"Love Me for Mine"
Chapter 10
(Humphrey's POV)
Kate and I had been walking for a little while, on our way to Winston and Eve's den, where Lily had been staying. As we walked, I was getting really nervous about talking to her. I had no idea what I would say. I say nervous, but I was basically in a panic. My breathing had heightened to a point of hyper-ventilation, my eyes were wide, and my body shook as it moved.
Because she was leaning on me, Kate picked up on this and asked, "Humphrey are you alright?".
I was going to respond, but I could only manage "Umm, I…" before I vomited on the ground.
"Humphrey stop walking." Kate ordered.
I obeyed her command and continued looking into the dirt, unsure if I'd throw up again. I felt as if I was spinning and got suddenly light headed. I lost my balance and started to stumble around a little until I regained just enough to stand still.
"Are you alright?" she inquired again.
I didn't respond.
She calmly and reassuringly said, "Just breathe Humphrey. It's okay. Just in and out.", as she breathed with me.
I tried to slow my respiration. My muscles stopped shivering. I regained enough control to look at her by my side. She was leaning into it, with her eyes closed and a soft smile on her face, matching my breaths. This is what really relaxed me to the point of being able to speak.
She asked me once more, "Now tell me. What's wrong, Humphrey?".
"I am just really anxious to see Lily."
"Why? It's not like she'll be mad at you." She responded in an attempt to relieve my nerves.
"It's not that. It's because…she never did anything to me. She had always been a really kind, supportive, and all around great friend, not once coming close to offending me, and I still hurt her. I can't think of anyone who deserved it less." I said, pissed off at my own actions. I thought about trying to say something like 'except for maybe you' but it would dilute the point and Kate didn't seem to care.
She tried to soothe me once more with, "Well you didn't actually hurt her."
"I was snarling at her and tackled her to the ground." I replied, avoiding eye contact in my shame.
"But you didn't actually do anything, besides give her a scare."
"The worst part isn't what I did; it's what I was going to do. Kate, I had every intention to kill her, and all she was trying to do was help me. I saw my jaws sinking into her neck. I know what was going to happen. What kind of wolf does that to someone like her? Not to mention, I thought the same about you." I said, digging my claws into the rocky ground and wincing at the pain it caused me.
"Humphrey, look at me." She said. Once again, I obeyed her wish. She continued, "That's just it. You stopped. You didn't bite her, or me. You do have control over yourself, and that keeps you from ever hurting one of your friends. Sure you had a rough week and a half, but I have never seen anyone so selfless, generous, altruistic, kind, and caring in my entire life." She said, capping her statement off with a warm and tight hug.
I closed my eyes to savor the moment, but said, "Then you should get out more."
She laughed at my joke. No sound had ever passed through my ears with such magnificence. The melodic notes that came from her forced a smile upon my face like nothing else could. My vision blurred with tears.
"Kate, I love you like no one else in the world, and I will never hurt you like that again."
"I know Humphrey. You make me feel safer than anyone else. That's why I love you." She responded, clutching me tighter.
I reciprocated the embrace gladly and replied, "I love you too, to such an un-godly degree that it consumes my other thoughts."
She smiled again and started continue the walk to her parent's den. I followed reluctantly. She noticed me dragging a little behind.
"Humphrey, don't worry. I'll be there with you."
I caught up to her and bolstered my walk with some more confidence. "No Kate. I need to do this alone."
"Oh…okay." She said sounding worried.
I continued, "It's just a thing that I have to do myself."
She nodded in agreement, but I'm not sure if she meant it. I quickened our pace.
(Time skip: walking up to the den)
(Third person POV)
Kate and Humphrey walked toward the slope that leads to the Winston and Eve's den. At the top, they noticed Winston and Garth sitting outside, talking to each other. Their conversation halted when they saw the pair of approaching wolves. When Humphrey neared the hill, he told Kate to wait for him there. He continued without her to the entrance of the cave that comprised the den. Before he could make his way inside Garth stood in front of him.
He said, "I think you should leave. You've done enough already."
Winston stood next to him, silently but imposingly. He nodded in agreement with Garth. Humphrey did not respond. Instead, he brought his eyes up to meet Garth and shot him a serious look. It definitively showed his conviction in an almost threatening way. Garth froze where he stood. He had never seen Humphrey seem so stern. Humphrey simply brought his gaze back to ahead of him and walked around Garth. Winston made no further objections.
(Humphrey's POV)
Inside the cave, I saw Lily at the back of the den, lying down in stillness and looking away from me. I also saw Eve sitting beside her with a paw on Lily's back. It seemed as though Eve had been talking to her for a while but had almost run out of things to say.
The silence that existed between them was soon dissipated by my footsteps. Eve noticed them and glared at me with a growl. As she saw me, she took note of the severity in my demeanor and walked toward the entrance where she sat down. She made it seem like she wasn't going to listen to our conversation but no one was fooled.
