I hate shopping.
Have I ever mentioned that?
Only every freaking day...
Right, so you'd think that by now Starfire would have gotten the message.
"Oooh Raven! Let us partake in that store next! I believe I see a sculpture of a duck that Beastboy would most enjoy!"
"Sure, Star."
She had not.
And this wasn't just any old shopping.
This was shopping with a purpose.
This was Christmas shopping.
On Christmas eve! (Yes, we did leave it to the last minute, why do you ask?)
I'd already been elbowed in the face by a soccer mum and it was only midday!
We had a tradition of splitting up according to gender to buy our Christmas gifts. I don't know why, but I'm fairly sure it's because the boys are afraid of going shopping with Starfire.
Something I totally understand.
"Should I, or should I not have the duck gift wrapped?"
Well, there's a question I never thought I'd be asked.
"Uh, I guess...be careful, they charge extra."
"Of course."
I had begged to go with the boys (which was much less terrifying albeit also much less productive).
I had begged to go alone.
I had begged to get everything on eBay.
No luck.
Apparently, according to Starfire, I could not be trusted to shop alone.
Which, as a matter of fact, I take great offense to!
Just because I don't want to and I've never done it before doesn't mean I couldn't!
"Alright Raven, come sample these feathered hats."
It was time to take my life into my own hands!
I'm a girl, I'm sure I have a built in shopping gene somewhere!
"Uh Starfire...?"
"Yes?"
Go child, be free!
"I think I should go off by myself now."
"What? Why?"
"Um...well...because I have to get your present! Yeah, that's it! I can't get something for you with you watching me the whole day!"
Smooth like a smoothie.
You really are very lame.
"Oh! Of course, very well then, I shall-"
"See you at home then!"
And with that, I ran.
And ran.
And ran.
And ran into mini Christmas tree.
And stopped.
And fell.
And...well you get the picture.
"Ow..." I groaned, getting up, rubbing my head.
Oh well, at least no one saw-
"Look Mummy! That lady ran into a tree!"
...
I detest children.
No, you don't, you ol' softy.
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
After dusting myself off and hiding behind a pole until the kid stopped staring at me, I took out my shopping list and looked down at it.
Robin
Beastboy
Starfire
Cyborg
Something told me I wouldn't be needing this...
Ok, so first things first.
Robin.
Ok.
I gazed around; hoping one of the colourful displays would inspire me.
The brightest most eye-catching one was for Christmas themed lingerie.
...That might make Star a bit angry.
Maybe a nice...oven timer...?
Dear lord, you are screwed.
Shut up, I know Robin very well and I can vouch for the fact that he does not like things to be in the oven for too long!
...well, I guess-
Ha! Yes, good plan, I'll get him that! One down, three to go!
I pray for you...
A few hours later I was trudging back up to the tower feeling quite proud of myself. I had gotten everyone something and something for everyone and I had beaten Starfire home.
Who's the best shopper now, huh Star?
Who?
WHO?
I think you might be coming down with something...
I flew up to my bedroom window, phased through it and stashed my presents under my bed before making my way downstairs.
The common room seemed to be devoid of all like save for a very frustrated sounding scratching noise that was coming from the far side of the sofa.
Azar, I hope Silkie hasn't bred with anything...
I peered over the edge of the couch, ready to defend myself against whatever strange hybrid was lurking down there, only to find Robin lying on his stomach with a notepad in his hand.
"...What are you doing?"
"Ahh! Raven?" He gasped, flipping around in shock. "Don't do that!"
"What?"
"Sneak up on people!"
"I do not sneak, thank you very much, I am simply a lady and we have light footsteps."
"...Are you feeling alright?"
"I might be a bit delirious actually; I just came from the mall."
Robin suddenly looked panicked. "Is Starfire with you?"
"No, I did it all by myself."
"Oh, thank God."
"Um...thank you?"
"Sorry, no I didn't mean that, it's just," he held up his notepad to show me, "I still haven't figured out what I'm going to get her."
"Ah, ok well..."
Crap, now I'm going to have to give romantic gift advice.
