Prompt: Akatsuki's jealousy
Author Note: It's almost midnight and I still haven't started on part three of my fiction project. Plus, this chair is getting really uncomfortable. Anyway, I was reading a wonderful ShikiXRima story, "Sincerely Yours" by Seynee (if you haven't read it, go read it, it's one of the best things you'll ever read) and I got this idea. It's really just a quickie one-shot of what Akatsuki must be feeling. Akatsuki Kain's point of view!
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight or make any profit from this.
It's amazing that I haven't turned green yet, really.
I know; I love Ruka so much. I should want her to be happy. But I see the way she looks at Lord Kaname, the way she turns toward him, and I can't help but feel jealous. He's never loved her like I have yet she loves him.
Yes, he's a pureblood. I can never compete with that, but he doesn't love her like I do. I appreciate her in ways that he has never appreciated her. I've known her since we were little.
I've never used Ruka the way Lord Kaname used her. But I was the one who tucked her into bed that night after he bit her, I was the one who held her every night after that as she cried. She never understood that he didn't want her; she never understood why he didn't want her blood again.
He's never loved her the way I love her. To him, she's a toy. To me, she's a beautiful, perfect woman.
"Akatsuki, you look like you just sucked on a lemon. What are you thinking of?" Ruka's leaning over the back of the couch, her mouth right next to my ear.
"Hey Ruka." I say instead of the truth. "Do you need something?"
"That day class boy is stalking me again." She refers to the day class president, who's been obsessed with her for years. "Want to scare him off for me?"
"Let him be for a while." Rima is cuddled up to Shiki on the couch opposite us, and they're sharing a box of pocky. "He's not causing any trouble at the moment, is he?"
Ruka exhales loudly and sits next to me, so close that I can smell her perfume and feel her warmth on my side. "I don't like him. Last time he was trying to get a picture of me in my underwear..."
Anger flares in me, white-hot and combining with the jealousy, it's like death in a bottle. I start to stand, but Ruka sees, knowing me all too well, and pulls me back down.
"Down boy." Ruka leans on me, like she always does whenever either of us is upset. "We don't need you killing him right now."
I don't say anything. Instead, I put my arm behind her on the back of the couch, being careful not to touch her.
As Rima and Shiki finish their box of pocky, look at the clock and then run out the door, Ruka and I are left alone.
"Where's Lord Kaname tonight?" I ask, because Ruka usually enjoys being asked this, because she almost always knows.
"I don't know." Ruka shrugs a bit and tips her head back against my arm. "I haven't been keeping tabs on him lately."
I look at her in surprise, and then touch her forehead. "Are you sick?"
"No." Ruka squirms as I put my cheek against her forehead. "It's just..." She sighs loudly and relaxes against me. "I don't know. It's not the same. I don't get the same rush when I look at him anymore... I just... things have changed. That's all."
"Ruka, what's wrong?" I hug her tight against me. "You've been infatuated with Kaname since we were 7. What's changed?" I wonder why I'm asking all this, why I'm not taking my opening. That's when I realize I wouldn't do something so rude to her because I love her.
"It just wore off, I guess." She turns on my lap, her back against my chest. "Akatsuki? Why do you always do this when I'm upset?"
"Do what?" I blink and knot my hands at her hip.
"Hold me so close... talk to me so nicely..." She pauses and pulls my left hand from my right and toys with my fingers. "And treat me like someone you really care about..."
"I do care about you." I haven't told her I loved her since we were 13. That was disastrous, and I refuse to do it again, at least until I'm sure she'll say it back.
"How do you care about me?" She prods, tracing the lines in my palm. "Am I like... the sister you never wanted... or... the best female friend you would never date... or the girl you have a crush on...?"
"Why do you ask?" I want to say 'why does it matter, if I'm here?' but I could never be that mean to Ruka.
"I don't know..." She won't meet my eyes as she says it. "I need someone I can focus on."
"Focus on?" I repeat her words as a question and she accidentally looks at me.
"Sorry." There are tears in her eyes, and she looks away quickly. "I'm just wondering, Kain, really." I can practically hear my heart crack in two when she calls me by my last name. She has never called me that, ever in our lives.
"You're crying..." Every anxiety and bit of jealousy I had in my heart locks itself in a backroom. Ruka was crying, and I had caused it, somehow. "What did I do?"
"I'm ok, I'm fine, I'm alright..." Ruka's openly sobbing now, is clearly not fine, and she sounds as if she's trying to convince herself more than me.
"Ruka..." I know she would hate for anyone besides me to see this, so I carry her up to her room. "Sh, I'm sorry..."
"I feel horrible, acting like this..." She looks up at me as I sit on her bed with her, holding her. The makeup that she doesn't need is running down her face. "But I have a question. Do you still love me, Akatsuki, or do you just care about me? I'm scared of being alone. Kaname doesn't want me, I know that, and in the past few weeks I've gotten over him. But I'm afraid of being alone, you know me, I've always had this fear, but it's gotten worse. I'm scared."
Every piece of jealousy in my heart dissolved into love for Ruka. There wasn't any more room for jealousy; the love took up all the space in my heart.
"Ruka?" I say her name and she looks up at me. A sob tears out of her throat, and I add, "Sh." And then lean down, kissing her forehead, then her nose, and then her lips.
She tastes of saltwater tears but mostly of Ruka. She doesn't pull away, but instead leans into me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
When the kiss ends, she looks at me with wide eyes. Her face is wet with tears, but she's stopped crying. Her eyes are full of an almost childish wonder and one of her hands is gripping the back of my collar of my shirt like a lifeline.
"Are you ok?" I ask, unsure if she's settled down or going to have a freak-out.
"You have no clue." Ruka smiles, and although it's a shaky smile, it's true. "I'm much better than ok."
Author Note: I hate writing kissing scenes from boy points of view! I just about rolled over and died trying to write that one little paragraph. I actually wasn't planning for them to kiss in this one, it was supposed to be subtler. Anyway, drop me a comment if you want. I don't know what or when I'll be doing for my next fanfiction, but I love reviews.