Hi there, this is chapter 10 and this is the last chapter of this story.
I hope you'll like it.
I do not own Citrus or any of its characters, all credits goes to Saburo Uta.
How did Yuzu do to endure all this day of anguish and pain? She didn't know it herself. Tonight would be the last night she could spend with her, it would be the last time before Mei officially became someone else's wife.
Someone else's wife...
Udagawa is going to marry her, he is going to take her for his wife, he is going to have the lawful right to love her... Something she would never have. Yuzu put her hand on her heart, the organ hurt terribly.
She hadn't managed to do anything all day long, not even a single occupation that could distract her from those painful, unbearable thoughts.
However, when she was about to go see her, she seems strangely in no hurry to go see Mei. Why? Why did she feel like she was going there backward?
Perhaps it was the knowledge that it would be the last time and all the things she was trying to put aside in her mind were now clearly in front of her eyes.
Yet, arrived at the window, Yuzu stayed for a moment to observe. Everything went so fast in just a few weeks. Even though it had only been a month since Mei reappeared in her life, Yuzu felt like it had been years since.
All these things they shared, all the kisses, all those unsaid things and those deep feelings… Yuzu thought about it by watching the beautiful dark haired girl inside the room. Mei wasn't reading, she actually was doing absolutely nothing, sitting on the edge of her bed, she just looked pensive.
Does she feel the same as me?
As if she was attracted by the blonde's presence, Mei turned her head to the window and saw Yuzu watching her. Gently she got up from her bed to open "How long have you been here?"
"I just arrived," it pinched Mei's heart to hear her speak with such a sad voice. Yuzu fled her eyes, she cautiously entered the room, looking away.
"Yuzu..."
The brunette grabbed Yuzu's face with her hands, forcing contact between their eyes. Seeing so much sadness in Yuzu's eyes made her shudder a lot. She kissed her, seeking warmth in this kiss and yet she couldn't find any, the lips of the blonde remaining motionless.
But Mei continued, putting her lips on Yuzu's, again and again, forcing contact between them. She was so sweet, her kisses almost fruity. Being assaulted by Mei's lips, smelling her as their faces were so close, feeling her breath on her skin... All that was so powerful for Yuzu that she let herself be completely sank by the kisses that assailed her and soon her body responded to theses kisses that the brunette desired so much to offer her.
Feeling Mei's lips on hers was certainly one of the most beautiful things in the world for Yuzu, so why did she feel so sad?
Soon it will be his lips who will kiss her.
So that was it, that was this that made Yuzu so deeply sad. Thin streams of warm tears ran slowly from the green eyes, they rolled gently on her cheeks following the furrow of her face. Mei gently wiped the tears and lay down the blonde on the bed, right next to her.
Yuzu was trying as hard as she could to stay strong, not to crack, and yet it was so hard.
"Mei I..." she was trying to speak calmly but every word that came out of her mouth seemed to lacerate her throat. "I do not know how I'll be able to do, I—"
"I know Yuzu." Mei was gently stroking Yuzu's hair, her face expressing so much sadness as well.
"I can't imagine being able to attend to your wedding... Mei, what are we going to become?"
Yuzu's questions were like daggers for Mei. What could she answer to that? What could she say that could be appropriate? In fact, nothing she could say could change anything. Yet she knew from the start by continuing this relationship with Yuzu, this would eventually happen. She had known that being so selfish in wanting to enjoy her presence would end up this way. She was facing a painful feeling. She was terribly distressed to know that Yuzu was unhappy because she had been so selfish, wanting to enjoy her presence and affection, knowing that she would eventually leave her… And at the same time, she was in such deep pain to think she was going to lose her. Still, she couldn't help but blame herself, and hearing Yuzu talk to her like that was really hurting her, reinforcing her own guilt.
"Mei..." Yuzu's hand grazed the brunette's white neck, Mei straightened up in the bed.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed, burying her head in her hands "I don't know Yuzu, I really don't know".
That's right, what could they become? In fact, what were they anyway? They had never even put a word on it, silencing their feelings, taking great care not to cross this line. So why did this barrier seem to collapse now? They, who aren't friends, who aren't really sisters and not really lovers.
"I'm so sorry Yuzu."
Mei's guilt was shattering, it was hard to see. Yuzu saw how much Mei seemed to be suffering at that moment, she could see her body shaking as she stood in that sluggish, sore posture. She approached Mei, hugging her back with her arms, and almost whispered, "Mei, I don't regret anything".
"I was so selfish, agreeing to share with you this tenderness"
"So do I, Mei" She gently stroked a strand of dark hair.
"I knew you'd end up suffering and you—"
"I knew it too." Yuzu pulled the dark-haired girl to her so she could look at her face. "I always knew what was going to happen and I agreed to continue anyway."
"I'm so scared, Yuzu" Mei was shaking in her arms like a fragile, beautiful little thing.
Yuzu automatically squeezed her tightly as Mei's hands held the blonde's clothes firmly. She also was terribly scared, she was even terrified, but how could she tell her when she seemed so scared.
"Yuzu, I want to stop time"
Gently Yuzu put her lips on Mei's. Both girls were lying together on the bed, tight in the arms of the other, covering themselves with kisses and caresses.