Which I am most clearly not qualified for.
"What did you get her?" he asked, crawling up onto the sofa with a look of sheer desperation on his face.
"A tea cosy."
...
"Um...why?"
"Well, she's always said how she thought they'd make good hats."
...
That sounded much less stupid in my head.
No, it really didn't.
"Ok, well I have to get something less..."
"Ridiculous?"
"Sorry, it is a little bit."
Humph.
"Well, what have you got so far?" I asked, sitting down beside him.
Robin looked down at his list. "Um, flowers?"
"They'll die."
"Fake flowers?"
"You tight ass."
"A stuffed toy?"
"Like every other year?"
"One of those little plastic Santas that hula dances?"
"...And you dare laugh at 'tea cosy'?"
"You are of no help, you know that?"
"Maybe this is the universe's way of telling you have to come up with it yourself," I shrugged.
"I just told you all the things I came up with myself and you shot all of them down!" Robin groaned, reaching for the TV remote.
"What are you doing?"
He said hopelessly, "Maybe I'll be inspired by an ad."
We watched in silence as a commercial for lawn mowers came on.
Robin looked thoughtful "Hey, look!"
I shook my head.
"Damn."
We had been watching 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' for a few minutes when Robin turned to me again.
"Hey," he said, "has Beastboy pissed you off lately?"
"Uh, no more than usual, why?"
"Well, I thought he might be trying to make up for something cause he got you something really-" he suddenly stopped, with the look of someone who had just said something they weren't supposed to. "You know what? Never mind."
...?
"He got me something really what?"
"I said never mind!"
"Come on, what were you going to say?"
"Nothing!"
"Tell me!"
"Leave it alone!"
"No, you tight wearing bastard! Tell me!"
"...What did you call me?" He laughed.
Some nicknames are strictly for mental purposes only.
"Uh...TELL ME!"
"I can't or it won't be a surprise!"
"I don't care, though."
What can I say? I have a thirst for knowledge
"Yeah, but he will."
Ugh...damn people with feelings.
"Alright, fine," I sighed, folding my arms. "Just tell me what was so special about it."
"Well," Robin began thoughtfully, "I didn't know how he got the money for it, so I asked Cyborg and he said that he, um...sold some stuff."
...
"Like what stuff?"
"Like his cd player-"
What?
"- And like half of his videogame collection-"
What?
"-And a bag of his used tissues for like $50 on one of our fansites."
WHAT?
I could feel my mouth fall open. "...Why the hell did he do all that?"
"I don't know!" he said quickly, hiding behind his notepad. "Stop pressuring me, woman!"
I sat in stunned silence as Robin went back to scribbling things on his list, shooting me nervous glances every few seconds.
Why would Beastboy, of all people, raise all that money only to blow it all on me?
I dunno.
...
I just didn't get it...did we make an agreement to get each other really awesome presents and I forgot about it? Because I only got him-
Oh craaaap...
"What's wrong?" Robin asked, noticing the look of horror growing on my face.
"Nothing! I certainly did not only get him a $20 Toys 'R Us gift card and a Harry Potter poster! That's for sure!"
The look he gave me was a mix of pity and amusement. "Raven-"
"What? Everyone likes Harry Potter, alright!"
Calm yourself girl.
Right.
"...It's ok."
"Don't give me that, you told me book 7 made you cry."
"Would you keep it down!...and I didn't cry ok?...I just felt kinda bad for Harry..."
"Whatever," I smirked, pulling myself up of the sofa. "I'm gonna go meditate."
"Ok, see ya." Robin turned his attention back to his list, biting his lip in a most unRobin like fashion.
Love makes fools of us all.
The piercing ring tone from my communicator jerked me violently out of my trance.
Azar, I have got to set that thing to vibrate.
I flipped it open to look at the screen, "Hello?"
"Hi Raven!" Melvin beamed up at me from the communicator, eyes shining.
"Melvin, hey, what's up?"
"Well, I just wanted to say Merry Christmas now cause we're gonna be real, real busy tomorrow!"
