Someone was shaking my shoulders, dragging me awake as I protested, finally feeling as though I had rested. Swiping at the hand that was holding my shoulder, they caught my wrist, continuing to shake me awake. Groaning, I moved my other hand, trying to fight against the persistence of the person trying to wake me.
"Now Miss Calixtus, this is not the appropriate way to greet your elder," the Headmaster's voice spoke, drawing me further awake.
"What's going on?" I questioned groggily as I struggled to sit upright.
"I think we need to speak about the strength of your magic. Maybe, with what has occurred earlier this morning we should speak about the possibility of binding a part of your magic, preventing it from reacting without your consent. I believe your father did not do it because of his fear you were going to be attack but so long as you remain within these walls until these students graduate. Does this sound as an acceptable suggestion Demitria?" he explained as soon as I was awake enough to understand. Processing his words, a hand softly touched my lower back, forcing me to realise what I needed to do and the danger I posed to those around me.
"What has to be done? And can it be easily returned, reversed so I have it back again?" I asked cautiously, afraid of what he could say and what pain could lie in my future.
"It is a simple bit of Blood Magic, it will not hurt but it will feel abnormal and I do understand that your father was hesitant to bind your magic. When you are ready, it will be easy to remove, but you must be ready, you will be tested before I allow you to have your magic unbound," he assured, eyes twinkling as he took the seat beside of the bed. Slowly, I began to nod, agreeing with what he was suggesting, and knowing it was the way I could protect those that were around me.
"Is it dangerous Sir? What happens if she gets into trouble with other students or on the grounds?" Sirius asked quietly from behind me.
"She will not be without magic, just the magic she can access will be limited, and there will be no more terrorizing Miss Evans by undo her transfigurations. She will not be any danger, she is safe here, so long as she keeps hiding who she really is, no one will put her in danger," the headmaster replied, trying to assure me that nothing would happen so long as I stayed inside.
"I am confined here until the end of the year then? Am I to be kept here as a prisoner or is there more freedom than that?" I questioned hesitantly, looking away from the older man in front of us.
"You are not a prisoner but you will need to remain where you will be safe, at the end of the year we will review where you can go and what needs to be done to maintain your safety. For now, Madam Pomfrey would like for the two of you to return to your dormitories and rest after we do this simple procedure," he informed us, before reaching out towards me. "If I could please have your hand, it should only take a moment," he continued as I placed my hand into his, afraid of what he was going to do. He placed his wand into the centre of my palm, cutting a line into the skin, murmuring softly as he then began to move his wand.
Gasping in the pain, he continued, my body feeling as though something was being stolen, something was being taken from me instead of just bound. Struggling against his hold, I was surprised at the strength he possessed for someone of his age and I was beginning to understand why. Everything my father had said against him, every slight he had mentioned now made sense, he wasn't someone to trust and it was clear to me why.
As he released his hold, I swiftly snatched my hand back, watching him intensely as he gazed at his hand in wonder. Climbing to my feet, I moved quickly, wrapping myself in the cloak that was at the foot of the bed before fleeing the Hospital Wing and making my way to the Common Room. I was fearful of the man that had seemed like a genuinely kind old man, he was only interested in power and he would be a key player in the war to come. He was the one to sacrifice everyone I would love; he would be the one to determine who would be lost and how they would go.
Pausing at the Common Room portrait, I froze, the password unknown as I stood still before it swung open without a word being said. Even as I stepped inside, I was beginning to be overwhelmed with shock, scared of what was happening and the truth I had found out. A hand took mine as I wandered into the room, the familiar touch the only thing preventing me from ripping it out of their hold. Slowly I was led further through the room and then upstairs to one of the dormitories.
Being forced to sit, I noticed how badly I was shaking, just how severely I was reacting to what the old man had done. My mind was searching itself to find that link to its magic, the link it seemed to be missing and unable to locate. He had assured me he was only binding my magic but instead he had leached enough magic to sustain himself until my magic began to grow again.
"Demi, come back to us," Remus spoke softly as he sat beside me.
"Don't trust the Headmaster," I whispered, looking up to him and watching for his reaction.
"What has he done?" he answered, as a tear began to fall down my cheek.
"He wishes to gain magic; he wishes to gain power, not unlike the leader of the other side. He is not who you thought or what he is implied to be, he is lying to us all," I uttered, afraid of speaking the words to loud in case someone over heard.
"What did he do to you? And where is Sirius?" he inquired as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hearing my words but trying to help me before talking about it in more depth.
