Chapter 9: Only Human
Dawn pushed through the front entrance of the small coffee shop where her sister worked. She didn't often visit her sister, not that she didn't enjoy the free coffee; seeing her older sister waitressing again while she was in college earning a degree made the youngest Summers woman feel guilty. She recognized how much Buffy had sacrificed, not just to save the world, but to put Dawn's needs before her own.
Not that she'd ever tell Buffy how much it meant to her. That girl already had a big enough ego.
Dawn flashed her sister a smile as the blonde waited on a young man looking over the daily assortment of Danish. She pointed in the direction of an empty table and Buffy nodded, silently noting she'd be over momentarily.
The brunette co-ed sat by herself at the small circular table and looked over the laminated coffee menu at her table.
"And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" her sister questioned, walking up to the table where Dawn sat.
The brunette teen set her menu flat on the table. "Just wanted to see how you're doing," she revealed, putting her elbows on the table and staring up at her older sister.
Buffy's mouth twisted. "Well, it was a little busy during the morning rush like usual, but things have quieted down."
Dawn frowned. "You know that's not what I mean, Buffy," she said in a low voice.
The Chosen One sighed and sat down across from her sister. "I know what you mean, Dawnie. I just really don't want to talk about it."
"Talking is good though," the younger of the two argued. "You've been avoiding talking about it for three days already. It's not healthy to keep this stuff pent up."
Buffy shook her head and made a face. "Well sorry if I don't want to talk about what a pervert Faith turned out to be."
"I'm sure she's got a good reason for –."
"There is no good reason for what I saw that night," Buffy interrupted sharply. "Don't you think I haven't gone over and over this in my head?"
Dawn frowned. "Then we're missing something," she said with equal fierceness. "Faith wouldn't…she…" The brunette shook her head. "You need to talk to her."
Buffy set her stubborn mouth. "I'm sick of all the talking," she complained. "I'm sick of all this inactivity. I just need to attack Simone's warehouse and be done with it."
"You know, if Faith's friend really does look like you, maybe that could help us," Dawn mused aloud. "Kind of like how we used the Buffy-bot to fool Glory."
"That thing is not helping us," Buffy said through gritted teeth.
"You know, you acted the same way about the Buffy-bot," Dawn pointed out. "Why do you hate things that look like you so much? You usually reserve that kind of hatred for rogue slayers and evil demons."
"I don't know," Buffy said rolling her eyes. "Maybe I have a problem with people jerking off to my likeness," she snapped. "Seems like a pretty good reason to be upset."
"Or maybe you have a self-perception issue," her sister suggested, leaning forward. "May it be a physically or subliminally subjection of your emotional issues on any lookalike, when you look at yourself from a third-person point of view," Dawn took a deep breath and continued to babble, "you're finally capable of fully examining every issue that plagues your life from what you believe is through the 'eyes of a stranger'."
Buffy gave her sister a blank stare.
"Don't mind me," the younger of the two chuckled. "I have a psychology class this semester, and it's getting to me."
"Yeah, well now you're not helping me either. So…good job."
Dawn stuck her bottom lip out. "Hey."
"Fine," Buffy sighed, rubbing at her temples. "You can still help. At this point I can't be picky about who helps." She looked up sharply at her sister. "But not Faith. I don't need that kind of help."
"Speaking of help," Dawn started, "have you heard from Willow lately? I keep calling her to see if she's found out anything about the building Simone's camped in, but she hasn't gotten back to me. She was supposed to check out who holds the lease on the property."
Buffy shook her head. "I haven't talked to Wills since we went to that club." She made a face. "I guess I've been a little too preoccupied with all this Faith business."
"I'll drop by her apartment later today after class," Dawn noted as she stood up to leave. "It's important we all stick together right now."
Buffy smiled up at her sister. "Thanks for stepping up so much lately, Dawnie," she said gratefully. "It makes me feel better knowing that I can count on you."
The youngest Summers girl grinned at her sister. "You shouldn't worry about me," she noted. "I've got Buffy Summers blood, after all."
The Chosen One stared after her sister as she left the coffee shop. "Almost sounds like something that Simone wishes she could say," she wistfully remarked.
