Callie and Arizona have put the trauma of the last couple of months behind them and are gradually healing their relationship when a seemingly innocuous incident threatens the very foundations of their love and the possibility of a future together.
Rated: M for language and mature themes.
They say that there are only 7 basic plots, so if this story feels derivative or familiar, I apologise, it probably is. Romance, angst, sex and potty humour to be found herein and not necessarily in that order. I also realise that I didn't do what good writers are supposed to do i.e. arrive late and leave early, the story meanders forever; sorry about that.This is almost exclusive Callie and Arizona, the other GA characters do pop up from time to time but please don't count on a fully fledged GA episodehere.
If the spirit moves you, feel free to leave feedback, constructive criticism or tell me that I used the semi colon incorrectly.
Oh yeah, I speak no Spanish and I have zero medical knowledge. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all characters belong to ABC, Shondra Rhimes et al. No profit being made here etc, etc etc.
OK. I admit, it was a pretty mean trick and I'm sorry, truly.
My meanness notwithstanding I really do want to say thank you for the feedback and comments. It's really great to know you're engaging with the story.
I'll be away for a few weeks and won't be updating for a while but this chapter is just a little something to keep the fires burning...I hope you like.
10
Derek closed his eyes for second.
It could be temporary. It might not be a problem.
Without turning round to the room, he half took out his stethoscope and spoke loudly.
"I need the room clear, all family and ... friends please wait outside." He shot a look at Meredith and she caught his meaning immediately.
Turning to Callie's family, Meredith shook her head firmly at the immediate protest that came from Carlos Torres.
"We need to go, right now, Sir," she insisted, ushering him away, taking a sideways glance at Arizona.
She seemed rooted the spot, her face stricken and grey and a closed fist pressed hard against her mouth.
Meredith went to her at once, putting and arm around her and leading her away.
The rest of Callie's family left, quickly and quietly; Marguerite and Aria both with tears streaming down their faces.
"Ok, I really need someone to tell me what happened ... Where is George? Has he been hurt?"
Callie's voice was still very weak but her agitation was clear and her heart rate was steadily increasing.
"Callie, I promise I'll answer all of your questions but I need you to calm down." Derek needed to complete his exam and then possibly get a psych consult. Temporary amnesia wasn't
completely unexpected but he needed to make sure that there wasn't any underlying physical damage that might have been overlooked and was causing the memory loss.
"Callie, what's the last thing you remember?" Though it wasn't a general surgery case, Richard Webber had come the minute he had heard that Callie was emerging from her coma.
Callie leaned back and closed her eyes for moment.
She felt completely shattered, bone-weary as if she'd just run a double marathon encased in cement boots. Every part of her body ached. She tried to focus on Derek's question but she couldn't get the image of her tearful parents and sister out of her head.
How bad had she been?
"I ummmm I had finished my shift and had gone home, I think I was waiting to see George." she looked up at them, chewing in her pale, dry lips.
"Derek, just tell me...please?" At the look that was exchanged between the two men Callie closed her eyes and prepared herself for the worst. She could feel her heart sink even further.
She had been shocked and frightened when she had struggled out of her nightmare only to find that it was all too real and that she was choking on an intubation tube.
The sight of her entire immediate family and their obvious distress made it patently clear that she had been seriously, dangerously ill.
Her throat was still painful and raw but she needed answers. George wasn't anywhere in sight and Derek and the Chief weren't being explicit with her.
"Is George dead?" her heart was pounding hard, but she couldn't wait for a response and supplied an answer herself.
"Were we in an accident and George was killed? Is that what happened?"
The last thing she actually remembered was telling George that she forgave him for sleeping with Izzie. Callie couldn't tell if it was self-possession or self-preservation that forced the lie, but brain injury or no, the whole hospital didn't need to know that after only a few months of ill-advised matrimony, her husband had strayed.
Derek sighed trying to work out the best way to break the news.
Not telling her immediately would only heighten her fears and yet telling her bluntly could do untold psychological damage.