"He said he was going to bind some of my magic but he was not binding it, he was absorbing it, he was taking my magic and he was using an old piece of magic to do so. Blood magic is as bad as the Dark Arts and he seemed to have no objection to using it. What do we do?" I questioned as he took one of my shaking hands in his.
"We take everything a day at a time, we will do everything we can to survive this war and come out the other side unscathed. We will help you as much as we can," he stated simply, forcing me to meet his gaze. "What happens with your magic?" he questioned after a moment.
"It will come back, he did not take it all, just enough for him to bide his time until the end of this part of the war, he will find another victim before the end," I admitted, mere moments before the door to the room was thrown open and Sirius entered, followed by James, Lily and Peter.
"What did he do? Why did you run?" Sirius questioned as he rushed to my side and sat on the edge of the bed beside me.
"He is not who you think and he will not protect you in the way you have been promised. Do not accept what he has said he will help you do after you graduate, he will not follow through, he will sacrifice those he does not believe are going to be of help or those that are going to help in the 'bigger picture'. He has lied to us all and I do not think this is the first time he has manipulated those around him," I explained, trying to make them see what I was meaning without going into the direct details of what I knew was going to happen.
"For now, we act like nothing has changed; we act like the students we should be that blindly trust in our teachers and Headmaster. When we are out of school and able to make a difference then we will make a plan, we will make sure those we trust know what to do. We can't let him know that we know, we trust your judgement Demi, we trust what you're telling us about all of this, especially this war," James began, surprising us all but speaking sense with every word. He would be a fantastic leader; he knew what it was to help people and what he hated about being controlled.
"I wish to change what I have seen, I do not wish for any harm to come to any of you," I uttered, becoming disgusted by what the headmaster was trying to do.
"We are going to fight aren't we?" Remus asked, squeezing the arm he still held onto.
"Yes, but I know things that will help us, that will give us the upper hand in what we need. My father had been searching for ways to end this war and he told me what he was searching for in fear that he wouldn't survive. Until you have to leave this school, I will continue what my father was researching, I will not put you in danger for a plight that is not yet your own," I answered, hoping I could save them the pain of the future I had seen. They were all nodding, understanding what I meant and that I had not told them exacting what would happen.
"I think, for now, both Demi and Sirius should get dressed and then we should head down for dinner. It has been a long day and its back to classes tomorrow, we need to act like nothing has changed, remember?" Lily suggested, stepping forward and holding out her hand to me once she had finished speaking. Slipping my hand into her offered one, she tugged me to my feet before leading me from the room, her hand holding onto mine tightly as I followed her through the Common Room and up to the dormitory we shared.
"I don't want to tell you anything that will put you in danger," I whispered, as the door closed behind us.
"I just want to make sure that you are okay, that whatever happened earlier hasn't hurt you or encouraged you to run again. I don't want to lose a friend," she replied quietly, forcing me to sit on the edge of my bed.
"I won't leave again, not like I did, I don't want to have that happen again. I know I will continue to have nightmares though, that is why I leave the Dormitory, I don't want to wake you and I know you wouldn't know how to keep me calm but somehow Sirius and Remus can. I don't mean that you don't want to; just that it's harder to help me than others. It has been so long that I find it difficult to let people to try," I explained, squeezing her hand in reassurance.
"You're beginning to have feelings for Sirius," she stated as I carefully climbed to my feet and began to dig through my trunk.
"I don't know what I'm feeling but this is different, I don't expect anything though, knowing what could happen. What about yourself and James?" I inquired, glancing up to find her looking at me in amazement.
"I don't know what to say about how I feel about him. He's different to the way that he used to be, always trying to show off and make a big deal out of every conversation we had. Now though, it's like he doesn't want to impress me, he actually wants to make an impression on me, like I would never look at anyone else because he is this nice and understanding person who is also compassionate and fiercely protective of his friends. It's like he's not the same person he used to be, that something changed and it made him see the way he was treating people was wrong. I don't know how else to describe it," she gushed, spilling all the words quickly as though she would lose nerve. Straightening up, I moved back to her side and sat on the bed again, taking her hand before she could speak again.
"He cares for you and I don't think he would want for you to doubt yourself. Trust what you feel and don't double guess yourself. Sometimes, your heart is trying to tell you what your head cannot understand, even though you think you would never want to go there. He has changed, he is different to how he was when I first met him, but we all change, we all adapt to what we are presented by. He is a good person, just one who is unsure of how to take those that disrupt his normal, but he does care about you, that much is very clear to anyone who looks at the two of you. Just don't keep pushing him away if you feel something for him," I insisted, hoping she would understand what I was meaning in the twisted way I had spoken. She smiled, playfully nudging my shoulder before climbing to her feet and pointing me to the bathroom.
