A/N: So I'm not too sure how happy I am with this chapter, but I did promise to update as often as possible. Some details may not tie together with past updates. I plan to try and bring them together better in future updates, instead of going back to change even more of previous chapters.

I do ask that everyone review. Please, let me know of any major inconsistencies I may have over looked in my revision of chapters from years ago. Ask questions if you are confused so I c an know what to clear up in future posts. Also, it helps me know that people are reading and enjoying. I can't know whether to continue or to improve without feed back, and since it has been years, I'm very unsure if the story is flowing properly and if my writing style is okay.

Thanks, guys!

.Aiya

Chapter 9: Facts and Opinions

I woke on the morning of Ostara feeling shaken and sick. My dream of the Old Woman from the night before still haunted me, and the feeling of dread it left in my stomach was almost worse than my actual memories. Almost.

But I could not dwell on thoughts and dreams and memories today. Ostara was a holiday about new beginnings, birth and rebirth, leaving behind a long dead past. Ostara was supposed to be a happy, jovial holiday for welcoming back the Sun God - or, in many wizard cases these days, simply the beginning of Spring.

I never knew what to believe around this holiday. Many wizarding families anymore celebrate Ostara the same way muggles celebrate their equivalent - Easter - and use it as an excuse to give out presents. But the origin of Ostara was the rebirth of the Sun God, born of the Moon Goddess to bring light and life back to the earth after his demise around Beltane that brought on winter.

I was raised to believe what I wanted to believe in. My family, as they usually were, were not ones to force each other into the same beliefs. Mum and Dad belived in the Sun and Moon, where Bill and Charlie believed in all of the Old Gods. Percy and Ron had been firm nonbelievers in any of the "mumbo jumbo" as Percy referred to the old stories. Fred and George were never serious enough to figure out their beliefs, but we were all sure they had some kind of alliance with Loki, the trickster god. If he was real, anyway.

I bordered on a dangerous line, the apex of the choices. I never felt any one path of belief was correct and that there was maybe some truth behind them all. Perhaps the Sun and moon deities were real and the other gods had existed but disappeared as belief in them had faded from the world. Maybe there had never been gods, but instead just really powerful magical beings who accomplished feats unthought of in the ancient times. Or maybe all of the pagan gods from our history did exist and we just did not rely on them as much in recent centuries.

How would I know? I was only eighteen.

So how did one celebrate Ostara if they did not have any actual belief to believe in?

Alone, apparently.

I sighed as I stared at my ceiling with no desire to move. The lamp light of the dungeons cast shimmering green shadows even in the day time due to the dark, dampness of this part of the castle. I supposed it came from being under the Black Lake.

But I really should have been starting my day instead of contemplating curling back under my covers. The warmth was so tantalizing, and the temptation to keep my feet from touching the chill of the floor was almost too strong. But I forced myself to swing my legs over the side of the bed and begin to think about my day ahead.

I should make my way first to the Great Hall to eat breakfast as Merlin knows I wouldn't be eating lunch. I would be beginning my process of getting ready by then, quite possibly sooner as I had to get ready alone. And the Ostara Ball did not usually serve dinner until about an hour after beginning - so approximately seven that evening.

I wish Penny was here to help me. I mourned the loss of the Malfoy matron silently as I threw on a pair of casual pants and a t-shirt to head to the Great Hall. I have no idea how to get ready for a ball...

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"Bloody feck - " I screamed in frustration as I burned myself with my wand yet again. "Bloody stupid bloody piece of bloody wood!"

I tossed my wand on the bathroom vanity and let myself slide down to sit on the floor, my hair half in curls and the rest hanging prim straight. My neck burned with irration from the mistake in how I turned my hand in the process of curling a strand.

"I can't do this," I sighed into my hands, pulling my knees up to my chest as I spoke to myself. "No one ever taught me how."

I grew up with six brothers and a mother too busy to teach me how to be girly. And I never made real friends with my house mates in my time except Demelza, who was just as much a tomboy as I was.

"Oh, Ginny, one would wonder if you were even a girl!" laughed Emilia Jacks as her and the other girls in my year shook their heads and tutted at me.

I scoffed, "Why would it make a difference? Who says girls have to be all dolled up all the time?"

"Uhm, every fashion magazine, like, ever." Katina Miles gaped in disbelief at me. She stood straight with her far too developed chest for a thirteen year old pushed out. She tossed her silver blond hair over her shoulder and tittered into her hand, "Poor Weasley... I guess she's just too poor to be able to care!"

I felt my face grow hot in embarrassment over her words as the other three girls joined in with her laughter. I felt like crying as I balled my hands into fists, fighting the urge to hex them all the way Fred had taught me. "Shut up!" I yelled at them, "I'm just as much a girl as the rest of you!"