I lay down on my bed and propped my head on my hand, smiling "Really? What is it you'll be so busy with?"
See? Softy.
Shut it.
"Raven! We gotta open presents and play with them and build a snowman and make a gingerbread house and-"
"Ok, ok I get it! Big day."
I the background I could hear someone crying my name.
"Yeah, I—wait a sec, the boys wanna talk to you."
For a moment Melvin disappeared from view and I could hear yelling, then from what I could see on the screen the communicator was dropped and then came more yelling.
Maybe I should get them separate ones...
When the image settled again it was of Timmy holding a squirming Teether and grinning.
"Raven!"
"Yay! Raven!"
"Hey guys, how are you doing?"
"It's Christmas tomorrow!"
"Yup, you excited?"
This question was answered by a long and energised 'Wooooooo!'
Which I took for a yes.
"Timmy! Give it back I wanna talk to her!" came Melvin's voice in the background.
"No."
"Timmy!"
"No."
"Timmy," Mel's voice was suddenly full of a startling authority, "If you don't go to bed right now Santa won't come!"
That girl is devious.
The little boy's face turned to a look of absolute horror as he turned from his friend to me, "Uhhh..."
"Maybe you should go," I said wisely, "You don't want to upset Santa."
"Ya! Bye Raven! Oh! Merry Christmas!"
From his place on Timmy's lap Teether held up his little hand in a wave "Buh-bye Raven."
"Bye, boys. Merry Christmas."
The communicator was dropped again as Timmy made a mad dash out of the room and was picked up by the little blonde girl.
"And may I ask why Santa won't be angry if you're not in bed, young lady?" I asked as she sat down with a look of triumph.
"Duh, Raven I'm a year older than Timmy so I don't have to go for one more hour, that's the rule!"
First I've ever heard of it...I think she made that up.
Oh yeah, cause you have so many wonderful Santa moments from your childhood.
"If you say so," I shrugged.
"So, whatchya dooin'?"
"Nothing now but I went Christmas shopping today."
"Oooh! What did you get? No, no do you know what the others got you?"
Straight to the point this kid.
"Um no, not really, that's kinda the point," I started but changed tact as I saw her ponytails visibly droop at this lack of gossip, "But um...Beastboy apparently got me something nice...and expensive." I said the last part more to myself than her.
...Please don't ask me. Please don't ask me.
"What did you get for him?"
Damn.
"Uh...a gift card and a poster..."
Which I do not feel guilty about.
In the slightest.
"Raven! That's not nice!"
"It's to Toys 'R Us! You love Toy 'R Us!"
"Yeah but BB is big. He doesn't like that stuff!"
...That's negotiable.
"Yeah but-"
"No, if he got you something nice you gotta get him something just as nice! That's the rule!"
"You're full of rules tonight, aren't you?"
"Raven, you gotta go get him something better! He really likes you and you'll hurt his feelings!"
Ugh! Feelings again? Seriously?
"But-"
"Promise me, Raven! Phone-pinkie-promise!"
...
Don't do it.
"Fine," I groaned, "Phone-pinkie-promise."
Damn you to the fires of hell.
Meh, I've been there, not so bad.
Bull.
"Yay! Good!" A voice in the background made her look over her shoulder, "I gotta go now."
"No one told the monks about the rule?"
"I tried but they don't listen to me!"
"Don't worry about it Mel, I'll call you some other time."
"Ok, bye, Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas."
I hung up and buried my head in my pillow.
I don't have to go.
You pinkie promised.
It's not binding, It was only a phone-pinkie-promise!
...
...I have to go don't I?
Mmhmm.
Damn.
My mission was simple: get Garfield something that doesn't suck and get the hell out of this place before I lose it entirely.
Executing said mission...not so simple.
I had been running in what I hoped was a nonchalant way around the insanely crowded mall for half an hour when I finally admitted defeat and realised my desperate need to call for backup.
Starfire?
No, I can do this without her! I can!
Bumblebee?
No, the risk of Aqualad stealing her communicator to talk to me is far too high.
Jinx?
Hmmm.
...