"Just tell me, for God's sake," Callie burst out, her voice weak and trembling.
"Callie, I need to be strong, ok?" Derek answered her question before he actually said the words and tears sprang to her eyes at the thought that George had died.
"How did it happen? We're we in a RTA?" she turned her face away from the men, staring at the monitors as tears ran down her face.
"Callie, this is going to be difficult for you to take in but George died nearly 2 years ago." Derek rushed on at her gasp of shock and the look of dawning horror and understanding on her face.
"You've been in a coma for nearly a week as a result of a traumatic brain injury ..."
"I've got amnesia? I've got frigging amnesia?"
Callie spat out incredulous and then started to cough at the violence of her words.
"Callie, I know this is a lot to take in but your throat needs time to heal..."
"George is dead?" her outburst died as quickly as it flared and she said the words, unbelieving, a fresh stream of tears pouring down her face.
"I'm sorry, yes. He was hit by a bus nearly 2 years ago..." Richard Webber knew that Callie's love life had been somewhat messy and didn't want to be the one to break it to her that she'd been divorced from O'Malley for over a year before he died.
"Torres, let Derek finish his exam and we'll get A... we'll get your family in. We're going to need to take things slowly; you can't allow yourself to get overwhelmed right now."
Callie's tears continued to fall but she nodded her head. Both men could see her exhaustion and the stress of the news she had just received would play havoc on her BP.
Derek wondered how significant it was that Callie was more distraught over George than she was about her own health. She was an open-hearted woman and perhaps it meant nothing. His thoughts flashed to Arizona and he wondered how she was holding up after the revelation of Callie's amnesia.
He could only imagine the devastation she must be feeling right now.
Callie closed her eyes and tried to calm down but the tears seeped through her lashes anyway.
Her mind was crowded with thoughts and images, each one smashing into another until a painful montage of memories forced her eyes open.
"I can't believe George died 2 years ago... I can't believe I've been in a coma..." As she swiped the back of her hand across her face, Callie realised that she didn't know what put her in a coma in the first place.
"So, what happened to me? Did I have an accident?"
"A combination of events led to you suffering what we think was an SIS, in addition, you also had a blastomycosis infection in your lungs. You hit your head last week and had a MTBI and contusions. But we can fill you in later. You need to get some rest right now." Derek summarised quickly aware that Callie was draining her depleted reserves of energy.
Callie's eyes went round at Derek's words.
"SIS? Are you frigging kidding me?"
"Torres, you need to rest." Richard Webber used his 'Chief 'voice, hoping to put a temporary halt to her questions.
Callie leaned back and put her hand on her chest, feeling the beat of her heart.
Amnesia or not, she was lucky to be alive.
.
Arizona's skin was ashen and Meredith stood close by her side, not convinced that she wouldn't collapse under the shock and strain.
Her eyes were dull and glassy and she hadn't spoken a single word, simply stood frozen, staring through the glass panes at the occupants of the ICU room.
"Arizona...can I get you something?" Meredith was at a loss.
A single tear ran down Arizona's face but she didn't say anything. She couldn't.
Were the gods having a huge joke at her expense?
How could it be possible that after everything that they had been through, that Callie would finally get through to the other side, only to have lost her memories of their life together along the way? She had been so preoccupied with preparing for the very worst that a simple, but obvious concern like amnesia hadn't occurred to her. She should have seen this coming.
Arizona thought that her world was coming to an end during Callie's coma, she had felt almost every good feeling within her melt away during those long quiet nights that she sat Callie's bedside and pleaded with or bullied her to wake up.
But right now, the waves of emotion that rolled through her defied description. Arizona could not name the thing that pushed through her heart and mind and soul, save that it was robbing her of her light, her sweetness and her hope.
She felt lightheaded and her body wouldn't stop shaking.
Arizona recognised the signs of shock but could no more move from this spot than she could sprout wings and fly.
