Rachel
The next few days seem to fly by and before I know it it's Saturday. I have been so wrapped up in rehearsal that I haven't had time for anything else really. We didn't get the chance to start working on any of the music for the show because of character development workshops, but Michael promised we would start jumping into the musical numbers on Monday.
I have managed to talk to Finn a few times in the past few days, but there's something that seems stiff in our conversations. It's as if he's holding back or something, which causes me to do the same due to my skepticism. However, I try to focus on the fact that Finn and I are talking, which is a step up from a few days ago. My phone call with Quinn still bothers me though and I have a feeling she's the one to blame for Finn being so restrained.
I have been continuously dreading Saturday since Quinn mentioned her plans, but I didn't want to turn her down. I wanted to see if she had actually changed and was going to make an effort to make peace with me. It could just be another one of her plans to get on Finn's good side and she could be spitting insults at me behind his back again.
I'm walking out of rehearsal when my phone begins to ring.
"Hey, Kurt. I'm just leaving rehearsal now. I'll be home soon so I can change and we can head over to Champs."
I hear a lot of background noise from Kurt's end, making me slightly confused. "Yeah…about that, Rach. Blaine flew in to surprise me and he has a romantic evening planned out. I didn't know he was going to do any of this and I can't just ditch him."
I feel the color drain from my face. "So I have to go to Champs by myself and be a third wheel to Quinn and Finn?"
"I'm really sorry, Rachel. I can ask Blaine if we can go to Champs instead."
"No, no. It's okay. I'll be fine. You two enjoy your evening together and I'll see you later tonight, okay?"
"Thank you. I love you. Try not to let the witch take shots at you."
I laugh lightly, feeling the wave of panic still swarming over me. "I'll try. I love you too. Bye."
I hang up my phone and let out a big sigh, wondering how I'm possibly supposed to get through this night.
"Everything okay?"
I jump and turn to see Jesse standing behind me, looking like a model with his hands slid into his pockets.
What is with him and always sneaking up on me?
I shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine. My best friend just cancelled on me and now I have to be a third wheel to my other best friend and his girlfriend who despises me."
"Yikes. Sounds like everyone's worst nightmare."
I nod and sigh once again. "I can't cancel though. I'm trying to make amends with her and that won't happen if I make some excuse not to go."
Jesse shrugs. "Is there anyone else who could go with you?"
I shake my head slowly, realizing that I would most likely ask Finn in this situation, but that didn't apply in this situation. Suddenly, I stop shaking my head and realize something. It's a little bit of a shot in the dark, but I decided to take a chance.
"Unless…you would like to go with me," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
I expect Jesse to get freaked out and make some sort of excuse, but instead he shoots me a wide smile. "I would love to go."
I'm surprised that Jesse has actually accepted my invitation, but I just simply smile at him. "Great! I have to go change first. You could come over or just meet me there if you have to take care of anything."
Jesse shakes his head. "Nope. I'm completely free. I could just come with you…if that's alright?"
I nod and smile widely at him. "Of course!" I pause and look down to check the time on my phone. "We should probably go. We're supposed to meet them at eight." Referring to Jesse and I as we gives me slight butterflies. I know that I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but I choose not to care.
Jesse holds his hand out for me to take, "Shall we?"
I smile as I slide my hand into his, feeling excited yet nervous where this night might lead.
Finn
I sit at the bar with Quinn, waiting for Rachel and Kurt to arrive. It's strange to think that last time I was here Rachel was drunk enough to kiss me and turn our worlds upside down. That was also the night that Quinn and I slept together and created a whole other problem together. I try to shake those sort of thoughts out of my head as I feel Quinn's hand touch my knee.
"You look really handsome tonight," she says sweetly with a small smile forming on her lips.
I return her smile. "Thank you. You look beautiful." I'm really trying to make things better with Quinn. I know that my feelings for Rachel make that more complicated and the fact that Quinn was basically threatening Rachel behind my back still makes my skin crawl, but there are just too many issues all at once. I need to stop being such an asshole and get my feelings straight and I know that Burt and my mom would say that would involve being a man and devoting myself to Quinn.
I lean over to Quinn and press and gentle kiss again her cheek, playing up our relationship more. I know that I will never be able to look at her or love her like I do Rachel, which I know Quinn wants, but I'm still trying to be a good boyfriend.
"Hey, guys," I hear Rachel's sweet voice ring through my ears and I pull away from Quinn, looking at Rachel. I smile at her, but instantly let it falter when I notice Kurt is not the one at her side.
