Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Bleach or Harry Potter. They belong to Tite Kubo and J.K Rowling, I'm just borrowing them for my amusement! I also don't own any of the song lyrics that are used, they belong to their respective owners!

Warnings: Slash/yaoi (male/male pairing), post DH (no epilogue), MAJOR AU, violence, language, dark themes, Stockholm Syndrome, mental/emotional manipulation, attempted rape, sexual situations, some OOC and other things that I'll list later.

Pairings: Ulquiorra/Harry, one-sided Nnoitora/Harry, might be more later

Chapter X

Field of Innocence

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings were clouded,
by what I know now
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I… I want to go back to
Believing in everything
And knowing nothing at all

Harry had wondered many times before if perhaps it was strange that he found water soothing after experiencing the second task during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Sure, he had nearly been drowned but it was in the moment before the chaos when he had first jumped into the water and began swimming that he discovered how calm and relaxing it could be.

Either way, since that moment Harry would sometimes take comfort in soaking himself in water whether it was in the lake at school or even just a bath tub. It was the reason he was laying under water at the moment, just staring up at the white ceiling of his bathroom. Once he took a deep breath and settled himself on the bottom of the tub, his limbs would unwind and everything would melt away leaving him with just his thoughts.

For Harry, this was normally a good way for him to sort through any problems he had whether they were big or small. It seemed like a strange meditation almost. But since his confinement, being left alone with his thoughts was the opposite of what the wizard wanted. Yet he couldn't deny the longing he felt to be able to relax even briefly, therefore he gave in to soaking in the tub.

Of course despite the soothing effects of being submerged his mind unwillingly retraced its steps to the recesses of his subconscious; the area where all the memories he'd rather forget lingered. Logically Harry knew it wasn't good for him to suppress the memories despite how scarring they were. He couldn't help it though, he just wasn't strong enough to deal with them at the moment.

Since the end of the war Hermione had constantly bugged him to open up and talk to her. It was her personality, she felt like she had to play therapist and fix her friends. The sentiment was sweet but annoying at the same time because she would refuse to give him his space when he declined her. Not to mention it was difficult to open that much of himself up to another person even after all these years. Remnants of the wonderful conditioning of his pathetic youth when he had still lived in the cupboard and questioned why his family didn't love him.

If he were honest with himself, the only people Harry felt he could freely talk with and not be scrutinized were Neville and Luna. The reason being is that they shared an understanding with Harry that Hermione and Ron never could. Those two would always be his best friends, but Luna and Neville were his confidants and they kept his secrets.

"Always feels like I take one step forward then two steps back," he thought bitterly as the water rippled above him.

Story of his life though, Harry had learned to get used to it even if he didn't enjoy it. Sometimes he liked to wonder what his life would have been like if Voldemort hadn't decided to be a delusional dimwit. How different would he have been had his parents raised him? Would Hogwarts and magic have been a much more pleasurable experience? Would he have actually been a normal, well rounded child who was still innocent and ignorant of the darkness that lingered in the corners of reality?

"Why do I bother fretting over a life I can never have? I can't change it and it just hurts when I think over it."

Memories flickered through his mind in a flurry of sounds, smells and colors. He closed his eyes but the images refused to leave him. All he could envision was the pain, the lost lives, the smell of burning flesh and copper thick on his tongue. It was a heavy burden to carry the remnants of the dead, to recall the images so fresh and clear. Resentment churned his stomach, sour and pungent. There was no more innocence, it had been stolen from him far too early and left him hollow; like a gutted out pumpkin. And he hated it, it made him feel pathetic.

"Sometimes I feel like I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore," he thought, "It's like looking at a stranger in my skin. And then I have to deal with these nightmares."

And it really was just another can of worms he wasn't sure how to rid himself of. Between the stress of his situation and the constant isolation, it wasn't surprising that Harry's nightmares were more frequent. They had been bad before, but it was worse now. For what felt like the hundredth time in hours, Harry wished he had Luna around to talk to. Bombarded by grizzly memories during the day and twisted terrors at night was battering his already fragile psyche and it was taking its toll.

Unlike Hermione who had a tendency of letting her opinions get the best of her, Luna had always just sat and listened to Harry. She never told him what he should or shouldn't do, never told him how he should dictate his actions or life. They would just sit quietly, sometimes holding him as he spilled forth his pain and cried for his destroyed innocence and the lives he couldn't save. And right now, he desperately wanted that silent strength and reassuring presence that was his seer friend.