She knew that Meredith was offering her a shoulder to cry on but Arizona didn't want a shoulder to cry on.
She wanted Callie.
.
"Shut up. You're fucking shitting me."
"I shit you not." Meredith pulled on her jacket and sank down on a bench. She was drained and just wanted to go home and sleep for a few days.
"But she's alright, though, right? I mean, a little amnesia never hurt anyone, right?" Cristina made sure first and at Meredith's uncertain shrug turned her attention back to the original issue of Callie's jaw-dropping question.
"You know this is way better than any soap you've got on TIVO."
"Cristina," Meredith protested.
"What?" Cristina shrugged, unabashed and bunched her hair up. "It is and you know it."
"Callie and Arizona are our friends, we need to be supportive." Meredith said.
"Umm, if you recall your timeline correctly, Mer, you and Izzie Stevens gave Callie a hard time when she married George. Not so sure she's gonna think of you as a friend right now."
Meredith opened her mouth and then closed it. Cristina did have a bit of a point there.
"Crap." Meredith muttered. She'd forgotten how protective she and Izzie had been of George. But Cristina was still agog, pumping her for more details.
"How'd Arizona take it?"
"How'd you think, Cristina? She looked devastated, the Chief took her away."
"You know what I think's going to happen next?" Cristina slammed her locker shut and picked up her rucksack.
"I bet Callie's Dad is going to use this to his advantage. He cut her off, that didn't work, he then tried to exorcise the gayness away with a priest and that backfired..." She nodded her head enthusiastically, warming to her theory.
"He's going to use Callie's amnesia to get Arizona out of her life. I bet he takes her back to Miami and..."
"Cristina. Stop." Meredith halted Cristina's script writing exercise.
"What...?"
"Callie nearly died. Arizona's a mess. This isn't some funny incident laid on for our amusement..."
"You think I don't know that, Mer? You think that I've not been thinking about Callie all this time? She's the woman I've shared an apartment with for 18 months. She's the person who, arguably, saved my life when Owen damn near choked me to death." Cristina toyed with her keys, her face barely betraying the cracks of the stress of the last week and a half. "I'm aware of what Callie's been through, is going through and I feel for her and Arizona. But you know me well enough to know that I'm not going to be a girl and wear my heart on a sleeve. Callie's alive and breathing and right now, that's good enough for me."
She shrugged, her narrow frame radiating defiance.
"Deal with it."
Meredith opened her mouth to argue some ore and then closed it.
Cristina was right.
The most important thing was that Callie had made it. She was alive.
.
She couldn't tell what Derek or the Chief were saying but Callie was in floods of tears and Arizona physically ached with the need to go to her, to take Callie in her arms and rock slowly, to comfort her and wipe away the tears that were falling.
"Arizona, come with me please, we need to talk."
So focused was she on Callie, still talking with Derek and the Chief, she hadn't noticed Carlos approach her.
"We need to stay close by, she'll want us soon..." Arizona heard her voice and couldn't recognise it as hers.
Carlos put a warm harm on her shoulder.
"I just want a little privacy for a moment, Marguerite or Aria will come get us the minute Shepherd allows us to see her." Carlos offered a tired smile, the strain showing on his face as well.
The last week had been horrendous for all of them.
Nodding, Arizona took a long look at Callie, who was still sobbing and found that she couldn't move. She felt her heart twist with the obvious distress that Callie was in and simply couldn't leave her. She might not be able to physically offer comfort but she needed to be close.
"I can't leave her, Carlos. I need to be here...here. She might need me..." Arizona's weak voice trailed away. Callie wouldn't need her. Right now, Callie didn't know she even existed.
"Ok, it's ok, we can stay here." Carlos cleared his throat and then rubbed his hands together but said nothing else for a moment and gradually, Arizona became aware that he was watching her closely.
Her stomach dropped away and her heart lurch painfully as a thought occurred to her.
"I won't give her up, Sir. I will not." Arizona's voice didn't increase in strength but the intensity in the words and the fierceness of her gaze were impossible to miss. Her pale white hands clenched into fists and colour suffused her pale face.
