Disclaimer: I do not own any part of this story. It all belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for inspiring me! Most of the dialogues between Bella and Edward are from Chapter 19 and all of Chapter 20 in Eclipse.
Author's Note: Sorry about taking a little longer than I anticipated. I was slightly busy and then I was in hospital yesterday for dental surgery. I tried to update before I went in but it was impossible and I didn't want to rush this either. But now since I have nothing else to do while I 'rest' I'll try and upload a little faster.
Thank you for all the reviews for my last chapter. Really, people, do I have to say I'm depressed about the reviews to actually get them? Please, please review all right? I'm so addicted to them and I need to know how I'm doing. Especially for this one. I'm still not so satisfied with the way this turned out, even after going over it a million times. So I need you to tell me how it is. At first I wanted to continue from where the actual chapter in the book finishes off, but it didn't sound natural. What do you think? If I'm inspired later I'll be sure to add it on.
Much thanks to BlueSea14 and mbeb03 for pointing out a few mistakes on my part. Please anyone else who spots anything let me know. It's very much appreciated.
I also went back to the previous chapter and deleted a small part from the end, where Alice asks Edward if she should clear Bella's schedule. It made more sense to add it in this chapter. Just to avoid confusion for those of you who have been reading this from the beginning =)
So enjoy!
Of course my family had understood. It was ludicrous to even assume they wouldn't. Granted Emmett and Alice thought Bella's fears were completely unwarranted and Rosalie kept a carefully masked expression and blocked her thoughts from me. I was wise enough not to question her. But Carlisle, Esme and, to my surprise, even Jasper all took my revelation of Bella's concerns as if they were expecting it all along.
"To be honest, I'm surprised she didn't mention it sooner, Edward," Carlisle told me once I got home and explained the situation. "After recent events…" his voice trailed off.
I simply looked at him. Had everyone noticed but me?
There was no question in my mind that I would stay with Bella, since that was what she wanted. Under no circumstance was she going to be in that clearing. And even though I knew perfectly well that my family was capable of defending themselves, to worry about them was instinctive.
Don't worry about us Edward Jasper told me. You know we'll be all right.
My brother looked confident. Like all in the family, the inclusion of the wolves had made it sure in his mind that this was an easy victory.
She needs you more than we do he continued. This fear has been building up in her for quite a while now.
Esme made it clear that she had expected nothing else from Bella.
"Of course she wants you where she can see you, Edward," she told me, as if it were the most obvious thing. "Imagine, waiting there not knowing what is happening? I hope she didn't refrain from mentioning this earlier because she felt awkward to ask."
"She worries about you and Alice mostly," I said.
Jasper's mouth tightened at the mention of Alice's name. Though he knew she was well able to fight and fight well, and despite reassuring Bella last night, as her mate, he worried. Unwarranted, but worry he did.
Like Bella…
"Well, you can tell her that I'm more than ready to defend my family," Esme told me smiling. But I could see her eyes harden under the smile. When the family was threatened, perhaps Esme's wrath would surpass everyone else's. Her love and devotion for all of us transformed into cold hate when an enemy was close.
"We were planning to hunt tomorrow. Will you still come with us?" Carlisle questioned.
I considered. There was really no need for me to go with them since they were merely preparing for the fight.
"No, I don't think so." I answered him.
He nodded. "And tonight? When we meet the pack again?"
I glanced at Jasper, "Will you need my help?" I asked him.
"I might," he said. "I can manage with Emmett though if you need to stay with Bella."
"You can manage?" snorted Emmett. "I let you get behind me yesterday. The mutts had to learn."
Jasper and I rolled our eyes. "I have a feeling Bella will want to come tonight as well," I answered Jasper.
Glancing at my watch I saw that Charlie would be home by now. Which meant I would have to wait for a reasonably appropriate time to return to Bella's house.
I rose and went up to my room. It was amazing how little time I spent here as opposed to before I met Bella, when all I would do was hole myself inside for hours and hours. Glancing at the bed, I couldn't help remember the last time she had lain there. The mere memory was enough to fill me with want.
I remembered something she had told me that night…
You can hold me hostage anytime you want…
A smile tugged the corner of my mouth. Reaching for my cell phone, I typed a quick text message to Alice and asked her to get Bella over for another 'sleepover'. In any case Bella needed an excuse to be absent from home for the next couple of days and Alice had the best chance of convincing Charlie she would be with her.
I felt my mood lift as I anticipated bringing her here. To take advantage of an empty house was prudent, I thought, feeling like the seventeen-year-old again. For once we would be completely alone. We wouldn't need to worry about Charlie or my family. Their presence did not bother me but it was still tiresome to be careful when at her house and I knew the fact that every member in my family had a heightened sense of hearing embarrassed Bella.
