Author's Note P1: Again, many Japanese names popping up in this chapter. Fans of the game might find Daigo Tsuwabuki more recognizable under his English name, Steven Stone (the game's champion of Hoenn). Likewise, Lan and Fu are Liza and Tate, (Tokusane) Mossdeep's gym leaders. Otachi are Sentret.

Author's Note P2: Apologies for the excessive delay between this update and the last. I know it's the first excuse most writers turn to when they disappear for extended periods of time, but I've been busy. Life started beating me pretty viciously in August, didn't let up until February, and I spent the last several months trying to rebuild amidst the devastation. I'm on my way back to better, and I appreciate everyone's continued interest in this story (even when mine had nearly disappeared).

Big thanks to piratepenguin666 for continually reminding me that I had a story to finish. Secondly, some huge appreciation goes out to Diddle-chan; you're persistence brought this story back to life time and time again. Big hugs :3

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or its characters. The story is a work of fiction and in no way shall money be made from this endeavor. Unauthorized reproduction or copying of this fiction is not allowed (aka do not copy/post/save to your hard drive or elsewhere).

Melody of a Memory
By Leika Lai

Chapter Ten

Shigeru and I didn't talk much that evening; the morning had been strange and unexpected for both of us, and I suspected Shigeru wanted to put it behind him as much as I did. We kept up casual conversation, but it was nothing as sustainable as before. He only halfheartedly reminded me to take my medications before slipping into his bedroom for the night, and he was not in the house by time I awoke the next day.

I remained fidgeting in my bed until I decided that Shigeru could worry all he wanted, but I wasn't about to stay in my room for hours on end. I was already bored to tears just lying there, staring into space without anything to do. I tentatively clear my throat, waiting for a throbbing ache to begin in my head or chest, but when nothing happens, I make my decision.

What Shigeru doesn't know can't hurt him; I take my medication and grab a blanket on my way downstairs. Honestly, three days of bed rest was too much…. Heading to the living room, I search for the box of gifts that Shigeru carried in from the hospital and, soon enough, I spot it on the dining table. My steps stagger and I gasp as I enter the kitchen, struck by how inaccurately Shigeru described the public's response to my illness.

My kitchen is filled with brightly-colored flowers of every species I can recognize, each in varying degrees of aging: arrangements of untamed lilies and beautiful orchids, sweet-smelling carnations and wild roses, dusky violets and vibrant azaleas. Every color imaginable is represented in this forest of flora. Cards and packages also sit in piles on every available surface, and my jaw drops as I look at all of this; never would I have expected such a response from the public discovering I was ill. Reading over the notes attached to each bouquet, I feel slightly better about my lack of hospital visitors.

As expected, flowers were sent from Nanami, Shigeru's sister, as well as from my mother and Ookido-Hakase. Kasumi sent a small azure and white combination. Haruka and her family ordered a massive production of red and yellow flowers, whereas Fu and Lan, Tokusane's gym leaders, sent a subtle bouquet of creamy white flowers. There was even a purple, red and white bouquet mysteriously sent by コ, ム and pawprint.

Smiling to myself, I turn my attention towards the cards. I look over them quickly, spotting the addresses of Hiroshi, and Kasumi among the dispatchers, but I'm surprised to find one from Julia Ookido as well. The last time I spoke with Shigeru's wife, she had been decidedly cool to me, and I wonder why she is concerned for my well-being now. Upon opening it, though, I find childish scribbling (the twins' writing attempt, I assumed) and Julia's neat translation beneath it.

The envelopes are marked with postage from all over Jouto, Kanto and Houen alike. Some senders I recognize, but others are long-lost memories I can barely recall, or trainers I had never met but were inspired by my title. I pick up the stack, deciding to read through them somewhere more comfortable. As I pass my video phone, I note the red message light flashing beside the darkened screen. My smile grows wider as I start playing back the recorded tape.