"Prove it," Emilia retorted with a snide smirk.

"She doesn't have to." I turned to the doorway to see the last of my year-mates enter. Demelza Robbins had wavy brunette hair to her shoulders and wore a pair of muggle basketball shorts and a camisole. I had no idea what this 'basketball' was, but Demelza had introduced me to the style of clothing the year prior. They were very comfy.

And Demelza now sported a scar on her arm from the muggle sport, gained over the summer. She never wore make up and she was always up for joining Ginny on a trip to break into the broomshed and fly at night.

Demelza glared at the four girls that had been antagonizing me, speaking carefully, "If you don't leave Ginny and I alone, I promise you that you will find all of your make up has mysteriously vanished down the bathroom drains!"

Shaking my head, I snapped out of my reverie. If Demelza had been here, she would have laughed hysterically over my attempt to fit in with the socialite girls of society and vehemently told me "This isn't you, Gin!"

She would have been right. But I am not just Ginny Weasley of Gryffindor anymore. I have to be Ginevra O'Connor, heiress of Erne and member of Slytherin house. I have to look my best, and that means I have to figure out this damn curling charm and how to apply all the make up Macie had been nice enough to get for me as an Ostara present.

With another sigh, I pull myself up to look in the mirror. I looked positively ghastly with my hair half down and tear stains running down my face. The obvious lack of sleep shone in my eyes as I appraised myself far too cynically.

"Yeah," I finally spoke to my reflection, "I definitely can not do this."

"Never say never, my lovely!" Rita appeared in the doorway behind me, no more ready for the ball than I was. I could not help the broad grin that broke out on my face, and she laughed and struck a pose, "Never fear, for Rita Skeeter is here!"

"I thought you were going to Macie's to get ready!"

Nodding, she made her way to the vanity and tossed her own makeup down, "I was going to, until Yorick wrote to me saying you still hadn't agreed to go with anyone for the hols. Macie also insisted I come ensure you don't embarrass us with your appearance.

"No offense, Ginny, but you are not the best with fashion!"

"None taken," I shrugged a shoulder, too happy for help to care about the hidden insult. "I was about to call it quits and crawl under a rock for eternity."

"Now where is the fun in that?" she exclaimed, "We have to make sure you are the most beautiful girl at the ball tonight. Make the Blacks wish Narcissa was you, and Lucius realize that whatever it is he did cost him a grand catch.

"Now, what on earth were you doing to your hair?!"

"Uhm," I tugged at a strand, " trying to curl it?"

"With your wand?"

"An old friend of mine taught me to heat it up and curl my hair around it."

Rita sighed as if I was a child before removing her own wand from her holster. "Up do, or down?" She hummed. "I'm thinking down...no, partial." Before I could protest, she waved her wand over my head and I felt my hair twisting and pulling in different directions.

"There, take a look," she smirked proudly at me.

Turning back to the mirror, I could not resist the smile that formed. Rita was indeed a miracle worker. My hair was pulled back into a twist going from the top of my head down the back. A clip stopped the twist at the nape of my neck, if the pulling of the fine hairs was anything to go by, and the rest of my hairs length hung down in loose waves. I ran my fingers through the bottom and pulled it over my shoulder to admire the soft curls looking like flames twisting around my hand.

"I was tempted to darken the shade of your hair just a bit, but I figured I best not push my luck," Rita commented as she began to organize the make up we both had on the vanity, analyzing what she had to work with for me.

I lifted a brow at her, "You can do that?"

"My dear, we British folk can do a lot more than you gypsies give us credit for!" Her laughter rang off the tiles of the bathroom, "We may not be able to manipulate the elements as if an extension of ourselves, but we sure do know how to use magic to improve our daily lives."

"Magic improves our lives either way, Rita," I pointed out. I honestly did wonder how muggles got by half of the time, but dad had assured me they had their own advancements we did not understand. "But, what are you doing with your hair?"

"Don't you worry about me," she waved a hand in dismissal, "I was sent to help you."

"By Yorick?" I raised a quizzical brow. The young Zabini had never before remarked on my ability or lack there-of to make myself look like a lady. And Rita's slight hesitation confirmed my suspicion.

I threw my hands up in angry acceptance. "I knew it! You all are in cahoots with Lucius!"

"That sounds like such a filthy word."

"Now, Rita, it's not nice to talk of his name that way," I quipped sarcastically.

The blond woman turned on her heel with a glare, "Ginevra, I like you; We all like you. But you behave as if we are all on high horses, when you are on the highest one of all. I suggest you get off it and find a steed more your pace before it makes enemies for you that you do not need.