She and I needed some time to ourselves. Too many incidents and worries had kept us preoccupied and alone time was very much overdue. I needed to be with her, to hold her and kiss her senseless even if it was just for a few hours, and I wanted it to be just about us. For one night, I swore we would put all thoughts of newborns, the Volturi, Jacob and every other distraction aside and simply relish the time alone.
I went to my bedside table and opened the drawer. Opening the antique wooden box, I looked at the jewels that sparkled inside it. I reached for the diamond heart and imagined it hanging off the bracelet on Bella's wrist. Yes, this seemed the most appropriate 'representation'. Smiling at the thought of Bella finally accepting something from me without complaint, I carefully placed it inside my closet, ready to give her tomorrow.
My fingers brushed a little black box inside the wooden chest as I was about to put it away. It was placed in the corner, away from the rest of the jewels inside, a place of honour. Opening it, I stared at my mother's ring. For the umpteenth time, I envisioned it on Bella's finger.
The decision to marry her had been made the moment I fell in love with her. It wasn't even a conscious thought. In my day, love and marriage went hand in hand and it was hard for me to think of it as two different concepts. If a man loved a woman it was a foregone conclusion that he would court her and eventually marry her. In most ways I thought relationships had lost the element of sacredness it used to have. Marriage and commitment meant nothing to most people now and they seemed to have no qualms in violating any and every oath they made. I loathed the level it had sunk to. The thoughts I had been subjected to over the years only became worse. Wanting to bind myself to Bella in this way was simply my way of saying that I wanted her forever. I wished for nothing more than to make that promise to honour and cherish her for the rest of my life, no, existence.
I gently shut the velvet box and placed it back in the wooden chest. Soon, I promised myself, I would make Bella say the 'yes' I so wanted to hear.
Tonight had been as productive as last night.
Only Jacob, Quil and Embry had come today and like yesterday they chose to watch rather than participate. If I were quite honest with myself, the three of them were the easiest for us to associate with. I knew that Sam and the rest of the pack tolerated this alliance because circumstances called for it. Except perhaps for Seth. The young wolf had an amazingly unbiased and innocent mind. But Jacob and his friends at least trusted us enough not to attack them. I knew a large part of this trust was due to Bella.
I winced slightly at the memory of her leaning comfortably on Jacob in the clearing tonight. It was always a reminder of what he meant to her and what I couldn't give her. Jacob's contented thoughts did nothing to distract me. He reveled in the way she was so obviously comfortable around him. I could feel his purr of satisfaction as she ran her fingers through his fur.
Looking at her sleeping figure, I concentrated on her face buried against my chest, to dispel those particular thoughts. I ran my right hand lightly through her brown tresses and gently linked my left fingers with the fingers of her hand, which she had carelessly thrown over my chest as she slept.
Relishing the closeness and the warmth that radiated from her into my body and into my heart, I thought wryly that the decision to have her with me the next night was well-timed. I intended to make it one of the best nights both of us had had so far. I smiled, remembering her pleasure when she learned it was I and not Alice who was 'kidnapping' her this time…
"Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?" she asked me, when she had bid Charlie goodnight and I had joined her in her room before we met the wolves in the clearing.
I grinned. "Actually, she's not."
She stared at me, making me laugh at her obvious confusion.
"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?" I said, drawing her into my arms. "Alice is going hunting with the rest of them. I guess I don't need to do that now," I said, sighing.
"You're kidnapping me?"
I nodded, softly kissing her on the head.
She was silent for a moment. Was something wrong? I should have checked and made sure it was all right with her, I thought, mentally rebuking myself.
"Is that all right?" I asked.
"Well…sure, except for one thing."
"What thing?" I asked, my heart sinking. Clearly, she wasn't comfortable with the arrangement.
A small smile tugged at her lips and I caught a mischievous glint in her eyes before she asked, "Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving tonight?"
I laughed, relief and happiness coursing through me. A small upside to my insecurities was that it made whatever she said to counter it sound so much sweeter.
"I think even Charlie would see through a three-day sleepover, don't you think," I asked her.
She sighed. "You're right," she said, her mouth descending into the familiar pout.
"Besides," I breathed into her face, "If we were there tonight, we wouldn't be alone," I said, meaningfully.
Her eyes glazed over and I laughed, thrilling at the effect I seemed to have on her. I leaned back on her pillows, dragging her down with me. She settled her head comfortably into the crook of my neck and placed one hand across my chest. The rightness of the way we were couldn't be described in words.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Of course," she said, lazily drawing random patterns across my shirt. The heat emanating from her soft touches spread across my body, adding more ardour to my next words.
I placed one finger under her chin and raised her head to lock her gaze with mine. "For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?" I pleaded. I could feel myself getting lost in her beautiful doe-eyes. I hardly knew what I was saying and my voice came out in a whisper. "It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you."
