Uptown Boy Chapter 10: Would it matter, a glee fanfic

A/N: Okay so hey? I'll admit, I don't really have much to say.. I keep apologizing for being so bad at updating, but what does it even matter? I'll continue to be bad at updating, for the rest of my life, yeah?

But I du hope you will enjoy this, and maybe give me your thoughts and.. anything really 3

Jeff did a really good job, trying to avoid Thad the most of that day. He wasn't ready to talk to him. Or not talk, but to tell him. He wasn't ready to tell him about that dream. About what he'd imagined and what he'd felt. Not that he'd actually want to talk about it, even if he was 'ready'. He was really ashamed and somehow he also knew how hard it was going to be, to explain it all. Even to Thad, who'd been there though all his problems.

At the end of their French lesson, all of his things were already packed and he were ready to leave, as soon as the bell rang. And so he did. He left as fast as he could, to avoid any questions from Thad and it worked pretty well. That was, of course, until the moment he noticed Nick in the hallway, right before he could enter his next classroom. He didn't know why but he just stopped in the middle of a movement, and just stared. Okay maybe he didn't obviously stare, but he stopped and looked after all. Followed his movements and enjoyed the sight, without even thinking about it.

He watched how Nick opened his locker, pulled out a book and replaced it with one he'd had in his arms, and how he closed and locked it again. He saw the way his fingers moved and once again he remembered the dream.

Nick began walking away. Probably towards his next class, and Jeff watched his legs as he did. He couldn't really see anything, since Nick was wearing the uniform pants, revealing nothing at all. Jeff couldn't see anything underneath those pants, but at least he could imagine; helped a little on the way, by his dream last night. He imagined and he blushed.

"You kind of look like a tomato."

Jeff jumped in surprise, by the voice sounding next to him. He hadn't seen Thad coming. Quite frankly he hadn't seen anything else that Nick, while he'd been standing there. Nothing at all actually.

"What?" Jeff asked and tried to act like he had no idea what Thad was talking about.

"You're blushing, You look more than a tomato than anything else right now." Thad said. He looked like he knew exactly what was going through Jeff's brain, but how could he? Jeff hadn't said anything, that could be linked together with what he was thinking or what was going on.

"I am not." Jeff only said and looked around, kind of nervously.

"Tell me what happened Jeff." Thad tried his best to talk Jeff into spilling, what'd happened, and he actually did it rather well, because for a moment, Jeff actually wanted to just tell him. He did shortly want to, but then stopped himself, before doing so.

"I have to go to class." Jeff said and rushed into his classroom, leaving Thad behind, before he could say anymore, that would convince him to talk.

Nick didn't go to class though. He went straight to his room, when he'd fetched his books from his locker. It wasn't liked he ditched lessons often. Even as a rad dude, he knew that skipping too much of school would get him kicked out, so he stepped carefully.

When he got to his room, he didn't bother to pull out a chair. He just sat down on the floor, with his notebooks and his iPod. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right.

Nick had been thinking a lot, since the night with Sebastian. The night after the kiss. That amazingly wonderful kiss. Nick wasn't the type to use big words like that, but it was indeed wonderful. But he had been thinking. He had been thinking and he'd come to a conclusion. He wanted Jeff. Not just as a trophy or to keep his image intact, as the guy who could get whoever he wanted. He actually wanted him as a person, and that was a big step for Nick. He'd never wanted anyone for who they were, since Danny. Yet this felt differently, than it had back then, when he was dating Danny.

Opening one notebook after the other, Nick looked through all his lists of songs and finally found one he thought would do. He found a new page and wrote down the title of the song. After quickly calling his sister and asking her to meet him an hour later at the local café that he knew she loved, he found the song on his iPod, listened and wrote down the lyrics, as he listened.

He probably listened to the same song twenty times, before he found a new sheet of paper, and began writing the keys for the song as well, listening to it a lot more times than before, to get it all right.

He just finished doing the keys before he had to rush out of the door, to meet with his sister. He only just had time for packing his notebook, all the different sheets of paper and his iPod, which he needed to bring along.

At the little café, Saint Luise, Nick found an empty table, spread out his things and were soon joined by his older sister Audrey. She lived in her own apartment, not far away, yet never really had a particularly close relationship to each other, since she was so much older than him. Seven years made a really big difference in their personalities and their, well, everything. That was probably also the reason to why Audrey knew from the beginning that something was up, when Nick called. He never called her, just to chat.

Audrey had always been somewhat a romantic type, which Nick very well knew and was about to take advantage of.

"So. What's up?" Audrey asked, when she'd ordered herself a latte and sat down across from her little brother.

