Seattle Grace Hospital

Surgical Floor,

Afternoon

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Just on her way to check the board, Cristina stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Izzie studying the scheduled surgeries for the day. Realizing she couldn't hide or avoid her forever, Cristina resumed walking until she came to stand next to the blonde doctor. Doctor on probation, her mind commented. Whatever.

Pretending to study the board as well she avoided any eye contact but felt Izzie's gaze settling on her of course. The silence was unnatural, not to say awkward, and while Izzie held her arms crossed and her head up high and still seemed rather relaxed, Cristina felt stiff and tense with her hands sweaty and her jaws clenched. Burke was right. She hadn't gotten any better at this.

They both knew she had to apologize and they both knew it was the one thing Cristina Yang couldn't do. Not without serious physical discomfort as a consequence of the effort she had to make to get herself to find and actually say the words…

She couldn't even think them to herself.

Still feeling Izzie's piercing eyes on her she decided to make it little by little and started with folding her arms across her chest as well. That done she lowered her head, no hung her head, and then cautiously started to turn sideways.

Seeing not only her own feet now but Izzie's as well, she slowly slowly let her gaze wonder upwards, lifting her head in the process.

Blue scrub pants. Of course Izzie was wearing blue scrub pants. She was still a surgeon, alright. Probation or not. She was still one of them. Although, technically, she's not anymore. She wasn't allowed to perform or assist with any surgeries. Shouldn't it be visible she's sort of ranking lower than us? Shouldn't there be some way to recognize which interns were better or worse anyway? Which intern was the best? She stopped her imagination running off there. Whatever.

Blue scrub shirt. Of course. Surgeon blue. Oh how long she had been longing to wear the surgeon blue scrubs. So did Izzie, it suddenly hit her. Well, probably. Surprised and a bit shocked at her anticipation about another person's feelings and inner reasoning Cristina almost flinched and suddenly found her eyes locked with Izzie's. Without a last moment of hesitation or preparation. There, that was it. No going back now.

Izzie's eyes didn't try to hide anything. Not the anger, not the resentment, not the amusement and gloating at the situation. Maybe the hurt, because that much Cristina had understood right away and without bigger acts of anticipation: that her words had hurt. At least my boyfriend is still alive. Izzie was maybe doing better but she was still far from fine and still grieving and mourning. Ever since Burke had been shot Cristina could relate to loss. She had only caught a glimpse of it, of course, after al she hand't lost Burke. Yet. He wasn't dead. He'd be okay. Whatever.

She had to apologize now and she didn't know how and Izzie knew it. Standing there, waiting, she seemed to take her revenge. And enjoy it, Cristina's mind snapped but she tried to ignore it. It was probably not the way to go in her search for an honest apology that had to be somewhere within her. If she could just find it…

She felt beads of sweat on her forehead and unfolded her arms again before her hands could leave dark stains on her sleeves. Taking a deep breath she opened her mouth. It felt dry. Just like her throat. Oh what would she have given for a sip of water right about now. Or Tequila. Tequila seemed pretty good right about now.

Look, Izzie, she managed to stutter in her mind but no sounds left her mouth. Which was probably good because she didn't get much further anyway. The words just wouldn't come to her, no matter how much she tensed and moved her jaws.

She realized her eyes had starting roaming the hallway while her mouth was still moving without her saying anything and her body probably transpiring noticeably. At least it felt that way. What a pathetic sight she had to be. And she was just about to either collapse, faint or run when Izzie suddenly turned back to the board, her arms still elegantly crossed and her head still high.

"Apology accepted," she stated simply and then added, "Dr. Shepherd has a craniotomy in half an hour. I think I'm going to get some snacks and secure myself a good seat on the gallery."

Cristina didn't trust her ears at first but then she felt relief seeping through her. She also felt shame and humiliation but the relief definitely won out. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. And finally something in her unlocked and unclenched and gave way. And she knew what to say.

"Thanks," she mumbled quietly and it actually felt good. But opening her eyes again she realized Izzie had already walked away. Instead a young nurse was looking at her questioningly.

"What are you looking at?" she snapped and turned on her heels.