We stared into each other's eyes for a split second before moving forward simultaneously, our lips meeting in a dizzying kiss. It seemed to stretch on and on and when she finally pulled back to breathe, I wasn't sure if seconds or years had passed.
"I'll take that as a yes," I said. She was in no position to speak at the moment.
Smiling delightedly, she wound her hands around my neck. Placing a gentle kiss on my lips she said, very firmly, "Yes!"
Saying I was impatient for the day to pass was an understatement. For the first time since all the mayhem had begun, I wasn't worried and I wasn't distracted. All my mind could focus on was the few heavenly hours I would get to spend with my Bella. Her pleasure and anticipation only added fuel to my elation.
Watching my sleeping angel, I awaited the coming day.
The day had passed agonizingly slowly. But every moment only deliciously stretched the time. I was content to let Bella drive and even more content to let her take it at her own speed. I was in no hurry to rush anything.
I couldn't help smile at her slow pace. Even if I was human, I wouldn't have been able to tolerate her truck's speed. But she stubbornly refused to even consider a new car, let alone allowing me to buy one for her. Yes, under circumstances I was quite grateful that she was allowing me to gift her my 'hand-me-down'. For some unexplainable reason, the thought of giving her the diamond heart filled me with joy.
My patience reached its limit the second she cut the engine. Before she even registered my absence from the passenger seat, I was at her door cradling her in one arm and slinging her bag onto my shoulder with the other. As my foot closed the truck door, I brought her lips to mine in an enthusiastic kiss.
Without breaking contact I carried her into the house and noticed with glee that she hadn't realized that I was carrying her inside, bridal-style. Isabella Swan may not have said 'yes' to me yet, but it didn't stop me from carrying her across the proverbial threshold.
I didn't move beyond the entrance of the house. Bella was still in my arms, our lips moving together, teasing, touching and hungrily coming back for more. Her lips were soft against mine and her scent surrounded me while her taste filled me. My senses, a thousand times more sensitive than a human's were tingling at this onslaught.
After several minutes, I finally broke away, part of me mourning the loss of contact.
I chuckled softly and gazed into the warm brown eyes. "Welcome home," I said.
"That sounds nice," she said, breathless.
I gently set her down. Immediately she came closer and wrapped her small arms around me. I wound my arms around her back and very gently, rested my chin on top of her head.
"I have something for you," I said, casually.
"Oh?"
"Your hand-me-down remember?" She raised her head from where it was buried against my chest and looked up at me. "You did say that was allowable," I reminded her before she could say anything.
"Oh that's right. I guess I did say that," she said, sighing in resignation.
I laughed at her not-so-subtle reluctance.
"It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?" I inquired.
"Sure," she said, winding her fingers through mine. "Let's go."
Feeling the same excitement as I had previously, I picked her up and raced up the stairs to my room. Setting her down at the door, I retrieved the diamond charm from my closet and was out in less than a second.
She crawled onto the bed and sat in the middle, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"Okay," she said. It seemed she sounded a little sorry she had agreed to this. "Let me have it."
Chortling, I climbed onto the bed and sat down beside her. I could hear her heart racing. Silly Bella…
"A hand-me-down," I sternly reminded her. I pulled her left wrist away from where it was wrapped around her leg and fastened the heart onto it, before releasing it.
She raised her wrist to her eyes, examining it carefully. As it slowly twirled from the bracelet, the dim light from my bedside lamp caused it to throw light shimmers around the room. I heard her intake of breath and watched her, feeling suddenly apprehensive. Did she like it? Knowing Bella, she would think some absurd thought, like it was too big. I prayed she wouldn't ask me if it was a diamond.
"It was my mother's," I explained, shrugging. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way." I was rambling, I realized. I felt like rolling my eyes at myself. Emmett would find this piece of information hysterical. If I ever chose to share it with him, that is.
She smiled, still studying it.
"But I thought it was a good representation. It's hard and cold," I continued, laughing a little. "And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."
"You forgot the most important similarity," she murmured, not taking her eyes off it. "It's beautiful."
I smiled to myself at the way she saw me. "My heart is just as silent," I said, partly to myself now. "And it, too, is yours."
She turned her wrist a little, so the light would catch the heart. Looking up at me she said, 'Thank you. For both."
"No, thank you," I corrected, immensely thankful she had accepted it. "It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too," I said, grinning, my mind wandering to the ring not very far away.
She leaned into me and cuddled into my side. We stayed like that, comfortable in the sweet silence, enjoying the closeness.
"Can we discuss something?" she asked after a few minutes. "I'd appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded."
I hesitated. What did she want? Did she want to discuss her transformation? But she knew my take on that…
"I'll give it my best effort," I agreed, cautiously.
"I'm not breaking any rules here. This is strictly about you and me." Well, that ruled out the request to be changed. I was relieved but now curious. She cleared her throat, as if she had practiced this speech. "So… I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."