"Well I kind of need your advice." Nick started, very well knowing that might as well get right to it, before explaining everything that was going on. "There is this guy at my school that-"

"Is it Danny?" Audrey cut him off, with a little glimmer in her eye.

"Uhm.. No. Or well he kind of started all of this," Nick tried to explain, of course he didn't want to admit or realize his own mistakes. It was much easier, just leaving it for Danny to be the sinner.

"I don't understand? Take it from the beginning, okay?"

"Okay." Nick started and tried sinking a lump in his throat before continuing. He never really tried that much, anymore. "Well there was this guy. Jeff to be precise. I kind of tried to score him, but somehow it didn't work. He actually seemed kind of offended by it. So when we left class, Danny might or might not have noticed what happened and he must have felt.. uhm.. Maybe jealous?" Nick stopped. He knew this wasn't exactly the way it happened, but it was a shorter version and it just felt so easy to say it like that and leave behind what he'd done wrong.

"Okay. Jealousy. Check." Audrey said with interest. She never got to help her brother with those kind of things, so even getting to know what's going on, made her happy. "Go on." She encouraged.

"Well. Some things happened between Jeff and Danny.. I'm not quite sure what actually happened, but Jeff got really scared of being touched and he got even madder at me, because apparently this is all my fault." Once again. Not quite true, he did know more about what happened back then, but it didn't seem so important to the story. "After this I've tried, harder and harder to get to this guy." Nick began thinking back. "So yesterday.. We kissed."

"Really? But what do you need me for then?" Audrey exclaimed, excited for her brother.

"It didn't go as planned." Nick said and sighed. "He freaked out and I might have said some really hurtful things to him." He paused. "I don't know what happened, I think I might have gotten hurt by it and I didn't know what was going on, so it just slipped out!" Nick exhaled after having said this, and didn't look up at her.

"Do you like him?" Audrey asked. Or well, it actually sounded more like a statement than a question.

"I don't know. I feel really bad about what happened, and when I-" He stopped for a moment, so short Audrey probably didn't notice. "kissed another guy, later that night, it felt so wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about Jeff." His voice trailed off like he suddenly realized.

"So what are you going to do, and what do you need me for?" Audrey asked. She knew that what Nick had done was wrong, She knew that he'd been mean to this Jeff guy, but she wanted to be there for Nick and help him so maybe he would be forgiven and get back to a normal life.

"Well he's a warbler, and I'm a pretty decent singer, so I was thinking about maybe singing him a song," Nick began, but stopped for a second, as to think through what he was going to say next. "I'm not even sure if he would listen. If he would even give me a chance. I know nothing!" Nick's voice rose slightly at the last part, because he were beginning to get very frustrated about all the things he felt like he didn't know.

"What were you thinking about singing?" Audrey asked. She couldn't tell how Jeff would respond or react, because she didn't know the guy, but she could help him do what she thought, would give the best reaction.

"Well I have this song on my mind.. Wrong by Depeche mode. Becuase-"

"No. Nick I know that song, and you are not going to get anything good out of that song! He'll just think you don't give a shit. Sorry my choice of words." Audrey cut in. That would just be plain ridiculous.

"Why did I already guess you'd say that?" Nick confessed. "I'm just really on deep water on what to sing, aren't I?"

"These are filled with songs that you like, right?" Audrey questioned as she picked up some sheets and a notebook, of Nicks.

"Yea-"

"Well then lets find you a song!" She exclaimed and began looking through the pages.

Yet another class filled with daydreams and wandering thoughts.

As he sat there, Jeff kept seeing Nicks face as a picture, flashing before his eyes. He remembered the dream but then he remembered the way, Nick used to look at him. He remembered and suddenly felt a numb nausea building in him. The way Nick looked at him, that reminded him so much of what happened with Danny. He didn't want to remember Danny. It made him feel sick and wrong. Hurt like a wounded animal. Suddenly his dream wasn't nearly as pleasant to think of, as it had been. Suddenly, he actually did want to talk to Thad about it.

Class finally ended and once again, Jeff hurried and packed his things. He wanted to try and catch Thad in their break, before he was going to a meeting with the rest of the council, before actual warblers practice.

"Thad!" Jeff exclaimed when he saw his roommate in the hallway, heading towards the warbler choir room.

"Jeff?" Thad questioned, even though he knew his best friend's voice well enough to know that it was him, calling for him. "Is anything wrong?" He asked when he saw the expression on Jeff's face.

"We need to talk." Jeff's voice sounded but it were so quit, it mostly sounded like he were excusing his request.

