Enemies vs. Enemy

Link held his new Hero's Bow high above his head as he left the damaged room. "Behold!" Ganondorf and Kotake weren't there. "Oh come on! I got my arm up for nothing."

"Link, shoot that eye over there," Tatl said. "It's a switch, it should do something."

Link grumbled to himself as he armed the bow and pulled back an arrow, firing at the switch. It completely missed. "I haven't used it in almost a year, don't laugh at me!"

"I'm not laughing at that," Tatl said, a straight expression on her face. "I completely understand that it's normal that it would take you a minute to get back into using the bow. What I'm going to laugh at is that that was your only arrow." She burst into laughter. "Ha, you're screwed!"

After sending Koume to get the arrow over a dozen times Tatl got fed up with Link and shot the arrow herself, hitting the target dead centre. This activated a rising Deku flower that let Link cross the gap and enter the room opposite of the one they had just fought in. The instant that he was inside he was kicked off of his feet by a giant frog.

The Gekko held its stomach as it pointed and laughed at Link. "Dude, you just got kicked by a frog," Tatl told him. "Are you really going to let it make fun of you like that? It's a giant frog."

Link jumped up and slashed with his sword. The Gekko wasn't fast enough to dodge and took the hit. It screamed in pain and hopped away from him. "Well this guy isn't too tough."

The Gekko cupped its mouth and loudly called into the air. Almost instantly a Snapper burst from the ground, rearing up on its back legs and slamming down, cracking the stone floor. The Gekko hopped on its back and the duo charged at Link. He sidestepped and it crashed into the wall, stunned from the impact. Link took out his Bomb mask and detonated it just before the Snapper hit him, sending the duo flying in opposite directions. However, he didn't put up his shield and so he was in pain. "Ow... I'm stupid."

"Now isn't the time for life changing revelations," Tatl hastily told him, slapping Link across the face a few times. "It's on the roof and unless I'm mistaken it's preparing to throw some feces at you, so shoot it down!"

Link took out his bow and pointed his one arrow at the ceiling-Gekko. "If only these arrows were on fire..."

Koume set the arrowhead on fire.

"Thanks!" He released the arrow and it flew through the air, exploding right between the Gekko's eyes. It fell to the ground, defeated, and shrank into a normal frog.

"Ribbit."

The door on the other side of the room opened.

Tatl nodded slowly. "Ah, logic."

Inside the new room was a fancy blue and gold treasure chest. Within that was a key that was larger than Link's head and heavier than all of his equipment. "Ganondorf can carry this," he grunted.

"Hey, look!" Link and Tatl turned to see Koume riding on top of the Gekko's Snapper. "I've named him Snapper!"

-1 pm of the Second Day, Woodfall Temple Shrine Room-

"Ten down, five to go! Where'd the turtle come from?"

"His name is Snapper!"

Tatl told Kotake to ignore her. It was at this point that she noticed all the moths had burned to death in a fire and she could fly over to the wooden flower without being harassed. She saw an unlit torch in the middle. "The ashes are still fresh."

"EH HEHEHEHEHE!" Koume shot her hand forward and the torch, with Tatl still beside it, was bombarded by a rain of fire, setting the whole structure aflame. The fiery shrine began to spin and rose up to their floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tatl screamed. "That could have killed me!"

"Could have. Also, the water is clean now. It must have been purified by the spinning wooden thingy. Still smells like shit though."

Meanwhile, Link had given Ganondorf the Big Key. "You can't carry this thing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Link's weakness.

"No, it's too heavy for my little arms. Before I only had to carry big things when I was an adult," Link told him. "Pretend I never said that."

"When these three days are up there's going to be a very big and extremely painful questioning session."

-1:31 pm of the Second Day, The Boss Door room-

"Okay, so we need to get over there," Link said as he pointed across the gauntlet of Deku flowers, fire, and Dragonflies. "Anyone want to fly me over there?"

"No."

"Nope."

"No. I'll be collecting fairies!"

"Does it look like I'm big enough?"

