AN Hey guys, I went to see Muse yesterday and it was an amazing concert. X Ambassador actually opened the show, Unsteady being the first piece of music to inspire this fic, I knew I had to post today. I starved you this week because I was busy so I decided to treat you with an extra-long chapter. Loved your suggestions: Breaking Benjamin, didn't know them before, Oh wonder too!
She came back to camp at sunset. Her hair was sticky on her neck and her black clothes were thick with sweat, hugging her curves. She was transporting both twenty liter pouches of water, filled to the brink, and he was amazed by her body's resilience. After all she'd endured the last few days, she should have been weakened; worn-out, but she appeared as strong and dedicated as ever. Her fierce spirit never ceased to surprise him.
Despite the humidity, the temperature was falling fast now that the sun had lowered in the sky. He'd built a fire in her absence, a few feet outside the ship's hatch and her skin tingled deliciously as she approached it. A pile of wood laid beside it and big trunks had been put on either side as seats. She set her load down beside the fire and went into the ship to get a big metal container. It was probably best to boil the water, even if his scan hadn't detected anything wrong with it; especially since they were to drink it every day for a while.
As she settled the bucket of water over the fire, she caught him staring at her. It made her feel uneasy, and she wondered what he was plotting now. She tried to avoid eye contact as she peeked around the edge of his thoughts. Her eyes widened at the knowledge that he'd been thinking about how strong she was, the concealed esteem for her so tangible she made a false move and burned one finger on the now scorching metal. She winced, bringing the finger to her mouth and sucking on the already white blister.
He breathed deeply as her presence left his mind. The footprint it left behind was almost imperceptible but he gravely hung on to it, wanting to imprint it to memory.
How long have you been able to do that? He asked her, curious to know how long his intimate musings had been her personal playpen.
Do what? She asked innocently, biting her lips.
Read my thoughts, he deadpanned, anxious for her to cut the crap and answer honestly.
They stared at each other across the flames, a serious look on both their faces.
How did you know?
You said something earlier, about seeing in my thoughts that I was going to leave you here. I was ready for you to try it again. How long? He insisted pointedly, his patience stretching near its breaking point.
She cursed inwardly for forgetting she admitted that to him earlier. Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut? She'd basically ruined her advantage. Her thoughts flew back to their heated fight. She clearly hadn't been in her right mind, she knew that by just how close she'd put her face from his. Close enough to count his eyelashes and smell his musky masculine scent. Too close, she thought inwardly. Without exactly knowing why, she knew she wanted to anger him. He was more familiar, easier to deal with when he was furious. The calm, pensive man that stood in front of her now was infinitely scarier.
She conjured confidence in her voice as she boasted mockingly: I've been doing it for weeks, and you had no idea. You suck at this.
He was thrown aback by her answer, bitterly ashamed he had so poorly shielded his mind, the fact that he'd been oblivious to it for so long before she admitted it herself adding insult to injury. How did she managed to outshine him like that? He'd been training for years, was the progeny of legends and yet this nobody from the outer rims was able to roam his thoughts undiscovered. Well, until now. His teeth gritted together and his jaw clenched, his temper quickly getting away from him as he considered all the information she could have stolen from his mind.
She took in his body language and knew she'd almost achieved her objective. She decided to push him further by snickering at him, thinking it really should be this way between them, uncomfortable with his newfound civility towards her. Enemies should act as such, not make small talk around the fire.
She was laughing at him, that ungrateful witch. He growled as he took an angry step towards her, the darkness close to overcoming him.
She held his murderous gaze, wishing she'd thought this through more. He still had the enormous advantage of having a lethal unstoppable weapon tied at the hip.
Each of his shallow breath was more painful than the last, a strenuous tension building in his chest, a sharp ache roaring in his heart. He craved to find a way to exhaust the agitation raging inside of him, to calm his upheaval and rid himself of all the confusing emotions she was stirring as she crawled deeper under his skin, day after day. He felt powerless against her, and it needed to change.
He was desperate for some violence, for any brutal way to tame his unruly heart. His body screamed in protest. He was dead tired because of the lack of sleep, the exhaustion from the heat and the abuse of his Force powers from lifting the rock before. He'd gone too quickly to impress her and almost shattered the ship beneath it a few times, nearly crushing his only way out of this forsaken planet. Why? That thought made him pause, but his heart still chanted avidly for a fight. He already knew he didn't want to kill her, so the light saber was out. A Force choke or anything of that sort wouldn't alleviate the burning either. The image of them fighting in hand to hand combat imposed itself in his brain. He wanted to touch her again, on any terms, he realized. He let his mind drift over what could happen during that fight, like how close their faces would be as his weight pined her to the ground, her muscular body writhing underneath him. He let out a sharp, alarmed breath as he felt all his blood rush south, a painful erection now pressed against the fabric of his pants. Fuck, no! He cursed inwardly, rebelling against the unwanted desire. How mortifying would it be if she by chance noticed it or reached into his mind right now? His mind was ablaze at how badly she could misinterpret this. How dangerous she would become if she knew she had that kind of power over him.
Thunder scratched their ears as lightning ignited the now stormy sky over them, mirroring the tempest inside of him. A forceful icy rain started pouring down, and Kylo Ren sobered up, his body grateful for the distraction. She was still glaring at him through the rain drops, but his menacing stance evaporated. He retreated to his room without a single word, eager to close his eyes at last and forget all about his temporary insanity. He didn't want to feel this way about her, it was diminishing. He was better than the hormonal mess she'd reduced him to in that moment.