Then, they made love together, tenderly, lovingly, perfectly illustrating what the term can represent, 'to make love'. Uniting their body and uniting their heart in an act of shared love. Yuzu touched Mei's skin knowing that she would never touch it again. She would never feel again, the emptiness of her heart filling with her presence. Instead, her absence would leave in her heart an even deeper abyss, such a heartbreaking emptiness, Yuzu thought nothing could ever fill it again. So, she enjoyed her skin, she enjoyed the softness and sensuality of her moans, the pleasure of caressing each curve of her body, the privilege to observe her beautiful silhouette. Making sure to engrave forever the memory of their intertwined bodies.
How long had they stayed here, looking at each other without saying anything? As if the words were just dead in their throats. But they both knew it was late, they knew it would be necessary to say goodnight.
Mei straightened up in the bed, holding the sheet over her bare chest, she grabbed her blouse and began to thread it. Yuzu did the same, getting dressed in silence.
Is this the last time I can look at her like this?
Gently Yuzu stroked Mei's face.
"I have to go home Mei"
Why, is it up to me to leave?
Mei's hand closed on Yuzu's hand. "Me neither, I don't regret anything Yuzu"
Your words squeeze my heart so hard, maybe if you continue like that, it will fuse and come into you.
Mei continued to speak almost whispering, "I'm really happy to have had my first time with you".
It should have pleased Yuzu to hear that, but in fact it was a very poor compensation.
"Please Mei, don't forget me"
Why should goodbyes always have to be so unbearable? As if a farewell was not sad enough.
The two girls pull their foreheads together, their hands still united. "I would never Yuzu"
"Don't ever forget what we've been through, please Mei. I know we'll have to act as if nothing never happened, I know we'll have to pretend to be just sisters, but please, promise me that you'll always keep this memory of us in you, that you will never forget it" The blonde's green eyes stared intently at the brunette's cerulean ones, begged without blinking.
"I promise you."
Painfully, Yuzu got up from the bed, breaking the contact with the brunette, she walked to the window and she slowly opened it, then one last time she looked at the room, then just stares at Mei.
She looked her and it was really painful. So for the last time she held her against her, filling her lungs with her delicate scent. Yuzu caught Mei's gaze. Her blood pouring violently all over her body, she told herself that she had to, it was time, it was time to tell Mei before it was too late. Because all of this would be over soon. She felt like her heart was pounding in her ears, it was so noisy.
"Mei... I love y—"
Not letting her finish, her words were cut off by a desperate kiss from Mei, a shaking kiss, wet with tears.
"Don't." She just said in a broken voice.
The blue eyes were firmly immersed in the green ones, completely reddened by tears.
They are so beautiful your eyes, pure emerald, I have never seen such beautiful green eyes before yours and I would certainly never see others like yours.
When you look at me like that, your eyes hanging on me, I feel to be like a whole world.
Why did you let me play with your heart like that, why did you agree to put it in my hands knowing that I was going to break it? You knew it, right?
So why? Why do you agree to withdraw like that from my life? You don't even struggle, you just seem resigned...
So what do I expect from you? Do I want you to struggle? Do I want you to insult me? That you hate me?
It would be easier for me to let you out of my life knowing that you hate me, but knowing that you just accept things like that, it just makes me love the person you're even stronger.
I accepted your love as something wonderful that we offer without expecting anything in return. I think that basically, I blame you a little. Your generosity makes me feel even shabbier, like a piece of trash.
Ending their kiss, Yuzu leaving Mei's gaze gently crossed the window without words. They were all dead inside her.
I must not look back, I must not look back, I must not...
She didn't look back, and she did well because the vision she would have seen, would surely finished breaking her heart. In fact, Mei completely collapsed on the ground in tears.
Walking on that night without stars, Yuzu couldn't tell if the drops she felt on her cheeks were her tears or the rain? It's amazing how sometimes weather seems to be associated with people's emotions, as if it reflected our pain.
Did Yuzu truly realize it? Had she already made it clear that it was the last time she had enjoy Mei's presence? Raising her head to the sky, she could feel the raindrops falling from her eyes. She would have liked to stay there, in the darkness, in the rain, looking at that dark sky.
What can be worse than witnessing the union between the person we love and someone else? Of course there was worse than that in this world, but for Yuzu, in this moment and in her world, she could not possibly imagine worse than that. She already felt that a piece of her had stayed behind, with Mei and it had created an unbearable void in her chest.
Yuzu possibly could have decided to continue this relationship with Mei, despite everything, becoming her secret lover then, but how could she bear to touch her knowing that she wasn't the only one, to love her knowing that she didn't have the lawful right to do so, and mostly knowing what would happen, what was coming, it was just a matter of time.
Mei was going to get married and she was going to have to give birth to an heir. Yes, because that's what was coming. So how could Yuzu handle this? Seeing Mei pregnant with someone else baby was totally unthinkable.
Yuzu ends up going home, soaked from head to toe. She lay down on her bed without even taking off her soaked clothes, she could get sick now, it don't even mattered to her. And if it could save her from having to endure tomorrow, it would be for the better. She was lying in her bed, the bed she had shared with the very first person she loved, the only one in fact. Her first love. And now she was going to watch her go away.
The next morning, Yuzu awake late. Looking at herself in the bathroom's mirror, she sprayed her face with a little water. She looked terrible, with big dark bags under her eyes.