She sounded so formal, I couldn't help smiling. "What would you like to negotiate?" I asked.
Her heart race increased by a large margin.
"Listen to your heart fly," I said, softly. "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you all right?" She was clearly nervous. I could feel it radiating off her.
"I'm great," she said.
"Please go on then," I encouraged, trying to put her at ease.
"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."
"It's only ridiculous to you," I said, calmly. "What about it?"
"I was wondering…is that open to negotiation?"
I frowned, any lightness in my mood vanishing. "I've already made the biggest concession by far and away – I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."
"No," she said, before I could continue. "That part's a done deal. We're not discussing my…renovations," Interesting word, I thought, for damnation of the soul. "right now. I want to hammer out some other details."
I looked at her suspiciously. 'What details do you mean exactly?"
She hesitated for a faction of a second before saying, "Let's clarify your prerequisites first."
"You know what I want," I told her.
"Matrimony," she all but spat out.
"Yes," I said smiling, 'To begin with."
"There's more," she asked, shock replacing her previous look of disgust.
"Well," I said, carefully, thinking of a way to phrase this so that she couldn't back out nor fly into a temper. "If you're my wife, then what's mine is yours…like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth." She had no idea how badly I wanted her to experience college life. Her intelligent mind would thrive there.
"Anything else? While you're already being absurd?" She sounded like an irate parent talking to a child. It was quite endearing, really.
"I wouldn't mind some time," I said, cautiously. I could predict her reaction to this statement.
"No. No time," she said, vehemently. "There's a deal breaker right there."
I sighed and tried again, even though I knew it was useless. "Just a year or two," I asked, longingly.
She shook her head, her mouth pressed into a grim line. "Move along to the next one,"
"That's it. Unless," I grinned. "you want to talk cars…"
My smile widened at her grimace. My hand moved to her fingers. What was she building this conversation up to? I could feel the curiosity burn.
"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself." I told her. "I'm extremely curious."
She stared at our interlaced fingers, not saying a word. As I watched her, I felt and saw the blood rush into her face. She was embarrassed? My hand brushed her smooth cheek. "You're blushing?" She still didn't look up. "Please, Bella, the suspense is painful."
She bit her lip.
"Bella." I said, unable to keep the reproachful tone out of my voice.
"Well, I'm a little worried…about after," she said, finally meeting my gaze.
I tensed. Of course she would be. "What has you worried?" I asked her gently.
"All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town." I winced at her choice of words. "And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem," she went on. "that I won't be me anymore…and that I won't…want you the same way I do now."
My dead heart nearly defied science and melted. She was worried about that?
"Bella, that part doesn't last forever," I assured her.
"Edward," she said, sounding more flustered than I had ever heard her before. She was refusing to meet my eyes again. "There's something I want to do before I'm not human anymore,"
Finally. The words I had been longing to hear her say. If she couldn't realize what a huge sacrifice she was making by bartering her soul away, perhaps she would, at least be willing to experience whatever human things she could before.
When she didn't continue, I said, encouragingly, "Whatever you want."
"Do you promise?" she asked.
Did she have to even ask? "Yes," I said, longing to know what she wanted to do. "Tell me what you want and you can have it." I'd do everything I could to fulfill her wish.
After a long hesitation she mumbled, "You."
"I'm yours," I replied, almost automatically.
She inhaled deeply and shifted forward so that she was on her knees. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she kissed me.
This wasn't quite the response I was expecting, though I wasn't complaining if she wanted to kiss me. Part of my mind was relishing the feel of her lips against mine but the other part was still trying to decipher what she wouldn't tell me.
I could feel her hands unlock themselves from around my neck and slide down. Were her hands shaking? What was she so nervous about?
Her hands brushed the collar of my shirt. I was so riveted by the sensation of her gentle lips against mine, that I was hardly aware of where her hands were going.
It was only when her fingers descended to my shirt buttons, that the rational voice in my head made itself heard. My lips froze as it suddenly dawned on me what she had been trying to tell me all this time.
Trying not to hurt her but needing to get my point across, I pushed her away from me.
"Be reasonable, Bella," I told her, my voice coming out more disapproving than I intended. Really, what was she thinking?
"You promised – whatever I wanted," she said, sounding desperate.
"We are not having this discussion," I said, glaring at her and buttoning my shirt again.
"I say we are," she growled. Her hands moved to her own blouse and nearly ripped off the top buttons.
Had this not been such a serious issue, I would have been pleasantly taken aback by this forward Bella. I could not afford to let my mind wander to potentially dangerous areas, however.
"I say, we're not," I said flatly, grabbing her wrists and pinning them to her sides.
She glowered at me and I was sure my face looked the same. Did she think I wanted to stop her?
