smiled at him. The children spotted him and forgot about their work instantly to go run towards their father to hug him. Their arms wrapped over each of his thick thighs while he unhooked his mask and placed it on the table nearby.
"You're happy, I see?" Kantra greeted his sons and ruffled their hair. Hugging each of them, he asked, "How did you behave while I was gone?"
"Good" Kahet said quickly and glanced at his mother, "Mom's not feeling well."
Kantra instantly stared at his mate who shook her hands at him. Smiling weakly, she said, "I'm fine, just a dizzy spell."
"And you know what my response is" he said, firmly. She nodded and sighed in acknowledgement. Looking at his sons, he said, "All right, you need to let go so I can change. Afterwards, we can talk about what I've missed."
They nodded eagerly and let him go while purring happily to each other. The two boys walked back to the couch to sit on it patiently. Iliana followed Kantra to their bedroom while he stripped off his black armor to place it into his armor storage unit. Seeing two new scars on his green back, she frowned and wondered what life forms he'd tangled with. Walking over to him quietly, she placed her fingers over his wrist gently.
"I'm so glad you're back" she smiled joyously at him. Holding back tears, she faltered, "I've. .I've missed you."
He purred protectively and cupped her cheek, "I've missed you all as well. How long have you been feeling ill?"
"Just yesterday, I'll go see Ani-De later on" she said and wrapped her arms around his waist. Looking up at him, she kissed his chin, "Are you hungry?"
"As always" he chuckled and kissed her softly after many weeks, "I can't wait to mate with you tonight."
His appetite's still the same, she thought coyly.
"Me too" she said and kissed his neck playfully, "Are you injured? I have some salve Ani-De gave me, just in case."
"No, I patched up most of my injuries on my ship" he said, dismissing it and stretched his arms. "I'll be fine."
"Good, I don't want any infections to arise or internal injuries" Iliana said, relieved. "How was the mission?"
"I cannot discuss that, Ana" he said firmly, making her look away. "My business is classified."
"I don't care about the mission, I care about you" she admitted softly and traced her fingers down his bare chest, "Did everything go okay for you?"
"I suppose" he said carelessly and shrugged. "Nothing important."
"You have two scars on your back, how is-" she began quickly.
"Not your concern" he cut her off sternly with a hiss, "I will wear these scars with pride like my brethren. I am here and that is what matters."
Why does he cut himself away from me?, she thought desperately. I only want to help.
"What matters is my mate's well-being whether physical, emotional, or mental" Iliana stated angrily. "I'm proud of all the scars and trophies you gain, Kantra. But you never tell me if something's wrong so I can help you anymore. Wherever you are, I worry for you."
"I can handle myself, Iliana" Kantra said, rumbling his chest in agitation. "There is no need for your concern."
"No need? I'm constantly worried if you'll return to me and you close yourself off when you do" she said upset, as her hands went over her chest pleadingly. "How am I supposed to react? I can't just wave it off like I don't care."
"Be proud that I've returned and that should be enough for now" he said simply and caressed her face with his fingers. Iliana, however, didn't care for his gesture after what he'd just told her.
How is that enough?, she thought sadly. I need my mate to confide in me, not push me away from what he's experienced.
"I'll go see the children" Kantra told her and exited quietly. Iliana sighed against the wall and placed her hand over her eyes to push back the burning tears that wanted to surface.
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Iliana paced though the main foyer nervously the next day while wringing her dress in her hands. She'd gone to see Ani-De and it had gone exactly as she thought it would. Now, she just had to tell Kantra about the results.
(Flashback)
"You're pregnant" Ani-De said, squeezing her shoulder in congratulations. "A little over six weeks. You always experience late symptoms, most females come here to check themselves after mating with their mates but not you."
"You know me, I'm modest and I'd rather do it this way" Iliana chuckled softly. "I still retain some human mannerisms."
"I suppose but at least you came" he smiled and scribbled something down in his notes. "Are you ready for your next little one?"
"I've been teaching for a month, I can't possibly keep teaching while having a suckling in my arms" she pointed out in dismay. "I'll have to stop and the children will probably think I couldn't handle it. As for my training, Nak-De finally took the spear in his butt out and agreed to train me! Nak-De, the most sought out trainer and I'm going to have to tell him I can't! Do you've any idea how that's going to turn out? With his temper?!"