It was then that Kotake saw another fairy flying aimlessly around the room. She took off toward it, snatching it out of the air. "Eleven down, four to go!" From her new position she saw another and then grabbed it as well. "Twelve down, three to go!" At that instant a third was seen and also acquired. "Thirteen down, two to go!"

"Moving on," Tatl muttered, "find a way across the room."

Link used a Deku flower to go around the edge of the room, landing on a platform near the roof of the huge, water filled room. The boss door wasn't very far away, if only there was another flower between them... Oh, there was one; it was just surrounded by fire. He shot a switch to turn off the fire and then used the new flower to fly to the boss door. "That was needlessly complicated," Ganondorf analyzed.

"Kotake!" Koume saw Kotake flying around chasing the last fairy. It was much quicker than the others. "You've got to be joking..." She flew after the fairy as well, but it was too fast for both of them.

"Let's just move on without them," Ganondorf suggested. "It'll help in the long run."

-The Boss Room-

The door slammed shut behind Link, Tatl, and Ganondorf. The room that they now stood in was enormous, going so high up that the roof was shrouded in black. A yellow Deku flower was in the middle and many torches lit the perimeter of the room. Both the walls and the floor were covered with intricate designs. "How is this place possible in such a small temple?" Ganondorf questioned as he tried to see how tall the room was.

A booming laughter filled the air, echoing off of the walls. "Soooooo, having fun in the temple?" it asked mockingly.

"Not particularly," Link answered. "It smells bad."

There was a brief silence. "Dammit, I got nothing! Never mind the mental torture, you're obviously too smart for that." A twelve foot tall warrior dropped from the darkness, his body covered with blue and yellow designs and his face masked by... well, a mask. Ganondorf first took notice of the sword in his hand, the sword that was even larger than the warrior himself and then a shield that could cover his whole body in his other hand.

Odolwa
Masked Jungle Warrior
Likes: Unnaturally large insects
Dislikes: The letter T
Distinguishing Characteristic: Has five nipples

"Prepare for the wrath of the mighty Odolwa!" Odolwa attacked, throwing a blow which Link blocked with his shield. This had the unfortunate side effect of sending him flying onto his back, but before Odolwa could strike again Ganondorf came into the fight. He blasted a ball of dark magic at the warrior only to have it harmlessly burst against his massive shield. "You thought that you could hurt me? That's hilarious!"

The fight turned to Ganondorf, giving Link some time to recover. The hero rolled onto his back and cracked his elbow, flinching. "Ow..."

Tatl smacked him. "Get up you wimp! This is the first big battle and you're just sitting on your ass?!"

"I was just-"

"Did I ask for you to talk? No? Damn right! Now go do something!"

While this happened Ganondorf was battling the boss, dodging his sword strikes and countering with his own magical attacks. So far neither had landed a hit, but that changed when Ganondorf pulled out his sword and blocked Odolwa's stab, deflecting it to the ground and rushing through the air at the warrior's head. He was forced to abort when an arrow nearly went through his skull.

"Sorry!" Link yelled. "My bad!"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Ganondorf twisted around a slash but unfortunately for him Odolwa was aware of his no longer hidden weapon, making a new plan necessary. He dropped to the ground and slid through the warrior's legs, slashing at his back. Odolwa was faster however, and he sprung into the air, disappearing in the darkness.

"Where'd he go?" Tatl asked as the room went quiet. Link and Ganondorf looked up, waiting for him to fall again. A shape became visible and it crashed to the ground between them. It was a giant beetle, almost as large as Link. More beetles began to plummet into the room, filling it with over a dozen insects.

Odolwa followed, falling right behind Ganondorf and bashing the Gerudo King in the back with his shield before following up with a vicious slash. It tore through his armour and left a bloody gash on his back.

Link, meanwhile, found himself being surrounded by beetles. "Link," Tatl began, "if you die here I'm going to tell everyone I know that you were killed by beetles."

"Could you tell them that they were on fire? It makes it sound like I died in an awesome way."