"You wanted to know," she said.
"I thought it would be something faintly realistic," I countered.
"So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want – like getting married – but I'm not allowed to even discuss what I –"
I pulled her hands so I could hold them in one of my own and placed my free hand over her mouth. Feeling her lips under my hand was not helping matters.
"No." I said, cutting her off. My voice came out harsh, straining against the restraint I so wanted to dispel.
Her angry eyes stared at me for a moment. Taking a deep breath she fought to calm down. I didn't move my hand, watching her carefully.
My body was tingling and it was an effort not to let it show. My chest was burning in the places her fingers had briefly grazed before I pulled them away. My mind was raging in an intense, internal battle. It was mind over matter, all over again, in a very different sense of the phrase.
A blush was returning to her face. I could tell, even though her head was turned down, away from my sight. Her posture slumped and I could feel her lips turn down, under my hand.
Sighing, I removed my hand from her mouth and pulled her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze.
"What now?" I asked. Surely she knew why I had to keep things the way they were?
"Nothing," she mumbled.
I studied her face carefully, ignoring her attempts to slip away. To my horror, I saw tears gathering in her eyes and pain shadow her face. She was doing an excellent job trying to mask it but it was clearly visible to my vampiric sight.
"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked in shock.
"No," she said, much too quickly.
I clasped her close, cradling her face between my shoulder and my hand, while my thumb brushed across her cheek, willing her to feel how much I loved her, how much I wanted her.
"You know why I have to say no," I murmured, partially to remind myself. "You know I want you, too."
"Do you?" she whispered. The doubt in her voice, never quite absent since I left her, made my insides ache.
"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." I laughed, bleakly. "Doesn't everyone? I feel like there's a line behind me," with Jacob Black at the forefront, I silently added, "jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You're too desirable for your own good."
"Who's being silly now?" she asked.
Bella had always been oblivious to how beautiful she was. Her ignorance only added to her appeal.
"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list?" Not that I would let them get anywhere near her. "You know a few of them, but some might surprise you." My mind roved to the vast numbers of boys at Forks High who harboured a secret lust for Bella Swan, all of whom had been in significant danger of being dismembered by me for the past year or so.
She shook her head against my chest and said, "You're just trying to distract me." And myself, I mentally added. "Let's get back to the subject."
I sighed.
"Tell me if I have anything wrong. Your demands are marriage –" she said, making a face I would have laughed at if I wasn't preoccupied with the current discussion we were having. "paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster." She raised her eyebrows. "Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."
"Only the first is a demand." I told her. Compared to what she just demonstrated, my demands, as she put them, were tame. I fought to keep a straight face. "The others are merely requests."
"And my lone, solitary little demand is –"
"Demand?" I interrupted, the urge to smile vanishing. She wanted this so badly?
"Yes, demand," she said, firmly.
My eyes narrowed.
"Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."
I leaned over and whispered in her ear, hoping to 'dazzle' her into agreeing with me. "It's not possible now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella."
"But that's the problem," she said, her voice shaking, despite the calm I knew she was struggling to maintain. "It won't be the same when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same. I don't know who I'll be then."
"You'll still be Bella," I promised.
A frown crossed her beautiful face. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie – that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance – how can that be true?"
"It will pass. And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood," I said, giving a mock shudder, hoping to lighten the moment. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."
"But that will always be what I want the most, won't it?" she said, sounding more frustrated. "Blood, blood, and more blood."
"The fact that you're still alive is proof that that is not true," I pointed out, calmly.
"Over eighty years later," she shot back. "What I meant was physically, thought. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself…after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."
I didn't answer. I couldn't without lying to her.
"So I will be different," she said, her voice a mixture of triumph and desperation. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically…"
She turned her head and kissed my palm. The combination of the passion in her words and the feel of her lips on my sensitive skin sent sudden stabs of desire through me. Her being more or less on my lap was causing other things, apart from my feelings, to stir.
Think what you could do to her, the rational voice whispered.
I took a deep breath to steady myself. It didn't stop my voice from shaking slightly when I spoke.
"Bella, I could kill you," I whispered, imploring her to understand.
"I don't think you could," she said, unfazed.
My eyes tightened. Had our inhuman strength escaped her memory?
I reached behind me and felt the carved wrought iron roses that adorned the bed post and snapped off one as easily as I would break a twig off a branch. I held it up so she could see and closed my hand, moulding it gently between my fingers.
Silently, I held it up for her to see. It resembled clay or mud squeezed between a child's hands. A second more of compression and what was once an iron rose, was now fine dust.
She glared. "That's not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."
"What did you mean then?" I asked, darkly, tossing the handful of dust across the room. It made a light, grating sound as it hit my glass wall. I was trying hard not to imagine Bella's body broken and disfigured.
