Lego House: A One Shot
***Disclaimer
Author's note:
Ahh, so uhhh, here's the thing… I'm not that into the canon pairing between Juvia and Gray? Like, I'm sure it would be great if Mashima didn't sell the character's personality (mainly Juvia) for some cheap humor… but he did. And so, that resulted in the Gruvia paring to be toxic, unrealistic, static, and overall a bad writing in my lowly opinion. I mean, most of the plot and characters in Fairy Tail can be explained that way as well. But that aside, I think there are some moments that show SOMETHING good about the pairing. You have to squint a little, but you might be able to find it. And I guess I wrote this in light of that and hoping to make the best of it. So…enjoy!
"Our hearts are monsters. That's why our ribs are cages."
Gray finished applying the fresh bandages to his wounds. The fight against Alvarez was over and they had won. He heard the celebrations made at the harbor and he might have joined them, but he was too tired. He lost a lot of blood and building the ship that was suitable for Acknologia took too much magic out of him. Still, he was alive along with everybody else. Sure, there were close calls but everything was fine.
Well, not really. The battle left a bigger mess inside his head, but he pushed that aside.
Gray winced as he pressed his stomach to stop the bleeding.
"Are you sure you'll be okay, Gray-san?"
Gray turned around to see Wendy looking at him concerned. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about me," he said. "I'll be fi-" he groaned as another wave of nausea rolled over him.
Wendy giggled. "You were saying?"
"Don't tease me," Gray grumbled. Leave it to his body to betray him.
"I'm sorry," she said with a smile. "But you're just being stubborn right now."
"Thanks for worrying about me," he said. "But you have wounds to worry about yourself. And besides, there are more urgent emergencies to treat. I'll be fine."
"If you say so," Wendy said uncertainly.
Gray put his hand on her head. "You did an amazing job against that dragon," Gray said as he ruffled her hair. "We wouldn't have done this without you."
"Flattery won't get you out of this, Gray-san." Wendy blushed.
That's what she said, but it worked. She left him as she headed over to check up on Laxus. He smiled as he sat back down. He heard Natsu celebrating with Elfman and Gajeel across the harbor, but he stayed in his place. He stared into the sea, looking at the calm ocean wash against the shore. A random passerby would have never thought a potential apocalyptic war had happened.
"You should have accepted Wendy's help. You're in a horrible condition."
"That's rich, coming from you, Erza," Gray said without taking his eyes off the sea.
"Mine's not as bad as it looks."
Gray snorted. "I could say the same as well."
"You're not just physically broken. You depleted all your magic source. You're in greater danger than I am."
"I can handle it just fine."
"It must have taken a lot of you. You casted that gigantic boat along with... iced shell."
Gray winced. "No need to mentioned that." He felt her presence behind him and he could tell that she was crossing her arms.
"We're going to have a long talk about it one day."
"But not now," Gray sighed. "Just go heal your wounds, Erza." However, Erza wasn't relenting.
"How did you even get that wound on your stomach. It's horrifically huge."
"I got stabbed."
"By Invel? Zeref? Don't tell me it was Natsu when he was E.N.D."
Gray didn't really want to answer the question, but he could practically feel the stare boring into the back of his head. "I stabbed myself."
"Wha- explain yourself here."
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Gray said reassuringly. "Invel just did a spell that forced Juvia and me into a death duel. And I guess I stabbed myself when I still had conscious."
"What were you thinking?" she demanded. "That was insane of you!"
"Honestly, kind of hard to think of anything at that moment," he retorted. "Besides…" his voice died off.
"Besides what?"
"It's nothing," he muttered. He didn't want to think about it. "Point is, everyone is safe. That's all that matters."
"Hardly," Erza said coolly. "You tried to-"
"Yeah, yeah," Gray said with a wave of a hand. "I tried to kill myself twice. Won't do it again."
"That's not-"
"Just please," Gray sighed. "Let's just celebrate. Okay? We pulled off a miracle and I don't want you to think about the hypotheticals."
Erza looked uncertain. "Then let me ask you a question. It's not to annoy you but for my general curiosity."
"What is it?" Gray asked skeptically.
"How did you release yourself from that spell and defeat Invel? He was Zeref's right-hand man. I doubt it would have been easy."