"Satoshi, you bugger! How dare you get sick–" began Kasumi's message; she tosses her fiery red hair behind her shoulder and continues on her tirade until the machine cuts her off. Next, my mother describes the troubles she had trying to book a flight from Tokiwa and sends her love to me. The following call message came from Haruka, who serenely greets me, cupping her chin in her hands as she smiles and leans conspiratorially close to the camera. She sends good wishes, tells me about her progress on her Contest centre, and reminds me of our promise to visit each other soon.

Surprisingly, the final phone message came from Daigo Tsuwabuki, Houen's defending Champion. In his recording, he is sharply dressed in a suit, his hair carefully set in place. I feel a calm respectfulness involuntarily come over me as I await his recorded words.

Daigo's voice is smooth and subtly powerful as he says, "Master Satoshi, this message comes to you on behalf of the Elite Four, Houen division." I swallow thickly; this doesn't seem like a 'feel better soon' type of message. Typically a region's Elite Four contacts me only if something is wrong or if someone was vying for the Master title in their region.

Daigo continues, as if reading a script from memory, "It has come to our attention that the public is growing increasingly aware of your current residence. It could not be helped, but your illness has informed the media of your home in Tokusane."

I'm slightly disappointed that his call didn't involve a trainer who defeated him, perhaps a new challenger to my title. My focus trails away and I roll my eyes; I know Daigo is about to recite some rules in my contract as Master. Being the Master, I have to remain under the public's radar and appear only when the Elite Four sanctions it, as in commercials or at public spectacles. This wasn't the first time I've had trouble keeping my whereabouts a secret.

Sure enough, Daigo does exactly this recitation, droning on for what feels like forever. "If public awareness grows too high, we will have to ask for your relocation once more. Please recall our desire for secrecy is in your best interests," Daigo finishes. As if it's an afterthought, he adds, "Feel better soon."

The videophone screen flickers to black and I'm left alone, feeling like an admonished child. I can't help if public interest surged since my stint in the hospital….

I glance at the clock and find it is still ages away from lunch time. I fleetingly wonder whether Shigeru will come home for the meal or not. I haven't been awake for lunch since he returned to work. I feel even worse when I realize that Yukiko is supposed to be coming in today; Shigeru won't be home until late this evening, if at all, meaning I'll be left alone for even longer than normal.

Sighing to myself, I pick up the card pile off the table and head back into the living room and, slumping down on the couch, I start opening envelopes with less enthusiasm than I had felt not ten minutes ago.

Shigeru, it seems, packs a lunch to work. I wait until one-thirty before resigning to the fact that he's not coming home. I rifle through the fridge, trying to find something appealing and easy to make, but the two properties seem to be mutually exclusive. I settle on a box of dry cereal, carrying it back to the couch and eating handfuls directly from the bag.

I had finished with the cards over an hour ago, leaving me with little to do with my time. I find myself glancing repeatedly at the clock, hoping that time would somehow fast-forward to tonight, when I'd have company once again. It doesn't, though, so I settle on watching the television for a while. I turn onto an old movie, readying myself for familiar hours of lying before the TV in a mindless stupor.

It feels like…before. Before Shigeru had shown up on my doorstep. I would spend my days alone at home, sometimes needing to be around other people but most time not. Some days I would flit amongst the public, keeping to myself to avoid the attention of others. But it was just easier to stay home; no one could stumble across you there.

I sigh and look out the window behind me, partially hoping to see Shigeru step out of a cab and up the walkway to my home. To see him when he didn't know I was watching, like at the hospital. He had seemed casual and self-assured then. Around me, when we were alone, he doesn't seem like that at all. I wonder again what Shigeru is really like as a person.

I stop my introspection and turn back to the television. Sinking down into the couch, I let my focus slip away and just watch the screen, letting my brain avoid such heavy, distracting topics as Shigeru. My tedium is broken, however, shortly after five o'clock. Outside, I hear a vehicle pull up to the curb and a car door slam shut. Frowning, I sit upright and straighten my clothes.

Crap. He's not going to be happy when he sees I'm not in bed.

Before Shigeru can arrive inside, I force myself off the couch and dash up the stairs, feeling groggy and coughing as I round the corner and creak my bedroom door shut. I try to look convincingly asleep in bed as I hear the front door shut and Shigeru sigh tiredly as he kicks off his shoes and drops his satchel. My head is pounding from the extra effort I'd just made to get upstairs, but it'll be worth it if Shigeru doesn't catch on….

