Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Once Upon a Time.
Prompt from The OfficialNinja
A/N: If you SKIPPED the last chapter (and maybe you'll skip the first half of this one,) well Emma was having a rough go of things but she's getting help now. See, you didn't miss much!
Ten
Words.
They have the power to start a war.
Or end one.
They cannot be matched in their power as a weapon.
They provide comfort.
They forge relationships.
They tell our history.
I love you.
Three little words with infinite power.
But what happens when words lose their power.
What happens when the words fade away.
Words of encouragement, of comfort, of hope.
One by one the darkness pulls them beneath the surface.
And they're gone.
Their power in the moment has faded to nothing.
One small thing.
Those three little words remain.
Emma knows she's supposed to be trying.
She just can't remember what.
She can't remember why.
She remembers one small thing.
She stared down her bottle of shampoo all week.
On Saturday morning it looms over her.
She picks it up and finds that it's weight has multiplied many times over.
An impossibility.
In the communal bathroom she finds that the light is too harsh.
Her eyes burn.
She slams them shut.
At some point she forces them open.
She stares.
The water roars.
The other women move in a dizzying blur.
But she can't look away.
"Yo Swan, see something you like?"
"What happens if we tell your wife hm?"
"Creep."
"Fucking lesbo get out of here."
" You wanna join me?"
Words.
They screech through her mind.
She covers her ears with her hands, desperate to block them out.
"Swan are you all right? You're freaking us out."
"Just go," Emma pleads, "Just leave me alone."
When at last she pulls her hands away, she's alone.
She strips quickly and lets the water flow over her body.
But it's like needles on her skin.
The steam suffocates her.
She's choking on sobs as she massages the shampoo into her hair.
The lather streams into her eyes and it stings.
She scratches at her eyes.
She tears at her hair.
She turns the water off and she's shivering violently.
Her knees knock together, she clutches at her elbows, her teeth chatter.
She's frozen in place.
"Bro."
Someone claps her on her back and the force nearly knocks her over.
It's her tiny roommate.
The girl grabs a towel and wraps it round her shoulders and rubs her arms. "Bro, get dressed, no one wants to see your skinny white ass around here."
She's trying to sound like she's teasing but Emma can see the concern, the pity in her eyes.
She feels guilty.
Why is she here if people have to take care of her.
She gets mad.
She used to be strong, people used to look up to her.
She shrugs off the hands and twists away in frustration to get dressed.
One small thing.
A shower. She'd done it.
A small smile crossed her lips.
That's all Regina had asked her to do and she'd done it.
It felt silly to be so proud of such a tiny accomplishment, but she couldn't help it, couldn't wait to see the gorgeous smile on Regina's face.
It wasn't long before she saw it.
Regina entered the room and wrapped Emma in a warm hug. She buried her nose in blonde curls and inhaled deeply. "Mmmm you smell good dear."
"I showered," Emma mumbled, with her arms hanging stiffly at her sides.
"Yes you did, I'm so proud of you." Her smile burst across her features.
It had been worth it. That one small thing.
A tiny light flickered at the edges of Emma's vision.
She would shower every day if it meant she that got to see that smile.
Henry lingered outside, his nose pressed against the glass.
They took their seats under Henry's watchful eye and Regina began to speak in a low soothing voice. The words sank into her was like warm Crème Brûlée chased down with a smooth glass of red wine. Emma didn't fight her words, her demands, she welcomed them instead.
"Now Emma, Henry is going to come in to see you in just few moments and I only want you to do one thing. I want you to listen to him, really listen to him, show him you still care."
"I just have to listen?" She nearly laughed. It felt like a test, like it was too easy.
"You just have to listen," Regina nodded.
"Yes, I can do that." Emma whispered. After all, she'd washed her hair today, she could do just about anything.
Regina motioned to the window and Henry scurried over to the table to slide in beside the brunette.
"Hi Ma," He mumbled shyly, without meeting her eyes.
"Hi Henry." Emma tried to sound as cheerful as she could.
He was able to meet her eyes then.
Barely.
He began to talk. His words were precise and the stories flowed from one to another, like he'd been coached by Regina.
