I'm finally back with a new chapter! I'm so sorry that I haven't had one to post sooner, but school and real life have just been absolutely crazy for the past month and I had very little time to write. I made up for my lack of posting with a nice, long chapter for your reading pleasure that begins the next phase of Randy and Katharine's friendship/relationship. Be warned: it provides hints of something graphic that will follow very shortly, so if that kind of thing bothers you then please don't read.

Thank you to everyone who has kept with the story and who have left reviews...you guys encourage me to keep on writing! I don't anything and all that good stuff...now on with the chapter!

Chapter Ten: Memory

Over the course of the next few days, Randy tried to take Katharine's advice and focus on his therapy sessions with Dr. Jamison. They were still bringing up some very painful feelings that he had suppressed for a long time, but at least he was trying.

While he doubted that he would ever be completely comfortable with his sessions, he had motivation for pursuing it and doing the best that he could. A month into his suspension, Randy had been in contact with management and they revealed that Dr. Jamison had given glowing reports of his progress. It looked as if he would be able to return on time once the sixty days were up, causing mixed emotions inside of him. A part of him wanted nothing more than to get back out there in front of a crowd and wrestle, while the other part of him was beginning to get used to life the way it was. He wasn't sure that he could reconcile this new, peaceful attitude that he had adopted as of late with his hectic life as a wrestler.

Though the positive feedback that he had received from management made him proud, the real reason that he was able to push forward was because of Katharine. She had truly meant it when she said that she would be there every step of the way, and Randy now found himself confiding in her more than ever. He would come to see her at the restaurant after every session so they could talk. She helped him make sense of all that had transpired and he had a clearer picture of what he needed to do in order to get everything back on track.

For starters, he had to make sure he didn't get himself completely trashed anymore. Randy knew that he did really stupid things when he was drunk and that was a habit that he wanted to break. He also needed to start trusting people and not close himself off to everyone. If he did that then he might be able to regain some of the friends that he had lost in the WWE. Ultimately, he was beginning to see that there was a fine line between standing up for oneself and simply being a jerk. Most of the time he had acted like an ass, but now he recognized the difference.

Randy doubted that he would have reached these conclusions on his own if Katharine hadn't come into his life. He had often wondered before how she was able to read him so well and now he knew the reason. She identified with him because they had both been in therapy. He desperately wanted to know why she had been in therapy, but she offered no new information and it was not the kind of the thing that he could ask her outright. There was so much about Katharine that he didn't know, and though he had sworn that he would learn all of her secrets before, he was more motivated now to dig deep and actively pursue the answers that he was looking for.

He was going to start tonight if the opportunity presented itself. It was a Saturday night, and instead of going out to a club he had asked Katharine if she wanted to hang out. Randy knew that she worked so hard to pay her tuition and rent and he thought she deserved a night of fun. Though she had hesitated initially, it took little convincing on his part to get her to join him.

The old Randy Orton would never have spent a night just "hanging out," but things were drastically changing for him. For starters, thoughts of Katharine consumed his mind practically every minute of the day. He dreamt about her while he was sleeping, thought about her while he puttered around his apartment, and imagined her watching him while he worked out in the gym. They ranged from simple curiosity about her day to thoughts that people normally did not have over a friend. But then again, that line was beginning to blur for him. Katharine had become more than a friend to him, and the attraction that he felt at the beginning of their friendship had deepened into something pure that Randy could not decipher. He had never been in love before so there was no way he could determine if that was what he was feeling, but if it truly was love then he never wanted to let it go. And he wanted her to return his feelings.

For now, though, he would settle for what he could get. He often found himself imagining what it would be like to kiss her, and there was a dream that he could not shake in which she had allowed him to do so. She had whispered "just once" to him and he had done what he had been dying to do for so long. Randy could vaguely feel the sensation of her lips against his, but there was no way it could be real. He merely wrote it off as a dream, not realizing that it had come true for him on the night that he had gotten himself drunk.