I try to sound tired as I call out, "I'm in here."

I hear his footsteps stop in the hall and, soon enough, Shigeru arrives at my door. I reach over to the night stand and turn on the lamp.

"You've done better than I thought, Sato. Didn't expect you to be in bed," Shigeru says slowly, leaning on my doorframe. "I thought you were 'desperate for freedom'."

"I can follow orders. Sometimes," I reply, numbly wishing I was a more convincing liar.

"Huh." Shigeru clicks his tongue and walks slowly to my bed. His hand moves pensively to his chin as he says, "I saw the TV on downstairs, and your comforter is on the couch."

Damnit.

"Oh?" I swallow thickly, trying to hide the action by pulling up my remaining blankets. "That's weird."

Shigeru scoffs, shaking his head disbelievingly. His false aloofness drops as he says, "Don't take me for an idiot. I knew that once I left the house, you'd be running around and not resting."

I wave my arm down my body length, bringing my reclined position to his attention. "This qualifies as 'resting', doesn't it? And a couch works just as well as a bed," I reply, smirking to myself. "Besides, I slept all yesterday, and the afternoon before that too. That was enough 'resting' for me."

Shigeru sighs heavily and continues to shake his head.

Changing the topic, I ask, "Why're you home? I thought you and Yukiko were going out for supper."

Shigeru frowns and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "We had to postpone."

"What - why?"

"She got to Kogane Airport's customs this morning, but they turned her away." Shigeru walks over to the bedside before continuing, "One of the young Otachi she was delivering was ill."

I furrow my brow. "So she couldn't fly with them?"

Shigeru shakes his head. "Not will ill monsters," he explains. "They'd quarantine the baby for a month minimum until it could be officially considered healthy. Kiko's just going to try again later."

"Damn," I say, the disappointment in my voice genuine. "Too bad you couldn't see her."

"Another time," Shigeru shrugs. "Anyways, I still have dinner reservations that are going to waste."

I watch his body language shift slightly, his shoulders tightening up and his breath becoming more constrained. I think back to my earlier observation, about how he always seems agitated, even borderline tense, in my presence. I don't see him fully unwind.

Shigeru's voice sounds on casual, but I sense some nervousness as he says, "I was thinking, since you're so eager to rejoin the land of the living, maybe you'd want to put the reservations to use and go out for supper tonight."

"Really?" I smile widely, genuinely surprised. "I pass your health inspection then?"

"I suppose," Shigeru says sardonically, grinning lightly to himself. His shoulders relax as he adds, "We should arrive there in less than an hour, so you'd better get dressed and we'll get going."

"What should I wear?"

Shigeru shrugs. "It's a damn nice restaurant. Lose the pajamas, for a start."

"Smartass," I mutter. Shifting my legs over the side of the bed, I shoo him out the door and start changing my clothes.

Shigeru's description of the restaurant was an understatement: it was a gorgeous, formal yet comfortable building near downtown Tokusane. Situated on the corner of one block, its exterior was composed primarily of a dark wall of smoky, tinted glass. Only by pressing my face against it could I faintly see tables and decorations inside. A nice, private place; I could see why Shigeru selected it.

Our conversation over dinner was pleasant and light, the smoothest it has been since my days at the hospital. Our off-putting morning was all but forgotten, and I was grateful for that fact. And Shigeru seemed happy despite Yukiko's absence; he made it known that he was glad I was nearing perfect health once again.

Once we finish eating and split the bill, we stand outside the restaurant and watch the street. I note the dozens of taxicabs patrolling the area, taking advantage of the evening's peak hours for customers. I stand close to Shigeru, our arms lightly brushing, and wonder what we will do next. Shigeru and I don't call a cab over, though, not yet; he hasn't said it, but I can tell Shigeru is considering we go somewhere besides home first. We walk, following the sidewalk, and enjoy the clear night and each other's company.

"So…what do you think?" Shigeru asks.

"Damn nice restaurant," I say sardonically, bringing a grin to Shigeru's face.