Feeling his lungs beginning to burn for oxygen, Harry sat up sound rushing back to him as he gulped down air, panting a bit. Opening his eyes and blinking water out of them, he stilled when he spotted the blurry figure of Ulquiorra standing over him. How long had he been standing there? And hadn't he ever heard of privacy, he was in the bath for Merlin's sake!

"Didn't take you for a pervert," Harry growled in annoyance even as his cheeks warmed. Normally he wouldn't be embarrassed by his nudity; after all he had grown up in a dorm full of boys and shared a shower with them for seven years. But Ulquiorra was a stranger and it just felt odd.

"I arrived and found your room empty so I came to investigate the state of your health. Were you attempting to drown yourself?"

"No!" Harry exclaimed, "I just like water. Sometimes I lay under water and it helps me relax, lets me sort out my thoughts."

Ulquiorra tilted his head slightly before he spoke, "I have brought your meal. You have ten minutes to dry off and dress yourself so that you may eat."

Harry huffed in annoyance as Ulquiorra walked out of the bathroom as silently as he came, leaving the wizard to get ready. Grumbling and cursing under his breath, he unplugged the drain and climbed out of the tub, fetching a towel. His dark and mournful ponderings were sealed away once more.

Swiftly he dried himself taking the most time on his hair. Along with being an unruly mane most of the time, it tended to retain enough water to fill several glasses. So Harry always made sure that it was almost completely dry.

Once he was satisfied he wasn't going to soak his clothes, Harry changed frowning in annoyance at the cuffs as he slipped on his gloves under them. He wasn't sure how although he suspected magic, but the cuffs always had just enough room to allow him to take off or put on his gloves, but never enough for Harry to attempt to slip them off. The trick did nothing more than anger Harry since it felt like he was being mocked somehow.

Looking away from the bane of his existence, he grabbed a brush and combed his hair just to remove any knots that might have formed. Harry had given up early in life when it came to styling his hair, it just wasn't going to happen no matter how hard he tried. But he would take a few moments to at least make sure it didn't look like a rat's nest. He wasn't a hobo after all, he just had messy hair.

Sighing, Harry looked himself over once more before stepping out of the bathroom moving into his living space. As always Ulquiorra stood near the table, the tray of food already set up and waiting. Most of the time Ulquiorra never stayed when Harry ate, he would just bring the food and then leave after ordering him to eat it.

But lately he had begun to linger and observe the wizard which was less than pleasant for Harry at first. He always felt like some sort of specimen that Ulquiorra couldn't comprehend and was trying to pick at in order to gain a better understanding. Yet he had quickly learned to ignore his captor's odd behavior and go about his business as normally as he could.

And this time wasn't any different as Harry took a seat, disregarding that observant gaze in favor of indulging in his meal. Ulquiorra remained silent as usual, rarely in the mood for witty banter when he was like this. And while that generally would have been fine with Harry, he noticed that he was beginning to develop a slight phobia of silence since he was brought to Las Noches.

Which meant it was becoming harder to remain quiet and Harry felt the compulsion to talk to Ulquiorra if only to have some sort of sound; he didn't care what he said or if the Arrancar even answered as long as it wasn't total silence. Lifting the cover revealed a delicious looking filet in a sauce along with sautéed vegetables and roasted potatoes. Yet another thing he had become used to during his stay.

When he had first began receiving his meals, Harry had been quite surprised by the presentation and tastes. He hadn't thought that there was a single soul in Las Noches that could cook, but apparently Aizen must have hidden his kitchens and personal army of chefs somewhere if they were able to eat such delectable meals.

"Am I going to forever be wondering who exactly cooks these five star meals?" he asked as he picked up his utensils, glancing at his silent companion. Ulquiorra spoke not a word which prompted Harry to sigh in vexation, neatly cutting into his filet.

"Sometimes I wonder if I would have more riveting conversations with a rock," the teen grumbled, taking a bite of his meal and chewing.

Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow only slightly, "I see no reason to talk over such trivial matters."

"Well it's too damn quiet and it's going to drive me bloody mad," Harry frowned, pausing to sip the water that was brought with his meal, "I mean honestly, don't you do anything else besides stand in the corner like a statue?"

"Unlike you I have little desire to indulge in meaningless activities that do not benefit my strength or Aizen-sama's cause."