"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to…" she struggle to explain. "More that, you don't want to hurt me…so much so that I don't think you ever could."
Her trust in my abilities was astounding. I shook my head.
"It might not work like that, Bella."
"Might," she scoffed. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."
"Exactly," I said, forcefully. "Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?" It was an effort to hold her, to kiss her without crushing her. I shuddered to imagine what could happen when lost in the throes of passion, especially when our senses were so much more responsive than a human's.
She gazed into my eyes for a long moment. I could see the sadness in them and struggled to remain resolute.
"Please," she whispered finally, very nearly causing me to break my resolve then and there. Focus, I thought. "It's all I ever want. Please."
How could I deny her what she wanted, when it was what I wanted too? How I longed to lie with her as a man would with the woman he loves, feel the incredible sensations, pleasure her in ways that would explode her mind. How I longed to feast my eyes on her beautiful body, explore this unchartered territory which she was allowing me and only me to discover, a privilege, an honour, to be as close to her as I possibly could, be one with her and feel her around me. I wanted nothing more than to experience this most intimate of bonding with her, a first for us both. To love her in the most beautiful and pure way possible. Did she think that I did not dream about it, think about it, day in and day out, every time we touched, every time we kissed, every time I held her. That the only thing stopping me was the immense fear that I would destroy her exquisite body. The way she had chosen to show me how ready she was to take this final step, inexperienced and uncertain, had been heartbreakingly sensual. For the first time tonight, I let my own desires wash over me, wavering my firm decision.
"Please," her soft voice begged again. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then, that's that. Just let us try…only try. And I'll give you what you want. I'll marry you." An unnamable feeling coursed through me. "I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just…please."
The desperate urgency in her voice was my undoing. My arms tightened around her, needing her closer and I whispered, "This is unbearable. So many things I've wanted to give you – and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"
"Then don't refuse," she suggested, her breath ragged.
I don't want to, I thought. I want to give you what you want because I want it too.
Give her what she wants… the flames whispered in my ear.
"Please," she pleaded, again.
"Bella…" I said, finally giving in. I didn't have the strength to argue anymore. Not when I wanted what she was asking for so badly myself. My hands held her head as my lips moved across the soft skin of her throat. Her scent was making me heady as it always did and I gave into these senses that I had firmly kept shielded in, these senses that always wanted her body and gave not a second thought to her blood, the senses of a man.
The fireworks erupted when her lips met mine. My hands moved of their own accord as I held her face firmly to mine. I kissed her, again and again and again, refusing to break contact. The sensation was pure bliss and I wanted more and still more of her.
When she broke away to breathe, I didn't break contact with her skin. I couldn't. I moved my lips down to her throat again, kissing every part of her exposed skin. I felt her fingers undo the buttons on my shirt again, but this time I didn't stop her. I felt an animalistic, almost primitive feeling awaken inside me as her small, warm hands, moved over my bare chest. The feeling was so new, so erotic that it ached.
She pulled my face back to hers and I responded with equal fervour. One hand still cupped her face but the other wound around her waist, drawing her closer. Could she feel my straining manhood, I wondered. I didn't even care as I tried to draw her even closer to my body.
As if from a dream, I felt her hands trying to undo her own blouse. Partly glad that I was distracted before this went too far, I locked my hands around her wrists and pulled them over her head, pushing her onto a pillow.
"Bella," I whispered against her ear. "Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?" Because if you do I will not be able to stop myself, I added.
"Do you want to do that part," she asked, looking confused.
"Not tonight," I answered, softly. If, Heaven help us, we were going to do this, I wanted to do it the proper way, as her husband. I kissed her cheek and jaw gently.
"Edward, don't –" she started to protest.
"I'm not saying no," I reassured her. I couldn't possibly now. "I'm just saying not tonight."
I could see her mull this over before she asked, "Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night."
"I wasn't born yesterday," I said. Knowing her reaction to marriage at eighteen, I was fairly sure what her reaction would be if I told her my real reason for wanting to wait. I settled for the secondary reason. "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore…you first."
She exhaled, looking infuriated. I struggled not to laugh. "I have to marry you first?" she asked in disbelief.
"That's the deal – take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" I said, reminding her of how this whole discussion started. I was starting to feel strangely optimistic of getting my 'yes'.
To nudge her along in the direction I wanted, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips to hers. The fire in me hadn't quite died and I caught her top lip and gently nibbled on it. I could feel her giving in.
"I think that's a really bad idea," she gasped, when I could feel her losing breath.
"I'm not surprised you feel that way," I said, grinning. "You have a one-track mind."
"How did this happen?" she grumbled. "I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden –"
"You're engaged," I finished, triumphantly.
"Ew! Please don't say that out loud."
"Are you going back on your word?" I demanded. I looked at her face.
She glared at me, which only made me smile.
"Are you?" I asked again.