Once I was clean and dressed, I made my way back out, Lily taking my hand as I placed my dirty clothes at the end of my bed and tugged me closer. Being enveloped in her arms, I relaxed into the hold, embracing her back and squeezing, afraid that she would somehow disappear. As she pulled away, she kissed my cheek, her hand meeting mine again and encouraging me to follow her.
"Not that I mind, but what was that for?" I inquired as we made our way down the stairs.
"I just thought you needed a hug, friends hug occasionally, that's all," she answered, shrugging as we stepped amongst the people milling around the Common Room. As we reached the portrait, Sirius stepped forward from his position leaning against the wall, with James, Remus and Peter behind him.
"Shall we?" he asked, offering me his arm as he stood before us.
"We shall," I stated quietly, linking my arm with his while releasing Lily's, a wide smile playing on my lips. Glancing back, they were all following, giving us space as we walked and remained close to each other, Lily's smile reminding me of the conversation we had just had.
"I may need your help with something Sirius; do you think we could talk about it tonight? When I come up to your dormitory?" I inquired quietly, leaning even closer to him and speaking up to him. His arm moved, snaking around my waist and holding me closer while kissing my temple and helping me down the stairs.
"I'll give you all the help you want, just don't disappear on me again. You scared me and you know it won't work out next time," he answered softly, his lips against my hair as we reached the entrance hall. Smiling softly as we stepped into the Great Hall, a hush washing over the room before roaring to life again, people watching us closely as we made our way over to the house table. We all sat together; in the seats they claimed as their own, almost in the centre of the table and began to eagerly load their plates with food.
Sirius' hand found my thigh under the table half way through our dinner, my hands preoccupied with ensuring my food was safe and shovelling what I could into my mouth, suddenly starving. Looking about me, I felt my cheeks flare red as they paused occasionally to watch me, my hand moving to cover my mouth as I placed my fork on my plate.
"Sorry," I murmured, embarrassed by my actions.
"Its fine, it's good to see you with a healthy appetite," James answered, returning to his food and refusing to look up again.
Finishing my plate, the rest of the table cleared for a few minutes before desert appeared, making most of the students excited. Taking the smallest piece of chocolate cake that could, I barely had three mouthfuls before I nudge it towards Sirius, suddenly full and knowing I had already eaten more than I should have. He gazed towards me, his hand squeezing my thigh to gain my attention, causing me to look up to him and smile, nudging the plate in his direction again. He grinned again as I placed my hand over his, linking our fingers as he began to eat the dessert I'd passed him, using the same fork I had, causing one the girls down the table to glare in our direction.
Once everyone was finished, Sirius helped me to my feet and wrapped his arm around me again, the rest of his friends following as we led the way out of the Great Hall again and made our way directly to the Common Room. Separating from Sirius once we were inside, I reminded him that I would talk to him later before slowly making my way upstairs, hoping to get some undisturbed rest but knowing I wouldn't. As I sat on the edge of my bed, I heard other girls entering their own rooms, all giggling and talking without a worry in the world.
Glancing at my trunk, I sighed as I pushed myself to my feet before opening it and beginning to rifle through the belongings within. Extracting the bag my father had me hold onto, I found the wand that had belonged to my grandmother, the wand my father had began to teach me with when I was a child. The other items I left within the bag for the time being, knowing that eventually the rest of his belongings would become useful for me but for now, I knew I needed the wand he had held onto for me.
Lying down on the blankets that covered my bed, I slipped the wand beneath the pillow, feeling vulnerable without my magic to map my surroundings and notify me of any danger or to protect me. Taking a deep breath, I reached down to try and find the magic I usually had such an easy time to find, the link I usually felt was weak and frail, almost as though it could snap at any moment. Feeling a spark of warmth, it let me know that I hadn't lost it, that for the time being it was just going to be faint for a while and in order to make it stronger again, I would need to practice and avoid those that would take it from me again. Taking another deep breath, I began the meditation my father had encouraged me to do, his encouragement building the band to my magic and also its strength.
"Demi, do you think we could talk again?" Lily's voice broke into my peaceful place. Opening my eyes, I pushed myself upright and looked to her, motioning for her to come over to me.
"What's going on?" I asked simply, shuffling up the bed to lean against the pillows.
"You are an amazing person and it's good to see you here and becoming whole again," she uttered, dropping onto the bed beside me and taking my hand in hers again.