"So basically you sit and stare at the wall or train."

"I train or I research," was the reply.

Harry glanced at him, "Research? As in reading?"

"Yes."

"You actually have a library here?"

"Aizen-sama passes his time reading, therefore he had a library built within the walls of Las Noches. I came across it when I was first recruited to his cause and found it to be a well of useful information."

"Huh," Harry said, "And what do you read about?"

"A variety of subjects, but lately I have been studying humans and their habits."

"So the better to take care of me?" Harry smiled, his tone snarky.

"Indeed and I will state that the more I read about you humans, the less I understand you. Although I still find your race to be worthless trash, I suppose there is some interest on my part."

Harry frowned at the comment about humans being trash, but he was curious about Ulquiorra's interest. He questioned, "And what's interesting about us?"

"I've learned that humans are hypocritical and lead unnecessarily complicated lives," Ulquiorra explained.

"Hmm, well I can't refute you there," Harry remarked, "Because it's rather true. Even I can see that."

"It's rather foolish. You long for meaningless things such as love and friendship, yet would destroy it all for power and greed. Such human sentiments are frail and weak, they have little value in the face of your darker nature."

"Well I wouldn't say that," Harry snorted, "I mean yeah some people out there are bloody mental and they do horrible things for power and greed. Voldemort certainly was one of them and there are plenty of others. But there are good, honest people out there who appreciate these "human sentiments" as you like to call them."

"You speak of the mother you met on your last day," Ulquiorra commented.

Harry tensed, "How did you… wait never mind. You were watching me weren't you?"

"Yes, I had been ordered by Aizen-sama to remain in the human world until you made your decision."

Harry sneered muttering, "Fucking stalkers."

"Or perhaps you speak more of yourself."

The wizard frowned and snorted, "I was thinking more of people I knew. People who died in the war… people like Remus and Tonks who died so that their son could gain a better future. I'm thinking of Fred who died in battle fighting for his family and the freedom he believed in. People can be capable of the vilest things known to man but they're also capable of the most kind and selfless acts."

"Yet these people died, threw their lives away for nothing. Now they are no more, none will remember them in a hundred years. They are but dust and memory, a waste of a life," Ulquiorra stated.

"So what? Who cares if they're not remembered by strangers in a hundred years. The people that loved them remember and will continue to remember. And it wasn't for nothing either, it wasn't a waste. Because of Remus and Tonks, Teddy was given a chance for a better life... because my parents died defending me, I was able to live. It's because people are capable of love and friendship and bonds that they're able to persevere in the face of utter hopelessness."

"Love… an emotion of the heart," Ulquiorra said, "A vague sensation that has no real value or proof of existence."

Harry glared, "What did you say?"

"Love has no substance, no value. It cannot be seen or touched nor affect our physical reality, therefore it does not exist. It is merely a preconceived notion that is planted into the mind of humans by the hand of their predecessors. It other words, it is merely an artificial principle. It is a word carelessly tossed around by you humans who do not realize the full weight and meaning of it."

"That's not true," Harry protested defensively.

"Oh?" Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow, "I will tell you something then. My eyes can see everything. Nothing exists that I can't see, therefore if I can't see it then it's not real. That is how I've always fought, how I've always lived."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"But I do. You humans speak of emotions and the heart as if they're solid in your hands. But it's not there. Although I suppose one could wonder if perhaps it's hidden. If I crack open your skull or rip out your chest, will my eyes see what you claim to be real?"

"Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Harry remarked, "Take our powers for instance. My magic and your reitsu circulate through our bodies like blood. We can't necessarily see it, but we can sense it's presence within us therefore it exists. We've seen what its capable of. It takes more than just seeing with your eyes to observe the world."

Ulquiorra remained quiet, observing his charge intently. After a pause of silence, he stated carefully, "You humans… make no logical sense."

Harry snorted, finding himself smirking faintly in amusement, "I never said we did. But it's what makes humans interesting and unpredictable."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"I guess it is," Harry agreed shrugging.

It was strange talking with Ulquiorra like this. Not moments ago he had been angry at the pale Arrancar's words, acting as if he knew what it truly meant to have emotions and a heart. Now they were having a somewhat civil debate without the need to kill each other. Although perhaps the only reason Harry had calmed was because he had rebutted Ulquiorra's statements with his own logic.