"Ugh," she groaned. "No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"
I could feel my smile widen. "Exceptionally," I breathed, careful not to let all my thrilled emotions show.
She groaned again.
"Aren't you happy at all?" I asked, before catching her lips in mine again. I kissed her deeply, willing her to say what I wanted to hear.
"A little bit," she said, when I finally released her. "But not about getting married."
I kissed her again. "Do you get the feeling that everything is backward," I said, laughing. "Traditionally, shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"
"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me."
"True," I said, moving my lips to hers, yet again. The desires awakened in me were not letting me stay away from her now. I couldn't deny that I wanted her… so much. I moved away and kissed her again and again, deepening each one more than the other. I smiled against her lips when I heard her heart race.
"Look, Edward," she said, as I moved my lips to her palm. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."
"Not funny," I murmured, against her wrist.
"What I'm saying is this – I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone – how often does that happen? – and you've provided this very large and comfortable bed…"
"Not tonight," I reiterated. I wanted this experience to be significant and memorable. To me, the only way that would happen was if this took place on our wedding night.
"Don't you trust me?" she asked.
"Of course I do," I protested.
Using the hand I was kissing, she pulled my face up so she could see it.
"Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end. You always win," she said, sulkily.
"Just hedging my bets," I said, determined not to let my true reasons show. Bella would have a fit of hysterics, I was sure, after which she would be sure to try and dissuade me. I wasn't sure how many more pleas I could resist.
"There's something else," she said, scrutinizing my face. Trust her perceptiveness to emerge now. "Are you planning to go back on your word?" she suddenly asked.
"No," I said, solemnly. "I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me."
She shook her head and laughed dolefully. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama – twirling my moustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."
How did she manage to hit the nail on the head? Besides the fact that it was she who was pushing me to take her own virtue, she was absolutely correct. I glanced at her warily and quickly ducked my head to press my lips to her collarbone.
"That's it, isn't it?" she asked, laughing. "You're trying to protect your virtue!" She held her palm to her mouth and tried to muffle the giggles that were threatening to break through. I sighed. I should have known I couldn't hide it from her for long.
"No, you silly girl," I muttered, against her shoulder. "I'm trying to protect yours. And you're making it shockingly difficult."
"Of all the ridiculous –" she started to say, as I knew she would. I cut her off.
"Let me ask you something. We've had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?"
"Two," she answered, fiercely.
"All right. Maybe that's true," I continued. "Now there's a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think there are some rules that have to be followed."
"Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?" she asked me, incredulously.
"It couldn't hurt," I said, shrugging. "Just in case."
She glared at me, suspiciously.
"Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul."
"No, it isn't," she argued, angrily.
"'Thou shalt not kill' is commonly accepted by most major belief systems." I countered. "And I've killed a lot of people, Bella."
"Only the bad ones," she shot back.
I shrugged. "Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone –"
"That you know about," she muttered.
I smiled. "And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way."
"Okay. But we're not fighting over committing murder," she said, pointedly.
"The same principle applies – the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are." I said. "Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"
"One?"
"You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted… my virtue is all I have left," I said, grinning rather sardonically. Years' worth of Sunday school lessons from my human life were still ingrained in my mind.
"I lie all the time," she pointed out.
"Yes, but you're such a bad liar that it doesn't really count," I said, kissing her nose. "Nobody believes you."
"I really hope you're wrong about that – because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through that door with a loaded gun," she said, unable to stop a grin herself.
"Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely," I said, smiling.
"But what did you ever covet?" she asked, confused. "You have everything."
Wasn't it obvious? "I coveted you," I said, my smile darkening. "I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what's become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire." I shook my head in mock horror.
"You can't covet what's already yours," she informed me, superiorly. "Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about."
"It is. If it's too late for me… Well, I'll be damned, no pun intended – if I'll let them keep you out, too." I said.
"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," she said. "That's my definition of hell." I smiled. My sweet Bella…
"Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this," she continued. "Let's never die, all right?"
"Sounds simple enough," I said, playing along. "Why didn't I think of that?"
I smiled at her.
"Hmph," she said, angrily, realizing I wasn't budging. "So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're married."
"Technically, I can't ever sleep with you."
"Very mature, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes at me.
"But other than that detail, yes, you've got it right."
"I think you have an ulterior motive," she said, sounding suspicious again.
"Another one?" I asked, innocently. Would this woman see past all of my actions?
"You know this will speed things up," she accused.
I fought against the smile that was tugging at my lips. "There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever…but for that it's true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point?"
"I can't believe I'm going along with this. When I think of Charlie…and Renee! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now." She shuddered.
I raised an eyebrow. If she was adamant about changing soon then the gossip would have to be endured only for a few weeks. After which, she wouldn't even see Forks. For a very long time.
I saw her shudder again.