Flashback
The slayer and the shape-shifter lay together on an old horse blanket just outside of the barn on Giles' country estate. Even though the weekends were her most lucrative days of the week, Kate had taken the long weekend off of work to visit the Boston girl at her home in the country. The two had been riding all morning and were now taking a break for lunch. Kate picked at the remnants of a sandwich from the picnic Mrs. Cribbage had made for them.
Faith inspected her lover's face while the girl fed her bread crusts to a colony of ants. "Kiss me."
A devilish grin slid onto Kate's borrowed face and she discarded the sandwich. "You don't have to tell me twice."
Faith's forehead furrowed. "No. Kiss me as you."
"Don't, Faith." The blonde woman's smile faded away. "You know I don't like doing that."
The brunette slayer sat up from her reclined position and looked frustrated. "We've been doing this for about a month now, Kate. When are you going to be you again? I miss the way the sun bounces off your chestnut hair. The unreal color of your green eyes," she listed off. "I'm worried that my memories of the real you are starting to fade."
"Good," Kate stated, looking satisfied. "It'll make this more real."
Faith sighed, disgruntled. "Don't say that. Why can't this be real, but with the real youand me?"
The shape-shifter looked frustrated as she pulled herself up to a seated position. "Faith… god," she sighed. She grabbed onto her knees. "I don't know how to say this without sounding weird."
"What?"
Kate chewed on her lip and looked slightly embarrassed. "I do this for myself as much as I do it for you."
Faith gave the other woman a questioning look.
"You love this girl," Kate observed, gesturing to her body and facial features. "Deny it if you want, but I've seen the truth, and you'll never tell me anything that will convince me otherwise."
Faith's features scrunched together. "What does this have to do with you refusing to look like yourself?"
Kate made a frustrated noise. She pulled a piece of straw from her hair and threw it. The wind caught it and it fell back onto the blanket. "You love her," she tried to explain again. "What you feel for me is amplified because there are moments that I can tell that you forget I'm not her."
The Bostonian looked momentarily horrified. "What makes you say that?"
"Because when reality strikes you, when you remember that I'm not really Buffy, that glimmer of pure joy in your eyes…" Kate frowned. "…it fades."
Faith shook her head adamantly. "You're lying."
"And you're denying," Kate quickly countered. "I can see your sorrow, Faith."
"Then why don't you just become you?" Faith demanded, feeling her anger rise. "Why parade around as Buffy? Don't you think when you look like that, it only makes it worse for me?"
"I can't stand to see the look of disappointment on your face every time you look at me when I'm in my other body," Kate shared with equal passion. "At least when I'm her, I get some of those perfect moments. Even though they're meant for her," she noted, "I would rather be some copycat that has that than nothing at all."
"Why put yourself through that?" Faith questioned, frowning. "It's totally crazy."
"I've spent my life being everyone else and never myself," Kate reasoned, "so when you look at me, and I see nothing but adoration in your eyes, why would I want to be anyone else but her?"
Faith sighed. The other woman's passion seemed to drain the anger from her. "Kate," she said, taking her lover's hands in her own, "when we're having fun, enjoying each other's company, I'm in that moment with you," she tried to assure the shape-shifter. "I'm not in some la-la land with Buffy Summers," she said, shaking her head. "I'm with you."
Kate crossed her arms stubbornly across her chest, but remained silent.
"You're different than her," Faith noted. "You dislike graveyards, she practically lives in them," she listed off. "You love fantasy movies, while she love romantic comedies. You love miracle whip, and she loves mayonnaise."
Kate made a face at the last statement.
"Okay," Faith conceded with a grin, "you don't like miracle whip, but I'm just trying to make a point."
Both women sighed and fell back down onto the blanket in silence.
"I'm not ready to go back, yet," Kate said quietly. She stared at the passing clouds overhead. "I'm afraid it'll change things between us."
Faith turned slightly to look at her girlfriend. She grabbed onto Kate's hand and gently squeezed it. "It's not going to," she stated with emotion.
"Please, Faith," Kate pled. "I don't trust it."
Faith looked stonily at the other woman. She dropped Kate's hand. "You mean you don't trust me," she said glumly.
Kate frowned. "Don't twist my words."