For that Emma was grateful.
She listened.
She really tried to listen.
It was hard to focus, words wavered, faces blurred.
But she listened and she nodded in all the right places.
It was exhausting.
When Henry was done, he stood looking expectantly down at her.
She couldn't get up, her legs heavy, joints stiff. She couldn't give him the hug he so desperately wanted.
He looked disappointed but nevertheless waved and left.
Regina remained behind, "How was that?"
"I'm so tired."
"I'm proud of you," Regina smiled for the second time that day.
It was beautiful.
It was enough.
But she wasn't sure that it would be enough forever.
"Emma, may I ask you for one small thing?"
"I guess so..."
"I want you to call me on Monday, just like always."
She thought of the puke pink phone, it was pretty terrible.
But then maybe she'd hear a smile over the phone. Maybe. "I... I can do that."
"I look forward to hearing from you then." Regina stood with a toss of her luscious brown waves. She hugged her quickly and whispered in her ear, "I've missed you."
Emma moved though a fog of exhaustion to her bunk. Regina's smile, her voice...her sons voice and his stories, they all bumped around in her mind, pushing at the edges of the darkness. She collapsed on her bed and wrapped the memories around her. Fatigue overtook her and she slipped into a deep sleep that took her to the next afternoon.
"I washed my hair today."
"That makes three times in a row?"
"Yes."
On the other end of the phone, Regina closed her eyes as slow, soft, pride filled her heart. Overwhelmed by affection towards the blonde, her words tumbled over each other and got caught in her throat. She managed to settle on a comfortable subject to bring them down a different path and inject a sense of normalcy into Emma's life. "Today, I'm having a cup of dragon fruit and hibiscus tea."
"I've missed so many flavours over the past few weeks," The younger woman's voice shook with regret.
"It's quite all right dear, I'm sure I'll bring the flavours back again," She returned easily, all the while longing to hold Emma close and comfort her.
"And you'll tell me about them like normal?"
"Yes dear." She knew that their bodies would fit together perfectly, so perfectly that Regina expected that the warmth of their bodies would be like welcoming them home
"I can't believe I never asked this.. " Emma paused, There was a faint rustle, and an ear piercing scrape, and Regina imagined Emma sliding down the wall to settle in for their conversation. "But what do you do when you have a tea that you don't like?"
"I serve it at our weekly meetings with the teachers. They always drink it politely because I'm their boss. "
A staticy chuckle came through the line, "Oh Regina you really are evil."
"I have my ways."
"How much tea do you even have? Do you think... Would you let me see inside of your tea cupboard when I get out of this place? "
"I would say you've at least earned the right to see that, " She purred suggestively.
"Oh god Regina you can't just do that to a girl, all up and speaking like that, especially to one in prison," Emma groaned.
"You're a pretty girl Emma, I'm sure there are girls falling at your feet that would help you out."
"Did you just call me pretty," She gasped mockingly.
"I did, but don't think it means anything. "
Emma hummed unconvincingly before reminding Regina of one very important fact, "Anyways I'm married to this evil woman with a drawer dull of tea and a heart full of love so I don't even see the girls falling at my feet."
"You call that flattery?" The brunette returned quickly, stumbling over her words. It was perhaps the single most beautiful thing she'd heard about her in her life.
"Yes I do, I can't just call you beautiful all the time, that would be boring. I can't have you bored with me before we've had the chance to consummate our marriage.
"And what makes you think that will happen?"
"Ehhh, a girl can dream can't she."
"She could be dreaming for a very long time." Regina resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at the blonde, knowing full well that the other woman couldn't see her.
Regina took another nervous sip of her tea when they hung up. It would seem that at times her life had come to flirting over the phone.
With her morning tea.
With a woman.
And she loved it.
On one of the daily phone conversations, Regina bit her lip and took a deep breath before breaching what she expected would be a taboo subject. "Have you thought any more about speaking with a counselor though the prison? "
"No," Emma growled, "I don't trust them, they'll stick you full of meds and you're never seen from again. It's even worse than the SHU."