"This is Jesse St. James," Rachel smiles over to the man standing next to her. "Jesse, this is my best friend, Finn Hudson, and his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray."
"It's so great to meet you!" Quinn says as she reaches over to shake his hand.
Jesse turns to me and holds out his hand, which I take and firmly shake. Who is this guy?
"Jesse and I work together. He's playing the male lead in the show," Rachel informs us as she smiles proudly over at Jesse.
"That's fantastic!" Quinn says excitedly. I find it odd that she seems so happy that Jesse is here before I make the connection. She probably assumes that Jesse is more than a friend to Rachel and is hopeful that their relationship will put distance between Rachel and me.
Jesse smiles over at Quinn as him and Rachel take a seat at the bar stools next to us. "It has been a fantastic experience so far. Especially because I get to work with someone as amazing and talented as Rachel." Jesse smiles over at Rachel and she returns it with her own shy smile.
I could punch the guy's lights out and I know it's all because I'm jealous of his sudden friendship with Rachel.
"So are your characters brother and sister in the show or something?" I ask, taking a drink of my beer.
Rachel shakes her head. "No. Actually our characters are supposed to be romantically involved, but it's sort of a complicated relationship," she laughs.
Jesse laughs as well. "You can say that again."
Of course they're romantically involved. That's just my luck.
"I can't wait to see the show," Quinn voices. "When exactly is it opening?"
"Five weeks," Rachel informs her. "You have to work fast when it's Broadway."
"Well I'm sure you'll manage," Quinn says sweetly as she takes a sip of her drink.
"So, uh, do you guys want a drink?" I ask, hoping to change the subject.
Rachel and Jesse shake their heads simultaneously.
"It's not really good for your voice," Jesse says.
Rachel smiles widely over at him.
"Usually I try to avoid alcohol and milk when preparing for a role. I find it keeps my vocal chords more clear," Jesse reasons.
"I do the same thing!" Rachel says. They both exchange a smile and I swear I could throw up.
"It's like you two were meant for each other," I say sarcastically. The comment slips out before I have time to stop it.
Jesse seems to shrug off my comment, but Rachel lifts a brow at me, obviously annoyed by the remark.
"So are you two going to sing any karaoke tonight?" Quinn asks, steering the conversation in a new direction.
Jesse looks over at Rachel with an excited smile. "How about it, Rach? You feeling up for some karaoke?"
Rach? Seriously? Who the hell does this guy think he is?
I clench my jaw and attempt to focus my attention elsewhere as I drink my beer. I can feel Rachel's eyes burn against the side of my face.
"Yes," Rachel replies suddenly, making my head snap in her direction. She smiles sweetly at Jesse. "I would love to," she says as she takes his hand and leads him up to the stage.
I turn away from them and face the bar as they choose their song. Over the past seven years I have never seen Rachel with another guy. She has called me crying when she had a horrible date or something along those lines, but there was never anything serious. Seeing her with Jesse now is seriously painful and I can only imagine it going downhill from here.
"Hello, my name is Jesse St. James and this is the lovely Rachel Berry," I hear Jesse's voice come through the speakers causing me to roll my eyes.
"We're going to be in a new Broadway musical called Spring Awakening that opens in November."
Everyone begins to cheer and I sigh to myself. I know that I need to swallow my jealousy and be happy for Rachel right now. I know it's selfish of me to give Rachel crap because of Jesse, but there's something inside of me that just can't help but be annoyed by their relationship.
"We thought that we would give you guys a little sneak peak tonight by singing a song we both enjoy and we hope you do as well," Jesse says before nodding to the guy to play the music.
I slowly turn around and sigh to myself, knowing that I need to try to be supportive and cool because Quinn is probably noticing my small temper tantrum.
The music starts and I feel my stomach sink.
(Jesse)
I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?(Rachel and Jesse)
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love youoooh yeaah(Jesse)
I long to see the sunlight in your hair
(Rachel)
And tell you time and time again how much I care
(Rachel and Jesse)
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you(Rachel and Jesse)
Is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
(wonder what you do)
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by sayin
I love you
I swallow hard as the song ends and feel my eyes slightly glaze over. The whole bar all join in on a giant uproar for Jesse and Rachel, even Quinn is standing up from her bar stool cheering for them. As I sit there, I begin to block out everyone until I feel like I'm sitting alone on the edge of a cliff. My whole world feels like it is caving in one me and I am slowly losing oxygen.
You knew that you loved her for seven years and you never said anything. Now you have a pregnant girlfriend and Rachel is off with some hot shot about to live out her dream with him. You're nothing, Finn Hudson.