"I told you that I loved her and I meant it. She may not remember me right now but we'll find a way ..." Arizona choked, unable to finish.
Carlos dropped his gaze and cleared his throat again.
"Callie's ... new life is not want I wanted for her. I was disappointed and shocked and unhappy..." He looked up ruefully. "You know this; you were as much in the firing line as Calliope was."
"I thought that I could force her to change her mind about... things. I thought that I could bully her into giving you up." Carlos shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels a little, Arizona could see that he was trying to find the right words and for a brief moment she was distracted.
"I was wrong then and I never really apologised to you."
"Calliope gave up her family to be with you. I know how much she loves us and yet, she was willing to let us go for you." He placed both hands on Arizona's shoulders and turned her to face him, she could see that this was important to him.
"She loves you, Arizona and she needs you to help make her better. Whatever we can do to help we will. You have my word. I am truly sorry for the hurt I caused."
Arizona swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, unable to speak. The dreadful thought that Carlos might try to use Callie's amnesia faded away. At least that was one hurdle she didn't need to worry about.
Carlos cleared his throat again.
"I know that you might have thought that I'd use this to whisk Callie away but I promise you after my last trip out here, I learnt my lesson."
Blinking away her tears, Arizona felt a little of the tension leave her body.
"That and the fact that Mama threatened to divorce him if he ever pulled a stunt like that again." Aria pulled Arizona into a loose hug and whispered into her ear.
"Arizona, I know this stinks but we'll work it out, I'm sure she'll get her memories back, it happens all the time, right?" Despite her breezy optimism, Arizona could see the fear in Aria's eyes.
Arizona nodded, her eyes once again glued to Callie's pale, tear-streaked face.
In truth, she had no idea.
.
Derek and the Chief came out of Callie's room and Derek said to them.
"You can go in for 5 minutes. She is completely exhausted and needs rest. You can come back tomorrow and stay a little longer but for now just a few minutes, try to keep her relaxed." Derek shoved his hands into his pockets and they could all see the tiredness in his posture.
"We had to tell her about O'Malley; she's obviously very upset." He paused for a minute and then looked directly at Arizona.
"Her BP is a little high and for the time being...just for a while, I'm going to strongly recommend that she has no more ...shocks to deal with."
Arizona felt her body go cold but it wasn't an unreasonable request given Callie's fragile state. It hurt nonetheless but she nodded her acquiescence without speaking.
Callie's family, as one, turned to look at Arizona offering whatever support they could.
"Perhaps Arizona could be another doctor on her case?" Marguerite suggested.
Even as Derek was shaking his head, Arizona responded.
"Thank you but I'm not sure I could hold it together, we need to keep it simple...please go in, be with her. We'll talk tomorrow." Arizona forced a smile of sorts to her face and watched sadly as they hurried into the room and gathered around Callie's bed.
She wasn't sure that the pain she could feel wouldn't kill her.
.
Callie gradually roused from her sleep.
She kept her eyes closed but knew that it was still early morning, way before rounds. The sounds outside her room were minimal; she could hear the buzz and hiss of equipment, the squeak of rubber sole shoes of the nurses on the polished floor.
It had been 2 days since she'd awoken from her coma and had sort of come to terms with the fact that her memories hadn't come rushing back.
She still couldn't believe that George had died.
Her last memory of the sweet, gentle man that she had married was that he was an unfaithful bastard.
Callie had spoken to her parents about him and they had told her that they had eventually found an amicable friendship since their divorce but Callie sensed that there was plenty that they were holding back. She couldn't tell if it was about George or other aspects of her life but she had been frustrated by the lack of concrete answers.
Dr Annabelle Wyatt had been to see her and had set up a schedule once Callie had been discharged but her biggest piece of advice was not to force the memories.
"Amnesia is a tricky thing to deal with, if it's not organic then we need to get to the root of why the memories aren't coming back and sometimes, even that's not enough." The resident shrink had told her.