"It doesn't have to be a big production. I don't need any fanfare." Strictly speaking, I would have liked everything done the proper way. Not in a big way, but I was old-fashioned enough to still want the poignancy of seeing my bride walk down the aisle to me. But I knew this was a huge step for Bella and I wasn't about to make it even more uncomfortable for her. "You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and no one else."
"It couldn't be any more official that it already is," she grumbled but looked slightly mollified.
"We'll see about that," I said, smugly. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?"
She swallowed. "You suppose correctly."
I laughed at the look on her face. Like I was forcing her to drink something unpleasant. "That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough."
"You talk like you already have one," she said, glaring.
"I do," I said, unhesitatingly. "Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness."
"You're unbelievable," she said, shaking her head.
"Do you want to see it?" I asked, suddenly excited. If I still had a heartbeat it would be racing a mile a minute.
"No," she said, much more forcefully than I expected. I felt the excitement evaporate immediately. Was the idea so repulsive to her?
"Unless you really want to show it to me," she said, no doubt catching sight of my expression.
"That's all right," I said, shrugging. "It can wait."
She sighed. "Show me the damn ring, Edward."
"No." She would see it, when she really wanted to.
She looked at me.
"Please," she whispered after a long moment. I felt my insides melt. Moving forward, she lightly touched my face with her fingers. "Please can I see it?"
My eyes narrowed. I should have never told her how I couldn't resist her begging. "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," I muttered, my resolve breaking.
I got up and went to my bedside table, retrieving the little black box from the wooden chest and sitting down next to her again in an instant. I put an arm around her shoulder and balanced the box on her left knee.
"Go ahead and look, then," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. Like I wasn't feeling a thousand emotions at the moment.
She picked up the box slowly. Brushing her fingers over it, she asked, "You didn't spend a lot of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did."
"I didn't spend anything," I assured her. "It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."
"Oh," she said. I could tell this meant something to her.
"I suppose it's a little outdated," I said, as she was about to open it. "Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's."
"I like old-fashioned things," she mumbled, slowly prising the lid open.
She stared at it for a long time. I watched her face, too apprehensive to speak. Almost hypnotically, she reached out and stroked the stones.
"It's so pretty," she said, almost to herself.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
"It's beautiful," she whispered. Then, as if remembering that she was supposed to look like she wasn't excited, she shrugged. "What's not to like?"
I chuckled, having got my answer. "See if it fits," I asked, trying to veil the desire in my voice.
I saw her clench her left hand.
"Bella," I sighed. "I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off."
"Fine," she said, grumbling.
She reached for the ring but I beat her to it. Suppressing a large amount of joy, I gently took her left hand and slid the ring onto her third finger. I committed the gesture to memory and savoured it for the few seconds that it lasted.
I held her hand out, uttering a grateful prayer it wasn't this hand she fractured. We both looked at it. I didn't want to take my eyes off it. My ring, on my Bella. It was all I could do to not give voice to the immense happiness that was bubbling within me.
"A perfect fit," I said, praising whatever deity it was that was making my voice sound indifferent. "That's nice. Saves me a trip to the jeweller's."
She turned and stared at my face. "You like that don't you?" she asked, suspiciously, fluttering her fingers.
"Sure," I said, shrugging. "It looks very nice on you." It looked perfect on her. Like it was made for her.
She continued to examine my face carefully. Her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes met mine, and suddenly I was unable to hold it back any longer. My face broke into the biggest smile I had worn in decades and I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her sure and deep. My lips moulded against hers and I tried to convey all the joy and passion that was radiating through me.
When I finally broke away, her breathing wasn't the only one that was ragged.
"Yes, I like it," I whispered against her ear. "You have no idea." Only one more thing would make this evening perfect.
"I believe you," she said, gasping out a laugh.
"Do you mind if I do something?" I murmured, my arms tightening around her.
"Anything you want," she said.
I let go and slipped off the bed.
"Anything but that," she complained.
I ignored her protest and pulled her off the bed as well. Standing opposite her, I placed my hands on her shoulders.
"Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me," I begged.
"Oh no," she gasped as I went down on one knee.
"Be nice," I muttered.
I heard her breathe deeply.
"Isabella Swan?" I said, my voice thick and hoarse with emotion. These were the words I had wanted to say ever since I met her. "I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"
I stared into her eyes, letting her see all the love and devotion I had for her. After an impossibly long moment she uttered the word I had been waiting to hear for so long.
"Yes," she whispered, softly and sweetly.
"Thank you," I said, reverently. I kissed each of her fingertips and finally the ring that rested so beautifully on her delicate finger.
A/N: Wow! 9000-odd words! I just realized. Hope it doesn't ramble. So people please review. Those of you who are about to add me onto favourite story/author or story alert. I'm flattered but leave your thoughts behind too! =D