As the cheering continues I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, seconds away from falling off.
Suddenly, I feel a hand hit my back and shake my head, casting away my thoughts.
"Wasn't that amazing!?" Quinn asks, a huge smile across her face. She is eating all of this up. Each moment Rachel is being pulled farther and farther away from my grasp.
"Yeah," I say quietly. "It was something else."
Rachel smiles proudly at everyone else in the room, avoiding my eyes completely. She then turns and claps for Jesse just as she had done for Kurt weeks back. I feel a pain hit my chest as I see Rachel's attention pointed toward someone else who isn't me.
You're being ridiculous. You need to man the hell up. If she's going to move on then you need to fight fire with fire. Remember what you promised Quinn? You're supposed to be there for her and ignore your feelings for Rachel.
I nod to myself and roll out my shoulders a little. I know that I need to put on a whole new show entirely, one that I'm not exactly excited about.
Rachel
"Wow," I say to Jesse as the clapping starts to die down. "You're very talented."
"We're very talented," he corrects me as he shoots me a charming smile. I can't help but let a large smile spread across my face.
I had assumed that Jesse and I would sound good together, but the actual outcome was better than expected. It made me even more excited to start rehearsing our musical numbers and just become closer to Jesse in general. It was as if he were a long lost friend.
Jesse holds out his hand and I take it as we walk off the stage. We say nothing as we walk back to the bar together, but the silence is comfortable. That is, until we reach Finn and Quinn again. Quinn is beaming at both of us and claps once again.
"That was great! You guys sound perfect together!" She exclaims. Quinn being nice to me is something that I'm definitely going to have to get used to. Especially because I assumed she would still take shots at me despite her peace offering the other night. I hadn't expected Finn to be the one who would be acting so cold.
"Thank you," I smile over to Quinn, then letting my eyes wander over to Finn. He surprises me by letting a large smile take over his lips. It's the same goofy smile that made it so easy for me to fall for him all those years ago. Even with Jesse's hand in mine it makes my heart skip a beat.
"That really was something else. I can't wait to see the numbers for the show," Finn says as he slips an arm around Quinn. Quinn smiles up at Finn and I realize why she seems so chipper tonight. Jesse and I coming here together gives her hope that Finn and I won't be as close anymore. I can safely assume she knows there are feelings between Finn and myself. Feelings that I didn't know existed from Finn's side for seven years, but now I can conclude that they do.
"Thank you," Jesse says proudly. "I've never heard Rachel sing before tonight. She probably has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard." I smile up at Jesse as I feel him squeeze my hand. I feel so torn at the moment. Jesse is an amazing guy, but the man I love is also currently watching our every move.
"Don't I know it. She's the most talented person I know. She's a bright shining gold star," Finn says with a smile. His words take me off guard and I look down at the ground, feeling slightly overwhelmed. I'm not sure what angle he's playing anymore. One minute he's acting all jealous and mopey and now he's acting friendly and charming. I feel like he's just turning me in circles.
"Damn," Quinn says suddenly, making us all turn in her direction. "I just got a text from my boss. One of the stories got misplaced on her laptop and she needs help retrieving the file." Quinn sighs and looks up at Finn. "I have to go help her, baby."
Finn gives her a sweet smile back, which causes a jealous tingle to run through my body. "That's okay, sweetheart. I understand. Do you need me to go with you?"
Quinn shakes her head. "No, you stay here and have some fun. I can come over afterward if you'd like," Quinn says as she lifts her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"I would love that," Finn replies as he leans over and presses a hard kiss against her lips.
I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. Watching Finn and Quinn together has never been easy for me, but now I feel like Finn is throwing it all in my face. Normally Quinn would do that alone, but now Finn seems to feel the need to join in.
"I'll see you all later. It was great meeting you, Jesse," Quinn shakes Jesse's hand once again and gives me a hard hug.
"See you, Quinn," I say as she makes her way out of the bar.
I turn back and look up at Finn who is still smiling at Jesse and me. However, he seems slightly stiffer.
"So," Finn says as he eyes Jesse a little. "How long have you two known each other exactly?"
Jesse smiles down at me. "About a week ago."
"You two seem to be taking things awfully fast," Finn suggests.
I quickly turn to him and scowl. "Finn, knock it off."
"What?" He asks innocently as he puts his hands in the air.
"It's okay, Rach. I understand that he's your best friend and he's just looking out for you."
"Exactly!" Finn exclaims, trying to play dumb.
I glare over at Finn, fully aware that he's not just looking out for me.