The only thing he could think about while working out at the gym that day was the night that lay ahead of him. Spending time with Katharine had suddenly become the single most important thing in his life. Even his friends had picked up on it. He had bitten the bullet and called both John and Dave, who were happy to hear from him and didn't give him the standard lecture that he expected. Both of them could tell immediately that there was somebody special in his life, somebody new who was different from any girl before her. Though Randy did not deny it, he didn't offer too much information about Katharine. After all, they were still just friends as of right now. He was hoping that would change, but first he would have to discover her secrets.

Randy knew that it was going to be a challenge to get Katharine to open up to him, but he was willing to take it on. He could tell that deep down she was itching to confide in someone, but she was desperately afraid to do so. She had helped him get control of his life and had freed him from his inner demons, but it appeared that she was still trapped in her own. Katharine was the strongest person that he knew, but even those with such power inside of them needed help. He had learned that the hard way throughout this whole ordeal and he was determined to be his best friend's strength and support.

Randy intended to learn more about Katharine, and he was going to start tonight. He also wanted to know why he kept thinking about a kiss that he couldn't seem to remember…

Katharine took a deep breath before knocking on the door to Randy's apartment. Though he had asked her to come over as a friend, she couldn't help but feel like this was a date. Deep down she wanted it to be a date, and she had found herself thinking about Randy more often as of late. Her feelings for him kicked into high gear after his drunken escapade and the night that she spent in his apartment, not to mention the fantastic kiss that they had shared.

All Katharine wanted tonight was to enjoy herself, but she was a little nervous about being alone with him tonight. Her budding feelings for Randy seemed to send everything into warped speed, making things shift and twist in ways that never happened before. She spent extra time on her appearance for the evening, something that she had never once done before when hanging out with him. She had chosen to wear a teal-colored top with a fitted bodice that clung to her curves in all the right ways, dark jeans, and black open-toed heels. Her long tresses bounced down her back in curls and she had taken the time to apply make-up. She actually felt attractive tonight, like she belonged in Randy's world.

The door opened and he stood across from her, her breath catching in her throat at the sight of him. Clad in a simple black t-shirt and jeans, his blue eyes sparkled with mischief and lit up when he saw her. Though he tried to hide it, Katharine could tell that he had assessed her appearance and liked what he saw. A feeling of warmth rose up inside her and her heart began to pound faster.

"Hey girl," he greeted her with a smile. "Welcome to my humble home. At least this time I can properly ask you to come in."

Katharine giggled as he stepped aside and allowed her to enter. "You sound so formal, Randy. It's just me here."

Randy watched her walk inside and swallowed hard. If her goal had been to get him aroused then she had certainly achieved it. The mere sight of her was enough to make him want to pull her into his arms and make passionate love to her.

"Just once." Her voice was suddenly inside of his head, as if he had heard her say that to him before. What the hell had happened between them that he couldn't remember?

Katharine noticed that he seemed to be drifting off into another world and her eyebrows creased together. "Randy?" she called to him.

Randy blinked a couple of times and snapped out of his reverie. "Sorry," he apologized. "I sort of spaced out there for a second."

She waved it off. "It's okay. So you said you wanted to hang out tonight. What did you have in mind?"

He grinned at her. "I want to do something that I haven't done in a really long time. I want to pig out on pizza and watch movies like I used to do with my friends before my life got too hectic."

Katharine smiled in reply. "That sounds fun!" she answered, finding it adorable that Randy would rather do something simple like that instead of going out to a club. She much preferred an evening like this to one of partying with a bunch of strangers.

"I brought something," she continued as she set her bag on the counter and began to dig around inside.

Randy watched as she pulled out a small Tupper Ware container and opened it. "You made cookies?" he exclaimed. "I had no idea you could bake!"

Katharine's smile turned sly. "You're not the only one with hidden talents in the kitchen," she retorted playfully. "I had some time on my hands today and I needed something to distract me from this piece I'm working on. I'm having a hard time getting it to turn out the way I want it to."