And Harry stood firmly by his conviction, just because you couldn't see something didn't mean it didn't exist. After all, up until eight years ago he wouldn't have imagined that wizards and magical creatures had existed let alone that he was one of them. There was no point in ruling out something even if it seemed improbable.

"Ah, I just realized," he suddenly thought focusing his attention back on his meal, "I haven't finished my food and now it's cold."

Sighing, he began to eat once more. It wasn't a big deal really, the food was still eatable. It was better than going hungry or wasting it. Another lesson he had learned young, food was valuable and should not be squandered because you never knew when you'd get your next meal. Just thinking back on those endless days of being locked away in the cupboard, his belly empty and cramping, made Harry cringe.

"Ugh, I don't need to think about that," he quietly griped to himself.

"What are you muttering to yourself boy?" Ulquiorra questioned suspiciously.

"Absolutely nothing," was the reply as Harry continued on with his meal.

The Cuarto Espada keenly observed the wizard under his care as he ate, silence settling between them once more. Such a curious and defiant human this one was, he had to admit. It seemed even in the face of death, he would stand firm and tall. Such follies were worthless when it came to such trash, yet Ulquiorra felt strangely compelled by Harry's bold nature.

It wasn't petty pride or ego that fueled his strength, but something much greater. The pale Arrancar wasn't sure what it was yet, but perhaps if he continued to observe the boy he would figure it out. It would merely take time and as it stood now, they had all the time in the world.

"Show me then," Ulquiorra thought gazing at Harry, "Show me what this strength means, what is the truth behind humans and the heart that which you covet?"

x-x-x-x-x

Hermione sighed as she sat on a bench next to Luna, staring at the soft blue sky overhead. They had decided to take a break and eat before continuing their search. It had been three days since they arrived in Karakura and they had barely made any progress. Luna was focused hoping perhaps that more visions would appear to guide them, but Hermione wasn't so sure. She was beginning to lose faith and it scared her. She couldn't just give up and leave Harry to his fate, whatever it may be.

"I'm sorry Hermione," Luna apologized, "I wish I could be more help."

"It's not your fault Luna," Hermione assured. Being a seer, she couldn't conjure visions. They came to her on their own, it wasn't a gift she had control over. But bless the odd Ravenclaw for trying, she was certainly a big help and steady support for Hermione.

"I wonder if we should have brought Neville and the others with us," Luna pondered aloud. Hermione had to agree with her. Perhaps it would have been the smarter decision to inform the others what was going on. But things were dangerous right now and they barely had any information to begin with. Not to mention they still needed to locate a Shinigami that would be willing to speak with them and exchange information.

The reason they had picked Karakura to begin with was because it was a well known hot spot for Shinigami and hollow activity, at least according to the legend books Hermione was able to find. So it had been their first destination, increasing the odds of finding what they needed to discover. It would take a while, the pair knew this but it was their best option.

Unfortunately, Hermione couldn't find any sort of spells or rituals to summon the servants of the dead. Very few wizards had been keen on trying therefore it was rarely practiced or even spoken of. Not that Hermione thought that humans had the right to have death at their beck and call, it was one of the few powers that none should fool with.

Although she had to wonder what it was about wizards and their fear of death, but those were ponderings for another time when she wasn't desperately looking for a friend. In the end, they resorted to old fashion hunting, inspecting the area closely for any sign of activity. So far they were having little luck and it certainly wasn't helping to keep their spirits up.

"We have to find him," Hermione murmured.

Luna glanced at her friend and patted her arm, "We will, we just have to keep looking."

"But for how long?" the older witch sighed, frustration edging her tone.

"For as long as we need to."

Update! Yay! Be happy my wonderful readers because I was actually worried I wouldn't be able to update. Hurricane Sandy was a foreboding opponent, but luckily I came out on top and didn't lose my power. Score one for me. And as you can see, more mental trauma for Harry, snarky conversations between our favorite pair and our heroines have finally made it to Japan. So things are moving along smoothly for now.

And I really hope that Harry's attraction isn't coming off as too sudden. I don't think it is personally but some people seem to think differently. Which is okay I suppose, but I think it's possible for a person to be attracted physically to a person but hate their personality or traits. As of now, Harry's just starting to notice how hot Ulquiorra is, but they're not going to be confessing their love or jumping into bed any time soon. Their pride won't let it happen yet XD

But thank you my lovely readers for all your support. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. And of course I love your feedback. So remember to review! Thanks!

~Seth