"I should probably head out for the night though. We have rehearsal early tomorrow morning and I want to be well rested before we start talking about the blocking for the hay loft scene."
I blush a little, remembering the discussion about the hayloft scene earlier today at rehearsal. Jesse and I are supposed to get physical during that scene and it should be interesting to say the least.
"Walk out with me?" Jesse says with a smile. I nod to him and we begin to make our way out.
"I'll walk out with you guys. I need to head home too in case Quinn decides to come over."
Jesse smiles back at Finn and I try to keep my jealousy under control as we all walk out together.
When we reach the street Jesse turns to face me. "Thank you for inviting me tonight. I had a really good time."
I smile back at him, feeling Finn's eyes on me. "I had a good time as well. I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow?"
"I look forward to it," Jesse says, leaning in to kiss my cheek just like he had done before.
"Alright! Come on, Rachel. We better go. Kurt's probably worried sick about you," Finn says as he begins to lead me away from Jesse.
"Finn, what the-" I begin to say, but he immediately cuts me off.
"Have a goodnight, Jesse! It was great meeting you!" Finn continues to lead me away and I turn to give Jesse an apologetic smile.
"Likewise," Jesse nods as he turns and gets into his taxi.
When he closes his door and the taxi pulls away I turn to Finn and push him away from me.
"What is your problem!?" I yell at him, completely annoyed with the stunt he just pulled.
"What's my problem? What's your problem, Rachel!? Bringing some guy you barely know to a bar. How irresponsible of you!"
I furrow my brow and shake my head at Finn. "Irresponsible? How was I being irresponsible? I knew that you and Quinn were here, Kurt cancelled on me, and so I invited Jesse. I'm sorry that I didn't want to be a third wheel while you and Quinn drool all over each other!"
"You know that we wouldn't do that to you!"
"Oh really, Finn? Because Quinn seems to find it necessary to be all over you every single time we all get together. Now it looks like you're just joining in!"
"I'm her boyfriend, Rachel!"
"You've been her boyfriend for the past four months and you never pulled anything like that before," I say as I shake my head.
Finn clenches his jaw and stares at me. "Why did you bring Jesse here tonight?"
"Because I like Jesse!"
Finn suddenly looks hurt and I swallow hard as I try not to give in.
"You like that guy? He's just some curly headed twinkle toes who's bound to break your heart!" Finn spits at me.
I feel my annoyance continue to grow. "No, guys like you are bound to break my heart, Finn. You already did." I don't yell at Finn, but there's a chill in my voice that obviously hits him.
Finn shakes his head. "You know that I have feelings for you, so why are you running off with this other guy?"
"Because you have Quinn! I'm not just going to sit here lonely and miserable while you two are off living happily ever after. It's not fair to me," I fire at him. He's obviously not getting the picture here.
"But I'm finally telling you how I feel. Doesn't that mean something?" He asks, equally as annoyed as me.
"You had seven years!" I yell. "I've loved you for seven years! You could have asked me at any point to be yours and I would have said yes!"
Finn looks at the ground, looking lost and confused.
"When it comes to you, Jesse doesn't even compare," I shake my head as tears begin to fill my eyes. "I've spent so much time waiting for you to tell me that you wanted me, but then the day that I actually believed that we might have a chance…you chose Quinn."
Finn looks back up at me, swallowing hard as if he's holding back his own tears.
"We had seven years, Finn," I sniffle. "You had so many opportunities to tell me that you had feelings for me…but you didn't," my voice breaks.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
I laugh as a few tears fall from my eyes. "What am I supposed to say, Finn? That I never got over our break up in our junior year of high school? That I feel like we're meant to be together?"
Finn swallows hard once again. "Yeah…I feel like we are too." His eyes are coated with tears now and it breaks my heart.
"We can't do this anymore," I state. "Quinn is having your baby."
"But I still love you, Rachel," Finn says as he takes a step towards me. I begin to cry harder as he wraps his arms around me. I bury my head into his chest and let him hold me as I listen to his heartbeat.
It had been years and I we had so many opportunities to tell one another that we loved each other, but we didn't. Now everything was so messy between us that we could never be together. The universe sure did like to keep us apart.
I pull away from Finn and look up at him.
"I love you too, Finn," my lip begins to tremble as I finally tell him the truth. However, I always pictured this moment being a lot happier. "But we're out of time…"
Finn searches my eyes. "I wish that I would have told you sooner," he whispers.
I nod. "Me too."
Finn leans down and plants a soft kiss against my lips, which I instantly return. When we break apart Finn places his hands on either side of my face.
"I love you, Rachel Berry. I always will."