Chapter Ten: Emma and James

(found in third year by Willow, written when Katie and Oliver were twenty-something)

Dear Oliver,

You never replied to me. You've been avoiding me. You've been ignoring me.

Why did you break up with me? You never gave me a reason. We fought a lot, we always did but we always made it work in the end. I fall in love too easily, I guess, and I let myself fall for you. Now, I have a daughter who will never know I'm her mother because you want to hide from the rumors.

You're being a selfish prat, Oliver. And I want you to know how hard that is for me to write that. I love you. And I always will because falling in love is easy for me but falling out is impossible.

I guess I maybe should have been more protective of my feelings. I don't think love is real if it never ends up well.

Love always,

Katie

Maybe I was being too self conscious over this, but I did not want anyone to know that I had spent the night in a boys bed - much less than James. It gave more reason for people to assume I'm a slag, and I didn't want to be linked to James - a boy who strictly dated beautiful and smart girls that were the definition of good perfect preppy girls. Everyone would talk of how he was downgrading.

"Here's the plan," I whispered to him. "I'll stay in your bed until everyone leaves, and then I'll go to breakfast."

"I mean," He yawned, stretching out. "We'll just get teased if they find out."

"If that's what you call it," I muttered frustratedly, grabbing the sheets to cover more of my body.

"Nothing the whole school hasn't seen before," James crooned to me.

"Shut it," I turned to him with an angry gaze. "Why are you acting like such an arse today?" The smirk on James' face slid off and he stared at me uncertainly.

Waiting for the rest of the boys to wake up and leave was done in silence and excruciating awkwardness. Finally, when James stepped out of his bed, making sure to draw the curtains, he was met with some teasing of boys about his morning wood. I heard them all laugh and then the door shut.

I made sure to wait a few minutes after I was sure they were all gone before crawling out of the bed, grabbing my discarded shirt and skirt on the way. I quickly ran back to my room in a dash, quickly washing my face and cleaning up before walking down to the breakfast hall.

I made my way to the Gryffindor stares, quick to avoid the curious stares they gave me. I stole a look at James who was currently buttering a piece of toast.

"Morning, Wood!" Fred chirped when he saw me. James didn't look up from his bread.

"Where were you last night?" Emma questioned. "You weren't in our dorms."

"Oh, I," I paused. I should have thought this through. "Well, I was at the, uh, - "

"She was in the hospital wing," James said. "She hit her head, so she might be a little fuzzy. I was there when she fell, you know, typical searching during the night and I heard a clunk."

"Yeah," I nodded my head. "Definitely."

"Are you okay?" Taylor immediately put a comforting small hand on my arm. "You're good, right?"

"I'm fine," I said, taking a blueberry muffin for myself, avoiding the suspicious stares I was receiving from Fred.

"Well," James got up. "Wanna go to Advanced Herbology, Em?"

"Em"? What was this?

"Yeah, sure," Emma smiled. I looked down back at the muffin, suddenly not as hungry as I was a few seconds ago.

"Well, we have our normal Muggle Studies class unlike the two smart gits that just left," Fred smiled slightly. "So, shall we go?"

I got up reluctantly to walk to class with him.

"I know what's going on," Fred wagged his finger at me. "I know exactly what's going on between you and my dear cousin."

"What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes. Maybe playing dumb would work.

"I know that you did not fall down the stairs," The freckly boy said. "You spent the night in James' bed. I hope you know that I always stay awake at night because I have terrors of the dark. Long story."

I looked up at the ceiling.

"Willow Wood," Fred smiled devilishly. "You spent a night in James Sirius Potter's bed doing God knows what, and all I know is that James walked out of his bed wearing nothing but his little boxers with a party down there."

"Godric," I felt my face turn completely red. "We didn't do anything, I was just drunk and guys get that all the time!"

"Yeah, but there was obviously a reason behind this," Fred tittered. "You were there. He got horny."

"Honestly, Fred," My face stony and eyes set straight on the ceiling. "I don't want to hear this."

"You know, Willow," His face took on a serious look. "Do you fancy James? Because he fancies you. I don't think he knows it yet," Fred shrugged as my heart beat faster and faster. "But I can see he fancies you."