She waited a minute before following him inside, her heartbeat returning to normal as she wondered what exactly happened. Why had she taunted him like that? Why had he left so abruptly? She used a towel to dry herself as best as she could. She made herself a bed in the engine room with some other linen she found, feeling at home there among the ship's parts.
They started the job at hand the next morning by inventorying the supplies they had and listing all the things that needed to be done. Kylo Ren was alarmingly calm, detached even and made no mention of the previous night. She wondered what caused this striking transformation. She tried to tug on their bond, to seep through his consciousness but he unceremoniously shoved her out. She decided to concentrate on the work instead.
They determined it was a 2-3 weeks job, if they worked fast and didn't encounter more problems. They had enough food to last a month without issue, a month and a half if they rationed. Even without it, they had everything on the planet to be self-sufficient but they decided they would work faster if they didn't have to gather food.
Their first priority would be to protect the structural integrity by ensuring the left wing could fold back up, and repair it afterwards. They would have to build some sort of scaffolding to access it, but it was the safest way to go. He was checking on the spare parts they had at their disposition and the tools available when she appeared beside him.
I've turned off the thermo-regulator and every other non-essential auxiliary systems. I'm going to install the solar panels to get as much power as possible.
It was so weird to talk to him like this, like they were a team instead of nemeses. He seemed unaffected enough by it. She was about to leave when the comment that was burning her lips imposed itself: It's frightening how calm you are.
He shrugged nonchalantly. Let's just say I'm good at repairing stuff too, especially ships.
What, the First Order has a lot of mechanical malfunctions? I'm finding that hard to believe. She arched an eyebrow at him in disbelief, thinking he probably had everything done for him over there, an army of lackeys available to do his bidding, responding to his every whim.
I didn't say that. He was pressing himself to ignore her, not to answer her questions and concentrate on his task but she was already nudging at his self-control again.
Then what? She crossed her arms again, a piercing look daring him to explain.
Painful memories of his father shrouded his mind. The man had mostly been absent from his childhood, but as a young teenager, he'd flown around the galaxy for a few weeks at a time with him. He was so desperate for approval, starving for attention, pathetically hoping he could finally retain his dad's interest, now that he was older. But he was kidding himself and Han Solo always dropped him back to his mother the first chance he got. Until he grew angry and refused to go, sparing his dad the chore of being with him. That was not too long before his mother sent him to Luke, tired of him too.
He jumped back to reality when Rey spoke again: Ren?
He tried to conceal his emotions as he spoke, but failed. Let's just say I wasn't always with the First Order. I knew someone long ago who had a pretty shitty and unreliable ship.
Her eyes widened in astonishment at what his words. It was the first time she ever caught a glimpse of his life before this. First proof that he wasn't born in a First Order underground facility and raised to be what he was. Not that he would have been, but she'd never really wondered before now what the beginning of his story was. How it all started. Where do you learn to act like a heartless monster? How do you end up being so lost? Maybe he was abandoned by his parents, like her. She didn't want to be but she was curious. One part of her was screaming that she shouldn't care about his story, that nothing could justify all the atrocities he was responsible for while the other part was dying to know anyway. She silenced it as best as she could and grabbed everything she needed to start her task.
She sweated profusely under the direct sun rays as she arranged the solar panels to be in the most efficient position. They would still need power for tools, for cooking and stuff. The straining exercise, both mental and physical, created an oasis of peace in her mind. She could feel all her muscles, her skin, her nerves were prickling back to life. Just breathing in the stuffy hot air was a treat after all those days in captivity, and she felt awake and alive again. She overdid it, pushing her body to the limit, and she was perfectly exhausted when darkness fell, the threat of a bad sunburn throbbing on her forehead, her skin left unprotected all day. She regretted not taking the time to go and at least wash the filth from her body. Ren had gone to the stream before sunset, and she'd kind of judged him for taking a break. They had to work hard if they ever wanted to get out of here.
That night after the temperatures dropped and the rain fell, she had to huddle under what covers she had to fight off the cold, her clothes drenched in sweat now freezing around her, the humidity preventing anything from drying. Her body was screaming in discomfort, her cuts swollen by the irritation of the salty sweat and the itching sun, the wound in her thigh sore because of the shrinking, inflamed skin.
Just turn on the heat if you're that cold, he grumbled into her mind, startling her.
She narrowed her eyes at his words. What? No! We can't spare the power.
I can hear your teeth clanking together from here, just open the fucking regulator for a while.
No! She insisted, not understanding why he bothered to argue with her.
Fine, suit yourself, I won't nurse you when you catch a bad cold and you die.
She couldn't afford catching something, and her body was still fragile. This wasn't the desert, bacteria must love this climate. Fuck, he's right, she realized.
Of course I'm right.
Get out of my head. She ejected him and peeled herself from the floor. As she was turning on the heat, she sensed a smidgen of relief coming from him.
You're cold too, she grinned, cleverly discerning his own interest in this. She verified her newly developed theory by scraping at his thoughts. She got a clear image of him tossing and turning in his bed, all tied up in his covers, his own sunburn burning his skin as he tried desperately to warm up the rest of his body, too proud to do anything about it.
Now you get out of mine, he mumbled grumpily and her grin turned into a genuine laugh, rumbling through her entire being. It was so absurd, that it was incredibly funny.
The gentle laugh had the opposite effect of her cruel sneer from the night before. He found himself entranced by the sound, wishing she would laugh like that more. He could see the smile illuminating her face, and his chest tightened. He was doomed.
Fear and panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow
Is being swept away
Well I refuse to let you go
I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you
Loneliness be over…
When will this loneliness be over?
Map of the problematic – Muse
Please, pleeeease leave a comment below, I need feedback to push through the insane work week I'm having. I'm crossing my fingers you liked this one! Elmo13