"Yukiko hates the place," he replies, shaking his head and smiling to himself. "She'd rather go to a street vendor or café, but I like to take her someplace special when she's in town."

"Special, you say?"

"I like to treat her well. All my friends well." His gaze drops as he adds, "I used to bring Jules here a lot, during university."

"Was this your 'date' restaurant, eh Shigeru?" I say teasingly. In the dusky light of the evening, I fail to notice Shigeru's revealing expression.

"Kind of."

We pass a crowded café, its honey-colored lights softening the space between us. We don't talk much, but our silence is comfortable and warm. I cough lightly into a closed fist.

"Are you doing okay?" he asks, referring to my cough. "Not too tired yet?"

"Nope," I nod vehemently. "I think I'm finally better." Shigeru slowly nods in turn. Finally I cannot wait any longer; I ask, "So what should we do now?"

"I dunno." An awkward pause, then: "You have a preference?"

I shrug, uncertain. "Coffee?" I say, grabbing his arm and pointing towards the café.

"We just had supper…." Shigeru says slowly, his eyes on my hold.

I drop my grip and poke him teasingly. "Fine, smartass, you decide."

We continue walking, crossing the occasional street during our search for some activity. I don't feel bored, though; I just enjoy Shigeru walking beside me.

"What're you thinking about?" I ask after another block walked in silence.

Clearing his throat, Shigeru shrugs. Gazing at me thoughtfully, Shigeru asks, "I've been thinking about how much time we've changed. Since we were trainers."

"I'm still a trainer."

"Yes, but I'm not."

I frown, not certain where he was going with this topic. "You still have your monsters, don't you?" He nods, so I say, "Technically, you're still a trainer then."

"My ID card lapsed years ago." Shigeru watches the ground before him, shrugging one shoulder. "That's not what I meant when I brought up – I meant, Sato… You're the Master, right? So…" he pauses, mulling over his words. I wait, my breath held, for him to continue on a subject I was starting to dread.

Finally he says, "I remember seeing you with hoards of friends throughout Kanto and Jouto. But presently, barring my company, you spend your time alone. That's alright, I guess," Shigeru adds when he sees my upset expression, hastily retracting his statement, "but the thing that bothers me about it is… just…why aren't your monsters here with you, Sato? Especially Pi–"

I stop walking, waiting for him to say the name I don't want to hear. He stops beside me, and some vague sense tells Shigeru to halt his sentence.

Still, he rephrases and asks, "Why don't you keep your Pokemon with you anymore, Sato?"

I don't answer him immediately. Despite all the lead up and my incoming dread, the question still catches me by surprise. I look around for some way to change the topic and am surprised to see a half-dozen people standing nearby, watching us. I'm distracted by the small crowd building nearby. It's subtle, but they watch us and talk amongst themselves.

Shit, someone must have recognized me….

Shigeru is oblivious, however, still awaiting my response. "Geru, not right now," I say.

"But I want to know –" he begins, but I tersely cut him and gesture towards the sidewalk. Shigeru follows my gaze to the people floating a half-block away, whispering amongst themselves as they face us.

"Let's go," I tell him sternly. Daigo and the Elite Four's reprimand is still fresh in my mind. Surprisingly, Shigeru agrees to leave without argument.

We flag a cab quickly, crawling one after the other into the back seat. I recite my block's number and we leave downtown Tokusane. Shigeru respects my silence and avoids continuing our discussion in front of the cab driver. Only once we are safely back home do we talk again; the accidental crowd-building has made me petulant, clamming me up. Shigeru follows my lead and respects my lack of conversation. I pay for the cab and we exit into my house.

"Does that happen a lot?" Shigeru asks me, unable to contain himself. "I have some notoriety as well, but I can still move to a new city and not be recognized in the public at large. Plus, I've never had spontaneous crowds like that before…."

I nod, relieved he picked something different to talk about. "Usually it takes a couple months of me living somewhere for the locals start to recognize me," I tell him. I think of the paparazzi at the hospital. Shrugging my coat off, I add, "Maybe one of the local papers said I've been spotted in Tokusane, and that's triggered awareness with everyone."