Faith held up her hands. "You might think I…I love her…but my first instinct is to fight with her," she excused her behavior. "So you can't blame me for my attitude. Stop looking and sounding like her, and I'll stop too."
The shape-shifter sighed heavily, not wanting to keep fighting with the stubborn Boston woman. "How about this," she compromised. "The true Kate will be with you tonight… I'll ween myself off of Buffy, so you can too."
The Bostonian grinned triumphantly. "I like that plan," she agreed. "Now, do you happen to have the ability to speed up time, too? Cause I'd really enjoy that right now." She crawled over to Kate with a wolfish smile splayed across her face.
"Oh yeah?" Kate matched Faith's playful smile with one of her own. "I might be able to arrange something if you really want it."
"Oh, I want it alright…" the brunette slayer purred.
Kate cuddled close to the slightly taller woman and kissed the Bostonian's pert nose. "Close your eyes," she whispered, "And I'll make it happen for you."
When Faith immediately obeyed, Kate lightly pressed her lips against the slayer's closed eyelids. The air shimmered around them as she returned to her neutral, non-Buffy form.
"Okay," she murmured to her lover.
Faith slowly opened one eye and was greeted with the familiar face of Kate in her natural shape. She lazily grinned at the shape-shifter. "What other tricks can you do if I close my eyes again?"
Kate's generous mouth curled into a mischievous smile. "Close your eyes and let's find out."
Present Day
Buffy stepped into the large, chain grocery store and tried to get her bearings. "Twenty minute drive for energy drinks. What have you become, Summers?" she muttered to herself. "What have you become?"
After getting off of work for the day, Buffy had returned to the apartment she shared with Xander and Dawn. Her sister was at class at UCSF until later that evening and Xander was nowhere to be found, so she'd pocketed the extra set of keys and borrowed Xander's car to drive out to the suburbs.
She could have picked up a smaller pack of energy drinks at the local grocery store, but she felt less guilty about spending money on caffeine when it came in a box of 24. Although she was paying more upfront, she reasoned she was being thrifty in the long-term. Buffy had even gone so far as to do the math – the total savings for the drink was $6 dollars, less the $4 in gas, and she was on her way to financial bliss.
Eschewing a grocery cart, Buffy stepped quickly in the direction of the aisle where she remembered last finding the addictive beverages. It was at least a 40-minute round trip, and she didn't want to get stuck in rush hour traffic.
Turning a corner, the Chosen One found herself in the energy and sports drink aisle. After locating the thin cans she normally purchased, she stopped momentarily to scan her wall of other options.
Mistaking Buffy's scanning for confusion, a store employee stepped up to the attractive slayer. "Do you need help, miss?" the clerk asked.
"I'm okay," Buffy assured the man. "Thank you though."
The man lingered by her side. "I can carry that case for you if needed," he offered, pointing at one of the energy drink pallets. "It's awfully heavy."
"Thanks, but no thanks," Buffy said to the man again. "I'm fine."
The clerk gave the slender girl a weak smile, and Buffy went back to looking at her many options.
"What am I even doing looking at other options?" Buffy wondered aloud. "I came out here for this; I'm not going home with something I could have bought near home."
Buffy felt someone tap her right shoulder.
"Like I said," she started again without looking back. "I'm sure about not needing…" She turned her head to look at the hovering clerk, but was surprised to find an attractive brunette standing behind her instead. "….help."
The slightly taller woman smiled warmly. Her dazzling green eyes seemed to sparkle even beneath the unflattering store lights. "I think that was meant for someone else."
Buffy flushed. "I'm so sorry….am I in your way?"
The other woman smiled broader. "Nope." She continued to stand in the aisle.
Buffy continued to scrutinize the attractive woman. "Do I know you?" she asked, confused as to why the girl had been trying to get her attention.
"I'm Kate."
Buffy blinked a few times, the name not registering.
The girl slapped her forehead with her palm. "Sorry," she laughed. She cleared her throat once. "You probably don't recognize me in this body," she said in a voice that mirrored Buffy's.
Buffy's hazel-green eyes went wide as she heard her own voice echoing in her ears. The pieces slowly began to come together.
"You," she hissed. "I don't even know where to start with you," she seethed in an angry, yet quiet tone. "I-I-…What gives you the right to take over my identity?" As her anger boiled hotter, the volume of her voice rose, quickly catching the attention of other shoppers.