Gray grimaced at the memories. "You know how I stabbed myself before my fight against Juvia got any worse?"
Erza nodded.
"She may or may not have stabbed herself as well."
She didn't respond.
"And… while we were dying, I guess she used some magic that she had been secretly practicing- which I call total bullshit- to bring me back to life." He sighed. "So I guess in a way, she sacrificed her life to save me."
"Gray-"
"It's fine," he offered her a smile. "Everything is over."
She still looked uncertain. "But still, I can't imagine how horrible-"
"Neither can I, because it never fully happened."
"But it did," Erza insisted. "It did happen. Yes, everything turned out fine in the end. But still, that doesn't change the fact that you thought it happened."
Gray turned his attention away, hoping to stop her from talking. "I think someone is calling for you," he said. "Must be Jellal. He seems to be talking with someone from the magic council. That can't be good."
Erza's head immediately perked towards Gray's direction. She pursued her lips at the sight of Jellal trying to talk about his situation with a Rune Knight. "You can't change the topic, Gray."
"No," Gray admitted. "But I think trying to stop Jellal from getting arrested is a priority here. Go, I know you want to."
She seemed hesitated, obviously not wanting to leave Gray at the state that he was.
"Go," Gray insisted, nudging her. "He needs you." Taking the rather forced push, she reluctantly headed away. He watched as she tried to defuse the situation and felt glad that he avoided the topic.
He felt the stinging sensation again from his wound. Gray didn't want to talk, think, or even feel about the events that transpired. He was having difficulty processing the information. He remembered the initial shock when he realized what Juvia had done. She had selfishly given her life away for his sake and it was something Gray could never forget. A girl who followed him for ages was the one who also decided to give up her own life and leave him. The event devastated him: another person he cared about who sacrificed their lives for his sake. He remembered when he told her at the beginning of the war that he would give her an answer. Gray found himself choking back a laugh.
Then there was iced shell. He was so, so close to completing that spell. He was so close to erasing himself out of existence. The sheer idea of being forgotten numbed him. It didn't make him sad or scared. The indifference he felt about the failure of his spell almost scared him. Maybe he actually wanted the spell to work?
Gray quickly shook away the intrusive thought. The spell might not have been completed, but nevertheless, it still did its damage. It had created numerous concerns from the guild members who knew what transpired. He knew Natsu was going to freak about it for a while, just like what happened back in Galuna.
Why did he do it?
Why was he so eager to cast a spell that would erase himself from everyone's mind?
Because he truly believed that everyone was better off without him.
Gray sighed. He scratched his head. The battles may be over, but the wars inside Gray was far from it.
"Why aren't you celebrating with everybody else?"
Gray turned, startled. He tried to compose himself before speaking. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Gray." She took a step forward. "You're sulking alone again, aren't you?"
"Sure, sure." He dismissed her concern with a wave of her hand. "I'm was going to join you guys later." He lied.
"You want me to treat it?" she tentatively asked.
"No. Don't touch me," he said rather harshly.
Juvia flinched and Gray almost felt bad for being sounding so harsh. "Gray?" she asked, looking hurt. She took another step forward. "What's wrong? Why are you so upset?"
He took a step back and sucked in a harsh breath. "Nothing is wrong. Just, leave me alone. Please."
"I'm not going to leave you like this."
"That's rich," he said coldly. "Because you already had."
Maybe that was uncalled for, but Gray didn't care. He was too upset.
"Why are you acting like this?" Juvia cried out. Her eyes became misty and Gray felt a stab of guilt. Seeing girls cry was always his weak point.
"Look." Gray sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say the things I said. I'm sorry." He tried to offer her a smile, but it was rather poor. "Everyone is celebrating back there, why don't you go join them? You did a lot for this moment and you earned it."
"I'm not leaving without you." Juvia crossed her arms. "It's not a celebration without you, Gray."
He wearily looked at her. Even though Gray was still cautious enough to stop sounding hostile, he still didn't want to approach or talk to Juvia for a while. "Just go." It almost sounded like he was pleading.
"But you're still here."
"I'm exhausted."
"I'll bring some ice so you can replenish yourself."
"I'm still bleeding."
"There's some fresh bandages back at the party."
"I don't want to celebrate at the moment."