Randy popped one of the cookies in his mouth. "Can I read it?" he asked after he chewed and swallowed. He had read some of Katharine's work before and she was a great writer. He knew she would go far in her profession.

Katharine had every intention of letting him read the piece; after all, Randy was her inspiration for it. She didn't want him to see it until it was finished, however. "It needs to be completed before you can look at it," she told him. "But when it is, you'll be the first to read it."

"Good." Randy gazed down at her and something passed between them, a flicker of a connection that went deeper than anything that they had experienced before. It was as if something was pulling them closer, binding them together, and it was an overwhelming feeling.

The moment was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, and Katharine couldn't help but feel disappointed. For a second there it looked as if Randy was going to kiss her again, and although the idea scared her to death it was something that she wanted badly to happen again. The opportunity had passed, though, and she would just have to wait for another to present itself.

The pizza had arrived and instead of being formal, Randy decided that they were going to eat at the coffee table in his living area in front of the television set. Katharine picked out the movie and they settled down together to watch it while they ate.

Randy couldn't help but watch Katharine throughout the course of the meal. Her comment about Amy some time ago still resonated with him and he tried to pay attention to see if she acted strangely while eating. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary, however, so if Katharine had suffered from an eating disorder she must have gotten treatment for it.

Neither one paid much attention to the movie, and Katharine could feel Randy's eyes on her the entire time that they were eating. She knew he was trying not to make it obvious but he was definitely watching her, and she wanted to know why.

"Okay, out with it Randy," she said suddenly as she set her plate down and turned to face him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Out with what?"

Katharine refused to let him off the hook. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why are you watching me like a hawk while I eat?"

Randy tried to play the situation cool but it was clear that she had caught him and a look of embarrassment crossed his face. "I'm sorry Katharine," he apologized. "I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately and I remembered that comment that you made about Amy when we were watching Raw together. I spoke with Adam the next day and he said he had noticed her acting strange around food, but he never really thought much about it before. Amy doesn't look like she has an eating disorder, and yet you were able to pick up on the fact that something was wrong with her. I just want to know why."

Randy looked her square in the eye the entire time he spoke, and Katharine felt herself begin to wither under his gaze. Her strong defenses were slowly crumbling and he was getting inside of her, finding the answers to all of her secrets. She had allowed him to come in and begin to put two-and-two together. Now she had to deal with the consequences.

It was clear that he was sorry for making her uncomfortable, but he was unapologetic when it came to trying to find out more about her. Instead of being angry, Katharine was touched at his concern. It had been a long time since someone other than Kellie had cared so much.

That didn't mean that it was going to be easy for her to let him in, but she had brought this on herself when she made that comment about Amy and now she had to deal with the consequences. Katharine had promised herself that she would heal, and maybe the way to do that was to let someone in a little. That was what she had told Randy to do and it seemed to work for him.

Randy's expression turned nervous. "Kat? What are you thinking?"

Katharine swallowed hard and stared back at him. "You already know the reason why," she said softly. "It's the same reason that you were watching me eat tonight. You think that I have an eating disorder, and you're right. I'm in recovery now, but it's something that I have to deal with for the rest of my life."

Randy sat in stunned silence. He had suspected that all along but to hear her actually say it was unnerving. What was more surprising than the fact that she had gone through something like that was that she had confided in him. Katharine had never opened up to him before and she chose to do so now, but only because he forced her hand.

"I should have never asked," he said, feeling guilty about probing her. "It was none of my business and-"

"I'm glad you asked," she interrupted, to which Randy appeared stunned. "If you hadn't, I may never have told you. I know I need to open up but that's something that is very difficult for me to do. You just forced me to confess a big secret from my life."

Randy still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "And how do you feel now that you said it?"