"You make it sound like I stole your credit card and put you into debt." A playful grin crept onto Kate's shapely mouth. "From what I hear though, you don't need my help."
Noticing that her attempt at humor was failing, Kate breathed out deeply. "Listen. It's not what you think, okay?"
"What? That Faith is so desperate and mentally ill that she found…" she paused, realizing she still had no idea what or who this girl was if she wasn't a robot, "…whatever you are…to impersonate me? And now you're stalking me?" Her voice reached a nearly hysterical pitch.
"Can we talk?" Kate asked, taking a step closer so her low-tone could be heard. She flicked her eyes in the direction of a few shoppers who had stopped to observe their heated confrontation. "I think I saw a coffee shop just outside in the strip mall."
"What makes you think I'm crazy enough to want to hang out with you?" Buffy whispered sharply. "Do I look desperate for friends or something?"
Kate rolled her green eyes. "Buffy. Just do it for Faith."
The taller brunette turned her back on Buffy and began to walk away. The Chosen One watched the British woman's retreating form. After a few moments, she sighed heavily and began to walk in the direction the shape-shifting girl had gone.
"This is what I get for being addicted to caffeine," she grumbled to herself.
Buffy found the brunette woman sitting by herself at a metal table in front of a chain coffee shop. The slight breeze ruffled her straightened hair, and she pushed her oversized sunglasses up her forehead to keep her hair out of her face.
"I was beginning to think that you weren't going to come," Kate noted with a grim smile.
Buffy sat down at the table across from Kate. "What are you?"
"I guess we can skip past all the small talk," Kate deadpanned. "What I am, isn't important," she noted, waving a dismissive hand. "The only thing you need to know is that I'm not a robot, and I'm not evil. You could even do a spell or something on me to see if I'm telling you the truth."
Buffy's eyebrow rose. "Sounds a bit evil-doery to me."
Kate stared dumbfounded at the slayer. "I just offered –,"
"Of course you would offer to do that," Buffy interrupted, "knowing full well that I can't because magic no longer exists." She searched Kate's face, but could only find genuine confusion.
Kate sighed, realizing this wasn't going to be easy. "I've got…a knack."
"A knack?" Buffy repeated.
"You know…how I can…" Kate looked around to ascertain if anyone could overhear their conversation, "change into somebody else."
Buffy's inner slayer was crawling to discover what kind of creature this woman was. Because she continued to exist in their world, she was clearly a demon-hybrid, not a witch or full-demon, however. She would have to ask Willow to help her find out who this girl was later if Kate continued to be so vague.
"Can you change into anybody?" Buffy asked, trying to garner more clues.
Kate shook her head and set her coffee mug down. "It's not that easy," she revealed. "I can't just look at someone or see a picture and morph into them. And I can't turn into a guy – I tried once and it didn't turn out so well," she said, making a face.
"Have you always been able to do this?" the blonde questioned.
Kate shook her head. "My 'power', or whatever you want to call it, only came to me once I was a teenager. It took me a while to control it, so I secluded myself from the world for a while. This is my main body – the one I was born with," she further described. "Well…not the one I was born with…I didn't pop out of my mom a full-grown adult, but this is the body I grew into…" The woman looked slightly flustered trying to explain herself. "You know, I never started to babble like this until I started to wear your skin."
Buffy's eyes perceptibly narrowed.
"Sorry," Kate apologized quickly. "Not the point, I know. So this knack of mine…my…uh, gift I guess you could call it," she continued, "is I can tell what people want." She paused to suck in a deep breath. "More specifically, who they want. All it takes is a touch that lingers past a brush and I'm downloaded with details. The longer the touch, the more details I get – her scent, her voice, how she walks…"
"You're like a living-breathing dating-service," Buffy mused aloud, nearly forgetting she should be punching the woman seated across from her.
"Kind of, but not really. I don't always become their ideal match – just who they think they want. The one person at the top of their thoughts. I can't dig much deeper than the surface. As you can imagine," Kate continued, "there's very few professions where my skills are actually beneficial. So I guess that's why I started dancing at strip clubs. You'd be amazed at the tips I can get when I look like the inaccessible girl some dude wants to shag the most."