"No. In fact, I'll say that they all had no legs and you still lost."

The first beetle ran forward, blindly charging at Link. He quickly sidestepped and watched as the beetle continued running until it crashed into the wall, the impact killing it. He and Tatl stared silently. Another two beetles, these ones actually capable of stopping, attacked Link next. He slashed at one and blocked the other with his shield, watching the one that wasn't blocked step back, avoiding getting skewered. The other beetle turned to bite his sword, yanking on it. Link dropped his shield and grabbed the blade with both hands, starting a battle of strengths with the insect. It was kind of sad.

Ganondorf was still fighting Odolwa while Link struggled with the bugs. They were engaged in a sword fight and despite Odolwa having an advantage in size he was holding out quite well. "Stop being good at this and let me kill you!" Ganondorf growled. "It'll make my job much easier!"

"Realizing that I'm too much for you?" Odolwa mocked, doing a random spin in between blocking Ganon's attacking and his own counter.

"That was weird. Don't do it again."

"Or what?" Odolwa deflected Ganondorf's attack and began to spin as fast as he could, getting faster and faster. The only problem with this was that he was holding his sword out during the spins. This was difficult to block, and Ganondorf was hit several times. When the warrior finally stopped spinning Ganondorf was covered in many small cuts. "How'd you like that?"

"You die now." Ganondorf blasted energy at him, an attack that Odolwa easily shielded.

"You're so pathetic!" He lowered his shield only to see Ganondorf hovering at face level, his sword drawn back and ready to strike. "Well I suppose that-" The dark king lashed out.

Let's move away from the intense climax and into something much more pitiful. Link had his foot between the beetle's eyes as he pulled on his imprisoned sword. All of the other beetles had lost interest by this point and were crowding around a random flower at the arena's edge. Link unexpectedly jerked forward and speared the beetle on the blade, the insect dying after a few moments. He wiped the flat of the sword on its shell, wincing as the sticky goo left a trail between the metal and the carapace. "That worked out," Tatl commented as she floated to his side.

"Yeah, slipping on my owl drool really worked out! Now let's go fight Odolwa with Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf was engaged in another sword fight when Link fired another arrow. The arrowhead sunk into the warrior's shoulder, blood splashing out of the light wound. Odolwa hissed and jumped up into the darkness. "I'll be back momentarily!" Odolwa announced. "In the meantime, bask in the tense atmosphere that I have created! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

"First things first: don't aim for the face," Ganondorf said as he looked into the air, waiting for Odolwa to fall. "I stabbed that mask and it chipped my sword."

Odolwa came down to them again with a bandage where the wound had been. "That was very close to being a fatal wound. You're quite the shooter!"

Tatl sighed, saying nothing.

"But now the battle is mine! BEHOLD!" From above came moths. Thousands and thousands of moths. And they swarmed the two, enveloping them as Odolwa maniacally laughed, waiting for their deaths. Ganondorf pushed his way out of the swarm, flicking on off of his shoulder. "What?! This is unbelievable! How are you doing this?!"

"It's a bunch of moths. It's pathetic."

Odolwa's shoulders drooped. "But... but... it was my big attack."

"There there," Tatl consoled, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "You did your best."

"No I didn't. This is my best!" Odolwa threw up his arms and began to chant, bouncing up and down a bit. By this point Link had killed the moth cloud with his Bomb Mask and was watching. Suddenly a ring of fire burst from nowhere, immediately surrounding the two. "The moment you fly up, you're mine!"

Link shot an arrow through the blaze, though he quickly dodged it. The arrow flew by him, impaling one of the beetles that were near the flower. It scurried around in panic for a moment before hitting the plant and exploding.

"VINCENT! You bastard, he was my favourite!" Odolwa began to spin again, going through the fire and relentlessly slamming his blade against Link's shield.

"I thought I was his favourite..."

"Nah, he's just confused. Everyone knows that Picasso's his fav. I'm Picasso by the way."

"Don't say 'fav'. Ever again."