"Lucius cares about you. A lot. Far more than even he is willing to admit. But that does not mean it can't be seen by the rest of us. And you behave as if he is nothing more than a Weasley beneath your shoe." I cringed at the use of my actual family name. She never noticed as she was not done with her vehement speech,

"You are an outsider, a non believer in the things we believe as a society. But you were welcomed in with open - albeit hesitant - arms, and you take advantage of that and spit on it when you are done. Poor Mrs. Malfoy has been a wreck since you took off the day you and Lucius fought. She looked forward to having a daughter to cherish; Mr. Malfoy has had to deal with the backlash of you and Lucius causing the Blacks to put the contract on hold and the media using this against him.

And Lucius? It took Yorick three days to get him to stop sulking and actually eat something. He was so worried sick about you! Yet you only cared about yourself!"

"That's not true!" I finally snapped out, taking her attempt to catch her breath as my opportunity. I stepped forward in her face, "You have no idea what I have gone through, Rita, or you would never accuse me of such horrible behavior. You all have lived a life of luxury and carelessness. I didn't have that!"

I was glad for the fact we had not started my make up yet, because I could feel the tears I had been holding back for months start to build up.

"I didn't always have money. We barely got by half of the time. I lost my family. I lost my friends. I lost my life fighting a war you have never come to face that shook the very foundation of my world." I did not even bother swiping at the tears as they finally spilled over. "I have lost everyone and everything that a person could ever lose, because it was taken from me by someone I once trusted, and by people who I cared for betraying the rest of us.

"So do excuse me if I'm not exactly the most open or trusting or forgiving or warm hearted toward people, because all people have ever done is stab me in the back and kick me while I was down." Rita was staring at me in horrified shock at my outburst, but I could not help myself as I finally unleashed everything. All I could do was try my best to keep my words from revealing too much. I had to dig deep into my memories of Binns' class to remember the war that had raged before Voldemort became known.

I punched a wall in frustration and refused to look at her as I continued, "I am Ginevra O'Connor of Ireland, but I am not who you all believe and make me out to be. My family isn't who you all think here in England. And I've only ever been hurt by caring for and trusting people. For years, it has been hurt them or get hurt... I did not want to do that to Lucius. I've already hurt him once..."

I murdered my captor, my torturer, and my only visitor.

Go home, child. You can never save him; only damn him.

Rita stood in silence for what felt like an eternity before reaching out to touch my shoulder, "I'm sorry... It never even occurred to us... There was the Red War over in Ireland, it ended only over a year or two ago, correct?"

The Red War had been between the gypsies and a dark wizard that had tried to eradicate their pagan ways. He had tried to convert pagans all over the world, targeting the few remaining civilizations that stayed true to the Old Ways. Although he could never compare to Grindelwald or Voldemort in the aspect of power or fear, this wizard was well known for his cruelty and barbaric treatment of pagan witches.

So I nodded. "My family was divided. Some followed, some did not. It tore us apart," I told her truthfully, thinking of Percy working in Voldemort's ministry. "The O'Connor family lost a lot - friends, family, property. I was taken prisoner after an attack on my home where many died." Rita sharp intake of breath told me she was listening seriously for once, and not for gossip. My mind fumbled over words to put my experience in the future into a way that would fit my life here and details of the Red War that were well known. "I came here to escape all of that, the memories. But they follow me, Rita; I can't get rid of them."

Tears flowed once more as I finally felt the part of me I had been hiding away break. The part of my heart I had locked away all those months ago when I first got subjected to torture at Lucius Malfoy's hand finally shattered the way it should have.

"Is that why the Malfoys being associated with the Dark Lord shook you so much?" Her question startled me, and it must have shown. "Yorick doesn't keep secrets from me. He's been enlisted as a recruit to join the Death Eaters after graduation.. He confided that Voldemort was staying with the Malfoys for periods of time."

"Yes," I finally croaked out in answer. "I cannot handle another dark wizard tearing apart the ones I care for." I also could not risk Voldemort U sing legilmency on me and drscovering whe I was.

Rita made me face her, holding me by the shoulders and staring me in the eyes, "Lucius cares about you, too. So much that the Dark Lord sees you as one of two options: a threat that can take a loyal follower away, or a powerful ally due to your nature magic. Lucius will defend you to his last breath, of that I am sure. I don't know what you did, but he's totally enamored with you."

"I've seen men give up more than their hearts in service to a dark wizard," I answered solemnly, "Lucius can and most likely will change working for him."

You can never save him.

"Have a little faith in him, Ginevra," Rita told me with finality on the subject. She turned away, but I caught a glimpse of pity and, finally, a tad of understanding from the woman I hated in the future but considered a friend here. "C'mon, we need to fix your face. It's a night for new beginnings."

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Three hours later, Rita and I found ourselves outside the massive doors to the Malfoy Manor. I was shaking like a leaf beneath my silk cloak, not from the cold, but from the trepidation of what I would face inside.

