WHASSUP MAH BITCHEZ? It has been an exciting year, hasn't it? Merry Christmas and a very Happy Hanukkah to whomever it may concern! (I happen to celebrate both)

Jiraiya accepted the book from Ino, who practically shoved it on him. He seemed to be the only one who didn't mind any of it. "I've read too many of these," he said by way of explanation. 'Ah! A hack!"

prettyfairyunicorn27 smiled leaning back on her computer chair staring happily at the screen. It was done. The latest chapter of "RyomanceUndoer the Mounligt Sky" was done and it contained everything she needed for a typical Mary-Sue fanfic. Slutty ninjas who slept with guys within the first five minutes of meeting them, fights that were ended in a typically stupid biased fashion, and girls whose bra sizes were bigger than their brain cell count. Smiling even wider she began to upload it onto the site ready for her worshipping followers to tell her how wonderful how amazing her writing was, how awesomely perfect Mitsuki is.

"The thing is, I don't think she would actually know what she's doing," commented Kurenai.

Shizune agreed. "Remember how much she complains when people call her a Mary-Sue?"

Sakura shrugged. "Look, someone's about to kick her ass in story form. Nitpicking isn't really necessary right now."

But just as it was nearly done uploading, the screen changed. Fuzzy and blurred, the image was jumping around on the screen like the T.V during The Ring. Then it went completely black. She angrily jumped up, screaming and shouting at the computer in her retarded text language that only she could understand, when something happened to make her stop.

"A random shuriken through the spine?" asked Tenten hopefully.

"Lay the fuck off, bitch," the computer snarled in a sleek and sexy, but evil at the same time, voice.

"See, what I don't get is what's a computer?" wondered Naruto.

"A thing from her world," Jiraiya handwaved impatiently. "Shut up, something's about to happen!"

Confused, prettyfairyunicorn27 walked around to the front of the screen. She noticed that it was no longer blackened or jumpy, but instead showed a man. A man with long black hair tied up in a loose ponytail at the back of his neck but with bangs falling across his scarlet, tired eyes his leaf village headband with a single scratch on his forehead. Itachi Uchiha.

Sasuke rubbed his temples. "I'm really starting to wonder how an ignorant girl from a far away land knows so much about S-class missing-nin."

To any Naruto fan this man struck fear in the hearts of all. But to a Mary-Sue fangirl like prettyfairyunicorn27, all she could do was drool, glued to her seat as he walked forward to the front of the screen and began to climb out using his destroy-the-stupid-Mary-Sue jutsu. Mary-Sue couldn't do anything but ogle his body as he straightened up from the computer table and the kunai in his hand went to her throat. Finally realizing the trouble she was in she began to whimper incoherently.

"You know, Sasuke, not for nothing but I think I might have to appreciate Itachi just this once," said Kiba tentatively. Sasuke shrugged.

"I don't even know my priorities anymore, Kiba. Whatever."

"You are weak," he snarled in the same go-pick-out-your-coffin-and-come-back-so-I-can-kick-your-ass voice Sasuke had used earlier. "Why are you weak? Because you lack… brain cells!"

Ino snickered.

Mary-Sue couldn't do anything but piss her pants as he activated his Mangekyo Sharingan, trapping her in a world where she couldn't do anything but watch the characters do various yaoi acts on each other. Smirking Itachi walked up to the cage she was trapped in. "In the world of the Tsukuyomi, the Nightmare Realm, I control everything. Over the next seventy-two hours, I will continue cutting you with my sword. However," he sighed, looking at his watch, "I don't have time so I will have to let my foolish little brother torture you by making you watch as he gives Naruto head." Smirking widely he waved her a goodbye "Have fun!"

"Just when I was starting to think he was actually good for something!" muttered Tsunade wistfully as Naruto turned a faint shade of purple and Sasuke had to bite his lip to refrain from saying anything.

And the best part of this plan? No one could hear her scream.