"Oh Jeff." Thad sighed. "I'm really sorry, but you've been avoiding me all day, and then you want to talk now? You know I have a meeting now and I can't miss it. They'll kick me out of the council if I miss our meetings." Thad was torn though. He really wanted to help his friend, but being a part of the council were very important to him as well. "I'm sorry Jeff." Thad added and padded his shoulder, before turning to leave.

"It's okay." Jeff said. He knew that it was his own fault, so how could he blame Thad?

Nick had really have to hurry from the café, to get to the choir room before anyone else. He had been so excited about doing thing, that he couldn't wait another day. He had to do it today.

Even though Thad hadn't been happy to say yes, the council ended up allowing him to sing his song to The Warblers. It was all set, and he were now standing in front of Dalton's glee club, ready to sing. He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them again, letting his gaze fall right upon Jeff.

If I wasn't here tomorrow
Would anybody care
If my time was up I'd wanna know
You were happy I was there
If I wasn't here tomorrow
Would anyone lose sleep
If I wasn't hard and hollow
Then maybe you would miss me

In all of the first verse, Nick hardly blinked. He wanted to watch every movement that Jeff did, and every feature of his face. Nick hadn't been sure when Audrey picked out the song, but now that he was actually singing it, he began to feel it. She had actually seen right through him and figured out what he felt. The things Nick didn't even know he felt.

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone
Someone that I like better
I can never forget
So don't remind me of it forever (forever)

He felt how he started shaking. First a shiver, which changed into a light trembling. A trembling that he most certainly wasn't used to.

What if I just pulled myself together
Would it matter at all
What if I just try not to remember
Would it matter at all
All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it one more try
Would it matter at all

Nick was nervous. He hadn't realized before now but he was actually nervous. He hadn't been as nervous as now, in a really long time. He didn't even remember the last time he'd been this kind of nervous. Well maybe back then, when he and Danny were best friends, but frankly he didn't want to think about Danny right now. The only thoughts he would pleasantly allow into his brain right now, was about Jeff.

If I wasn't here tomorrow
Would anybody care
Still stuck inside this sorrow
I've got nothing and going nowhere

Nicks eyes were still locked on Jeff, who seemed to try to look everywhere but at Nick. He didn't look at Thad. He didn't look at Wes, Trent, David or any of the others. He just looked at Jeff.

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone
Someone that I like better
I can never forget
So don't remind me of it forever

Thad on the other hand, looked at Nick. He looked at the others and most certainly also looked at Jeff. He didn't know what it was, but Jeff somehow seemed to have a lightly pained facial expression; yet he couldn't do anything. Interrupting a performance, was against their rules and what they stood for. He simply couldn't do anything for his friend right now, but be ready when Nick was done.

Jeff himself, were having hard time. Nick's face. The words he heard. He wanted to believe, but the pictures from his dreams and the things that'd happened before, stopped every thought of possible change. He didn't dare to think that it was possible.

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone
Someone that I like better
Can you help me forget
Don't wanna feel like this forever, forever

Nick felt his hands shake. Not extremely, but yet it got a little worse, as he got approached the harder part f the song. He had to prepare himself. Maybe he would get the feelings he didn't dare to think of, nor admit that he had, out throughout the song.

What if I just pulled myself together
Would it matter at all
What if I just try not to remember
Would it matter at all
All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it one more try

Now or never. Get it right.

If I left tomorrow
Would anybody care
Stuck in this sorrow
Going nowhere

Nick got ready. Took a deep breath for the last part of the song, and closed his eyes before he began singing again, stronger than before.

All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it one more try
Would it matter at all

"Are you serious?" Jeff asked, after practice. He was staring Nick dead in the eyes and had a really hard time, keeping his voice calm.

"What do you mean?" Nick questioned. He thought Jeff would be happy. Or well, at least not mad at him, but yet it seemed like he was even further away than ever.

"That song! I saw you staring at me the whole time you know!" Jeff exclaimed. He didn't really know what he was going to do, but he was just so sick and tired of feeling like he was only an item. A price to win. He didn't like that.

"So?" Nicks guards rose. He felt this going the complete wrong way, but yet he couldn't keep the sarcasm, that was his defenses, down.

"Why don't you just try to do something the nice way?" Jeff asked. "Instead of looking at me like I'm a brand new sex toy that you'd like to try out, because yes it would matter!" He finally told Nick how he felt about all this, and it did actually feel good. He'd always learned to keep his opinion to himself, but now that he finally got it out, it felt amazing. It felt amazing and he didn't even want to hear any excuses, so before Nick could reply, he turned on his heel, ready to leave.

"But you're not-" Nick murmured to himself. "I really want you. Not your body."

Jeff closed his eyes. He'd heard but kept walking. He couldn't believe it.

A/N: Thoughts? Yes. Please. Great!