Maintaining Conscious Thought

I sat on the armchair close to the fire, and dropped my bag on the floor. I looked around me, trying to spot someone I knew. The twins were in the far corner of the room. Harry was sitting with his friends a little away from me. Oliver was standing a few metres from me, staring.

"What?" I asked innocently.

He made a strange clicking noise.

"Oliver. Oliver…"

"Ah-hm-yeah?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I…"

I glared at him from beneath my lashes. He came to sit on the armchair next to me and drew it closer.

"You look amazing," he whispered, touching my hair with his fingertips.

I laughed. "No I don't … just did my hair differently."

"It looks great," he said softly.

"Well …thanks, I guess…" I said, rather nervously. "Ready for practice?" I'm an expert at changing the subject. Yessss! The glazed look over his eyes disappeared instantly.

He grinned. "Always am."

I nodded, smiling. His eyes regained their glossy look.

"Anything the matter, Oliver?"

"No …" he said quietly.

"You sure? You look like you're dreaming or something."

"I feel like I am …"

I cleared my throat, and looked at him with on eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?"

"I … nothing …"

I rolled my eyes and flicked my hair. Okay, maybe I was doing this for a tiny thrill of seeing Oliver like this …

His eyes followed my hand as I swept my fringe out of my face, and he swallowed.

I grinned at him, stood up, grabbed my bag, and sauntered out of the Common room. I left him sitting on that armchair with his mouth hanging open.

A little down the hall, I noticed there were footsteps following me. I glanced around, and smirked. Oliver was following.

"Kates! Wait up!"

I ignored him.

He was so going to regret being an idiot.

Insert malicious, manic laugh here.

"Kates," he said as he reached me, panting very slightly. "Didn't you hear me?" He fell into step next to me.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't."

"Kates, I need to talk to you."

"What do you call what you're doing now?"

"No, I mean-"

"I know what you mean, Oliver. What is it?"

"I…"

"Oliver, just say it."

"I need you, Kates."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever for, Oliver?"

He just looked at me.

I laughed. A lot.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, looking surprised.

"Because it's funny!" I laughed some more.

He glared at me.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, grinning.

"I don't find it funny," he said seriously. "I just find it painful."

"Oh, shut up. So you're not my boyfriend anymore. Big fucking deal. It's not the end of the world, y'know." My grin was replaced with a frown.

"It is a big fucking deal," he muttered angrily. "I love you. Have you any idea what those three words mean?"

"I stupidly thought that love meant you'd do anything to make that person happy, and to spend the rest of your life with them as long as you love them. What a stupid concept, huh?" I said sourly.

"Kates …"

"No, don't you dare tell me what love is, Wood. I'm sick of this. I've told you that before."

He made a noise of frustration, took my hand and spun me round so my back was against the wall. Before I could push him away, his lips found mine, softly. My eyelids fluttered shut, before I came to my senses, and pushed his chest with my hands. His hands took my waist, and he looked at me with his hazelnut coloured eyes. I hate those eyes. They were burning a few shades darker than normal, and they gazed into my green, watering ones.

"I don't want to love you anymore, Oliver. I can't stand it," I gasped, trying to stop my tears from falling by opening my eyes wider. I was sure I looked like someone who was distinctly trying not to cry. Shit.

His eyes travelled around my face, looking like he was taking every inch of it in. "Don't hate me," he said in the lowest tone I'd ever heard him use. I shivered. He felt it. He continued, "I couldn't handle that," in the same tone. He moved me so my back was against the wall again. "I couldn't take it." His hands were caressing my sides, and I exhaled slowly. I didn't want to do this. He was giving me no choice but to concede. "I want to be this close to you forever."

I blinked, and a tear fell. His hands immediately cradled my face, and his thumb stroked the tear away. "No Oliver," I mumbled. "You know I can't. You can't either."

"It's your birthday in two months."

"And?"

"You'll be sixteen," he said, moving away from me. I felt instantly cold from the lack of human contact. "Meaning you'll be legal for me to date."

I stayed against the wall, and he stood in front of me. "I still can't. I still won't."

"By the look in your eyes a minute ago, I'd say you want me just as much as I want you."

"Get over yourself."

He was completely right. I wasn't going to admit that.

He put his hands in his pockets with his head down a little, and looked at me – the sexiest I'd ever seen him look. I wondered if he knew that, and he was trying to get to me.

"I'll just have to try and convince you, then," he said, a light smirk in place. And with that, he left, leaving me stand against the wall like a fool.

