She half expected him to run back in – to help her patch her wound, to apologize for what he had done. Ben had always apologized immediately if he had hurt her; he could never stand to see her in pain. She ripped part of her shirt to wrap around her arm. At least she knew that wounds from a lightsaber would not be filthy – she would not get an infection. The pain was almost unbearable though, and she had to squeeze her eyes shut and take a few deep breaths every couple of seconds to keep herself from momentarily blacking out. Every wrap-around she made with her homemade bandage stung. Every sting brought tears to her eyes.
She waited a few more agonizing minutes, but he never returned. It was almost as though it was her last hope. He may truly not care about her anymore if he was not willing to come back in and check on her. It had been one of his best qualities. Even if she had gotten hurt and it was not his fault, he would still apologize. It was as though he wanted to take all her pain away and place it on his own shoulders. It was one of his personality traits that she loved the most. That she missed the most.
There were times when she had tried to reciprocate the gesture – times when he had heard a worrying conversation between his parents, the time he had dislocated his shoulder during combat practice. Emotional or physical, Cara had wanted to be there for him. She just always felt that she could never do as much for him as he did for her. He always seemed to know exactly what to say. Every touch, every word, it had always been enough to comfort her.
Even now, all she wanted was to return the favour. Maybe if she could get through to him, get him to remember who he was and where he came from, it would make up for all the times he had helped her in the past. She could help him, she could be there for him. She could have her friend back. All this pain and suffering she was fighting through right now could mean something.
A voice in the back of her mind told her it was useless, though. He was too far gone. How could she expect to save someone from themselves when she could not even save herself?
She tried to get up from her position on the floor, as she crawled over to her sleeping bench and pulled herself up with one arm. Her wounded limb brushed against the floor though, and another unbearable burst of pain went through her arm right up into her head, and she quickly blacked out to keep herself from screaming.
"Ben, please let me in. Your mother told me what happened."
"No, Cara, go away. I don't want to talk to you right now."
"Why not? You can tell me, just let me in."
"Please, Cara, just – leave me alone."
She could hear his voice trembling, and she knew him well enough to know that he was feeling ashamed of himself. He had lost a sparring session against one of the other kids on the base. Ben had never lost a sparring match before.
"Look, Ben. I know that you hate losing. I've played enough games with you to know that everyone should stay out of your way whenever you lose. I just want to be there for you. I want to be your friend."
It was quiet on the other side of the door – she was worried that he was not listening to her. She pressed her ear closer to the door, hoping to hear any sign of movement. She got her wish, as she heard him shifting on his bed.
"Ben, I know you're listening to me. Just let me help you. You can talk to me. We can go through what happened, make a strategy for your next match against him. I'll help you win."
She heard the sheets on his bed rustling and she realized that he was standing up, hopefully to walk over to the door. She took a step back, not wanting to seem too eager. After waiting a few seconds, however, he still had not opened the door. She pressed her ear closer once more, trying to hear what he was doing in his room.
"You don't always need to try and help me to prove to me that you're my friend." He said, his voice suddenly much louder. She realized that he was now standing on the other side of the door, waiting for her response.
"I know. That's just what friends do for each other. Are you going to open this door for me now?"
"No." He said, but she could hear that his voice was less shaky. She was getting through to him.
"Okay,' she said, sliding down to sit with her back leaning against his door, 'I'll just wait here until you open it for me."
"That may take a while."
"Do you want to tell me why?" Cara asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"You don't need me to tell you why. I can hear in your voice that you already know."
"Might help if you talk about it."
"You already know I don't want to do that either."
She laughed lightly, knowing full well that he did not want to discuss his problems. Every time she tried to help him, every time she tried to comfort him, he would shut her down. At first, it had bothered her. It made it seem as though he did not think she was smart or clever enough to be able to help him. It took a while for her to realize that she did not need to help him directly; he just needed her to be there for him indirectly. He just needed to know that she was on the other side of that door, waiting for him to gather the courage to let her in once more.
"Do you want me to leave?" She asked, full well knowing that he would protest.
