You woke up the next day, tired, but feeling far better than you had in weeks.
Today was the day of your final evaluation. And you were ready.
Your resolution with Eren last night by the lake, despite how long it'd taken the two of you to walk home through the woods and the toll it had taken on your sleep, had left you feeling renewed and, dare you say it, happy. After the last month of loneliness, your last conversation had refreshed you, both emotionally and physically. You didn't think you'd been more ready to go in three years.
You would leave for the Military Police next week. All you had to do now was finish your test and make the top ten.
You sat up in bed, kicking the sheets off your bare legs and stretching like a cat. You yawned quietly before jumping lightly to the floor, the pads of your feet making nothing more than a soft 'thump' as you landed. You looked around you, noticing all the other girls still sleeping in various positions and levels of quiet, and left for the showers on your own. It would be one of the last showers you took here. You thought it may seem overly sentimental, but the first shower you ever took was in there, by yourself. You wanted to appreciate that solitude one last time before you left for the interior.
Quickly, you undressed, laying your clothes neatly on the ledge by the sinks. You turned the faucet on one of the corner showers, and the water spurted to life. You waited until the temperature had gone up a bit and then stepped beneath the spray. You loved showering earlier than the others; you were almost guaranteed hot water. The only one who seemed to enjoy showering in the cold was Annie. At least, it seemed that way with how late she got up most mornings. There was never any hot water left for her, as everyone else had already used it up.
You relished the feeling of the heat pounding onto your back, rapidly washing yourself so the others would have hot water as well, and changed into your uniform, buckling up your harness with deft, agile hands before the sinks.
When you finished, you stared at your reflection in the washroom mirror.
You had never looked at yourself all that often over the years. You didn't really like to. Every time you saw that scar burdening your cheek, you were reminded of that day that had changed your life. Every time you looked at yourself, you were reminded of your failures.
Today was no different, but you found yourself entranced.
You weren't sure when it happened. Your face had thinned out considerably over time, but not in the sickly way. Your eyes seemed less big and childlike, and your skin looked less drawn. That is, you didn't look like you were starving. You used to wear your skin like you didn't have enough of it. But you hadn't had to worry about having enough food in years. Even with Sasha around, there was always more than enough. You still had a long scar, but it had faded and looked like it belonged there, rather than looking like it remained out of mere spite. You looked tired, certainly. There were dark circles under your eyes, probably from your late-night excursion.
That, however, didn't dull how bright you looked. Your eyes practically glowed. Your skin was a healthy tan color from years of working outside beneath the sun. Your hair hung loose around your face. You looked strong, and powerful. You were no longer a little girl playing at war. You were a woman. You were a soldier.
And you were going to throw away three years of training to kill titans to join the Military Police.
Your heart stung at the thought, but you didn't know why.
This is it, Amelia.
You didn't even remember the speech that Shadis gave all of the cadets after you had all gotten ready, eaten a small breakfast, and excitedly made their way out to the field for final evaluations. Chatter invaded your ears from all sides. He congratulated all of you for remaining this far. After today, you are all soldiers, blah, blah. He hadn't told you much of what evaluation would entail, only that it would test everything you had learned over the course of the last three years. Lastly, he told us he was proud to have taught us, which shocked us all. Shadis was never a cruel man, it was just not in his nature to give such plain praise.
You were nervous, everyone was - but still, you were excited. You were certain that you were close, if not in, the top ten in the rankings at the moment. You only hoped that you could maintain such high scores today during your test.
Shadis finished speaking, and called out the name of a trainee you didn't know very well. He nervously stepped out of the crowd. It was starting. Shadis led the trainee away from the large mass of cadets, explaining something to him as they walked. Once they reached the woods, they both took off on their 3DMG. Silence fell.
Five minutes later, they returned. Shadis dismissed the cadet, and he left, looking slightly dejected. He rejoined the formation of trainees, eyes on the ground. Shadis' demeanor hadn't changed. He called the next name.
Time passed like this. Mikasa, Armin, Marco, Reiner, Sasha, and Mina had gone. After Bert's evaluation, Shadis dismissed everyone for a half-hour lunch break. It was finished in silence. Many of the trainees had gone silent after their own tests, likely unsatisfactory evaluations. This knowledge cowed everyone else into quiet as they pondered what they were actually getting themselves in to.
You didn't want to think about it, but seeing everyone's faces, their tight lips, lowered eyes, and downturned mouths, you couldn't help it.