That whole conversation changed from me being in total control, to me being totally lost.

I hate that.

I hate him.

I took a breath, and starting walking in the direction of the pitch.

I finally reached the changing rooms, and stepped inside. The moment I put my bag on the bench, I was bombarded with questions.

"What happened?"

"Why are you and Wood both late?"

"Why are you not answering?"

"Do you still love him, Katie?"

"Were you and him in a cupboard, sha-"

"Shut up, Fred." My voice was so cold, I think ice would be surprised at the sound of it.

"Whoa." Fred looked at me, surprised.

"What's happened now, Kat?" George asked, putting one of his hands on my shoulder. I turned to look at him.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

I shrugged off his hand, took my bag, and quickly got changed in one of the shower cubicles, like we always did. I came out, and my team mates were waiting on me, bar Oliver, and Harry, who was off saving the wizarding community, and probably the whole world somewhere.

"What?" I looked round at them all.

"You need to sort this out, Katie." Angelina looked at me seriously.

"I know."

"Then why haven't you?"

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. Say 'I love you, Oliver', and you'll both be sorted."

"No. No we won't."

"How come?" Alicia asked.

I looked at her for a moment before answering, "Because nothing's ever that simple with Oliver."

"How so?" I spun round and caught eyes with Oliver, who had spoken.

I exhaled. "You always complicate things. You always have, and you always will."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, you do," Fred said.

"Shut up, Fred." Oliver's voice was as cold as my own was a minute ago.

"He's right," I said bluntly, shouldering my broom, and following the others as they filtered out of the doors and onto the pitch.

"I don't complicate things!" Oliver called after me. The door slammed behind me. I sighed, mounted my broom, and kicked off hard from the ground, soaring up, gaining height by the second.

The wind in my hair was bliss.

Oliver called all five of us back to the ground. I landed after the rest, as I had flown farther up.

"We're just going to have a practice game today. Three on three. One beater, one chaser, one keeper. Kates, you're a team captain. I'm the other."

"Right," I answered vaguely. I looked at Alicia and Angelina. "Who can play keeper?"

"Me," Angelina said.

"'Kay. You're with me."

"Alicia. You're on my team," Oliver called.

George ran over to Angelina and I. "You my beater?"

"Ay." He grinned at me.

I patted him on the shoulder. "Hit Oliver with all your might."

"Yessir!" he said, mock-saluting. I laughed, and walked over to Oliver.

"Rules?"

"Same as a normal game, but first team to get to a hundred points wins, yeah?"

"Right."

I got on my broom, and flew up to meet my team next to the goal hoops at the farthest end of the pitch.

"Regular game. First to a hundred wins."

"'Kay," Angelina and George said, smiling at me.

"Katie, you have to score against Oliver. Alicia's gonna find it a lot easier scoring against me."

"Then I'll just keep the Quaffle," I grinned, winking at her.

"Tactics?"

"Go crazy with the Bludgers, and just try to keep as many goals as you can out."

"Right-o Cap'n!" George grinned.

Angelina nodded, and smiled.

"Kates! Game starts in twenty-three seconds!"

"Bloody specific bastard," I muttered angrily, and flew towards the centre of the pitch, leaving Angelina and George laughing by the goal posts.

"Alright?" Oliver asked as I reached him to shake his hand before the game began.

"Peachy."

I shook his hand and didn't look at him. It was the briefest handshake I'd ever encountered.

Oliver's whistle blew, and I grabbed the Quaffle that he'd chucked in the air. He sped for his post, but I was tailing him, and before he turned around to block my shot, it soared through the left gold hoop.

"Shit," he muttered. He fetched the Quaffle and threw it to Alicia. She flew off, and I high-tailed it after her. I hit the Quaffle away from the hoops as it flew towards Angelina's right goal. I flew off with the red ball under my arm. I reached Oliver's scoring area. I knew he was ready for me this time. I faked throwing the ball into the centre hoop, and threw it at the right.

Just as Oliver dove for the save, I cried, "I love you!"

He glanced at me, and he missed the goal. The Quaffle went through the right hoop.

"That wasn't fair."

"We didn't say we were going to play fair, Wood."

"Was it true?"

"Of course. But you screwed up any feelings I had for you by kissing me. My opinion of you has flown all the way down right now."

"Kates…"

"Stop that. Go get the Quaffle," I said snappishly.

He flew over to me so he was right in front of me. "I won't let you go. You know that, right?"

"Get on with the game," I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. He looked at me for a second, before going to retrieve the ball.

We won, a hundred to ninety.

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