Natalie woke up in a daze, and as soon as she sat up, the world hit her in the face with a ton of bricks. She laid down on her right, knowing it would pass. This was a textbook poisoning. Done well, apparently, since she hadn't noticed before now. When it seemed she could sit, she looked around.
She was alone.
"Oh shit" she whispered.
Victor and Todd were gone. She was on her own.
And she was sure Allison would come for her next.
"So we're pretty sure they're operating out of here" Nate said, showing John the house on the computer, "Our research on the building has shown that there's a completely refurbished basement, proper ventilation and everything, no windows, one door"
"Seemingly perfect to hide any hostages" John noted.
"Exactly. So I had a bug planted on the outside window"
"Clever" John noted.
"I try and go around procedure without completely breaking it"
John laughed, "I think you and I in the same department would have ended in a headache for IA"
Nate laughed too, "I think you're right" he said.
"So how long's it been there? Uncover anything interesting?"
"A couple months. Definitely some hostages, attempted murder for sure, anything else isn't concrete. There's only audio"
"Well, it'll do"
"We believe there's a hostage in there now"
"Let me take a listen?" John asked.
"Go right-" the two of them stopped as a young woman came into his office without knocking. She had blonde hair, a thin frame, and perfectly tanned skin.
"Sara" Nate said, "Is that the history on those people I asked for?"
John mentally smiled. He could tell in the way Nate said her name what she meant to him. But of course, he couldn't act like he had feelings while he was still in the room. After all, inter office romance was always a no go.
"Yeah" she said, and he went around his desk to take it from her.
"Thanks" he said, "I owe you one" he added quietly, and lightly kissed her lips.
John could guess their relationship wasn't completely on the DL.
"Can I call it in? Take your lunch with me, let's get out of here for a while" she said, smiling.
"Sara, you know I can't. Especially not now, the FBI's about to close in on-" he paused to stop himself from incriminating himself, "a big case they need me on"
John looked down. He couldn't even count the number of times he'd said something like that to Natalie. Her face would fall just for a second before smiling back up at him to say they'd just hang out that night.
"Okay" she said, "I'll talk to you later" she turned and left.
When Nate turned back towards John, he could tell he was confused. Sara was angry, and he didn't know why, but John did. That wasn't the first time Nate had ever blown her off.
"So where were we?" Nate tried to act unaffected, but John knew that act all too well.
"You blew her off"
"What?"
"I was standing right here, man. She's upset because you blew her off for work, and not for the first time either"
"She understands. She works here, too, she knows I can't just up and leave in the middle of a case" Nate defended himself.
"Yeah, I'm sure she understands. That doesn't make her feel any better"
"She does. We just have to wait for this cult thing to die down and then-"
"I was just like you. I said after this case, and I kept saying it. And I would lose her, and then I would win her back, and do the same thing over again. Years passed, and I thought that was it" he paused, "I left for weeks for a case. Then came the day I went home to find that she was gone. She's never coming back"
"Me and Sara will be married in a few years" Nate defended himself.
"Not if you keep doing this" he said, "Take it from me; she's not going to wait forever"
"I'm lucky she's stuck with me this long" Nate said.
"Go"
"What?" he said.
"It's just intel. I can handle it, I've been doing this job for a long time" John said.
"Why do you care so much?"
John looked down, "Because if I could go back in time, I'd want someone to tell me to pull my head out of my ass" he answered, "Now go, have lunch with your girlfriend"
"I'll back soon. Thanks man" Nate said, leaving.
"Hey McBain. It's quitting time" Natalie said as she walked into his office.
"Not yet, I'm afraid" he answered, not even bothering to stand up.
"C'mon John, it's late. You worked through lunch, and you haven't had anything but coffee all day. Let's go to Rodi's" Natalie tried pleading.
"I have to figure this out, Natalie. We can't arrest Truman without evidence"
"The evidence will still be there in the morning" she said.
"Truman knows I'm onto him. I've already lost time" he said, looking back down to the file.
He heard Natalie exhale, the way she did when she was frustrated. But he couldn't be bothered to ask what was wrong, after all, work was always more important. It wouldn't always be, but he knew that Natalie understood that.
"Alright. Well, I'm going to grab take out for the both of us and head home. I have some homework to do anyway but" she paused, "At least promise me you'll eat it"
"Yeah" he answered only half paying attention.
She came over to his side of the desk, and kissed the side of his face, "I'll see you soon"
John worked for hours after that, stopping only because there was no more coffee in the building and the night shift was starting to bug him. As he packed his papers back into their files, he saw the date on his desk calendar, and what Natalie had written under August 1 in her perfect handwriting
2 months 3
Shit, he thought. He had forgotten their anniversary, arbitrary as it was; he knew Natalie was happy that they'd lasted so long. That's why she was so upset.
When he got home, he saw the takeout she'd gotten for him, still untouched on the coffee table. But what made him realize how screwed up he really was, was that on his awfully uncomfortable couch, Natalie had fallen asleep with the light on, her forensics book open in her lap, her hair done up, fresh make up on her face, and dressed solely in a black lace bra and panty set. She had dressed up for him, to surprise him when he finally paid attention to her on their anniversary so they could celebrate. Not for the first time, he wondered how she managed to put up with him when he did shit like this, because this was not the first time he'd done something like this. But more than anything right now, he just wanted to get her bed and hold her. Silently, he pulled the bed sheets back, turned off the light, and took the book out of her lap. He picked her up and tucked her into her side of the bed. Once he took off his shoes and overcoat and pants, he got in his side, and took Natalie in his arms. It won't always be like this, he told himself. Just until I get Truman, and then I'll act the man she wants me to be. He nested his face in her hair for a moment, and he felt her stir.
"John?" she asked groggily, turning her head to face him.
"I'm an ass" he said, his face pressed into the side of hers, "I'm sorry Natalie"
She just looked into his eyes and put her hand on the side of his face, "it's okay. I didn't tell you" she never hesitated to accept his apology, as half-hearted as most of them were, "Did you eat?"
"I'm not hungry" he said, "I'll bring it for lunch tomorrow"
She kissed him.
"You have class tomorrow. Get some sleep" he told her.
She kissed him once more, "It's been a good two months" she told him, "I wouldn't want anyone else. I love you" she said, and with one more kiss she turned the other way and fell back asleep
It had been a good two months. How easy would it have been to tell her it was good for him too? And yet, as he always did, he didn't take the opportunity to tell her anything. Instead, he watched her breathing for a long time, listened to the sound while he rested his head in her hair. Lately, that had been the only thing that could get him to sleep. And even though she must have been pissed at him, she stayed because she knew he needed her.
John sat in Nate's chair, staring at the computer screen, but his mind was elsewhere. What he would give to go back and always treat Natalie the way she deserved? He didn't think there was anything he wouldn't do. If someone had told him what he just told Nate, his whole life could be different. Every time he thought about that night, he wondered what went through Natalie's mind while she got ready for him. Did she purposely pick out the lace? Had she gone out of her way to buy it new for that night? And when she sat down to study, how long was she sitting there waiting for him? Did she wonder if he cared about her half as much as he cared about his work?
She must have. After all, he'd always chosen work over her, what else could she believe?
If he could go back in time, he'd go to every lunch, every dinner, and every random family party she'd ask him to. Most importantly, he'd go home with her when she told him too. She had been the only one to care about his wellbeing when he was working on overdrive. If he could only have told her then how much he needed her.
He hoped somewhere Nate was telling Sara how important she was.
"God, you have got some sense of humor" he said, finally starting to click through things the bug had picked up.