Buffy's jaw went lax. "So that's how you and Faith met?" she asked incredulously. "At a strip club?"
Kate couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah. Not as romantic as Soulmates with an unbreakable bond that's connected even with distance," she wistfully noted, "but it's enough for our arrangement."
Buffy couldn't pretend she didn't know to what the other woman was referring, but she made no comment. However, the carefully chosen word arrangement echoed relentlessly across the blonde's mind. "Are you in love with her?" she asked with hesitation.
Kate paused before replying, a little surprised at the blonde's question. "I love her the same way that she loves me."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Way to be vague."
"Look," Kate snapped, starting to feel annoyed by the blonde woman's chilly demeanor, "it wasn't Faith's idea for me to stay looking like you. It was mine."
Buffy raised a surprised eyebrow. "Yours? Why?"
"I was a birthday present," Kate revealed. "Her friends in London, they, uh, they rented me for her." She flushed and fiddled with her paper coffee cup. "I make a lot more money than your typical stripper because of my unique abilities. There's a waiting list to get a dance from me."
Buffy snorted. "Am I supposed to be impressed?"
Kate scowled and shook her head. "I'm just trying to clear Faith's name. She didn't know her friends had done this for her. When Faith first looked at me as you, there was something there that I haven't seen in many of my nightly patrons," the brunette noted sadly. She shook her head. "I don't make those kind of connections with my clients…with anyone…so I wanted to keep seeing her even after that night."
"That doesn't explain why you needed to look like me to keep seeing her," Buffy pointed out.
"When we're together, when I look like you, there are moments when I catch her forgetting the fact that I'm not you," Kate admitted, "and in those moments I feel a part of me melt inside. But there's always disappointment afterwards when she remembers who I really am," she noted. "Even though I know she cares for me, I still feel the love that she has for you."
Kate paused, feeling herself choke up. "But even though it's not perfect, it's the closest thing that I've felt to love in a long time...So yea," she said, slightly straightening up in her chair, "I chose to stay as you to keep a taste of that feeling. I know it's selfish, but it's intoxicating."
The blonde slayer shook her head, unbelieving. "But Kate, you're a beautiful girl in your normal body," she pointed out. "You shouldn't have to look like someone else to feel loved."
"You don't know what it's like. It's so hard," Kate vented, no longer really trying to explain herself to the blonde slayer. "My gift is more like a curse; it keeps me physically distant from most of the world. I don't do handshakes. I don't do hugs. Every lingering touch gives me unwanted access to who you want in all the world." Her face clouded over. "Intimacy is nearly impossible when you know who your lover truly wants. But she – she tries so hard to make me, me again."
Buffy was silent, letting all this new information settle into her brain. The idea that Faith lusted for her wasn't exactly news; some part of her had always known the Boston slayer's excessive flirting wasn't innocent. But Kate's admission to how Faith looked at her when she looked like Buffy…it caught her unprepared.
Buffy's silence began to irritate Kate. "If there's any chance that you might feel that way about her, Buffy, please, give her that chance," Kate pled. "I do love her, but I can part ways with her knowing that she's in good hands. But I can't – no," she corrected herself, "I won't leave her if you don't at least fix what it is that's between the two of you."
The Californian stared hard at the bold shape-shifter. "Shouldn't she be the one fixing things?" Buffy challenged.
Kate's features softened. "She left you over 20 messages with your friend Xander and waited outside your home for over an hour on a few different occasions... She can only do so much if she's talking to a wall."
Abruptly, the brunette woman stood up to leave. "I hope you take into consideration what I said to you today," she remarked. "I won't be around tonight. I'm going to rent a room somewhere else for the day, so you should take this opportunity to talk to her."
She hesitated as if weighing whether or not to share the next piece of information. "She started to drink more... again," she stated thickly. "So I apologize if she's difficult tonight." Kate brushed a few errant strands of brown hair out of her green eyes. "Just remember that she's a good person and deserves to be loved."
"We all deserve it," Buffy noted wistfully.
Kate looked down at the blonde for a moment. Buffy's head was clearly swimming from their revealing conversation. "Don't drop the ball, Summers," she stated finally. "Faith's only human, after all."
TBC