What if... you didn't make the top ten?
What would you do then?
You didn't want to join the Garrison, now that you gave it some thought. The opportunities to help anyone while in what Eren liked the call the 'Wall Construction Unit' were few to none. They spent their days drinking. Watching the titans clawing at the base of the other side of the wall.
You didn't want that.
So, the only other option was... the Scouting Legion.
A death sentence.
Eren's likeliest fate.
So, you were committed. If you didn't make top ten, you had to choose one. Would you choose the Garrison, spending the rest of your life drunkenly straddling the wall, looking down on the thousands of people who really need help? Or would you choose the Scouting Legion, and throw your life away as titan fodder?
But... making the ultimate commitment to making a difference. To really, truly help not just people, but all of humanity as a whole. The thought was enticing.
Thinking about it that way... would joining the Legion really be so bad?
Amelia had wanted to join the Legion, and fight and die for something actually worth it.
Growing up in the slums, you had seen people die for a lot less.
Would you be brave enough to do it, even if you didn't make the top ten? What about... if you did make top ten?
Stop it.
You wanted to vomit. Three years, with a singular goal - the Military Police - and you were now talking yourself out of it. It was so close, and yet...
You didn't want it.
Suddenly, lunch didn't look so inviting. You pushed your tray over to Sasha.
You returned to the field, and Eren, Jean, Christa, and Annie took their turns. Each returned looking moderately (Christa) to very (Eren) confident in their results. Annie looked no different than ever.
You were close to having a breakdown the entire time.
What do I do?
Time inched by. Finally. Finally, Shadis called your name. You walked up to him with what you hoped was a confident stride. Even you weren't convinced it was.
You stopped right before your instructor, snapping your best salute. He appraised you silently, and nodded.
"[Surname]," greeted Shadis crisply. "Follow me." He pivoted and head out towards to woods. "The goal of your assessment is simple. Complete the course in as little time as possible, killing as many of the 'titans' as possible. They will be wooden mounts, just as they were in training. You will be graded on speed, efficiency, form, strike depth, and skill, as well as having the past three years of observation added into the calculations. Two instructors will act as 'deviants' and pursue you, and should you get tagged by one of them or have your wires cut, you are 'dead'. Points will be deducted. I will observe your assessment from above."
You nodded your head. "I understand."
"Good. The timer starts when I tell you to go."
You both reached the forest, and you proceeded to check your belts to be sure that they were secure. You were hardly ready when Shadis suddenly took off into the trees, shouting, "GO! THE TITANS WON'T WAIT WHILE YOU SECURE YOUR GEAR."
You took off with a growl of rage, straight into the trees at a hundred miles an hour. The trees kicked up a wind as you flew, lifting your wild hair from your forehead. The sun beat through the high branches where Shadis shadowed you, pounding onto the back of your tan military jacket. Your eyes scanned the area, alert for titans, both wooden and human. So far, there was nothing.
You had been concerned that the course would not be obvious and you would get lost, never to finish your final examination, but that was not the case. The trees were formed in a manner that made it very easy to navigate, as well as the trail of wooden titans that began to lead deeper into the woods. The first wooden behemoth was approaching rapidly. You brought yourself higher, drawing your giant box-cutter blades from their sheaths before the first titan, diving downwards to gain momentum before sinking your blades deep into the wooden nape, cutting off a large, triangular chunk. You noted with pride that it was much deeper than the other cuts that were there. You took a sharp left and followed the trail, which you imagined was shaped somewhat like a U.
I can do this! I can make the Military Police!
You were too busy being caught up in your triumph, zooming through the trees, to notice that you also felt a little sad at the thought.
You cut down the next several titans with ease, all in under one minute. Then, you saw it. Out of the corner of your right eye, a shadow drifted just out of your range of vision. From the left, another.
The deviants.
Adrenaline rushing, you could feel more than see them closing in on you, and you noted how difficult it may have been for other recruits to notice them before it was too late. Fifteen years in the Undercity, though, had helped you hone in on that little six sense that told you when you were being watched or followed.
They were good, but... you were better.
They both dove in towards you at the same time, aiming straight for your wires. You pulled yourself up at a sharp angle, pulling your blades over your head to slice down, severing one wire on each of the 'deviants'. Having lost control, they slammed into one another, remaining wires caught, spinning until they no longer had any mobility. You 'wooped' in excitement.
Just a few more minutes, and I'll be in the Military Police. Just a few more, and...