"I didn't think I was that broken but it just seemed to get worse when I left, I didn't think it would happen this way and I finally understand why my father never wanted me to be here," I replied, leaning my head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around me, releasing my hand and holding me even closer as she giggled softly.
"Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off you at dinner," she whispered, causing a blush to rise over my cheeks.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I offered almost silently. "He always seems to be touching me, even at dinner and it feels strange but I like it, it makes me feel like someone actually cares and is watching after me. I've never had someone care for me the way he does, I've only ever had my father and maybe one of my sisters and my younger brothers," I continued, catching her other hand and holding on tightly.
"How big is your family?" she asked cautiously, her hold warm and welcoming.
"I was one of the youngest, three brothers are above me and two sisters, and two younger brothers, they're twins, and one of them was bitten by a wolf. He embraced what he is, his brother helped him through made him see he wasn't bad," I explained, smiling at the memory of my younger brothers.
"That's quite a family; the way you speak of your brothers is with absolute adoration, they are lucky. How old are they?" she continued to inquire, distracting me from what had happened earlier in the day.
"They're only nine, I haven't seen them in three years and I miss them so much. I was so excited to see Nastya, that I didn't realise what she was going to do, I didn't realise she was going to leave me here in the presence of the one person my father feared for me to be near. Don't leave me alone with him again," I begged, yawning as I sunk further into her hold.
"Were you all close or was it different because you were one of the younger ones?" Her voice was quiet as she realised that I was becoming tired.
"I was closer to the twins; I looked after them for most of the time. Until I left with my father, I was raising them, my mother practically ignoring us because she was angry with my father for all the time he spent with me and the fact that I was the child he preferred. He was always there to help me, to train me in the magic I seemed to lose control of so easily. My brothers were the ones who centred me, that stopped me from losing control because when it first started happening, they were the ones I was closest to. I put them in danger, I almost lost them and if I did that again I could never get past it. For so many years I was all they had, I don't even know what they have had happen in the last few years. I just hope they are okay and that they aren't hurt in any way." I was admitting what I hadn't spoken to my father about, what I had held in my heart for so long and was afraid of.
"They love you and they care about you, they still do, I doubt they would stop just because you left. You didn't have a choice but they would be safe were they are. If you want, I could write a letter from you to them in the morning, telling them everything that you want me to tell them." Her offered was startling, something that I did not expect to come from anyone, never wanted to ask anyone to do for me in fear of causing problems.
"You are a spectacular friend and I don't know what I would do without a friend like you." My words were barely a whisper, almost as though I could feel her worming her way into my heart and change me into someone that understood what it was like to be normal.
"You would be stuck with those boys and they would torment you at every chance." Her words were teasing, causing me to laugh softly as I closed my eyes and blocked out the light surrounding us. Resting comfortably against her, I finally allowed myself to fall asleep, trusting her to remain close as I fell into my most vulnerable state.
Jerking awake, I panicked for a moment before I realized I was pressed against Lily's side, her head at an awkward angle against the headboard as I sat up. Nudging her softly, she groaned as she opened her eyes and looked at me, a question in her eyes.
"I think it would be more comfortable in your bed. I'll be back in the morning though, I need to go talk to Sirius right now though, I told him I would talk to him earlier," I explained, as I climbed to my feet and stretched.
"We have classes tomorrow remember," she answered, as she followed my movements before collapsing on her own bed. Smiling at her, I made my way from the room, down the stairs and across the common room, the only sound coming from the crackling embers in the fire. Entering the dorm I had become familiar with, Sirius sat up quickly, his wand emitting a soft light to guide me to his bed. Slipping into his arms since I had removed my shirt and jersey, he lightly brushed his lips to my cheek before lying down again and extinguishing the light.
"What took you so long?" he mumbled, covering me with his blanket.
"Lily wanted to talk and we fell asleep, she reminded me of what I had left behind," I breathed, setting my head on the pillow facing him.
"What did you leave behind?" he asked, the tips of his fingers gently tracing my cheeks.
"I had a family outside of my father and myself, my youngest brothers were everything to me and they didn't really have anyone else. I need to talk to you though," I answered, catching his hand and holding it against my cheek.
"What is it? What made you so determined earlier?" he whispered, shuffling closer, his hand moving from my cheek and his arm wrapped around my waist.
"I know you aren't going to like this, that what I'm about to say is something that you never want to hear but I think it's a good idea, we need to help people, anyone we can," I began, his brow furrowing as he tried to follow my words. "I want to talk to your brother and some of the other Slytherins who might have been mislead," I ended quickly, hoping he would remain quiet and calm once he'd processed what I'd told him.