Back in Konoha, Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura and Mitsuki all sat around in a circle in the middle of the training grounds. The three real leaf ninja staring confused at the fraud, the silence stretching out between them, seemingly endless until Naruto decided to voice what was on everybody's mind.

"And you are?"

Mitsuki stared at the boy before sticking one a smile almost as hideous as her. "Naruto u kno me. I is your fasvouright teem m8 Mitsuki-chan u kno mwe Saskuke?"

"It's great when the hacker utilizes this inane language to greater effect than the real author," commented Neji.

Sasuke stared at the girl with his usual emo look "I'm with dobe. Who are you?"

Sakura, being the only one who remembered Mary-Sue Mitsuki, grinned. She kept her mouth shut in revenge for Mitsuki's being such a stupid slutty bitch who stole her Sasuke as the two boys stood up, glaring at the girl.

Sakura snapped her fingers. "Revenge is wonderful and all, but if it ever comes down to this I do NOT want to remember her. Or any of this, really." Agreement was unanimous throughout the room.

"Where is Katsumi during all this?" asked Gaara. "Not that I WANT to hear more about her, I just want to see her destroyed as well!" he added hurriedly.

"She must be an enemy ninja," Sasuke growled, getting up and walking away from her with Sakura and Naruto. "She doesn't speak English and we don't know her; she clearly doesn't have a reason to be here!"

"Although she does have a Konoha forehead protector," mused Tsunade. "Which is apparently my fault, even though I would never give one to someone such as her."

Shocked Mitsuki got to her feet running after them. "Stop!1" she shouted desperately. "Sauke kujm u ; love me realy. Remember im ur mitsukishann!!oneeleven!!1"

Sasuke didn't even bother to reply to her but instead carried on walking. Even more desperate, she began to chase after them not realizing she was walking straight onto a busy road. Then a

Monster truck slammed right into her side! Gasping she felt a sharp stabbing pain in her stomach, but was too lady like to scream (besides sluts like her only use their mouths for oral) then she saw a bright white light and all pain was gone.

She was dead.

"FREEDOM!" shouted Sasuke suddenly, shocking everyone in the room with his outburst.

"But, isn't that how she got to Konoha in the beginning?" asked Hinata quietly. "So where will she go now?"

Temari stared at the ceiling, eyes glazed. "Anywhere but here. Beyond that I don't give a damn."

Smiling Hinata jumped out of the truck "HA!!" she screamed "That's what you get for making me a lesbian, you whore!"

In the distance Gai stood next to Kakashi, watching the results as Team 7 and Hinata left Mitsuki's corpse on the ground and walked away.

"So, my eternal rival!" Gai boomed "It seems Itachi was right! Attacking the head of the Sues with Sharingan will make all others with any brain capacity forget and turn against her, clever!"

Kakashi smiled under his mask. For once all was right in the world.

"That is so Kakashi-sensei," muttered Naruto.

Two years later

When the team released Mitsuki couldn't be killed because of her demon they gave her to Pein in exchange for leaving Naruto alone. She now spends her days in agonizing torture.

"Wait, wouldn't they just extract the demon?" asked Gaara with no small confusion, given his past experiences with Akatsuki.

"Are you saying you don't want her in pain?" said Jiraiya, scrutinizing him. The Kazekage glared at him.

The Akatsuki Mary-Sue was killed within her first day in the organization for inquiring to weather Deidara was male or female. Kisame then hooked up with Itachi and decided he didn't give a flying fuck about her. Itachi taught the rest of the leaf ninja how to reverse a Mary-Sue attack.

The group turned their heads towards Sasuke, who seemed to be trying to erase that image from his mind, to no avail. "I make no comment on Itachi's sexuality, actual or perceived."

The grateful Elders allowed him back into the village. However, he was soon kicked out again for feeding Sai fish sticks and making him stand next to Kisame. Sai is still in intensive care.

Tsunade furrowed her brow. "For the record, I don't think we'd be allowed to do that."

