A/N: First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long to get this chapter out. It was difficult to write, for more than one reason. I'm still not entirely sure I'm happy with it, but I want to get you all something to work with, so I'm making do with what I have. The story has deviated a great deal from the timeline I set for it, so I'm not actually sure how many chapters I'm going to have left. There are a few more big things happening, and I'll see what I can do from there. I'll try to get the next chapter up in less than a month, but I make no promises. I'm still trying to get used to my new life and all :)

At any rate, please tell me what you think, good or bad.

O.O

Chapter Nine: Topsy Turvy

It came as no surprise when Dumbledore granted James leave from school to go home. It was only an hour or so after the letter had arrived, long enough for James to compose himself and make the request. He flooed home immediately, and the other Marauders and I took the liberty to pack up some of his things. Sirius would join him the following day. He had made the argument to Dumbledore that he was as much a son to the Potters as James was, and after a quick note from Mrs. Potter arrived, Dumbledore agreed.

In the few minutes I had spent with James as he prepared to floo home, he had promised he would return to the school, which soothed my fears a little. Still, the expression on his face when he said it made me think he wasn't being entirely sincere. He wasn't very close to his sister, especially since she had opted to go to an all-girls school rather than Hogwarts, but I knew he loved her and would be lost if anything happened to her. The tone of his mother's note indicated that perhaps something grave had already happened to her, and James was just going home to her dead body. I knew that if he stayed away from the school, Sirius wouldn't come back either, and Remus and Peter wouldn't be too far behind. Losing one of the Marauders would be like losing all four, and that wasn't something that this school could really afford right now.

The next morning, breakfast was much quieter than usual. The word had gotten out that James had left, and there were many whispers as to why, but no one came right out and asked. His disappearance was just noticed, and the euphoria from the Hogsmeade trip the day before had died. After a few agonizing minutes sitting in the stillness of the Great Hall, I stood up and left. I heard footsteps follow behind me, but didn't pay them heed as I walked back up to the common room. I found an empty alcove, not difficult at this time of morning, and huddled inside it.

I had never met James' sister, only seen her correspondence to James a few times. She seemed to know a little about me, at least in the way her brother felt about me, but didn't focus on that much. James had told me a few times that she was a very smart girl, just rather secluded. She felt more at comfort in her own world than the world around her. I didn't exactly feel close to this sister, but her sudden illness worried me. I didn't sleep well after James left, and tried to focus on other things while I waited to hear from him.

Finally, Remus poked his head into my alcove and handed me a sealed letter. "It's from James."

I took the letter and nearly tore it apart in my haste to open it. As I read through it, my heart sank and my throat closed up. I looked back up at Remus. "She's dead."

He nodded gravely, and I could feel a tear slipping down my cheek. He moved closer and sat next to me. "James is strong. He'll make it through this alright."

"But what if he doesn't come back? How is he going to be able to handle the death of his sister on top of school and everything else that's happening?"

Remus wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Lily, death has been a part of our lives for the past few years. It's gotten more and more serious as time has gone on. James knew that, and he knew the chances of one of his own family dying were pretty high, considering how they feel about the 'pure-blood' philosophy. He'll handle it, just like he always does."

I shook my head and leaned into him. "I'm just worried about him. What if he does something rash because of this? What if he doesn't come back to school? What if he decides he wants to go out and start fighting now? What if..."

He shook me. "Calm down. We're all here to help him through this, and he won't do anything that all of us would disapprove of. He cares too much about us. Don't worry about the what ifs, just be here for James."

I nodded and folded the note in my lap up again. "Do you know when he's coming back?"

He shrugged. "We haven't heard much from either the Potters or Sirius. I suspect they're busy with the funeral. We'll hear from them again soon."

James' leave worried many people in the school, particularly the prefects. Most everyone who had gone home didn't come back to school, and the school needed a Head Boy. The prefects had grown so used to James' crazy antics that they weren't looking forward to the leadership from a new, and likely much more serious, Head Boy. Many suggested that this replacement would be Justin Thorn, a Ravenclaw who paid so much attention to his studies, he was rarely seen outside the library. If he stepped up to the position, the life around the school would certainly be less lively.

Classes were much less lively without Sirius there, and I constantly felt an ache in my chest when I noticed James' empty chair. It seemed to be forever before he finally came back, though it was only about two weeks. He came back as quietly as he could, slipping into the common room while it was mostly empty, and immediately heading towards the dormitory he shared with the other Marauders. There were no announcements, very little notice, nothing to indicate that he was, actually, back at Hogwarts. Sirius followed closely behind him, more quiet than anyone had ever seen him before.

At the time, I was studying in the library, and was a little hurt that he came back without letting me know. I heard of his arrival through a paper airplane note Remus crafted and sent off to me. The librarian certainly wasn't happy with the disruption, and was even less happy when I made a large commotion gathering up my books and papers and rushed out of the library to get to the common room.