Shigeru agrees. Chuckling noncommittally, he says, "I suppose the carefree life of a Master needs some downsides, eh?"

Instead of confirming his comment, I clear my throat awkwardly. Changing the subject, I ask, "So have you thought of anything for us to do yet? The night is young…."

Shigeru doesn't voice what has been idly passing through his mind, distracting him more and more as of late; he can't. His thoughts are clogged by simple scenarios where he moves in closer to me, too close, and seals the evening's finale.

"I dunno," he says finally, his throat working over the words. His gaze drops distractedly away. "If I were at home, Jules and I would passive-aggressively ignore each other. If I were alone, I'd probably just read some research journals until I fall asleep."

"You're boring," I joke, smiling at him. Shigeru follows me as I walk to the stairs, his eyes narrowed, and I add sincerely, "But it sounds better than what I would do."

"And what's that?"

I shrug, embarrassed. "Odds are I would sit on the sofa and watch traffic until I felt tired and went to bed."

"You don't sleep well normally, do you?" Shigeru quietly asks. By this time, we have moved upstairs, to the crest of the staircase.

I'm caught off-guard; I didn't think Shigeru had noticed my often-erratic sleeping patterns, particularly since my recent pneumonia had me sleeping all day and night. I scratch my head, lowly admitting, "I've had insomnia since moving to Tokusane. Since before then, actually, but it got worse when I moved here."

"D'you know why?" he asks, leaning against the doorframe to his room. He crosses his arms, watching me with interest.

I shrug again. "Who knows why?" My answer is a cop-out, I know, and Shigeru wants to question further. He's piecing together his own explanations.

My suspicions are confirmed when, too accurately for my liking, he says, "Maybe it's because Pikachuu isn't with you anymore."

"Maybe," I say uncomfortably.

Most times, I try to keep Pikachuu from my mind. Just hearing his name gives me a stomachache, my muscles tightening and my mood sinking low. Thinking about my closest friend for too long leaves me in a depressed funk that lingers long after I've forgotten what drove me into it. Unwonted at Shigeru's words, I recall all our voyages together, the battles – the last battle we had together. Pikachuu driving the finishing blow into the previous Master's monster. The elation we felt together as we finally reached our goal. That final, frenzied celebration….

"Sato?" Shigeru asks worriedly. I don't know why he sounds distressed; I look up from the floor, but my gaze on him is blurry and out of focus. My eyes feel full.

"Shit," I say quickly, realizing what is wrong and turning my face away. Wiping my hand roughly over my eyes, I hope that Shigeru didn't notice what just happened. But he has been watching me closely, and I doubt very much that he couldn't see.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't've–" Shigeru begins, but I'm not paying attention to him; moving as quickly as possible, I stomp towards the bathroom.

"Sorry, excuse me," I mumble as I shut the door. Once inside, I exhale heavily and slide down the door, slowly coming to rest on the cold tile floor. Crossing my arms over my knees, I support my forehead against my fist. Breathing deep and slow, I feel a swell of emotion in me, one that I often ignore. That feeling of loneliness, ever-present and hidden in the back of my mind, washes over me as I think about Shigeru's words.

When we were trainers, we were different. He had argued he wasn't a trainer, not anymore but… I feel that way now. I'm not a trainer anymore.

Since becoming the Master, I haven't met people I could trust for liking me and not the title I held. I couldn't battle whoever I wanted, which was what I enjoyed about being a trainer. Now, I can barely recall the rush of near-defeat, the ecstasy and excitement of pulling a victory out from beneath your opponent's nose. It's been so long since I've celebrated a triumph with my monsters, the group of us combining into one frenzied crowd of elation. Did I really achieve so much by gaining the title? Was it really worth the isolation it pushed upon me, setting me apart from other trainers?

No, I immediately answer myself, it wasn't worth it.

My enjoyment of being a trainer diminished as soon as my battles were restricted. Without a reason to continually train, I lost the bond I held with my monsters; we no longer had battling to keep us connected. We didn't celebrate as we had before. I had to often move about the country in order to keep my home a secret. No one kept in touch with me long-distance for very long, or if they did then it was sporadic at best.