I thought of saying 'Hey Lily.', but the last time I said 'Hey' it wasn't received well. "Lily, do you mind if I talk to you or should I leave?" I asked in as soft and low of a voice that I could manage.
"Whatever." She answered, very unenergetically. She didn't turn around to face me as I spoke so I walked around to her front.
"Lily, there is so much that I need to say to you, but I can't think of a single way to start. I want to say how incredibly sorry I am, but I owe you so much more than that." I began, struggling to find the right words. She was interested enough to pick her head off of the ground. I was gathering my thoughts on what to say next, but then she spoke.
"Humphrey, why? What did I do? Whatever it is I'm sorry." That set me off, just like when Kate tried to apologize, but I couldn't afford to get angry now because I needed to talk to Lily calmly.
"Lily please don't apologize to me; it's the last thing that I deserve. You didn't, and never have done, anything wrong to me. I don't know what came over me but I just snapped and attacked you. And worse yet is that you deserved it least of all. You are the sweetest, gentlest, most caring wolf that I know, and you get so damn emotionally invested in your friends problems that you would do anything to help them. Even knowing this, I still acted that way to you. GOD! I don't deserve you or Kate in my life.' I said, shouting the last part and slamming my paw against the wall of the den. Some blood trickled from it. She saw the crimson stains, growing on my grey fur as I rested my paw back on the dirt, and rested her paw on mine. It hurt but I enjoyed the comfort.
"Humphrey. Don't hurt yourself. Look; you didn't hurt me. I forgive you." She said, gesturing to her body.
"Please don't; at least not so easily." I said back, sadly looking into the dirt as tears ran down my face. I continued, interrupted by sobs, "You haven't…left this den… because of me…". I attempted to wipe my tears way with my paw but only smeared blood over my face. I felt the scratches that Kate had given me, although by then they were hidden by my fur. I didn't care.
She said, chuckling slightly, "Humphrey, look at you. You're a mess; far worse than I could have been."
My crying broke for an instant with a low laugh and a smile. I thought, 'Even now, after all I did, she is trying to cheer me up.'. This worsened my crying. She lovingly licked my tears and blood away. I felt like a new-born pup, crying and getting treated like this. Between touching my just injured paw and now running her tongue over my cuts, she was kind of fucking up cheering me up but I thought it was adorable. She was a little incompetent but she tried and tried all the same.
When she finished, she said, "There. Humphrey don't worry about all this. Just promise me something."
"Anything." I said.
"Please don't scare me like that again."
"Not ever." I said as I embraced her, careful not to get blood on her. I was glad that she hugged me back.
After a moment of hugging, I broke the contact.
"Lily, I'm really sorry but I'm kind of tired and I would really like to spend some time with Kate." I said stretching my knotted muscles and gazing outside the den to see that the sun was setting.
She responded, "That's fine, but I bet you'll be doing a bit more than just 'spending some time' with Kate.", as she smiled at me.
I returned a nervous smile accompanied by a blush and an aversion to eye contact.
"Right…" I said, anxious to leave the conversation at that. I gave her a quick hug once again, which she smiled at, and I turned to walk out of the den and back to rejoin Kate. I really missed her throughout the time that I had been talking to Lily. As I began to walk slowly out of the den, I looked at the ground and sighed.
Without turning around, I said, "Lily…you should probably spend some time with your husband. I bet he would like it.".
She waited a moment before speaking. "And what do you mean by 'spend some time' Humphrey?".
I chuckled to myself. I hadn't meant 'that' but all considered it wasn't worth correcting. Plus, Garth would probably like 'that' too. As I picked my head up to continue walking, my eyes met those of Eve. I simply stared back. She was really close to me and I wasn't sure if she was just thinking about how to attack me.
I looked into her eyes and they didn't seem filled with anger. She looked sad, possibly on the verge of tears. I noticed her mouth hanging open as if she was going to say something. I waited for her to break the silence.
"I think I owe you an apology…" she began before I cut her off.
"What is it with you people and wanting to apologize. It's really frustrating. Ma'am I'm sorry; for what I did to Kate, what I did to Lily, and what I did to you. I put your family through a lot of undeserved stress and I hurt your daughters immensely. I'm extraordinarily sorry." I said, a little angered but attempting to be as clear and blunt as possible. I saw a pair tears running down her face.
She replied softly, "Accepted.". She pulled me into a light hug and continued "You're a really good son in law. I'm glad Kate found you and settled down. And please, call me Eve.".
"I don't think I can ma'am, but thank you." I said in a strained breath. I wasn't particularly emotional, it was just that she was squeezing the life out of my rib cage.
She said, "Suit yourself." and eventually she let me go.
Being allowed to breathe again, I said, "You sure know how to raise some daughters.".
"Thank you" she said.