"Give your body some time to heal and try not to push things."
So far, only her family had been allowed to visit and Callie desperately need to see Mark or speak to Addison to get a clear picture of what had happened in the last 2 years.
One of the nurses from the ICU had promised to page Addison for her but so far she hadn't shown up.
Callie still had her eyes closed but for reasons that she couldn't quite determine, absolutely knew that someone was close by, observing her intently.
She cracked one eye open to see who it was, Derek wasn't likely to come in this early except for an emergency and rounds wouldn't start for another few hours. There was diffused lighting from the corridor beyond and Callie could barely see the figure standing at the door.
But the combination of navy blue scrubs and long blonde hair triggered a hint of a memory. There was something, almost wistful about the way the woman hung onto the door frame, as if unable to carry her own weight but Callie didn't really absorb that thought. She could remember an oddly emotional pair of blue eyes looking down on her as she fought against the intubation tube, a warm gentle hand cupping her cheek and soothing her, soft words encouraging her, calming her.
Callie wasn't sure she was up for company but the woman had been gentle taking out the intubation tube and more importantly had kept Callie grounded during her initial panic of waking up in the ICU.
"Hey." Callie called out.
She could see the figure hesitate for a moment and Callie thought that she might just walk away but the woman finally responded with a quiet hey in response. She still hovered by the door, seemingly unwilling to venture further in.
"You were here with Derek and the Chief the other day, right?" Callie struggled to sit up, she was still a little weak and the blonde rushed to her side as soon as she noticed Callie's awkward movement.
"Let me help you sit up," her voice was soft and curiously familiar and as she leaned over Callie to prop her up slightly Callie caught sight of her name badge.
"Arizona Robbins," she smiled at the woman who seemed frozen by her bedside. "Cool name."
Arizona Robbins tilted her head slightly in acknowledgement, a ghost of a smile crossing her shadowed face but seemed content to remain silent.
"I guess you know who I am, right?" Callie scrabbled about in her mind trying to recall the face from her past, trying to remember anything and slumped back, frustrated when she came up empty. The woman's face was shrouded in the darkness of the room but Callie could see the incredible brightness of her blue eyes.
"Yes, Calliope. I know who you are," A wry smile crossed Arizona's face but she didn't say anything else.
"Calliope?" Callie wrinkled her nose.
"I'm guessing that either we don't work together or you've been spending too much time with my dad. No one calls me that."
Arizona didn't respond but Callie thought that her eyes flickered strangely before she moved to the end of the bed and flipped through her chart.
"How have you been feeling? Any headaches, nausea?" light-headedness?" Arizona's voice was crisply professional, almost detached and yet Callie thought she could detect a tremor. She had a nice voice with a slight mid-western twang that Callie actually found really pleasant.
But she shook her head, not really answering the question, she had a vague headache since she'd come out of the coma and though Callie had mentioned it to Derek, she didn't want him paged over something insignificant. Everyone was treating her like an invalid and Callie didn't like it. She was used to feeling healthy and vigorous and right now she felt lost.
She twisted her hands together, wringing them like an old-fashioned washer-woman, unable to shake her frustration and fear about the missing years.
"I'm fine, I'm just..." She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, willing the sudden tears to go away.
A warm pair of hands closed over hers and stilled their movements.
"It's ok, honey. It'll be ok." Arizona spoke softly, her words a bare murmur, designed to soothe.
Callie drew strength from the contact, not questioning why she felt so comfortable with the blonde.
"I know I'm lucky to be alive but without my memories ... it's like there's a space ...a gap in me and I don't know how to fill it."
"Like there's a piece of you missing and without it you can't be whole again? Arizona said quietly.
Callie snapped open her eyes to find Arizona staring at her.
She grasped Arizona's hands in hers, holding them tightly.
"That's it, exactly."
Callie was relieved that someone could put into words what she had been feeling for the last 2 days. For a moment, at least, it made Callie feel less alone.