My monsters weren't with me, my friends had no reason to travel with me anymore; everyone left, and I have nothing to show for all my years of work besides a stupid title and a little house in Tokusane. The title wasn't worth all that I had lost. Nothing could be worth that.

"Sato?" I hear Shigeru, muffled through the wooden door. He raps his knuckles quietly. "You okay?"

"It's nothing," I reply, my voice sounding too loud in this small room. I hastily scrub my hand against my eyelids, smearing the salt trails until they never existed. I stand and tap my palms against my cheeks, willing myself to buck up and act normal. Inhaling deeply and trying to smile, I turn the doorknob and open the door.

Shigeru stands immediately by the bathroom, his face marred with concern. My voice is thick and I don't even believe the lie I tell him, "I'm just really tired; I need to get some sleep." I give him a weak, unconvincing grin.

He is dissatisfied with my answer, I can tell, but he doesn't press further; instead, he nods slowly and drops his gaze from mine. I sidestep him and return to the hall, trying to somehow politely exit into my room. I stop outside my opened door and peer back at Shigeru. Mock-cheerfully, I ask, "You going to bed too?"

He walks slowly to me, his arms crossed over his chest and his teeth gnawing on his lower lip. He stops mere feet before me, his gaze pensive but demoralized, directed at the floor. He seems so serious that I have to turn and face him forthright.

Leaning in close, Shigeru quietly says, "I'll let you go now, if you really want to Sato, but I'd rather you tell me what's wrong." Stepping back, his eyes train on mine and he says, "If not tonight, then soon."

I bob my head up and down, my throat choking up. I cross my arms in a failed attempt to mirror his calm. Shigeru doesn't say anything else; he doesn't have to. His gaze is attentive, warm with concern, and I can't help it; something inside me breaks. I look pleadingly to the ceiling, wishing I could either find the words I wanted to say or avoid saying them completely. I begin, my voice thick, "It's just–"

"Being Master is the shittiest thing that's ever happen to me," I tell him, ruefully smiling as I spill the words.

He frowns momentarily, shocked that this was my answer. Shigeru quickly recovers, asking, "How so?"

I shrug, feeling lousy as I say, "I battle maybe one person a year, if I'm lucky. Not many qualify to be my opponents. I've lost connection with my Pokemon…. I stopped trusting most people and m-making new friends." I pause in my explanation, struggling to maintain control of my emotions. Shigeru watches me thoughtfully in this time, waiting for me to continue. "M-my old friends, I barely see or talk to anymore. Even when we do, it doesn't feel the same as it used to; we aren't carefree, o-or even as or friendly or close as we were before...."

I breathe in deeply, willing myself to remain calm. "Everyone's moved on in their lives except me, and I can't do a thing about it because I'm stuck until someone comes along and takes away my title...."

I frown, my face contorting terribly, and Shigeru takes a step closer than socially acceptable. "Shigeru, I'm just…alone," I say, my voice sounding traitorously close to a whimper, "And I'm glad that you're here...." I squeeze my eyes shut, willing them to behave and keep dry.

Shigeru doesn't say anything; how could he? Instead, unexpectedly, Shigeru places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. I bob my head again, trying to convey that I appreciate his gesture. His hand glides to the back of my neck, cupping the side of my head as he pulls my forehead to his, touching them together. I feel both energized and calmed by his gesture, the physical contact unfamiliar after being without it for so long.

My heartbeat races as I halfheartedly try to understand what I'm feeling. My attention is mostly on the sensation of his arms, of the comfort I feel with him so near. I release a small sigh as one of his hand slides through my hair.

I pull away, my forehead reluctant to part from his and, without worrying about the consequences, I slip my arms over his back and pull him close. Shigeru responds by wrapping his arms tightly around me. A dry sob escapes my lips, the hurt I'd been suffering from pouring out. I push my face into his neck, his chest rising and falling in time as he breathes, the motion subconsciously soothing me.

"I'm sorry," Shigeru whispers finally, his hands wound tightly upon my back. "I wish I'd known."

"Yeah, well," I scoff. Chuckling weakly into him, I say, "You're the first."