She sighed, a little unsure of how she was feeling. "Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders," she finally admitted. "I know I told you to open up to me about your problems but-"

"That's easier said than done when it comes to yourself," he finished for her. "Believe me, I know where you're coming from. I just had to know, Kat. I know we've only been friends for a short period of time but I feel closer to you than practically anyone else in my life. The only thing is that I know next to nothing about you while you know everything about me."

Katharine made up her mind to be as honest as she could possibly be right now. She owed Randy that, and she also owed it to herself. She knew that he would never judge her and her mind was racing with things to tell him, but she was not sure she could get her lips to form the words. She scooted a little closer and took his hand in her own, resolving to try. He was clearly surprised at the contact and gazed at her intently, waiting for anything that she might tell him.

"My life has pretty much sucked," she began. "And I'm not complaining because a lot of people have problems that are way worse than anything I've experienced. I'm just saying that certain things do a number on you and change you into someone that you don't even recognize. You know what I mean because you're in the same exact position right now. I developed certain ways of dealing with what was bad in my life, just like you did. The only difference is that instead of getting angry at people like you do, I shut down. I'm not sure which is better but both are pretty bad. I was in a period where all I wanted was to be numb, to shut down and not feel anything else when I first met you. It was safer that way and easier to deal with everything that had happened to me. Then you came in and you turned my world upside down. Your friendship made me feel safe again, something that I haven't experienced in a long time. It's just a slow process for me. There's so much I want to tell you, Randy, so much that I need to share, but I'm not at the point where I can get the words out."

Katharine looked away from him and closed her eyes. She didn't want to get emotional in front of him but the desire to let someone in began to cloud everything and she slowly began to break down inside. When she opened her eyes again, Randy was still there, his eyes focused on her and waiting for her to tell him what she needed. In that moment she realized that he would do anything for her, and that made her fall even harder for him.

"I understand," Randy assured her. His voice contained so much warmth, such compassion and tenderness that her walls began to crumble. "I just want you to know that I am here for you, anytime you need to talk about anything. I don't know what you've gone through, Katharine, but I do know that you can't go it alone forever. You taught me that."

"Maybe I should take my own advice," she replied dryly.

Randy felt like they were on the cusp of something huge, something that would change the course of their friendship forever. This was what he wanted, and now that the moment was here he was afraid. The truth was that he didn't know what Katharine had been through, and he began to wonder just how bad it truly was for her to close herself off like this. Could he handle what she might tell him? The hurt that was evident in her voice and in her eyes made him want to find whomever had caused it and tear them to pieces.

He could do this. He could be her strength. Randy knew that he had it in him and he was going to prove it to her. He squeezed her hand and brushed a stray curl from her eyes. "Why don't you try?"

Katharine swallowed hard and steadied herself for what she was about to confess. She wanted to tell him everything: about her mother, her eating disorder, and that horrible night when she was sixteen. If she proceeded slowly, she might be able to actually do it.

"The eating disorder came as a result of all of the other problems in my life," she explained to an eager Randy. "It happened when I moved here to go to school. Life as a student was stressful and I was still dealing with other issues so I felt like I was losing control of everything. I used dieting as a coping mechanism and it got me into trouble. I struggled with anorexia for a bit but I didn't have the willpower to abstain from eating so I gave up on that. That's when I turned to binging and purging."

Randy didn't say anything in response, he just urged her to continue with his eyes. He had a death-like grip on her hand and Katharine knew that he was there with her, waiting for her to proceed. She took another deep breath and forged ahead.

"I began to binge and purge during the second semester of my freshman year," she continued. "I was good at it, too, and I liked the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted. I began purging once a day, but at my lowest point I did it after every meal. It was a vicious cycle because I was gaining weight from eating so much, which made me want to purge all the more. It consumed my life for a year and a half.

