Part Ten

Chuck had once glowered at Jimmy and then said incredulously, "You don't even feel bad for the things you do, do you?"

It had been meant as chastisement – a tone Jimmy knew all too well when it came to his brother. But there had been something else there too, something Jimmy hadn't put his finger on at the time. Now, it was flashing red lights for him – jealousy. Jealousy had been like a third brother, or maybe an obnoxious cousin who always stayed too long.

Jimmy had wanted to be Chuck for as long as he could remember, the way some boys want to be Superman or Spiderman. Chuck had this odd quality about him, as if he knew everything but just wasn't going to let on, in order to keep the mere mortals guessing. It was as if he had all of the knowledge in the world in the palm of his hand like some sort of glowing orb of light.

Chuck had been this way his entire life, it seemed, and there was no chance of stopping anytime soon. Maybe he had popped out the womb like this; perhaps he rolled over in his crib and made a judgment call about anyone in the vicinity.

But Jimmy could remember being three years old and curling up in Chuck's bed beside him, feeling as if his brother was the only warm thing in the world. It was hard to hate him, as much as he really should. As much as he really need to.

It hurt, Chuck's betrayal. And it had hurt the years he had looked after Chuck, the days in which he had become the caretaker himself. He didn't want Chuck to be this way, but maybe Chuck thought that he did, that he enjoyed the role reversal, that he was laughing at Chuck behind his back (with who, though?).

Jimmy shook his head. Chuck wasn't important now, because he wasn't going back home. Or maybe, he didn't need to go home because this was home. He didn't know anymore, and he needed to be okay with not caring, either.

Chuck had thought he had never cared, so why not just make him right for once?

This was something he was good at, always had been.

Jimmy sighed. Marco was depending on him; he needed to remember that part. Marco didn't think he was a failure, and Marco hadn't called him a chimp with a gun.

He needed Marco.

Trying to do the right thing tended to make life more complicated for Jimmy McGill, but it also gave off a strange sense of relief. Maybe it was Catholic guilt coming back to roost, because he certainly hand handfuls of it to spare. Maybe that was why Chuck was the way he was; maybe he just enjoyed marinating in guilt all day.

Marco snapped him out of his thoughts, literally, by snapping right next to his head.

"Earth to Jimmy! What's our plan? I see the girl right over there." Marco pointed to her, and Jimmy swung his hand down to move down Marco's finger. Way to make it obvious, Marco, he thought, but then felt guilty – the only reason Marco was being obvious these days was because Jimmy had left him alone for far too long. When you leave a student alone, they forget all of their studies.

"I see her," Jimmy whispered back, "But let's act like we don't. Don't wanna spook the deer, you know."

"You're talking about a deer… Now I just kind of want some venison." Marco smiled and lowered his own voice. "Okay. But what's our move, anyway? If this girl is on the run, I don't think she's going to really be looking for advice from two random dudes. And you have to admit that we don't have the most sterling reputation in the books."

"We'll just…" Jimmy paused. He always had a plan – what was making him feel lost in it right now? Why was he choking? He never, ever choked. This had to be Chuck all over again. "Wait."

He swallowed and tried to push all thoughts of Chuck to the side. Why should he be here, now, in his head, at the time that he was finally doing the right thing? And he wasn't sitting here trying to offer people law services, so Chuck ought to be thanking him. Chimp with a machine gun, his ass. He was going to do what he wanted to do. No angel/devil combo on the shoulder for him.

"Excuse me, ma'am." He put on a slight Southern accent, out of place though it may have been.

The brunette stared up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Um… Hi?"

"I noticed you here before, you know – and I want you to know, that… I just want to make sure that you're okay. You seem a little young to be out here on your own, you know."

She turned around with a huff.

"I'm old enough."

"I'm sure that you are. But… I'd say the same thing to my sister, you know. Or would hope that someone would say the same to her. She's just a hair older than you – nineteen, a freshman at University of Wisconsin, Madison. I miss her everyday." The words came easy – he'd created whole families, family trees of cousins and stepsiblings he almost wished he had (especially when he considered that all he really had was Chuck anymore, he'd trade him for a whole fake family in a second).

"Yeah, thanks," the girl replied, "But I'm just fine. I'm here with…" There was a pause as she cocked her head back towards the blonde haired man. "My uncle. And we're going to be just fine." Her eyes darkened. "You're not the first who's asked, though. I get a lot of questions."

She turned and scattered off, and Jimmy found himself wondering exactly what he'd said. Was the girl that spooked? Or was there something going on here that he, for once, didn't want to be a part of?