"You're wrong," I said, lying to myself, and Fred. "He doesn't like me, he wouldn't. I'm not his type." I laughed. "He likes girls that are really gorgeous, but like in the way they don't know - and trust me," I smiled mischievously. "I have enough confidence for two people."

"I don't think you do," Fred said simply before walking into the class. "Besides, James never acted the way he does around any other girl he fancied before you. That's all you need to know."

I bit my lip, wondering what Fred even meant by that.

Going to Charms was my favorite class. Not only was it the one subject I excelled in, but everything about it fascinated me.

"Alright, so can anyone tell me about the trick for nonverbal charms?" Flitwick waddled around the room, pointing at me. "Miss Wood?"

"Mental focus and practice," I responded quickly.

"Correct!" He grinned. "And does anyone want to try out a harmless nonverbal? Miss Wood?"

"Not today," I apologetically smiled. My mental focus couldn't be on a spell, since my mind kept coming back to what Fred said to me this morning.

"Mr. Potter? How about you?" Flitwick raised an eyebrow at James, who seemed to not be listening at all.

"Uh - " James looked up with widened eyes. "I'm so - sorry, I wasn't listening." Fred snickered while writing something on a piece of parchment.

"Then you probably wouldn't have the focus to demonstrate a nonverbal - "

"Shut it, Fred!"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, Professor," James stood up angrily and stormed out of the classroom abruptly. I stared at his retreating back while Fred slumped in his chair, looking upset. Flitwick cleared his throat, obviously confused about what had happened.

"Go after him," Fred whispered to me as Flitwick moved on, writing on the board now.

"What?" I whispered back. "No!"

"Do it," Fred glowered. "Come on, do it."

"Why?"

"Please," Fred begged. "He's mad. And sad. Just, go. Make him smile or whatever, he's in a bad mood."

"But - "

"Just go after him, I know you want to." I looked down at the ground. He was right, I really did want to go chase after him and instead of sitting in my seat and wondering why he was so upset. I got up from my chair. Fred let a small cheer of excitement as I exited the room to find James.

Walking down the halls like a dumb girl that was searching for the boy that will indefinitely break her heart was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. I was an idiot, but I couldn't help myself.

"Willow?" James asked, sitting down on the hallway. I dropped down to sit next to him.

"What's up?" I smiled. "How's your day going?"

"Yeah," He rolled his eyes. "You're wondering why I ran out of Charms and yelled at Fred."

"Maybe just a little," I admitted. "You kinda made a big scene."

"No reason," James smiled. "I just was annoyed about something stupid."

"Is it something with Emma?"

"What?" James looked at me in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"Listen, if Emma says no to you, it's really because she's a little insecure so she doesn't think that - "

"Willow, I didn't ask Emma out, I don't fancy Emma, she..." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously while his ears turned red.

"Really?" I cocked my head to the side. "But she's your type, James, she - I don't know, wears those cute cardigans on Hogsmeade days, she smiles really nicely whenever you compliment her and you compliment her, James! And you - you like her."

"I don't," James' face was now turning red. "I - don't know why you'd even think that."

"But she's exactly like all the other girls you dated," I said. "She's...like, beautiful, and she's smart, and she - "

"I don't like Emma, Willow, I don't want to date her and I don't want her, I want y - " James shook his head. "Maybe my type has changed, alright, Wood?"

"I - " James' eyes burned into mine, and I realized that he was extremely angry. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad, I'm just not in a good mood."

"It's alright," I smiled weakly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"That's a lie." I looked at him before continuing on. "I think I know you well enough to see when you're mad about something or upset and you are, so just...if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, then don't but ple - "

James cupped my chin and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes closed automatically and I realized that James Sirius Potter was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. And I was enjoying this because I had wanted this for a while now.

Maybe a kiss was needed to get James out of my system. Maybe it wouldn't escalate into wanting more of him, because I didn't want to want more - that meant a relationship where he was in position to break my heart and leave me broken. But all I could feel was that I wanted more. I wanted him.

"I'm sorry," James broke away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that - well, I did, but I - Pretend it never happened, alright?"

"I - " I touched my lips with a stunned expression on my face while James ran away. What had just happened?