In fact, it had taken hours for her to fall asleep, gnawed by a pile of parasitic thoughts. The result was clearly visible on her weary face, it was both fatigue and all the tears she shed during the night that gave her that hideous look. She would have to redouble her efforts to look presentable.
To look presentable? What for?
Looking straight into her reflection's eyes, Yuzu was motivated not to crack, she had to be strong in front of her parents and especially not let anything appear. She absolutely had to do everything in her power to hide her pain. It would be difficult, she knows it, and she could clearly hear how happy her mother was, she could hear her whistling and singing happily in the kitchen. Having to endure happiness of others when we are at the lowest is something unbearable.
How can she be so happy when I feel so bad?
After finally taking off her clothes with which she slept, washed and dried, Yuzu finally began to wear makeup.
She didn't want a make-up that was too flashy, she chose colors that highlighted her eyes, some eyeliner, some blush on her cheeks and finally a little gloss on her lips, it did the trick. A sober makeup but that totally highlighted her face and that brought out the green of her eyes and gave them a deep glow.
That's all the magic of makeup, it could camouflage many havoc, like hours of tears. Yuzu envied girls like Mei whose skin was so perfect that they did not need these tricks, but at the same time make-up made her feel reassured, she felt a little like it was a sort of mask, which protected her in some way from the outside world. Finally, Yuzu decided to go greet her mother.
"Hello honey, did you sleep well?" her mother's voice was perky.
"Yeah" She mumbled.
Her mother was finishing preparing the meal, "We eat early today, we must all join us for 12:30pm, the ceremony will start at 2, I'm so excited!" She uttered words at a crazy speed, such a chatterbox.
"Where is Shō?"
"He's gone before us to help with preparations, we're going to join him soon at Aihara mansion, you'll be able to help your sister get ready before going to the City Hall."
Yuzu's mother wasn't shocked to hear her daughter call her step-father by his first name, since Mei had gone, she had never called him "dad" again. It did not bother him either. For Yuzu it had become impossible to keep calling him that way, he was her step-father and nothing could change that, but it was way beyond her strength to call him father.
The blonde had the impression that her heart rate had doubled in speed and her blood pressure had to be too high because she was really very stressed, although this term was far from adequate to describe the nervous state in which she was.
"Eat quickly, you have to put on your dress, I'll dress myself too and then we'll join the others."
In fact, Yuzu's stomach was completely tied, but she still made the effort to take a few bites of the curry rice her mother prepared. She carried each spoon to her mouth gently, forcing herself to swallow, it was hard to get down into her throat.
It's as if she had a huge lump stuck through her throat, like something she could not swallow. A few bites were enough to cut her appetite "it was very good mama, thank you but I'm not very hungry"
"I understand, it's not yet noon after all, let's get ready, I've put down the dress I bought for you on your bed, it's beautiful, I'm sure you'll love it!"
Entering her room, Yuzu noticed the red cardboard box lying on her bed, gently she opened. Her mother was right, the clothes were beautiful and Yuzu was literally breathless.
It was a long blush-pink dress, a color she was particularly fond of since it was according with her skin tone.
Without waiting, Yuzu took off her clothes and put on the dress. When she stood in front of the mirror to observe the result, she immediately felt the tears rise to her eyes. Wiping gently with her finger not to remove makeup, Yuzu then carefully observed her reflection.
The top of the dress consisted of a strapless lace. It left a large part of her back completely uncovered, revealing her shoulders and the top of her perfectly thin back. The back of her top was tied with little pink strings crossing each other. Yuzu would need her mother's help to close it properly.
At the waist of the dress was sewn a small belt of a slightly lighter pink, she attached to the back and closed thus, it put in value the blonde's waist size.
The dress continued to the top of her knee. The lower part of the garment was made of a supple and soft material and stretched in a pretty circle shape.
It was simply beautiful. She was gorgeous in this garment but at the same time she really feels bad to feel so. She didn't want to be seen, she just wanted to go through this difficult time and go home where she could suffer in peace, alone.
Before calling her mother to help her close the dress, Yuzu combed her hair, she made a nice bun held by an elegant chopstick, she had left two small blond strands on each side of her face.
Her mother stifled a cry when she saw her daughter so well dressed, "Oh my god Yuzu, you are beautiful. This dress suits you so well! I even wonder if you won't risk to eclipse your sister a little because of how resplendent you are!".
I doubt it ... She isn't born the one who can eclipse Mei.
"Thank you mama, you are very nice in this outfit too" Yuzu's mother's dress was much more discreet but just as elegant. She helped her close her dress and then it was time to go. During the whole trip in the car with her mother, Yuzu didn't say a word.
"Are you stressed too baby girl?"
"I think so".
Her heart was beating so fast, the closer she got to the house and the more she felt her mouth become dry. Leaving the car and arriving at the gate she had spent the week climbing, she felt more and more vulnerable.
The manor's front door was open. Her mother took her by the hand, entering with her inside. It was as if she was coming here for the first time, she felt tiny, like a child on her first day at school.
There was a lot of people in the big room and Yuzu didn't recognize half the faces she saw. She had carefully watched the entire round of the room, she could see Mei's grandfather talking with his stepfather, a serious look on his face. But there was no Udagawa or Mei around.