"You can just-"
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Gray sucked in a harsh breath. He was done trying. He was tired. Furious. Angry. Sleepy. And Hungry. He let out a deep breath as he couldn't contain his anger any longer.
Gray then gave her a smile. "Okay, Juvia," he said. "Let's go!"
Juvia, who was in shock, only blinked. "Eh?"
He was still smiling. "Well, you wanted to go, didn't you?"
Juvia flinched. "Gray…You're scaring me here."
"Come on," he said. Still smiling. "Everyone is waiting."
He was unhinged and Juvia knew it. He was so overwhelmed to a point where he was done. He was just done with the emotions that trampled over him.
While he started to walk, she stayed where she was. She was hugging herself. She mumbled something that Gray couldn't hear.
"What was that?" he spat.
"I'm sorry."
"For what? Helping us win the war?" He may have said it as a sarcastic joke, but it was strained.
"I'm sorry. When I sacrificed myself for you. It must have scared you a lot."
Gray snorted. "Scared?" he laughed rather harshly. "Scared? You thought I was scared? I was goddamn petrified. And you knew what your action was going to cause." He glared at her harshly, with so much anger in his eyes. "And yet, you still had the nerves to do it. To save me."
Juvia bit her lips, but she did her best to meet his cold stares. "I, I…I did what I thought I had to. And even right now, I still stand by my decision. I don't regret it one single bit."
"Then that's stupid of you. Congratulations," he spat. "But don't be so proud of yourself for saving me."
"But I am," Juvia insisted. "I did what I had to."
"No, what you did was idiotic!"
"I saved you!"
"You killed yourself!"
"Would you rather have died then?"
Gray didn't answer and Juvia's eyes widen when it dawned on her. "Maybe," he muttered as he looked down.
Juvia moved her hand across Gray. It stung. He stood there, stunned, physically and mentally not being able to process what had occurred.
"How could you say that?" Juvia choked out. She sniffled and wiped her eyes quickly.
Gray stood still, not moving an inch. "I didn't want you to die. Why can't you respect that?"
"Why can't you respect my decision to save you?"
He shook his head. "Go join the rest of the guild."
"Gray."
"Just go. Please."
Maybe it was because Juvia was mad at him, or maybe it was because she finally got his point that he wanted to be left alone. Whatever it was, it worked. Juvia walked away, albeit hesitantly. He touched his cheek. It was red and burning. After the rush of the event had subsided, he felt the guilt slowly crawl in.
He was a jerk. Well, he was always a jerk so nothing changed. But still, he wasn't proud of how he acted. He knew he was going to have to be honest with Juvia at some point. But that was for future-Gray to worry about. For now, he had to make sure he wasn't going to bleed to death.
It's already been a week, and they were still partying. Gray sighed as he leaned across the rail, outside of the guild. The bustles and cheers could be heard across the town. It rather hectic, to be honest. Everyone was magically depleted and practically dying from blood loss. But they were too happy to care. They drank away as if there were no tomorrow, which was a huge possibility for some of them. But again, they were too happy to care.
Gray was having none of it.
Sure, he would join in occasionally to make sure nobody bothered to worry about him. He would treat his wounds, fight Natsu, get lectured by Erza, and try his best to make sure everything looked normal. But Gray was having some problems, namely in the name of Juvia.
He remembered when he fought a fortune teller. Trouble with rain and women. It was an easy fight, but Gray supposed the fortune teller won in the long run by reading his future correctly. To be entirely honest, Juvia brought more trouble than necessary. She was obnoxious, loud, annoying, clingy. She was, without a doubt, the person Gray would have ignored if possible. And yet, for some reason. Against all odds. Beyond all reason. She eventually became the person whom he deeply cared for.
He hadn't talked to her for a week. He would glance over his shoulders on occasion and he would half expect Juvia to be there. She wasn't. After the incident, she hadn't interacted with him at all. Gray wasn't sure how to feel about it. Partly, he was relieved that she was gone. But in all honesty, he was lonely without her and that scared him. It scared him when he realized how much Juvia meant to him.
"I need to talk to you."
Gray looked back to see the mage he was thinking about. How ironic.