"Let him back in or kick him out again for that?" asked Shizune.

"Um, both."

Still an emo child, Sasuke left the village and joined Orochimaru. Three days later he remembered that he was deathly afraid of snakes and returned home. He soon got together with Sakura and repopulated the Uchiha name.

Sasuke and Sakura refused to meet each other's eyes.

Hinata soon after Mitsuki's disappearance realized she was straight and told Naruto her feelings. They now are dating and spend most of their time at the Ramen stall.

Hinata closed her eyes and turned a bright red, sinking down in her chair and wanting to disappear.

"Wait, what?" asked Naruto. "Hinata, do you like me?"

A barely visible nod was the only response; the shy blue-haired girl seemed to have disappeared into her jacket. Naruto sat back with an unreadable yet slightly perplexed look on his face.

Ino released Kiba and Akamaru from the mind/body switch jutsu and let them go back to normal. Kiba still enjoys the odd bowl of Krunchy Kibble.

Gaara, terrified to find some random slut in his bed, crushed her with his Sand Burial. He now lives in Suna with his cat Cuddles and has never been happier. Kankuro woke up after realizing he fell asleep during battle instead of dying after a shitty-no-talent jutsu attack. He is now working with Tsunade to try and find a cure for his narcolepsy.

"There is no cure for narcolepsy," said Sakura indignantly. "Tsunade, have you bee holding out on me?"

prettyfairyunicorn27 is now living in a mental institution after being classified as mentally retarded. She never recovered from Itachi's attack and has never gone near a computer or Naruto again.

And they all lived happily ever after.

"I guess that makes sense," said Tenten. "Although I never got a resolution."

Jiraiya smirked and passed the book to Naruto, who accepted it without a word. He opened it to his chapter, not looking at Hinata or, for that matter, anyone in the room.

OOOOH, DRAMAZ! Thanks to hannahdykins for the hack. Please DO NOT review the hacker or Unicorn-chan for this chapter, as it will be ignored…your reviews for chapter 9 will be answered by Unicorn-chan next time!

MutsomonoSatori: Hey, I am fully capable of writing Mitsuki in such a way that Hinata falling in love would be perfectly plausible. Mitsuki's character is a thing to be bent to my every command.

Darantha: It's very difficult to write as well.

Midami Uchiha of the sand: You see? Everything works out!

Yakumo2112: I do what I can to entertain the world. (bow)

cookiechild: Well, I like to think that Unicorn-chan saw at least through the original Naruto, but stopped watching the filler when she realized there was no Sasuke; she never saw Shippuden, and picked up all her knowledge thereof through hearsay and fanfiction. Which explains a LOT, doesn't it?

sarahlilly95: She'll get what's coming to her.

KickAssKunoichi: Oh, thank you so much!

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Well hey, me too! Whaddaya know. On that note, I feel like I should address this somehow.

Alienne: That's me; check the email address. Think of it as a social experiment to see how people would react to her in the real world.

xXxJaycee81196xXx: Thank you, I do what I can!

emuroo: I love to pick on Hinata, but I always come back and reward her for being so wonderful!

craZy goth friendZ: Oh, there's PLENTY more coming from that department.

catwin: Short, yes, but isn't it so worth it?

Izzy the Lizard: He wasn't going to, but a lot of people are asking for it! I may just have to change my mind.

Charged: And thank you as well!

Kohane-chama: Thank you, we'll see what happens!

Claamchowder: Ah, the joys of satire. Parody is fun!

Zenacia: I love to torment my favorite blueberry emo muffin (hugs Sasuke plushie)

pistachio53: YES! Goal achieved!

CommandoGirl: Oh, you flatter me.

Well, it seems like people are really responding to Suefic-Hinata's storyline! I feel I should note, however, that Unicorn-chan's views in no way reflect my own except when they do, and under absolutely no circumstances am I taking a dig at lesbians when I turn Suefic-Hinata into one. I rather think my girlfriend would object to that.

See you next time!