Why am I doing this?
You soared straight over the head of a titan.
Three years. You'd been working towards this for three years, and... you were having second thoughts. Every time you visualized yourself standing, saluting for a Military Police officer in the inner district, you felt sick to your stomach.
Titan after titan you passed by, ignored, as you began to panic.
Eyes the color of stale water sneered at you, back down in the Undercity, tugging you back by your satchel. You heard the bang of a gunshot in a Capital City alley. You felt the shard of glass cut into your cheek, and the shard of glass digging into your palm as you smoothly slid it across a man's throat.
This time, though, it wasn't the face that haunted your dreams. Your own face, spattered lightly with your sister's life blood, grinned at you as the blood drained from its body, red staining its straight, white teeth.
Amelia's ring rested warmly on your finger.
"I don't WANT this!"
You saw the horned horse, and your heart pounded.
Don't think like that... snap out of it...
Snap out of it!
You regained your focus and darted towards the last titan, blades raised, striking it with such force that the titan was knocked out of its anchor and landed hard on the wooded ground. You landed lithely on its makeshift head as it slid, eventually coming to a stop before Instructor Shadis, who landed and stood looking at you solemnly, hands held behind his back.
"Thank you. Your assessment is over."
Blankly, you turned on your heel. Distracted by your inner turmoil, you made your way over to the formation of cadets standing silently. You stood beside Sasha. She looked at you with a question in her eyes, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. So you didn't let your face falter. Yet, strangely, you only wanted to cry.
What have I done?
You may have just lost any chance of achieving the dream that you've always wanted. You were disappointed in yourself, but...
You visualized the person you saw in the mirror that morning, draped in the forest green of the Scouting Legion.
Eight hours had passed and Millius, the last cadet, returned from his evaluation. It was time to return to the mess hall for dinner. The evening passed silently. You went to bed without speaking another word.
You had heard the whisperings that today would be the day they finally put up the final rankings, but didn't believe it until you heard that, yes, the rankings were up. The bulletin board is by the registration area. Go see it before everyone else finds out or you won't be able to get close enough to the board to see anything.
Surely enough, you were too late to avoid the crowds around the board. You could see from the back that there were several pieces of paper, one with a handful of largely printed names, and the others with a list of names, printed very, very small.
You didn't care about the small names. You knew exactly which sheet you needed to see.
You walked nervously up to the board, trying to sneak between the milling bodies chattering excitedly. Some were laughing, teasing friends who did not rank as highly as they did. Others were crying, seeing that they did not make top ten. Some didn't seem to care about the rankings at all, and joked raucously with friends.
You cared little to talk with any of them. You only cared to see that little sheet of paper.
Finally, you stood before it, sights on the ground.
Moment of truth, Amelia.
You lifted your eyes.
1. Mikasa Ackerman
You were unsurprised by this. Mikasa was by far the best trainee here. She had worked hard to obtain that rank, even if she wasn't going to use it to be accepted into the Military Police.
One down, nine to go.
2. Reiner Braun
3. Bertholdt Fubar
4. Annie Leonhardt
The three of them were also no surprise to you, and they deserved their rankings. You imagined all three would be joining the Military Police. Annie, at least, had made her intention to join the Police evident since day one. Your eyes drifted down.
5. Eren Jaeger
Even though you knew he didn't care about his rank and probably wouldn't even come to check them, you felt your heart swell with pride in him.
6. Jean Kirschtein
7. Marco Bodt
You were happy for them. They had never wanted anything more than to join the Military Police together, and now there was nothing in the world that could stop them.
But still. Your name hadn't come up yet.
Your heart thundered in your chest.
8. Connie Springer
9. Sasha Braus
Eight. Nine.
You were too busy feeling intense dread from in your chest to feel happy for them. Your friends. Eight and nine.
Ten?
One spot left.
Only one more chance for you to join the Military Police.
One more chance for you to have an excuse to join the Scouting Legion instead.
The deciding number. Ten.
A forest green cloak flashed in your mind.
You heaved a heavy breath, eyes trained just below the paper. You weren't sure you were brave enough yet to look. You weren't sure you'd ever be brave enough.
You felt someone's hand grip your own tightly.
You didn't have to turn your head to know who it was. His touch, his warmth, his presence; they were enough to give you the strength and courage to lift your eyes one last time.
10. [Name] [Surname]
That night, you shattered the mirror to pieces.