Regina expected as much and she was a step ahead of her Emma, "I've got a friend. His name is Archie. I've been speaking to him for years professionally, and what's more is that I consider him as much a friend as he is my therapist. I was thinking that perhaps we could set something out over the phone so that you could talk to him."
I don't want to talk to anyone here," Emma muttered again.
"And so Archie could be the perfect compromise?" Regina pushed, hoping that it wasn't too much too soon.
The younger woman squeaked, "He helped you?
"Yes, very much so. "
"Alright."
"Alright what?" Regina prodded, they'd come too far for her to back down.
"Ok fine, I trust you. I'll talk to your guy Archie."
"Alright," The older woman tried to remain calm, while inside her heart was bursting with hope. "I'll call him later this today and I'll let him know to be waiting for your call this afternoon?"
"This afternoon?" Emma broke out in a cold sweat, "This afternoon is too soon, I can't talk to him I wouldn't know what to say or be prepared."
"If you don't know how to talk to him talk about his dog, " Regina offered gently.
"How will that help me?"
"Archie is the sweetest thing to begin with, then he talks about his dog, oh you'll see, it won't be as difficult to open up and talk to them both. "
"He's really a sweetheart? " Emma asked.
"The sweetest of them all, he'll help, he'll make you see deep into the good sides of yourself and fling them open for everyone, including yourself can see. "
"Do I really have to talk to his dog?"
"You could talk to Archie, or to his dog alone, or to the both of them. it's up to you."
"Alright, I'll call him." She quickly rattled off Archie's phone number until Regina was satisfied that she wouldn't forget.
"I want you to call Archie this afternoon," Regina began. "Just one small thing, that's all I need you to do for me."
"And talk about his dog, " Emma added, "So that's kinda like two little things."
"Fair enough," Regina conceded, "Now, how about a third little thing?"
"I'd do just about anything for my wife, "Emma grinned and rubbed her palms, sweaty from the panic rising in her chest, on her pants.
"Can you call me tomorrow Emma? Just two little things and also to call me tomorrow."
"I can do that." Emma repeated, I can do that.
Three little things.
"Emma dear?"
"What? Not another thing?"Panic shot through her a knife and she almost gasped at its intensity.
"I just wanted to say... I missed you."
The icy shard that had embedded itself in her chest melted away. "I missed you too. "
Archie was a sweetheart.
They clicked right away.
Emma had seen several therapists before; some as a child, some as a teen and then once again after Henry. She was no expert, but she knew when she would work well with someone, and when she wouldn't. Archie was one of the good guys and she could see why Regina liked him. When she hung up that first night, she realized that they hadn't even touched on her struggles, not really, but she felt lighter all the same.
She came to depend on him a great deal.
She called one day to complain about how loud the dining hall was.
she called one afternoon she decide on which group she should join that day.
He was her rock in terms of supporting her and pushing her, forcing her out into the world again. With Archie holding her up, she found that she could focus on the good in her life. The moments between were still dark, it's claws still tried desperately to drag her back down into the fog, but she didn't live for those moments.
She lived for the light.
Regina was her light.
Regina and Henry.
Over the next few days, Regina and Emma fell into their old rhythm, chatting away every morning and finding other little reasons to make a point to chat in the evening. They both found that with a few pushes and shoves from Regina and Archie, as well as more kindness that she could ever deserve, that the old Emma was somewhere hiding in the darkness, hiding beneath the weariness in her voice, and was begging to come to the surface. Exhaustion still plagued her, the smallest chores weakening her spirit and weighing on her chest. More often than not, sleep was her escape from the day to day pain that filled the moments when she wasn't talking to Henry, Regina or Archie.
This Saturday, for the first Saturday in months, she was the first one up, dressed and waiting patiently in a line outside the visitation room.
She was ready when Henry returned that Saturday, and pulled him in for a tight hug.
"Hi Ma, I missed you."
"I missed you too kid," She murmured, with an extra tight squeeze, something that never failed to make him giggle and squirm away.
He took a step back, worry clouding his vision, "Yeah?"
"Yeah, I really did," She offered, with a genuine smile, "I really do."