How would the Malfoys receive me? How soon would I have to face Lucius? Would Voldemort be present at this event?

And then the menial concerns of: Does this dress really look good on me? Can you tell I was crying? Was I right to wear the diamond necklace from Lucius.

The thoughts raced through my mind resulting in angry butterflies upsetting my stomach. Rita, who since my breakdown has been overly attentive to my mood, reached down to give my hand a gentle squeeze and whispered encouragement to me as my other hand went to enfold the gift Lucius had gotten me. I was grateful that she had not pressed for more details about my past after I let loose the emotional tidal wave I had been staving off. She seemed to respect the fact that we all had horrors in our lives we never wished to revisit, and had instead promised to keep close to my side. She assured me that any unwanted attention from any other guest - or host - would be deflected by her.

"Ginevra, I am a master at making people uncomfortable enough to want to leave. So I will stay by your side," she declared after fixing the ifnishing touches to my look. "No one will bother you if you don't want it."

"How will you know, though?"

"Just say the phrase, 'My, is it hot in here or is it just me?' and I will get you out of there."

And though her promise did not rid me of my nerves, I did in fact feel safer going into the literal snake pit.

"Miss Ginevra!" Mitchie the house elf exclaimed enthusiastically upon opening the door for us. The elf had grown rather attatched to me in the day I had been a conscious visitor here. "Mitchie is glad to see Miss again. May Mitchie take Miss' cloaks?"

Rita sniffed at the poor elf, but shrugged her shawl off elegently to pass to the elf. I quickly unfastened the neck clasp to my cloak and handed it to Mitchie with a smile, "It is good to see you again, Mitchie."

The elf's smile was enough to warm my heart and give me strength to stop my hands from shaking. If this elf still thought highly of me, then chances are her masters had not spoken too ill of my name. Thus meaning they still liked me, I hoped for the evening's sake.

"Master and Mistress is being up the front staircase. Misses will find the ball room on Misses' left." MItchie bowed low to us, not rising until we had walked passed.

Rita smirked at me, "You certainly have the respect of the inhabitants to be the next Mrs. Malfoy." I shot her a glare that only got me a sassy smile, "I speak the truth, darlin'."

"Keep the truth to yourself, please," I whispered back as we came to the top of the stairs. I brought my tone to normal volume to say, "Lord and Lady Malfoy, it is a pleasure to see you again."

Mr. Malfoy barely contained a sniff of derision, calling my bluff on it being a pleasure. Whereas Mrs. Malfoy barely managed a sad smile as she answered, "We are honored you decided to come tonight, Miss O'Connor. We were not sure if you would attend."

I bowed my head just a touch, " I made a promise to an inspiring woman and her son that I would present myself tonight. An O'Connor keeps their word, ma'am."

"Of course," Mr. Malfoy interjected, finally finding a cordial voice, "and such an honorable trait to maintain. And I see you bring along Miss Skeeter! Yorick speaks very highly of you, young lady."

Rita had the decency to blush under the elder Malfoy's praise, and gushed that Yorick most likely exxaggerated her finer qualities. I took the moment of distraction from their attention being on me to peek into the ballroom in search of a familar head of white blond hair.

"He's not yet here, my dear," Penny suddenly spoke to me. I started slightly and looked to find Mr. Malfoy and Rita still deep in their conversation. As we had arrived later than usual, the flow of guests coming in was just slow enough they could hold a conversation. I let my eyes rest on Penny as she continued, "He was refusing to come tonight. He must announce his engagement to Narcissa Black, and he does not wish to."

"An engagement is such a happy announcement, though, surely Ostara is the best time to put a spot light on the new life they will have together," I answered with as much care as I could manage.

He was going through with the engagement? I thought to myself, Good... this is how it should be. I can only make his life worse.

Penny pursed her lips briefly before maintaining her composure, "Miss O'Connor, I do not wish to be frank, this is a ball of course... But what are your intentions of being here tonight?"

"Was I not invited, Lady Malfoy?" I raised a brow. Of course I had been, otherwise she would not have sent an elf with the dress she had purchased for me. I subconcsiously ran my hands over the blue fabric of the skirt, feeling the design by my waist.

"Of course, of course..." she hurried to defend, "I simply meant... Are you intending to cause my son more heartbreak? You and I both know he wished to announce his courtship of you officially, not his engagement to Miss Black." I had the decency to blush at her bluntness. "Will my son be making the biggest mistake of his life tonight?"

Merlin, I adored this woman, and her words broke my heart. I tried to have my face reflect my own inner turmoil, "I cannot answer that, m'Lady, for even I do not know."

Penny could just nod and send Rita and I running along into the ballroom to have fun.