"Hey," he dully greeted her. Deja Vu. They were in the same position as they were before the war. He remembered his promise that he would take her feelings more seriously. How he would give her his answer.
When he caressed her corpse during the fight against Invel, he wanted nothing but to bring her back. He made so many bargains. He would stop drinking. Stop stripping. Stop starting stupid fights with Natsu. He would have done anything. And now that she actually was back through sheer luck, they seemed to have broken apart. After the explosion, they didn't talk for the entire week.
He really messed up, didn't he?
"How are your wounds?" she asked.
"Not bad. Patching up well. You?"
Juvia shifted her legs. She tried to offer a smile. "It's going great! Wendy has been taking care of it perfectly."
"That's good."
"…"
Silence filled the air as both felt the awkwardness between them. What were they supposed to talk about? The tension grew.
"I'm sorry," Gray said with a sigh. "I should glad- grateful in fact, that you saved me."
"But you're not," Juvia noted.
Gray looked away, gazing onto the city light.
"I'm not asking for your forgiveness," Juvia said. "I still think I made the right choice. And I just want you to know…" she bit her lips, taking the courage inside her to speak. "I just wanted to let you know that I'll do it all over again." She closed her eyes and Gray presumed that she was waiting to get yelled at.
"Why?"
Juvia seemed startled. "Eh?"
"Why?" Gray asked again. "Why would you bother to save someone like me?"
"Because," Juvia said. "I lo-"
"That's not good enough of an explanation."
Juvia shook her head. "It's the only reason, Gray. I did it because I love you. You're scared, not because it's too bad of a reason, but because it's too good of one. You're scared because you don't want to be loved."
"Don't psychoanalyze me," he said sourly.
"Gray, please."
"Fine," he mumbled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. I don't know for sure." He shifted his arms a bit on the rail. He felt his insides churn, as if it was in a grinder. That's what happens when you're forced to be vulnerable. He took a deep breath as he collected his thoughts, trying his best to say what he needed to.
"When I saw you die," he said hesitantly. "I was so scared. I was so scared of losing you the same way I lost Ultear and Ur. And now that you came back, I thought I was going to be happy. But when we started talking and how you said you were going to do it again if you had to…" Gray made a bitter smile. "I was obviously ticked off by it because when have I ever deserved your loyalty just like that? To have something that could very much kill you. I didn't want it."
"But you do," Juvia said. "And all the moments you tolerated me and my annoyingness proves it. You wanted to love me as much as I loved you."
"Maybe," he admitted with a shrug. He felt his cheeks burn and he could stop himself from bristling. "But it's not that easy. I do want to love you back. Believe me, I do. But… There's still a lot of issues I need to work on. And…"
He sighed as he turned around to face her. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. His consciousness was screaming at him. It screamed at him to lie. To play it off. But he ignored his logical side of the brain.
"I'm out of touch and a wreck. But…You still stayed beside me despite all of that. You still stayed beside me even when I tried to push you away. Thank you. Thank you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't love you the way I want to.
Maybe someday, I will. I will be able to love you better. And after everything I need to do is done, I think I can. But…" He struggled to find the words as he took another step. His mind was in a tangle and his brain was on overdrive. It was obviously not used to thinking and formulating thoughts about his emotions and well-being. He was going to have to practice that.
Gray felt warmth across his cheeks. It was Juvia's hands. But, she wasn't slapping him this time, but instead, she was cupping his cheeks. She gave him such a tender, warm smile that Gray felt himself relax. He felt safe. Wanted. Loved.
"I understand," Juvia said. "I do. And until that day comes, just know, I'm always going to be there for you."
"Thank you," he managed to choke out.
Gray wasn't going to talk more because he was afraid that he would eventually break in front of her. So instead, they stood there. Meeting the gaze of each other. When Gray looked into Juvia's eyes, he saw so much warmth, happiness, and joy. He wondered what she saw in his. He could only hope it was as beautiful as what he sees in hers. He doubted it, but he supposed that was what he was supposed to work on. So that someday, he could be ready to love her, just as she loved him.
BIG OOF. I've been in a writing slump recently: I just kinda feel like I lost my writing style? Well, then again, I don't think I ever had one in the first place. I suppose I'll just have to keep writing in order to get out of it. Anyways, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed a couple that's quite stupid in the canon series.