Her mother was walking with her to the two men and Yuzu greeted her stepfather and Mei's grandfather with the maximum of courtesy that she could offer even if it cost her much. That's right, it was incredibly hard for her to be here, to greet that man who was the source of Mei's torments, because even though the brunette had chosen by herself to follow her destiny, Yuzu was firmly convinced that if she did it, it was because of him first and foremost.
"Where is Mei?" Yuzu heard her mother say.
"She finishes getting ready in her room" her stepfather's answer made the blonde shudder.
"You hear that Yuzu, so go help your sister finish getting ready"
"But—"
"Come on Yuzu, we'll leave after"
Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she found it unbelievable that no one heard it. She had seen Mei the day before, but now it was as if she hadn't seen her for years, so much the gulf that separated them now was wide and deep.
She was approaching the stairs when she saw her, and both girls stopped at the same time. Time seemed to have been suspended too. Mei had started down a few steps when she saw Yuzu, the expression on her face was so deep, a mixture of pain and discomfort.
Oh my God!
She was so beautiful, gorgeous, sublime... It looked like this dress was made for her, which was certainly the case.
Ironically, it wasn't the first time for Yuzu to saw Mei in a wedding dress. The first time, they had both dressed for a small photo shoot organized to promote a wedding dress designer. Back then, Yuzu had taken it all as a game, and even if she had found Mei's dress beautiful, she could clearly say that this one she's wearing now was a thousand times better.
It was a white couture dress that beautifully revealed Mei's creamy arms. The top of the dress consisted of a lace-strapless bustier with a sweetheart-shaped neckline that fully emphasized Mei's white chest. The rest of the dress was made up of many pieces of lace sewn on the short train of the dress.
It was really a stunning vision, the dress was just made for her.
Eventually, time finally seemed to return to normal and Mei immediately turned around to lock herself in her room.
She had red cheeks and shortness of breath. Standing in front of her closed door, she turned the latch to lock it. The clatter of the metal resonated in her ear, closing in a snap.
What was she thinking? Looking herself up on her wedding day? Yet it was stronger than she could bare, she knew she was going to see Yuzu today, but see her like this, so beautiful in this pink-blush dress, marvelously revealing her perfect neck and shoulders, this skin she had caressed and kissed so carefully, it was really difficult. And before she could even think about it, she was standing here, lock up in her own room like a child afraid to go out.
"Mei?" Hearing this voice made her shudder. "Mei come on, open me" Yuzu spoke calmly with a soft voice. Her heart beating to her temples.
When the metallic sound of the latch resounded and the door opened in a slight squeak, both Yuzu and Mei stayed here for a moment, watching each other, eyes and mouth wide open.
Finally, breaking her muteness, Yuzu entered the room making the remaining silent brunette go back, then she gently closed the door behind her.
"Mei", she had the impression that it was the only word she was currently able to produce and yet this single word seemed to carry so many meanings. She was just completely impressed by Mei's beauty, and she thought that anyone on this earth, seeing her in this beautiful wedding dress, would have wanted to take her for wife here and now.
"You are ... dazzling", Finally she had managed to produce other words, but they were almost out of themselves, slipping away from her thoughts and shivering her whole body.
Mei was remaining silent, but there was so much worry in her eyes. Slowly the blonde held out her hand to her, carefully, as if it was the first time she touched her, she touched the porcelain skin of her arm with her fingertips, making the two girls shudder simultaneously and leaving a small moan of surprise come out from Mei's mouth, who was still watching Yuzu without blinking and saying anything.
The truth is that she found Yuzu dazzling too, so beautiful in her dress that she gasped. All this mess of emotions was very difficult to manage for the bride to be. At the same time, she was completely ravaged inside by Yuzu's breathtaking beauty and she was also completely torn at the thought that in just a few hours she would be someone else's wife.
Yuzu had wanted to speak but even before the words could properly form in her thoughts, the door opened on her mother.
"There you are you two, oh my god, how beautiful you are!"
Without having a say, the two step-sisters were immediately assaulted by their mother taking pictures of them. "I must immortalize that, look at you, how pretty you are".
Mei hadn't said anything yet, and it was starting to worry Yuzu, her face was completely livid.
"Let's go girls, Mei, your future husband is waiting for you" she winked at Mei who still hadn't said anything. But as she left the room, her arm clung firmly to Yuzu's, in a desperate attempt to get something to hang on to. Going down the long stone staircase with Mei's arm in her, Yuzu could not help but feel her heart racing and her cheeks blushing. It had only got worse when all the eyes below were turned to them, cheering the young woman in her white wedding dress.
Mei hadn't let her go all the way out of the house, accompanied by everyone else. But when Yuzu tried to get away to get into her mother's car, Mei pulled her arm closer to her and finally decided to talk quietly.
"Stay with me please."
What could she have answered to that? A request made with so much supplication. It was as if Yuzu's presence kept Mei's head out of the water.
What a cruel irony of fate, right? Mei needing Yuzu's presence to being able to married someone else.
So Yuzu warning her mother that she would be doing the road with Mei and she was finding the brunette who was waiting alone, looking totally petrified.