I continued out of the den. Winston and Garth were still waiting outside. I turned my head left to face Winston. Maintaining my serious look, I brought my eyes to his, closed them, and gave him a quick sort of bow or nod that in a manly and unsentimental way said, 'No hard feelings.'. Winston reciprocated the gesture, so I turned my attention to the right of me, to Garth.
As I looked at him, he diverted his eyes to the ground in a kind of submissive way. This confused me. 'Was he actually afraid of me because I looked at him weird. I should remember that stare.'. The ensuing silence was awkward so I decided to say something, however I was really tired of conversations so I made it blunt, hurried, and direct.
"You. Lily. Go. Now." I commanded, but I tried to say in a more informative way. He looked back up at me, nodded in agreement, and walked into the den. I thought it time that I returned to Kate.
Kate was waiting at the bottom of the slope that lead to the pack leaders' den, as asked. When she heard me coming she said, "Did it go well?". I nodded my answer, still wary of speech. I motioned with my head for her to follow me. As we walked, she once again leaned into my side and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. She just has that effect on me.
I led her back to our den, went inside, and lied down. Before I could close my eyes, she padded over to me and lied down, snuggling closely into my chest. I wrapped my paws around her, curled my tail around her body, and rested my head on her neck. She let out a warm and comfortable sigh as she went to sleep. I released the same sigh as I listened to her heart beat slow down and I waited for sleep to come to me.
(Time skip. Much later in the night, long enough for it to now be very dark outside.)
I awoke to the sound of crying. I heard it coming from Kate as I felt her sharp expulsions of air.
"Kate what's the matter?" I asked, desperate to help her in any way. I got off of her, allowing her to get up.
She quickly and loudly responded, "No!". I understood her meaning and replaced my body parts over hers. I didn't, however, return my head to its previous resting place because I was still worried.
"Kate why are you crying?" I asked in a low voice, seeing how tense she was and not wanting to make her yell at me again.
After a moment of gathering herself, she said between her sobs, "I just love you so much.". This was cause enough for me to return my head to her neck, bringing her in, close to my body.
"I know Kate. I love you too, but that's hardly a reason for crying. Could you explain a little bit more?"
She stuttered, "I had this really bad dream where you left me again and you didn't come back.". Her crying intensified once she spat out those words. What she said burned in my ears as I heard it. I had never really thought about it like that. I guess I really did leave her. As much as I wanted to wallow in self-hatred again after that, it would have to wait until later.
I asked ashamed of myself and hearing that come out in my speech, "Do…do you…do you really think that will happen?".
"I…I don't know." she answered. That really hurt me. I had to say something in return.
"Kate, I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. There is no place on this planet that I would rather be than at your side. I can't think of anything that I would rather do than make you smile or laugh or look at all happy because of me, if even for a moment. All that I want from this world is to be here, so I can love you for the rest of my life." I said as a tear rolled down my face and onto Kate's fur.
(Third person POV)
Kate thought about what Humphrey just said. It reminded her of something he had already said to her earlier that morning,
'Kate, I love you so much that it saddens me every day that I see you, because I know there is nothing in the world I can do to give you near the amount of happiness you give me. I love you so much that when I'm away from you I can't think straight. I love you so much that I was willing to die, never seeing you again, because I thought me being alive caused you more sadness.'.
Kate thought to herself, 'He would really die for me. If I died first it would be the end for him.' She began to cry harder as she thought of Humphrey killing himself for her. Then, she remembered what he just said to her. He said that he will love her for the rest of his life, and she knew that he meant it.
She sternly responded, "NO!" and then softer while snuggling further into his grasp, "Love me for the rest of mine.".
A/N: Firstly I should say that the last line of dialogue was taken from the movie Horns. It was one of the many inspirations throughout the whole story especially in this last part. Secondly I should deeply apologize. I'm sorry that this chapter took so long and that I did not mention anything about my absence. I can't say that it took so long because it was my lengthiest chapter because I only worked on it on three separate days and it didn't take that long. Life's a little complicated at the moment and I had a really hard time putting this out. Sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you to all of the reviewers whom I sincerely address as my friends and to all of the writers who have inspired this story. The complete list is in my favorites (except on that I think you can guess as to which one it is). I also want to express an overdue thank you to those who reviewed anonymously because I wasn't able to pm you guys a thank you. Lastly thank you to Kellylad13 for his inspiration and ongoing support (he actually just reviewed my story a few hours before I finished this. I only just now noticed when I looked up his name to put it in here correctly. He's so awesome.). Thank you guys so much for reading. You all have been great. Please review and tell me your thoughts on the whole story or just this chapter. I'd really like to hear them.
-Nick (Ncham9)
P.s. I don't know when I will get to my other stories, but I hope soon. I have a lot that I'm dealing with but I'm certainly not going to give up on writing just yet. I am very much so looking forward to these.