He shrugged in nonchalant acceptance, but she could tell from the way he couldn't quite stay still in his seat that he was over the moon.
"HI Regina," She glanced shyly up at her through the smudged lenses of her glasses. Talking on the phone was one thing, any wrinkles or bad breath or messy hair didn't matter. The blonde fumbled with the edge of her shirt and blushed. She knew that she looked less than her best, and it mattered what Regina thought of her, whether she wanted to or not.
Damn her for looking sexy as hell.
"Emma, you're looking well."
Emma grinned in spite of herself because Regina's warm, dark eyes didn't lie. She knew that her hair was shiny and clean again; it was always one of her best features. But she also knew about the dark circles that still persisted beneath her eyes and how her shoulders hunched over from the pain that weighed on her soul.
At least she was looking more like the Emma who Regina had known several months ago.
At least she was looking more like the mother Henry knew.
It helped scrape away at the darkness, knowing that the people she cared most about in the world saw her as the women she once was and who she strived to be again.
"First you call me pretty, then you call me young, and now you say I'm looking well. Can't you just admit that I'm smokin hot," She teased.
"Oh I will when its warranted dear," Regina purred.
Emma pouted but turned her attention to Henry, "So little man, how was picture day?"
He groaned, "It's such a waste of time Ma, like why do we even need to do it when people have phones to take pictures like all the time? And like these pictures aren't even good, they make us be in stupid poses so it's not what I really look like. I mean really, wouldn't you rather you had a picture of me reading?"
"I would Henry, I would," She leaned over to ruffle his mousey brown hair, "But thank you for carrying on the tradition so I can put it in your book."
He groaned, "That book is so embarrassing Ma."
"Maybe so," She smirked, "But I'm your mother and I can do whatever I like." Emma looked thoughtful for a moment more and a sly grin spread over her chapped lips, "You knowwww, I do need a picture of you Regina." She glanced between the two brunettes in front of her and batted her long eyelashes behind her smudged lenses. " It would make me feel sooo much better. And also Regina dear, you don't think it's a little strange that I don't have a picture of my wife, or even several pictures of you, plastered on my cubby wall.
Regina held out a hand for Emma's glasses and cleaned them carefully with the edge of her smoky grey cardigan.
Henry's ears literally perked up like a puppy with his eye on a squirrel, "Your wife?"
Emma smirked proudly, "That's what the girls in here call Regina."
"That's weird." He said.
The two women glanced nervously between them, both prepared for a lengthy discussion .
"Uh Henry..." Emma began, nervously. "Why do you say weird?"
He rolled his eyes at her idiocy. "Duh Ma, you never took Regina out on a date." He held up his hands in mock surrender, "Yeah yeah I know what you're going to say, love at first sight and all, just like in your books, blah blah blah... But Ma, seriously, Regina is a pretty fancy lady so you gotta take her on a real date first. Like a really good one. " He started counting off on his fingers, "I mean even Ruby got dates, Chloe got a million and a half dates and you dumped her. Jeesh I have to be the responsible one around here," The ten year old shook his head.
His mother bit down hard on her lower lip to keep from laughing out loud, the difficulty to stay composed was made all the worse by Regina's silent shaking across the table from her. "Wherever did I get a son that was so smart?"
"Not from you." He stuck out his tongue.
Regina did laugh then, a throaty burst that warmed Emma to her core.
Henry clasped his hands on the table in front of him, "I'll take a picture of Regina if you promise to take Regina out on a real date. Deal?"
"Deal," Emma nodded seriously.
Regina blushed a rather deep shade of pink.
When they came together to embrace at the end of the visit Emma whispered, "Sorry about Henry."
"Don't be, it was sweet. " The older woman pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek "I'm proud of you, so very proud of you."
It was Emma's turn to blush, "Thank you Regina."
The blonde lifted her hand to where the kiss had been, as if hoping to keep it there long after Regina had disappeared.
A/N: Thanks for reading folks! Next chapter is almost done and its Halloween central so let me know if there's something in particular that you want to see. Happy Swan Queening xx!