He clears his throat and steps back, loosening his hold. I keep my arms around him, unwilling to break contact just yet. When I look at Shigeru, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head self-deprecatingly. "I'm trying to think of something clever and lighthearted to say, to make you feel better," he finally admits, smirking to himself.

"Shigeru, at a loss for witty comebacks?" I ask, mock-affronted. "I wish that happened more when we were trainers."

Shigeru's face hardens. "I said I was sorry about that, right? Because I am sorry."

"The why'd you act like that?" I ask quietly.

Shigeru grimaces and looks over my head, as if searching for the words to say. Clicking his tongue and taking a step backward, he fully breaks our contact and gazes to the floor between us. "Look, don't freak out but…" he begins. His words sound as if they are forcefully dragged from him. "When we were trainers, I had…"

I am watching him attentively, my behavior calm and controlled as I anticipate his response. His breath hitches, and Shigeru exhales deeply. He says shakily, "I had a cr…." I wait for him to continue, but he doesn't. Or can't, perhaps; he looks physically stuck in his sentence.

Finally Shigeru shakes his head. He looks disappointed in himself as he says, "Nothing. It was nothing, really, it just made me act stupid at the time. I didn't know what to do about it, so I ended up doing the worst thing possible."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. This was the closest I've ever come to getting a straight answer from him.

Shigeru nervously rubs his neck. "Will you be…okay, now?"

"Yeah. Sorry," I let loose a humorless laugh, "I didn't mean to have a breakdown tonight."

"N-no, it's okay, Sato. Don't worry about it."

We stand awkwardly near one another, neither willing to leave for our respective bedrooms. Finally Shigeru grips my upper arm, giving it an informal nudge, and we part ways like nervous strangers. I say, "Good night."

I pause in the doorway to my room, waiting to hear the lock on Shigeru's door click shut. I peek back over my shoulder, catch sight of Shigeru doing the same with me. I quickly continue in to my room, closing the door and releasing a shaky breath I had been holding far too long. Changing for bed, I lie down atop my covers and stare vapidly at the ceiling. I lay there for hours in the darkness, seldom moving, my mind subconsciously churning over something I wasn't aware of. I rest my hands on my chest, feeling my heart beat with a rhythm I had never felt before.

Something had changed in me. I felt…empty, yet not in a sad way. It was a calm, soothing kind of empty, as if I was awaiting the arrival of something important. I didn't feel so disconnected anymore; acknowledging the suffering helped me realized what had gone wrong in my life. This calm feeling wouldn't last, I realized, so I decided to enjoy it while I could.

Running my hand down my rib cage and over my stomach, I enjoy the simple sensations they trail as their journey pauses beneath my navel. Tracing idle circles on my skin, my mind strangely devoid of thought, I feel a warmth that hadn't been there before and a flush on my face that had nothing to do with illness. I glance to the door and, imagining I could see to Shigeru's room, wonder if what he was feeling in this moment was anything like this strange brew in my body. I try not to think too much, to just gather courage as a revelation struck me full-fold.

-0-0-0-0-

The hardest thing, I find, about writing is deciding where chapter breaks should be. I have two competing philosophies that I try to satisfy. First, my writing style tends toward long, drawn out, and slow-developing. Next, I don't like to make chapters longer than five thousand words. Unfortunately, I think my pacing gets affected as a result of this length barrier. What do you think? How long is "too long" for a chapter?

Last question. When it comes to battles, which would better suit your understanding of the events: solely Japanese Pokemon names, or a mixture of both Japanese and English? That is, Japanese in the description of the events, but English if its name is spoken aloud. Example: 'Using its long tail as a launching device, Ootachi jumps into the range of Poppo. "Finish him, Furret!" the trainer cried, spurring Ootachi on.' Tell me which way would be less confusing.

That's all. Send me a PM if you don't feel like leaving your thoughts in a review, but I would appreciate some input about the questions nonetheless.

Final statement: you guys are made of kick-ass and awesome. In fact, about 50% kick-ass and 85% awesome (I'm a writer, damnit, not a mathematician!). XOXO Leika