"It's early days, Callio...Callie." Arizona licked her lips and blinked rapidly. "You need to give yourself a chance to heal."
Callie took a deep breath and tried to calm down, still holding tight to the pale hands. Suddenly self-conscious, realising that she was clinging onto Arizona Robbins like she was a lifeline, Callie let go of the smaller hands and immediately missed their warmth.
"Are you on Shepherd's service? You seem kind of familiar but..." Callie rushed to fill the empty space, not wanting the woman to leave but not knowing exactly how to ask her to stay for while.
The woman shook her head, the blonde hair falling out of her ponytail as she started to back away.
"No, I...happened to be around when..."
"Hey don't go, stay with me a while. Keep me company." Callie interrupted her, realising that she was about to leave.
Arizona paused, her indecision clear.
"Do you have to go, right now?" Callie asked, feeling like a little child. She was feeling sleepy again but wanted to stay awake and talk, it seemed that the quiet Arizona Robbins might be a good person to have around. She certainly had a fantastic bedside manner.
"Callie you need to sleep, you need your rest." Callie blinked at what sounded almost like desperation in the woman's voice.
Callie twisted her lips and dipped her head slightly, a faint flush of colour staining her pale cheeks. She was a doctor. She knew that she was an intelligent woman, but she felt weak and silly and didn't know how to voice her need.
A warm hand caught her chin softly and raised her head and Callie found herself staring into the woman's amazing eyes.
"Tell me what's wrong, Callie."
Callie didn't mind the closeness of the woman, in fact she took comfort in the contact, but she lowered her lashes for a second, struggling to find the right words.
"I know you're frightened, sweetheart but you'll be ok." Arizona's words were soft.
"I'm sometimes scared to go to sleep. I think that if I close my eyes, I won't wake up. I know it's stupid but I can't help it." Callie kept her eyes lowered, not wanting to see the amusement or pity in the blue gaze.
After a second Callie heard Arizona clear her throat.
"I work in paeds ...I'm with sick kids all day long. And you know what I love about children?" She paused, clearly waiting for a response, so Callie lifted her gaze to Arizona's eyes, shaking her head mutely.
"I love their honesty, Callie. I love their innocence and their truth. There is nothing wrong in being scared and I think it's brave of you to say so." She swallowed hard and seemed to come to a decision.
"If you want, I can stay with you for a while until you fall asleep, would...would that help?"
"Are we friends?" Callie felt the emotion come off the woman in waves. This was more than a professional interest, the woman clearly cared for her and Callie felt a pang of hurt that she didn't even know who the woman was.
Arizona blinked and smiled, just a little.
"Yes, Callie, we're friends."
Callie nodded, taking in her response.
"I'm sorry I don't ... but you seem like a great friend...I'd love it if you stayed until I fell asleep."
Callie swallowed her embarrassment and held out her hand.
"Please, hold my hand."
Without a word, the blonde took Callie's hand and settled down beside her, quietly talking about a surgery she had just completed.
Callie gradually began to drift off into sleep, reassured by the low voice and the warm hand holding hers, the gentle caressing circles on the back of her hand reminding her of something distant and fuzzy.
As Callie slipped into a dreamless sleep the thought that had hovered ever since Arizona Robbins presented herself made itself clear for the breadth of a second.
The voice was familiar.
It was the voice of the angel that had brought her safely home after being lost in the fog for days; it was the voice that had brought her out of her nightmare, the voice that had pleaded and bargained and bullied her to wake up.
But even as the thought became clear, it was lost as Callie fell asleep.
.
Arizona looked down on the sleeping face of her girlfriend and hoped that her silent sobs wouldn't wake her up.
Oh God, Callie, what am I going to do without you?
TBC
OK, I'm a Brit who can barely tell a Manc from a Scouse or a Geordie from a Glaswegian, I haven't the faintest clue where Arizona Robbins's accent is from. So, I guessed. I hope it doesn't ruin the story.