However, when I arrived in the common room, the Marauders were no where to be found. Deciding they were in their room, I slowly climbed the stairs, anxious to see James after so long. When I tapped lightly on the door, it was cracked open by Remus, who shook his head quickly and shut the door again. This quick action both infuriated and hurt me; the idea that James didn't even want to see me hadn't crossed my mind. I was tempted to start pounding on the door, but I stopped myself. I had to be patient, I knew that. So, I took up residence in the common room, sneaking glances towards the boy's staircase every few minutes in the hope that those tall friends of mine would make their way down.

Christy and Kathy came up to me while I was flipping through the Transfiguration book in a fruitless attempt to actually attempt the homework we had been given. They sat down on the couch, each on one side of me, and waited until I acknowledged them. I looked up warily, not in the mood to even try to argue with either of them. Kathy smiled weakly in response, and Christy remained looking cautiously at Kathy.

"Is it true? Is he back?" Kathy asked quietly, glancing up at the staircase to indicate who 'he' was.

I shrugged. "I haven't seem him," I responded shortly.

Christy sighed and rested her hand on my shoulder. "If he's back, there's hope for everyone. If James doesn't run away, maybe other people will chance coming back to Hogwarts..."

I shook my head. "Gabby's not coming back. We only have a few months left in school, and the war will certainly not be over by then. We don't even truly know what we're fighting against, so how can we stop it?"

Kathy pursed her lips at my declaration. "You can't know that, Lily."

"Kathy, I know how much you miss Gabby. I miss her too. But her family is doing what they can to stay safe. And James certainly isn't like the rest of the population at Hogwarts. One of the younger students, one from a family who is truly afraid and doesn't want to fight would be far more likely to encourage students to come back. James would go off and fight before he would run and hide. You know that," I responded with a cold glance.

Kathy seemed to be fighting the urge to respond, and Christy quickly took up the reigns. "Still, if James is back, then morale will go up. People will think there's hope after all. Like you said, if someone like James just gave up..." her voice trailed off and she bit her lip.

I sighed. "I don't know if he's back. I heard he was just like the rest of you, but he doesn't want to see me if he is. Everyone will know for sure soon enough, let's just leave it at that."

With a short nod, I stood and gathered up my papers. With the common room getting more and more crowded, I had a feeling that James wouldn't come out and announce himself for a while, so I opted to talk a walk. Just to try to sort out my thoughts about the war and death and James.

I ended up in an empty classroom, one of the few with a fire burning on the weekend. I sat next to the hearth and stared out the window onto the grounds below. There wasn't much activity down there, as the day was cold and windy.

I heard the door of the classroom open and sat up to see who it was. The door shut as I caught sight of it, and no one stood there. I assumed someone had walked in and seen me there, then opted to give me the privacy I sought in the room. Which is why when I heard a desk scrape against the stone floor, I jumped up and aimed my wand at the offensive desk. I stared at the blank space uneasily and slowly moved around it, darting my eyes in every direction to catch sight of whoever else was in the room.

"Peeves," I said at last. "Shouldn't you be bothering some third years? Or perhaps rattling some chains in the dungeons to bother Filch?"

"Last I saw, he was actually up in Divination, trying to convince ol' Pumpernickel that she can actually see the future," an oddly familiar voice said.

"James?" I asked cautiously, lowering my wand only a fraction of an inch.

He pulled off his invisibility cloak and gave me a slight grin. "In the flesh."

One moment I was standing there, staring dumbfounded at him. The next, I had leaped into his arms and was giving him the tightest hug I could muster. "Oh, James! I'm so glad you're back. I was worried that you might not come back, that I might never see you again."

He wrapped his arms around me gingerly and held me close for a few minutes. After a time, he released me and held me out at arm's length. "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sooner. I wanted to speak with the Marauders first."

I smiled weakly and took his hand. "Don't be sorry. I'm just glad you're back." I pulled him closer to the fire and conjured up a sofa to curl up on. "You're freezing. Stay and warm up a bit."

He nodded and sat on the sofa, motioning for me to sit beside him. Within ten minutes, we had shifted positions so his head was resting in my lap and his feet were dangling off the edge. I ran my fingers through his hair slowly, massaging his scalp a little with each run. He looked so much like a little boy that my heart broke a little watching him. We sat in silence for some time, just spending time together and forgetting about our other worries.

Finally, he spoke. "You remind me of her, you know."

My eyebrows came together in confusion and I looked down at him. "Who?"

He turned so he was looking up at me and brushed his finger against my cheek. "My sister. She was smart, like you are. Also liked to keep to herself, and loved to read. You would've liked her, I think."

I smiled slightly and closed my eyes to fight the tears that were threatening to spill. "I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to meet her, then."

He nodded sadly and sat up some. "She liked you, though. Or, rather, she liked the effect you had on me. I was the happiest when we were together, you know, or even when you gave me a little attention all those years ago. She knew things would work out between us, which gave me hope."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. "I hope I can live up to her expectations of me, then."

He pulled me close and rested his head on top of mine. "You already have. I love you, Lily."

Nuzzling into his neck, I sighed softly. "I love you too, James."

His sister was dead, and I was sure his parents weren't doing well with her loss. Still, in that moment, everything seemed like it would work out in the end. I just wasn't sure how far in the future that end would be.

O.O

A/N: Reviews are nice :)