Yuzu wondered if the other people around were aware of Mei's apparent distress, but she came to the conclusion that she was certainly the only one to notice it, thinking she was the only person in the world to know her as well and to know so well tear the micro expressions of the raven haired girl, hidden behind her cold appearance.
Joining the brunette, Yuzu's jaw almost crashed to the ground when she saw the car arriving to escort them to the ceremony room.
It was a white Bentley Continental Flying Spur, decorated for the event with flower bouquets hanging on door handles and a lace flow hanging from the front of the bumper.
It was the most luxurious car in which the blonde was going to ride and she felt a bit uncomfortable with it. The driver stopped right in front of her, came down from his seat and opened the door to Mei, urging her to get in, and then he opened the other door so that Yuzu could enter the vehicle as well.
"If you would please Ma'am"
Inside the car it was completely immaculate, and the seats were very comfortable. All this luxury runoff put Yuzu a little uncomfortable.
When the blonde turned her head to Mei, the brunette had her gaze lost in the void and she seemed completely frightened. Yuzu was terribly scared too, her heart had never slowed down at any time, she had dreaded so hard that day and it was arrived and now she was there with Mei, in a car far too classy for her, to go to the wedding of the one she loves more than anything on this world.
She wanted to get out of this car, run away as far as possible, change city, change country, change world! She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted... Anything except that. But seeing Mei's distress, seeing how terrified she was by the event, she couldn't help but try to swallow some of the terror she felt.
Gently Yuzu put her hand on Mei's. They stayed like that without saying anything until the car stopped in front of City Hall. The building has a western architecture which doesn't really match with the rest. It was a beautiful building, Mei's grandfather must had important relationships to organize a wedding here.
Out of his car, he was just waiting for their arrival "Mei, the ceremony will begin soon" he said with a cold tone.
"Can Mei go to the restroom, to refresh herself a bit?", Yuzu who was speaking without having been invited, got a cold look from the old man as a response.
"All the guests aren't arrived yet so you can go Mei, but don't be too long."
Then Yuzu, catching the hand of the silent girl, dragged her inside the place. It was even more chic inside than outside, the domed ceiling was gigantic, it was topped with sculptures and frescoes carved directly into the stone. The walls were also made with stone, dotted with stone columns inherited from antiquity and surmounted by carved flowers sculptures too. As to the floor, it was covered with travertine rosette. Finally, in front of her was a gigantic marble staircase whit a red carpet on it, which Mei was soon going to climb.
Yuzu noticing a small sign indicating the restroom, go there. She practically pushed Mei inside before letting the door close behind her. "Mei, are you okay?"
The dark haired girl hadn't responded immediately, but her action had spoken for her, grabbing the blonde's arms, she buried her head in her neck.
"Yuzu, I'm so scared!"
Her heart seems so tight inside her chest, Yuzu tightened her arms around Mei, "Me too Mei ...".
What could she do? What could she say? It was so painful to see her like that, feverish in her arms. She would have liked to be a little more selfish and put her pain before hers, but she simply could not.
Yet what Mei was going to tell her was going to completely turn the switch in her head.
"Yuzu... I'm so scared. I don't want this wedding"
The blonde's eyes opened so wide, and the control she managed to have on the situation had collapsed. She said it, she finally put words on this terror she expressed. So now that Yuzu know that Mei didn't want this wedding, how could she keep quiet?
"So don't Mei! Don't get married and just run away with me!" Yuzu had caught Mei by the shoulders, looking right through her eyes.
Mei, who raised her head, looked at the green eyes with so much pain. Her deep blue eyes were bright with tears.
"Yuzu, it's impossible, you know that. I'm going to get married Yuzu, there's no turning back."
Mei's words had finished breaking her heart, and the pain was more vivid than ever, yet approaching her face to hers, feeling her breath mingling with Mei's, she had laid a wet kiss on those lips.
"I love you Mei".
The words had escaped from her mouth carrying with them a piece of her soul. Yuzu could give her a piece of her soul because without her, she wouldn't need it anyway.
Mei let out a small moan as she heard those words, it was an audible expression of the pain that this had made her feel. Grabbing the blonde's face with one hand, resting her forehead against hers and plunging her deep blue eyes into Yuzu's wet green ones, Mei gathered all her strength to express in a few words the violence of all the emotions that she felt. Her eyes firmly inked in Yuzu's, she had spoken.
"I love you".
These words... These words, how three little words could have triggered such a torrent of emotion in her. Yuzu closed her eyes instantly, under the lightning bolt that had hit her heart, gasping, tears escaped her unrestrained eyes, a visible sign of her broken heart. Eyes closed, she cried, feeling Mei's breath still close to her lips. She could hear those words echoing in her ears like an endless speech. Repeating Mei's words to herself again and again, burning in her, she would have liked to engrave them in her flesh and that their print remains forever as fiery as molten lava.
It was the first time Mei told her that she loved her, the first time she heard it, and yet she had so often dreamed of her love. So why did it hurt so much?
Indeed, it was painful, but she wanted to hear it again, she wanted to hear those words again and again and be slashed by these words, she would have accepted Mei as her executioner for eternity if she had had the opportunity.
She opened her eyes cautiously and she plunged them into Mei's, so deep, so cold and yet so warm. Their lips united once again, powerfully, carrying all the love that united them.