"No! No, I mean. You can stay. If you want. You don't have to, though, I'm fine." He remained silent, waiting for her to answer. Waiting for her to confirm that she would, indeed, stay.
"No, you know what? I'm actually quite comfortable here. Might take a nap, if I've got the time."
"You've got the time." He said, challenging her.
"Alright, if you're sure. Just wake me up whenever you're ready."
He was silent for a few minutes – it took him so long to answer that Cara actually closed her eyes and had started drifting off right before he opened the door. She had not expected it, and thus fell backwards, hear heart skipping a beat as her head lightly bounced on the carpeted floor of his room. She opened her eyes to see Ben grinning down at her, clearly amused at her clumsiness.
"You could have given me fair warning." She snapped at him, clearly annoyed.
"What would have been the fun in that?" He said, a mischievous glint in his eyes that he could only have inherited from Han Solo.
"Are you going to help me up or should I just fall asleep again?" She said, holding out her hand for him to take.
He took her hand, and gently helped lift her up off the ground. She enjoyed these small physical contacts with Ben – she was the only one that he would allow close enough to him. Even his own parents barely got to see this side of him. His hand was warm and heavy in hers, and she smiled down as he intertwined his fingers with her, leading her out onto the balcony that was adjacent to his room.
"So do you want to tell me what happened?" She probed, hoping he would finally tell her himself.
"No."
"Do you want to tell me why you feel so ashamed?"
He suddenly slipped his hand out of hers, and a shiver ran up her spine at the loss of contact.
"I am not ashamed."
"Ben, you know you can't fool me."
"Why do you want me to confess to you so badly? You can't help me feel unashamed. What's done is done. I lost - to an inferior fighter. It was embarrassing."
"And so you thought that hiding out in your room would be the best way for you to prove them wrong?"
"It's not about proving them wrong. The only way I can prove them wrong is to beat him in another match. He is not stupid enough to challenge me again."
"You can prove them wrong by showing that it doesn't affect you! You can prove to them that a loss does not distress you, that it only makes you stronger."
"How could a loss possibly make me stronger?" He said, turning to face her. His eyes were full of regret, as if his entire life depended on her answer. It broker her heart to see him so insecure.
"You can prove to them that you learnt from your loss. You can show them that you've grown as a human being. You can enlighten them by demonstrating that you can rise above a petty dispute and use your experiences to your advantage. That is what a real Jedi would do."
He contemplated her, searching her face for any signs of uncertainty. She stared right back into his eyes, challenging him to call her a liar.
"And since when do you know what a real Jedi would do?"
"From the stories you told me. From the lessons you taught me."
He shook his head, disbelief clouding his features at her pure sincerity when she spoke to him. How had he ended up with a friend like her?
"How can you be so sure?"
She placed a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look straight into her eyes as she said her next few words.
"Because I believe in you."
He smiled at her words. She always saw the best in him. Even when he got angry with her, even when he threw a tantrum. Even when he destroyed whatever was in his path in anger. She always saw the best in him. A slight breeze wafted over them, and a few strands of her hair blew in front of her face, shielding her eyes from his view. He enjoyed looking at her eyes. They were a color he had never seen before or since they had met. They were unique, like her. He lifted his hand to tuck the stray strands of hair behind her ear once more, smiling ever so slightly as her eyes came back into view. She smiled right back at him.
He turned away from her then, walking back inside. When she did not follow, he spun around to face her again, an eyebrow cocking up as he waited for her to react.
"What?" She asked, her eyes widening as she tried to predict what he would say next.
"Aren't you coming?"
"Where are we going?"
"Downstairs, to prove them all wrong."
She laughed then, grinning to herself as he once more held out his hand for her to take. She slowly laced her fingers with his once more, feeling content, feeling happy. He was the only friend she had ever had. He was the only friend she would ever need.
She smiled in her sleep, the calming and joyful memory enough to take away her excruciating pain as she fell further into a restful and dreamless slumber for the first time in weeks.
A/N: Thank you to all the new followers, I'm so glad that so many people seem to enjoy this story. I will have another update for you as soon as possible!