Ganondorf leaped over the flames, picking up one of the explosive plants and hurling it at the warrior. It crashed into his back and violently exploded, stunning him. Well, stunning and severely injuring. The lapse in concentration caused his fire to waver and fall, freeing Link. "Freedom!" He ran six feet to the left and began to hug a wall. "I always took advantage of solid, soft walls up until now, but no longer! From here on, I will show my appreciation to any walls that aren't made of fire!"

The warrior kicked him off of the wall, towering above the tiny kid. "Vengeance shall be mine, and at this point there is nothing you can do about it! Don't even try to resist death, for it won't work and it will just annoy me. No matter what you do, there is nothing you can do! I am going to kill you and you are going to die right no-"

"Shut up and kill him already!" Ganondorf yelled from across the room.

"I'm getting there, be more patient!" Tatl crashed into Odolwa's head repeatedly. "Stop that. Seriously, stop, that's annoying! Hey! This is making me slightly angry! I'm not kidding, you're being annoying! Why won't you stop being annoying?"

Link saw Odolwa stepping backwards, his foot placed right beside one of the explosive flowers that were against the wall. He narrowed his eyes, thoughts rolling through his head. Odolwa had been seriously hurt by the explosion. He was standing beside something that could explode. If he were to hit it with something it would detonate. So... if he hit the flower it would cause pain! But how would he hit it? That would require something hard, maybe sharp. Did he have anything sharp? He may, but if he didn't that would be bad. His sword was sharp, maybe that would work. He could always stab the bomb flower, hopefully hurting Odolwa in the process. But if that happened he would be right beside the explosion. That would hurt. Maybe-

"LINK!"

"Right!" He pulled out his bow and shot the bomb flower. The arrow stuck in the plant which released a red light for a moment before going off.

Odolwa screamed as his leg was blown off from the knee down. He didn't even try to stay up, falling onto his side. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! You dick, you blew my leg off!"

"You started it," Tatl lazily argued, shrugging.

"So what? You blew my leg off!"

"You slashed open my back," Ganondorf added.

"That was all in good fun, you just crippled me! I'm injured, hurt even! My leg is gone, it is no longer with me, it's doing the impossible and being in eighteen places at once! Gone, lost, departed, in its eternal resting places! I'll see that it's off of me everywhere I go because it'll be everywhere since you blew it up! It's dead, lifeless, inert! You're a murderer."

"We get it," Tatl quickly said, eager to interrupt his rant. "As productive as this is we should get going."

"But I'll bleed to death! You can't leave a poor, helpless jungle warrior lying in a moss covered room after crippling him. It's not nice."

"Okay, we'll just finish you off." Ganondorf began to approach him, hoisting his sword over his shoulder.

"Nah, I'm fine here. I've got a magazine." He pulled a small book out of nowhere and leaned against the wall, opening it. "I suppose you want me to release the Giant I had," the warrior said as he searched for an interesting article.

"The wha?"

"The Giant. One of the four guardian deities of Termina. You know, the only thing that justifies fighting me over, the one the mask made me to guard." He had found something appealing by now and had stopped flipping through the magazine. "Did you know that Termina was ranked number three on 'Best Places to Live'?"

"Wait, hold on a moment," Tatl said, flying over to the masked giant. "You were created by a mask..." Odolwa nodded. "...to guard a guardian..." Odolwa nodded. "...and placed in the south." Odolwa nodded. "And there's another guard in every other cardinal direction."

"I'll just save my neck the time and say that everything's a yes."

"So where's the Deku Princess?" Link asked him.

"What Deku Princess?"

"The one that was kidnapped by a monster and kept in the temple, a monster that we assumed was you," Tatl explained to him.

"Why would I kidnap a princess? Do I sound like someone who would waste time doing that? One second." His mask began to glow a bright white, exploding in a flash of light. The mask reformed in Link's hand along with a portal on the Deku flower in the middle. He looked up to see Odolwa finish putting on an identical mask. "I keep spares just in case. Now there's the Giant for ya. I'll go find that princess for you once I finish reading this, meet me outside in a bit."