"Say it again," Yuzu whispered, catching her breath between a kiss. Mei caught her lips back, they were so soft, so delicate. She kissed gently and intensely in the same time.
"I love you, Yuzu" she said softly against Yuzu's lips, but it was enough to send in Yuzu's body a mighty swarm of wild, devastating butterflies.
They would have liked to stay there for hours, forgetting everything else, forgetting the wedding… But a footstep behind the door had made them out of their fantasies.
"Are you there?" It was Ume's voice through the door.
Their lips parted instantly and Yuzu jumped back when her mother opened the restroom door. "It's time Mei, it's your turn to play!" The cheerfulness and upright smile of Ume broke instantly when she saw the expression of sadness on her daughters' faces.
Mei had difficulty hiding her emotions but she did it anyway, as for Yuzu, she couldn't hide her eyes, completely red, swollen with tears and the terrified look on her face. Yet the woman had the decency not to ask questions to her daughters, or it was more for herself than she hadn't, so she wouldn't have to face the evidence that was clearly in front of her.
The two girls looked at each other one last time before leaving the room and Ume looked at her biological daughter with concern, as everything became clearer in her mind and all those months trying to figure out what was wrong with her daughter, had just explained clearly to her.
She instinctively took Yuzu's hand when Mei joined her father's arm to get ready to walk with him to the altar.
"Come on darling, we have to sit down in our seats" pulling Yuzu with her to the benches in front of the altar. Yuzu, climbing the steps, still looking behind her the dark-haired girl who never looked away until she could not see her at all.
Walking in the middle of the two rows of benches, the blonde barely noticed all the looks that were turned at her. She then joined her seats still dragged by her mother, sitting in front of the altar where Udagawa was already standing.
Yuzu looked at the man standing in front of her, he was wearing an impeccable bright-blue suit and he looked really nervous whit a small smile on the corner of his shaking lips.
For him it must be a beautiful day, Yuzu sadly thought, she could not even blame him.
Yuzu felt so miserable right now, she couldn't even pretend anything, she who wanted to keep face in front of her parents. She looked more like someone at a funeral than someone at a wedding. Was it for this, that everyone seemed to be staring at her? She almost wanted to make a face to them, but what's the point? Ume meanwhile, did not stop to look at her daughter, her face expressed so much concern to see her like that. But in fact, she wasn't so shocked, maybe she had always known deep inside.
Maybe she had always knew why Yuzu had been so miserable after than Mei left, why Mei wanted to hide her wedding to Yuzu back at the time, why Yuzu stop eating for days, why her behavior become so aggressive and why seeing Mei again have seemed to worry her that much. Deep down, she had always known, so why had she closed her eyes to this evidence? It had been so selfish on her part not to help her daughter at a time when she needed her the most. Just ignoring her love for Mei, as if it was something that was going to disappear the same way it had happened. But seeing in her daughter's eyes that immeasurable pain, this unbearable suffering, she now felt a very bad mother.
Yuzu's suffering wasn't about to stop, she thought, looking at her pale-skinned daughter.
That's right, Yuzu knew she was going to suffer more than ever, it was certain. At least before, she used to hate Mei, the anger and rage that her leaving had left in her was such a strong and vivid emotion that it had somehow protected Yuzu.
But now what's left to her? Now that she knew her love for Mei was shared, that Mei loved her in return but she still going to married someone else. What was left to Yuzu, except her tears to cry and her heart to remind her of this suffering at every moment.
The sound of the heavy beating of her heart drummed in her ears, then when she saw Mei, getting escorted by her father, arriving and parading in front of the guests to the altar, her heart tightened painfully in her chest and she felt a violent vertigo assail her.
Yuzu felt terribly bad, gasped, sweaty hands and uncontrolled tremors all over her body. She tried as best she could to control her breathing so she wouldn't sink into an anxiety attack. She absolutely must not have a panic attack now.
She was completely shake and her heart froze with horror when her step-father's arm dropped Mei's and the brunette joined Udagawa on the altar. Climbing the three little steps that separated her from him, Mei had slowly turned her head to Yuzu, crossing her eyes with hers.
The blonde felt like the whole room was spinning around her and she felt like she was feeling a lot of tingling in her fingertips, watching her hands, she realized that her vision was totally dotted with small yellow dots and she was having more and more difficulty fixing her eyes to a specific point.
"Yuzu, honey, are you alright?"
Her mother's voice seemed to come from far away, it seemed almost illusive in Yuzu's ears who now had the impression of being completely out of her body.
She didn't answer her mother, hearing something else. "We are gathered today to celebrate the union of two people...", slowly raising her head to the altar, she caught half of the words of the bald and potbellied man who recited the protocol words.
Her eyes were fixed on Udagawa's hands, which had taken Mei's in his, Yuzu clenched her fists, pushing her nails deeply into her palms, hard, until the pain completely radiated her palms. She was also biting the inside of her cheek and her eyes were veiled with tears as she watched in front of her, her worst nightmare taking place.
Turning back to Udagawa, the bald man continued the ceremony. "Will you, Udagawa, have Mei, to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep you only unto her, so long as you both shall live?"
When Udagawa started talking, staring at Mei whit a sweet smile, Yuzu began to feel nausea rising in her at the same time as her silent tears.
"I Udagawa, take you, Mei, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life, until death do us part."