"I moved into my apartment with Kellie during my sophomore year. My eating disorder was easy to hide when I was living in the dorms, but once Kellie became my roommate it was impossible to keep it quiet. At first she didn't want to believe it, but eventually she realized what I was doing and she tried to take action. We would fight all of the time and I blamed her for turning her back on me. I tried to guilt her into keeping quiet: I told her she was the only person I could count on and now she was abandoning me. It tore her up but she stuck with it, knowing that it was my addiction talking."

Katharine felt her eyes begin to water and she squeezed them shut to prevent the tears from spilling forth. She opened them once she had regained her composure and she focused on Randy. The sorrow written across his face revealed that he felt for her, empathized with what she had been through. He understood.

"I think what finally got me to change was seeing what my eating disorder was doing to Kellie," she said softly. "And when I hit rock bottom I was ready to get help. Kellie went with me to Health Services on campus and they gave me information about a free clinic that dealt with helping women overcome eating disorders. I checked myself in over our winter break and I worked my hardest to overcome it. It's been hard, and there are times that I think I'm going to slip back into it, but for the most part I'm completely healed. It's just something that I'm going to have to work at for the rest of my life."

Katharine looked away from him, her gaze focused on their intertwined hands. "I'm far from perfect, Randy," she whispered. "I'm afraid that you have me on a pedestal, and there's now way I could ever live up to what you imagine me to be."

Randy cupped his free hand beneath her chin and lifted her head so that she was looking at him. Her dark eyes were glassy and Randy's heart ached for her. "Nobody's perfect, Kat," he answered in a gentle tone. "I know that, and I never once thought that you were. I'm sorry that you went through something so painful. It makes my problems seem so insignificant."

She shook her head. "Just because I was bulimic does not mean that I have the market cornered on problems. You've been going through some pretty serious stuff yourself."

He smiled softly. "But we're not talking about me tonight. We're focusing on you."

"I'm fine," she assured him. "You asked so I told you."

"Do you realize that this is the first personal thing that you've ever confided in me?" Randy responded. "This is huge! I feel like we should throw a party or something!"

Katharine couldn't help but laugh at his child-like joy. "Don't get ahead of yourself there buddy," she giggled.

Randy slid off the couch and knelt before her, still holding on to her hand like a lifeline. Katharine gazed down at him, her eyes locking with his blue depths and holding her in place. "I want you to promise me something," he stated. "I want you to promise me that if you ever need to talk you'll call me, no matter what time of day it is. I'm here for you Katharine, just like you've been here for me."

Randy was so sincere that she had no choice but to agree. She was willing to promise him anything because she could sense that she was falling hard and fast for him. "I swear I will," she promised. "Just be patient with me because I'm not very good at this whole 'sharing' thing."

He smiled at her. "Same here."

An overwhelming desire to kiss her came over Randy, and try as he might he could not talk himself out of it. His hands closed over hers and his eyes begged her to let him show her what he was feeling inside. Katharine could feel his desire and it matched her own for him. She needed him, more than she had ever needed anyone, and that was enough to allow him to kiss her.

They silently urged each other on and the next thing both knew, the distance between their lips had closed and they made contact with each other. This kiss was much different than their last. That time had been a hasty decision, a venture into what had been forbidden before. This kiss felt like the joining of two people who had experienced so much and had lost even more.

Randy's hands moved behind her and pulled Katharine closer to him. His tongue danced across her lips and slid inside, gently probing her for control of the kiss. She refused to give in, however, and they danced together in a playful way. This was all so familiar to him, and suddenly he remembered kissing her before. The images flashed before him and he broke away, breathing heavy and searching her face for answers.

Katharine's eyebrows knit together. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"We've done this before," he stated. "I remember kissing you. It happened the night that I was drunk, didn't it?"

"Yes it did," she confirmed for him. "You might have been drunk, but we both wanted it."

Randy sat back on his heels. "Oh I don't doubt that I wanted it, but what surprises me is that you wanted it too, both then and now." He grinned playfully at her. "You like me, Kat."

A faint blush crept into her cheeks. "I wouldn't be kissing you if I didn't," she answered with a small smile.

