Baby Class-Chest Lessons
The teacher walked up to the head of the class, smiling at all the happy couples at their designated counters. Yako and Neuro stood patiently for the next lesson the teacher would unleash upon them. "Okay couples, I will now teach you about breastfeeding!"
"AH YEAH!!" the men screamed. A few of them grabbed their champagne bottles and popped the cork off, spewing the drinks all over the place. One man grabbed some fireworks and began launching them inside the building in celebration. "Start the lesson!" they happily screamed. "Breasts!!"
"What's wrong Neuro? Not going to join in their games?" Yako asked. Neuro grinned.
"I can see your breasts whenever I want. Apparently some of these wives restrict their husbands."
"I can see the men are very excited about this…" the teacher nervously smiled. "But we must stay as mature as possible when dealing with this issue. Breastfeeding is a very special moment between a mother and her newborn baby. Not only does the baby get the proper nutrients from a well-fed and healthy mother."
"Well fed?" Neuro muttered. "No problem there."
"But a sentimental and very deep bond is formed between the mother and her child as she holds them in her arms and allows it to nurse from her."
"Gosh…" one man said, rubbing the back of his head. "Now I just feel dirty for the way I acted."
"Yeah! Breastfeeding is an important and tender time for my wife…I guess I should just hold back on my filthy thoughts."
"Wow! These men sure changed quickly!" Yako said. "What do you think Neuro?"
"I'll wait until I see it," the demon replied.
"Now, babies have a natural sucking reflex that allows them to nurse and swallow milk naturally," the teacher explained. Neuro couldn't help but perceive this as babies being natural gluttons. It would seem humans were born eager to satisfy themselves no matter the cost. A very dark perception on a baby's meal time.
"Breastfeeding can last up to half a year before weaning should begin," the teacher explained.
One man raised his hand. "What does arts and crafts have to do with babies?"
Another man raised his hand. "What does pulling weeds out of our garden have to do with babies?"
"No, no, no," the teacher replied. "Weaning, not weaving or weeding. This is when you stop feeding the baby milk and introduce it to soft foods. Some people like to start with baby food or other soft things added with sips of water."
"You know Neuro, how come the author of this fanfic knows so much about babies and pregnancy?" Yako asked.
"I have no clue," Neuro responded. "But don't waste fanfic space talking about such trivial things. We must pay attention lest our baby suffers at your neglect."
Neuro's Fantasy:
"I'm off to work honey!" Neuro cheered, walking out of the door with his suit, suitcase, and hat. "You two don't stop looking beautiful!"
"Have a nice day at work Neuro!" Yako said, waving him off as she fed the baby in its high chair. "Durrrr…..now that's Neuro gone I can be my usual mentally handicapped self….durrr…..maybe my young baby will enjoy a fresh, entire pineapple. Durrr….or maybe you want a crusty old banana I keep in my shoe….durrr…Forget that! You can be the world's heaviest alcoholic but we have to train you young! I'll go get the sake!"
Hours later….
"Honey, I'm home! Oh my goodness!" Neuro shrieked. "Stop trying to cook my baby!"
"But I was hungry! I need some meat!" Yako whined as she began to stir the pot with the baby happily giggling inside. "Do you like your baby with sliced apples or shredded banana?"
"I knew you were mentally insufficient! I'm taking my baby and going to live away from you! Then I'll write a book about how abusive you were and how you could never satisfy me! Then the world will know of your shames!" Neuro grabbed the baby out of the pot and tossed it in a cat cage, locking the door.
"Fine! I'll just steal other people's babies and eat them! Turn them into apple pies!" Yako fussed.
Neuro looked at Yako. "You disgust me."
"You just had some dark fantasy about me didn't you?" Yako sighed. "An earlier you were telling me to pay attention to class."
"Breastfeeding has many benefits to both the parent and the baby, reducing the risk of arthritis, diarrhea, and so on. It's all in these brochures," the teacher went.
"Thank goodness," Neuro said. "Now I no longer will have to wait two hours before using our bathroom."
"They meant diarrhea for the baby," Yako corrected.
"I also would recommend breastfeeding over giving the baby formula or artificial milk as then the baby is at higher risk for many things and your medical bills will increase due to the baby not having the bodily protection that breast milk offers," the teacher continued.
"I see…" Neuro said. "Yako, you're going to breastfeed the baby even if I have to force you to! I'm not paying extra fees for medical bills you could have prevented."
"Oh yeah, forget the baby's well being, it's all about the bills…" Yako sarcastically remarked.
Class ended with the teacher handing each couple a book about breastfeeding. Neuro began to flip through it as they walked back to the office. "I see you're really into that book," Yako proudly said. "Wait…are there pictures of women in there showing their breasts off?!"
"Don't worry. Your flesh is the only skin I'll seek for carnal satisfaction," Neuro said.
"That really does not sound…romantic…."
"Hmm….it says here men can release milk from their nipples as well," the demon said.
"What? Now I know you're lying," Yako said, grabbing the book and reading the paragraph Neuro pointed out. "Impossible….it is true!"
"Got milk?" Neuro asked, swinging a bottle of milk around.
"I'm not drinking your nipple milk!" Yako fussed. Neuro tossed the can into the garbage, it was empty anyway.
"I guess all humans share qualities of the basic monkey and cow," Neuro said. "Maybe it would be best if our child was born as a bird."
"When a woman makes milk it's a beautiful thing, when men do it…well…that's gross," Yako said. "I bet you can't wait to see me breastfeed."
"I'm not as lustful as you humans," he replied. "But I am certain it will be a marvelous thing to witness."
"I'm counting on you Neuro. I know this baby will bring out the sweet side of you. I just have to be patient."
"So, you always liked me then?"
"Well….I never disliked you. Heh heh…."
"I see. You humans fall in love with any magical creature that comes before you don't you?"
"Okay, now I'm starting to think you're just discriminating against humans!"
Author: Oi….when did this fanfic get so educational? If you're learning stuff from this you better start paying me you lucky readers…