"Just tell him he's going to be an uncle" Ani-De said, waving it off humorously. "He'll be happy."
"He may be your twin but he's the complete opposite!" she exclaimed. "He'll probably ignore me for a year!"
"You'll be fine, just let me talk to him" he said, calming her down by soothing her trembling hand. "Just look over yourself and tell Kantra. Ignore everyone else, they don't matter."
"But Leitjin will be alone if I stop teaching" she said softly. "He's so shy in class and the kids barely talk to him. I don't want others treating him different. Kahet's had it so hard-"
"He's been a strong pup since birth" Ani-De assured her but understood her motherly sentiment. "But he has to learn to live life just like his brother. We guide them but they must experience their own life and mold it to their needs."
"You're right" she nodded and patted her flat stomach, "Be a girl."
"Afraid of sibling rivalry again?" he laughed softly and she glared. "Never mind."
Hearing Kantra enter the house with their two children, she smiled instantly at them. The two youngsters ran inside to hug their mother before heading to their respective rooms to prepare to go to sleep. Their father had taken the two to play with Aru'Dre who had been driving his father insane with tantrums. After two hours of play, the seven year old was happily asleep while his cousins were drained.
"Can we talk?" Iliana asked Kantra apprehensively.
"Of course" he nodded quickly and walked over to her. "But I must be at the office in an hour to go over my findings with Sau-Trul and write up some reports."
"But you just returned yesterday" she said in surprise and furrowed her eyebrows, "How long will you take?"
"I'm not sure but I'll be back late" he sighed at her startled face. "Please don't argue with me, I can't do anything about it."
"Of course you can, you can take a break between your assignments and dedicate more time to your family" she said, furious. "You've barely slept here one day and you're already away the next day? You have to be a little tired from your trip, why can't you stay here and relax a bit?"
"These are my responsibilities, I've gotten used to it over the years" he said, shrugging easily. "Why can't you?"
Why must she argue about this every time?, he thought.
"Because I want to spend time with the man I love, not spend months in my bed alone wondering if you'll return safely" Iliana choked out while her eyes filled with tears. "And when you do, you're away from here and I'm expected to be happy about it?!"
"We've been over this many times, you knew my rank would require this of me" Kantra hissed in irritation despite his mate's upset state. "I am coping with it in order to see this through and make it easier for us."
"This is your rank, what am I getting out of it?" she demanded angrily as her hands curled into fists at her sides. "You get to rise above everyone and I'm left by myself with our children while you travel the universe non-stop! How is being away from us for months constantly making it easier?"
"You promised to support me on this years ago, why do you bring this up now?" Kantra growled in frustration at her. "I told you we would have difficult times so stop this argument. We've never had problems before so don't start any."
"And you promised that you'd never leave me alone in the dark while you rejoined your people in a prestigious rank" she whispered and wiped her eyes. Her chest felt compressed while her heart felt as if it were being squeezed. "You promised to never hurt me or push me aside as long as you were here. You. . .you're changing into someone colder and it's breaking my heart over time. I. .I can't. . .I miss you and every time I think you've returned home to me, you're gone within days whether it's on another level here or a planet who knows where! How am I supposed to connect to you when you're gone?"
Why can't he understand what I'm telling him?, she thought frantically. I love him but he's closed himself off from me for a while. I'm proud of his accomplishments but I don't want them at the cost of him changing into someone else.
"I have never left you alone, I've given you everything that you'd possibly need" Kantra said sharply as well as surprised at her outburst. "You're safe with me and I return to you alive. Why would you think anything else?"
"Material things mean nothing to me" she pointed out and sighed, "You're the only thing I've ever needed and I've always understood your need to be respected but not at this price. I want my grouchy, smart-alecky, sarcastic, and caring mate, not this distant and humorless man you're turning into. Please, stop overworking yourself and stay with me so we can catch up on what you've missed all these months."
I'm doing this to protect them all, he thought in disappointment. Are her feelings for me changing? How am I different from before? I feel perfectly fine.
"We will talk another day, Iliana" he said, coldly. "I need to finish my task."
She nodded stiffly and watched him leave in tense movements. Taking a deep breath when the door closed, she murmured sadly, "Surprise, I'm pregnant."
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End of Chapter 10. The road turns a little dark for the wonder couple, doesn't it? Thanks for reading and review please. Also, thanks to my last reviewers!