Each one of the man's words resonated violently in Yuzu's ears, poisoning her soul a little more. She began to feel the taste of blood in her mouth by biting the inside of her lip.
"Mei," said the officiant, smiling at the woman in a wedding dress. Udagawa was also smiling as he looked at the woman in front of him.
Yuzu wanted to get up, she wanted to run to the altar, catch Mei and run away with her. But when she heard the dark haired girl starting to speak, the blonde could not keep her tears from flowing down her cheeks.
"I Mei, take you… Udagawa, to be my…" Mei's voice trembled violently, she wiped her forehead with one hand before continuing to speak softly, her face was completely pale.
"I promise to be true to you…" She stopped again, leaning on the edge of the altar. She was obviously struggling to breathe judging by her loud gasps. She put a hand on her forehead, the other still leaning on the edge of the altar.
Seeing her like that made Yuzu sit up straight in her seat, she had a very bad feeling.
"Mei are you okay?" Udagawa asked, he seemed visibly worried.
"I..." That's all the brunette had time to say before violently collapsing on the floor, unconscious.
"Mei!" Yuzu spoke very loudly, getting up from her bench and running to the altar. She violently pushed Udagawa away, leaning over her, and grabbed the brunette in her arms, "Mei! Mei!" she repeated, tears streaming from her terrified eyes to the unconscious face. Yuzu repulsed every person who tried to approach her, defying them with a hateful look, as if she were some sort of wild animal protecting her cub.
The blond panicked even stronger when she tried to feel Mei's breath but couldn't. Then, touching her neck in search of her pulse, she couldn't feel anything, her heart was beating too hard to her fingertips. So Yuzu placed her ear directly on Mei's chest looking for a beat. The time had been awfully long before a pulse was heard, so when she finally heard Mei's regular heartbeat, she felt terribly relieved.
She held the dark haired girl firmly in her arms all the way until the ambulance arrived, but her grandfather and Udagawa had been the only ones who could get in the ambulance with her. Yuzu's mother had prevented her from getting into the vehicle, promising that she would take her to the hospital, and at her mother's insistence, Yuzu agreed to cooperate.
During the entire drive to the hospital where the ambulance was driving Mei, Yuzu had only bitten her nails, she was terribly worried about Mei and couldn't calm down or think of anything else.
"Are you in love with her?"
The blonde turned to her mother instantly when she heard her ask this question, resonating in the closed space of the vehicle. Without really thinking about possible consequences, after all, what could be worse? Yuzu answered.
"I am"
Ume remained silent for a moment, before continuing with a completely calm and neutral voice.
"And Mei, does she love you?"
"She does". Yuzu turned her head to the window answering that. Strangely, she felt a little relieved that her mother was aware of her love for Mei, it made her heart be a little less heavy. After that Ume had said nothing else.
Arriving at the hospital, they were told to wait in the waiting room near the room where Mei had been admitted. Udagawa and her grandfather were both with her. Yuzu had wanted to see her but her mother held her by the arm, looking at her with a gentle look. Anyway the blonde was too exhausted and upset to resist now. So, she dropped into the uncomfortable seat of the waiting room, the back of the chair squeaked and the feet were unstable. She could have changed places but she felt a little close to this wobbly chair, assaulted by a weight too heavy for her to bear.
During long minutes that seemed like hours, Yuzu hadn't said anything, she stared into the void, still nibbling her nails and only hearing the repetitive and regular tick tock of the clock that sat above her. After waiting for a few more minutes, eyes tired of watching the void and all of these emotions, Yuzu had finally fallen asleep on the wobbly chair.
Opening her eyes about forty minutes later, she noticed that Mei's grandfather was in the same room as her, he was standing a little further away, a phone in his ear and seemed taken in an unpleasant conversation judging by the pronounced frown of his eyebrows. Since when did he come out of Mei's room?
Turning her head all around her, Yuzu saw her stepfather and her mother but she still saw no sign of Udagawa, he still had to be with her. She shuddered at this thought, clutching her fists, she was fuming, she should be the one at her side, not him. But she had to get used to that, since he was going to become her husband.
At least the wedding is delayed, she thought as a poor compensation. In fact, it just delayed the inevitable.
As the blonde became more and more impatient, her blood boiling in her veins and her jaw muscles aching from squeezing her teeth, she heard slamming the door of the room where Mei was. Udagawa finally came out of the room. The man seems completely uspset and had a devastated look on his face, it was the exact opposite of the smiling face he had earlier in the day. Yuzu had instantly straightened up on her chair, ready to get up. Udagawa's eyes landed on her for a brief moment, she would have sworn to see in his eyes a bit of rivalry and anger. The man quickly cut the contact, heading for Mei's grandfather who had just hung up.
Yuzu didn't wait any longer and without asking, she got up and headed to Mei's room. Catching the door handle, she expired long before opening it. Once inside the room, the blonde stopped for a moment hurt by the heartbreaking vision that stood in front of her. Seeing Mei like this, lying in a hospital bed, her bloodless face and an infusion in her arm was a real heartbreaker.
"Yuzu", the voice of the woman who called her was weak but it was enough to make Yuzu approach her, she sit on the chair that was right next to the bed in which Mei was lying and she grabbed her hand with her both trembling hands.