He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "The truth is that I'm crazy about you, Katharine," Randy confessed with about as much sophistication as a young boy with a crush.

This was the moment of truth. Katharine could run away and hide or she could allow herself to feel something beautiful, even if it was at the risk of getting hurt. As much as she wanted to choose the latter, she couldn't help but believe that Randy deserved someone better than her. There was no denying it: she was in love with Randy Orton, but she was a broken woman with wings that could no longer fly. He deserved someone whole, someone who could love him in the way that he needed. Try as she might, she would never be that person.

Tears pooled in her dark eyes, and this time they slid down her cheeks. Randy didn't understand why she was crying and he used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the droplets away. "Don't cry, beautiful," he begged. It was obvious that something more than his confession of his feelings was bothering her. It was something hidden deep inside that he had not been able to see before. "Whatever it is, we'll make it better together. I promise you that."

Katharine shook her head. "You can't fix this for me, Randy," she whispered. "Telling you isn't going to make it go away. You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

He looked at her in confusion. "I don't understand," he said. "I'm telling you that I want you, exactly as you are."

"You don't know me, Randy!" Katharine began to cry harder now, and the more she tried to stop it, the more the tears streamed down her face. "And I know that's my fault, but if I tell you everything you're going to act just like everyone else. You're going to freak out and leave. I can't handle it if you leave!"

Randy watched as the strongest woman that he had ever met broke down right in front of his eyes. He had never seen Katharine cry before and the sight of it tore at his heart. His own emotions were tumbling inside of him and he didn't know what to do to help her. "Tell me what you need," he begged. "Let me help you through whatever is going on inside of you."

Katharine violently shook her head and suddenly she was sixteen again. Randy's voice grew distance and it was as if he was no longer there. She could see herself in that room again, surrounded by those guys…she felt sick and trapped, and all she knew was that she needed to get out. She tried to stand but her legs were weak and she could barely walk. The present blurred with the past and she could not tell them apart. She felt arms around her and she was afraid, so very afraid. Her captor held her tightly and she could not break free.

"Let me go!" she shouted as she fought the arms that gripped her. "I already told you no!"

Randy was frightened because he could tell that Katharine was trapped inside of her own memories. It was as if she had gone somewhere dark and couldn't tell that it was he who was holding onto her. He was the only thing keeping her from tumbling to the ground. It was then that he began to see what she had been trying to tell him all along. She had been hurt very badly before and she could not let it go.

"Katharine, it's me," he said soothingly as he stroked her wild hair. "It's Randy."

Something snapped inside of Katharine and the present came back together, pushing the past back into the recesses of her mind. She turned and all she could see was Randy, his beautiful eyes filled with concern for her and the worry on his face. His were the arms that held onto her, the strength that supported her and kept her from falling to pieces.

But her nightmare was still there, still so real and hovering over her. She had been fighting it on her own for so long and she couldn't do it any longer. And for the first time in many years, Katharine lowered her head and sobbed uncontrollably. The tears that she had experienced before were nothing compared to what poured out of her now. She cried not from her eyes but from deep within her soul, and she clung to Randy as if he were her lifeline.

Randy clutched her tightly and gently lowered them to the floor so that they were sitting. He cradled Katharine in his arms and he whispered comforting words in her ear. It was all so clear to him now and he wished he had seen it sooner. The only thing that could break someone like Katharine was the thing that a woman feared the most. Katharine, his beautiful and angelic Katharine, had been brutally raped. She had been afraid to say it and he hadn't wanted to admit it, but they both had to face the truth.

"I know baby," he whispered to her as she sniffled against him. "But I promise you that it's going to be okay now. You've got me and I will never let you go."

Katharine didn't respond, but Randy knew she had heard him. He would stay with her for as long as it took her to let her pain out. As he cradled her in the safety of his apartment, he was forced to face another truth that he had long known but had been afraid to admit. He was head over heels in love with Katharine Bauer.