"No," he stated simply, suddenly moving away from me and taking his arms back.
"Just listen to me, don't jump to any conclusions. This isn't about reuniting the two of you or trying to mend bridges. I've seen what happens to him and I don't want anyone to die. I can't let these things happen, I can't watch my family be tortured and my friends to be killed when I know I can do something to change what is the future now. Please don't push me away," I pleaded as I reached out to him, ensuring I didn't mention his future and what would happen to his friends.
"He doesn't want anything from me and I don't want anything from him. You can't just push people together when all they want to do is kill each other or throw a punch. You don't understand what it's like to have your entire family cast you out; abandon you because you don't believe in what they do. Regulus is just like them and it won't change if you bat your eyelashes at him," he ranted, his words growing louder as his anger began to grow.
"Bat my eyelashes? Is that what you think I'm doing?" I questioned incredulously, sitting up and looking down to him. "I am trying to ensure all of you don't die, that you don't get treated as a prisoner for years when it wasn't you that betrayed your friends. I have seen you die, I have seen Remus die and I know James and lily die because they aren't around and their son is alone. I have seen this school burn and people are tortured because they have dirty blood or they are traitors to his ideals and ways. It isn't as simple as you think it is, it isn't like your family leaving you because you choose to believe something else. You're not the only one who has lost their family," I ranted, hitting his chest in anger as I spoke. He caught my hands easily, holding my wrists in one hand while he fisted the other into my hair.
"What have you seen? What do you mean by what you just said? How does it happen?" he asked quickly, registering the words I had said without thinking.
"I shouldn't have told you that," I whispered, panicking at what I had revealed.
"Tell me what you saw," he pleaded eyes wide as he sat up beside me. Feeling his hand begin to trace down one of my scars, I shuddered, afraid of what could happen because of what I had told him.
"You can't tell anyone, I wasn't meant to tell you, I wasn't meant to tell anyone," I urged reaching out and catching his face in my hands.
"Demi, I will keep quiet about everything if you ask me to, just don't lie to me," he replied, encouraging me to talk. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes close for a moment, trying to calm and detach myself before I spoke about the events that plagued my nightmares.
"Your brother dies a slow and painful death alone. You leave your friends because someone you trust betrayed you. Remus dies fighting for those he lives near the end of it all but you all are there when it ends for good. I don't want to lose any of you; I don't want to watch you all tear apart because you get hurt by someone that was close to you. I don't want you to trust the man that just proved he couldn't be trusted because he is the one instigating the losses of this side. Please Sirius, don't let the future I've seen happen," I begged, dragging him closer and resting my forehead against his. His eyes were wide as he processed my words, mouthing parts that he found terrifying, before he enclosed me in his arms again and held on tight.
"I want to change what happens, I don't want them to die, I want to help in any way I can. I will even talk to my brother if you want me to, just help me make sure they don't die," he pleaded, lips moving frantically against my neck as he spoke.
"You know I will help, I plan to help anyone I can but first we need to finish this year and then we can start a more proactive movement in helping people. For now just enjoy being here, enjoy not having to be so responsible," I urged him, moving away slightly to meet his gaze. Shifting slightly, we lay down again, his arms remaining around me as I held onto his cheeks, tears sliding down in the pale light.
"I don't know whether I wish I wasn't told all this or I wish I could do something now and save them all before it's too late," he breathed, closing his eyes as I brushed away his tears.
"I knew of my father's death for three years before it happened. I knew how, why and by whom but I didn't know when, I just had to wait for it to happen. I don't want to do that again," I told him, my own tears beginning to fall. His lips crashed against mine, soft yet persistent, as though he was unsure of what to do and say in that moment.
As we pulled apart, I rested my head on his shoulder, afraid of leaving him alone after what I had revealed. His hand tightened its hold on my hip as he rolled slightly allowing us to both be comfortable as we lay in the narrow bed.
"How have you managed to still be here if that is what you have seen? All that pain and you still find room in your heart to be happy and help us. It just seems like the strength you have is amazing," he whispered, his lips barely a breath away from my own.
"My father taught me to see the good in what I saw, taught me that there was always something good to come from it all but I wasn't so sure. The only good thing that has happened since he left was meeting all of you and not being alone anymore," I replied, snuggling further into his hold and resting my head in his shoulder again.
"I won't leave you alone again, not by choice," he assured, kissing the crown of my head. Sighing in relief, I placed my hand over his heart, content with feeling the slow, calm and steady beat it held.