"Hey, Jinx."
"Raven? Um...hi."
I sat down on a bench as I tried to figure out how make this not the most random call she'd ever received.
"...Merry Christmas."
"Uh, yeah you too, what's up?"
"I kinda need your help."
She actually looked quite please, "Sure, shoot."
Just keep it short; simple, you don't want to overload her.
"Well, I got Beastboy a really crappy Christmas present which I thought was alright because we always get each other really crappy presents but then Robin told me that he sold all this stuff so he could buy me a really nice present so now he's going to give me something really thoughtful or whatever and I'm going to give him $20 to spend at Toys R Us!"
Wow, all in one breath.
"I see?"
"So now I'm back at the mall, and I have to get him something else only I don't know how to shop and it's Christmas eve and I have no idea what to get! And I pinkie promised!"
I warned you about that.
"Wait, you need me to give you shopping advice?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Um, ok," She began tentatively, "So...he's a guy, right?"
"He likes to think so, yeah."
"So, I've know a lot of guys in my time. Good guys, bad guys, relatively neutral guys-"
Um...good for you?
"And the one thing I've found they all have in common is the desire to be manly."
...Well I guess so.
"Okaaay...so I should get him something manly?"
"That's what I'm thinking."
...
"Ok, yeah. I can do that."
She smiled. "Happy to help."
"Alright, thanks. I've gotta go, if I stay in here for too long I'll shrivel up and die."
"Ok, bye then."
"Bye."
I hung up my communicator and looked around.
Manly?
Manly.
Right ok, so what are manly things?
A...barbeque?
He doesn't eat meat.
A...razor?
Too cheap...and eww.
A...gun?
ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE? YOU WANT TO GET GARFIELD LOGAN A GUN? YOU ARE OUT YOUR GODDAMN TREE?
Ok, ok! No gun!
A...power drill?
...That might do.
I had never been to a hardware store before that day and I can safely say I never will again.
The radio was blasting 80's rock and country music the whole time.
Everything was too high up for me to reach. (I don't really like using my powers in public when I'm not bashing up a bad guy. It attracts the too much attention. And fanboys.)
I'm fairly sure I was groped on several occasions.
And the whole place smelt strongly of motor oil and sweat.
Very manly smells I'm sure...
Also, if you just go in and ask for a power drill, the shop assistant with a Mohawk will laugh at you and your little girly ways, before showing you their entire extensive range in a very smug way for twenty minutes before you finally lose all patience and sanity and just yell 'I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT'S FREAKING SPECIAL FEATURES, IT JUST NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE HOLES IN CRAP!'
...which I am quite disturbed to report, I think may have turned him on a little (oh, well at least I got it 15% off).
I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could, clutching the box that Mr Mohawk had so kindly gift wrapped using a rather large pink bow (ironic, no?), to my chest hoping that the creepy old guy from the chainsaw department wouldn't follow me home.
Garfield had better appreciate this!
A/N:
Allo, how are you all finding 2011?
Did you see the Sydney fireworks?
Could you see the Sydney fireworks?
Did you want to see the Sydney fireworks?
You should; they're the best in the world *is proud* or at least that's what we tell ourselves...
Anywho just want to explain myself on some issues:
Jinx: I'm not really sure how well I did her but if you're wondering why she's so happy to help with the titan's random little problems, it's cause in the comic at one point she felt like she wasn't accepted by them yet because they hadn't given her a communicator blah blah blah so I just figured any time they include her in anything she's be like 'wooo!'
Probably not. Ignore me.
Hardware stores: lol I know they're (mostly) not like that, but I'm sure some are so if there are any hardware store buffs out there, don't bully me.
And also my bffl /beta keeps telling me I should apologise to the Aqualad and Aqualad/Raven fans, for making him so creepy. I am sorry lol I don't know how that happened, I like Garth quite well actually but that's just how he turned out. And anyway if it was up to said beta (u know who you are woman) he would have been sleeping on a futon outside Raven's room (...I might still use that for something)
so humph I say. HUMPH!
Review? I love you .
(Oooh I rhyme)