"Mei, are you ok?" Seeing her like this broke her heart, it was unbearable, Mei looked so weak right now. Indeed, Mei really had a livid face, it looked like she had lost a lot of weight because of the purple circles under her eyes and the hollow that had formed on her cheeks.
"I'm fine, just a little tired"
The blonde's hands tightened hers, louder while her eyes fogged with tears.
"Apparently I had a vasovagal syncope, which would be due to a drop in my blood pressure, a decrease in my heart rate as well as an... important emotional distress."
Yuzu said nothing, she just looked at Mei with a lot of concern.
"Don't worry Yuzu, it's something very common and totally harmless, I just need a little rest" The brunette smiled softly at Yuzu. It wasn't the first time Mei collapsed in front of her. But this time she had lost consciousness for a very long time and it had been particularly scary to see her staying unconscious like that.
"I was so scared"
Gently, Mei brought Yuzu's hand to her lips and laid a soft kiss on it. "I'm sorry, to cause you so much trouble"
The two girls remained silent for a moment looking at each other without saying anything, their eyes were full of emotions. Yuzu had been so worried about her that her body was shaking under the weight of all the emotions she had been experiencing since that very morning.
Mei opened her mouth first, staring back at Yuzu's, she took a quick breath before speaking, as if to give herself courage.
"Yuzu, I spoke with Udagawa".
'Bom bom', Yuzu's heart began to race in an instant, a wave of anguish had invaded instantly, and tightening her hold on the hand of Mei, the blonde hadn't responded. 'bom bom' was all she seemed to hear, the pounding of her heart drumming violently in her chest. She dreaded so much what she was about to say.
"I told him for us" Yuzu's heart made another jump in her chest, she couldn't really realize what Mei had just told her and she didn't know how to react to this, her brain seemed to have a lot of trouble to deal with this information. But she really hadn't finished yet being surprised.
Picking up her breath again, Mei seemed to be making a superhuman effort to speak, yet she seemed pretty calm when she continued.
"We decided to cancel the wedding."
We decided to cancel the wedding...
We decided to cancel the wedding!
Yuzu repeated several times in her mind this sentence that Mei had just said in order to be sure that she understood its meaning. Without thinking, she jumped up from her chair, her mouth and eyes wide open as she continued to digest the information.
"My grandfather is not aware yet but I decided to tell him that I didn't want an arranged marriage."
Yuzu dealing with a lot of emotion didn't know what to say in response, so instead of saying anything, she let her body collapse on Mei's, and tightening her grip around her, she was crying silently.
"Udagawa didn't really take the news well, and I think it will be even more difficult with my grandfather". Mei spoke with a weak, tired voice as her hands gently stroked Yuzu's hair.
Gently, the blonde decided to raise her eyes to her, "I couldn't manage to do it, I couldn't Yuzu". Her eyes were wet with tears.
"Mei…"
"I'm so sorry for doing all this to you..."
"Mei" Yuzu had straightened up, now gently caressing Mei's face.
"I'm so afraid of the consequences..."
"I am here with you Mei and I promise you that I will be there to face all that with you"
"Will you be there for me when I tell the truth to my grandfather, and after that?"
"Yes, I would be there Mei" Yuzu gently wiped a tear from the cerulean eyes.
"Always?"
"Always Mei, I swear."
"I wouldn't be able to face alone what will happen next."
Yuzu gently approached her forehead to Mei's, "I'll be with you." She spoke in a soft voice, her heart now much lighter as she finally realized all that had just happened.
The wedding would not take place, Mei would not get marry. Neither with Udagawa, nor with any other fiancé chosen for her. Little tears flowed from her eyes but it was tears of joy. All these months of suffering, all this anxiety about losing Mei forever, all that would not happen. Mei had chosen her and it seemed to oxygenate her bruised heart again.
Still, it would take time for her to realize completely that it was all behind her. But it would also take time for things to calm down. It was still necessary for Mei to announce her decision to her grandfather, that the two girls announce their relationship to their parents, facing all the consequences that might follow, perhaps even questioning their parents' marriage. But selfishly Yuzu didn't care about that, she would never let anything stood between her and Mei. And for all the obstacles that would stand in front of them, she would fight for the one she loves, even if things get complicated, even if she suffers, nothing can hurt her more than the idea of losing Mei.
Losing her eyes in the face of the dark haired girl she had spoken, her heart a little less heavy.
"I love you Mei" For the first time, Yuzu could say those words with a light heart.
Softly Mei's lips landed on hers and tenderly she replied, "I love you so much."
Once again they kissed each other.
.
..
…
..
.
Till death do us part
THE END (always wanted to said that)
That's it for this story 'So this is what love really is', it ends well for our girls who will assume their love in broad daylight (after granddaddy had a fatal heart attack and making their parent divorce hatefully lol)
Honesty, writing this story, I thought for a long time that the end would be sad. I even had already written several chapters in the idea that at the end Mei would marry Udagawa and Yuzu would have been the one fainting at the wedding and nothing could have change anything.
But I changed my mind when writing, I think it is for the best, because we already suffer a lot (Why Saburouta Sensei, Why?)
I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this story. Thanks a lot for your reviews, follows and favorites and most of all for reading it! ;)
Also, feel free to leave me reviews on what you thought about this story.