Darkness flickered over Gary's face and it scared Ash.

He hadn't meant for his words to sound so harsh. Gary had taken his warning the wrong way, it seemed. Of course he would still speak to Gary, even if...even if the older boy tried to make him reveal their shared past. But that would take a lot of work on his part; Ash would not blurt out that information so easily. Dawn had certainly tried her very best to make him do that very thing. She had gotten nowhere with it. Ash knew that their relationship would be ruined if Gary remembered what he had done to him that night five years ago.

The person Gary was now would never hurt him.

Wouldn't force him to do anything against his will.

Ash knew that, which is why he wanted to keep his secret.

Even if Gary remembered the good parts of their childhood, their inside jokes, that kiss...none of those things would matter. Nothing could make up for that one night. The betrayal. It was the dark stain on an otherwise bright time of his life.

Now, sitting opposite his best friend, Ash couldn't quite muster up the strength to talk to him.

The happiness of everyone else in the water park burned him.

Gary held the Miltank shake halfway to his lips but didn't drink it. He seemed to stare at a spot behind Ash's head. Ash grabbed his own shake, taking a defiant slurp. Fine, if Gary wanted to play this little game of let's see who'll talk first, he would too.

He took another slurp, drawing out the noise as long as he could.

So what if he was being obnoxious!

Emerald eyes flickered to his face. The thick liquid seemed to solidify in his throat. Ash choked on it, spraying a mouthful of the stuff over the table. Gary jumped to his feet but some blobs of the creamy stuff landed on his chest.

Gary sighed. "Only you could choke on a liquid."

Ash wiped his mouth on his arm. "Mine had chunky bits in it, actually."

"Yeah, that's what cookie dough means, Ash."

"Shut up." Ash shoved the evil drink away. "Lucky we're at a pool so you can clean up."

Gary smirked. "I'm not taking a dip covered in milkshake."

"Then what—"

"Shower, obviously." He nodded at the male restrooms. "Besides, it's getting kind of late."

And it was. The sky was still blue, staying in tune with longer summer days, but the air had definitely taken on a slight chill. More than half of the people in the water park seemed to have vanished in the last five minutes. Ash got to his feet and hurried after Gary, who had begun walking to the restroom. Who knew where Dawn and Pikachu were.

"Why are you following me?"

Ash frowned at Gary's back. "I need to get changed too."

"Going to take a shower?"

"I guess." He blinked. "My skin gets itchy after I've been in the pool too long. Whatever that chemical is, it's really annoying."

Gary smirked at him over his shoulder. "Chlorine?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"You need to read the dictionary more often."

"Like I'd do that! I want to be a Pokemon master, not a nerd!"

"Are you insinuating something, Ash?"

Ash glowered in silence as they entered the rest rooms. The cocky bastard knew that Ash had no idea what that word meant. Gary had always been better than him in every area. Vocabulary was no exception. Everything just came so easily to Gary motherfucking Oak. But, as he watched Gary step into the shower area, muscles rippling in his shoulders, he forgot about all that.

Gary was...his body was really...and they had ridden in the tube together...

He felt his cheeks grow hot as Gary began to shrug out of his shorts.

Why did he have to like him? It made everything so complicated.

If Ash only liked him as a friend, he wouldn't care about how hot Gary looked naked. He definitely wouldn't want to touch him, or kiss him. They could joke around and talk about Pokemon in peace as the hot water washed chlorine off their skin.

But Ash was in love with him and always had been.

And always would be...?

So he simply stood there as Gary tossed the shorts to the side.

God, he had a great ass.

Ash forced himself to look away once Gary reached up and turned the nozzle on. His heart was beating so fast, he thought he might die. What the hell had he been thinking? Of course taking a shower meant getting naked. But he had wanted to see this, even though he tried to deny it. Gary looked at him questioningly. Ash knew that he was supposed to walk forward a few steps and join him in the shower. He said he would, after all. It shouldn't be that hard. They were both guys, they each had dicks. Nothing special to see there. Nothing weird about that...

And then that ugly voice began to speak to him.

The one that tried to plant doubts into his mind about his feelings for Gary.

He raped you, the voice said. And you just accept that?

You'll give him permission to fuck you next time?

Ash Ketchum , you're a disgusting waste of space!

How could you even dare to want—

Ash pressed his hands to his temples, trying to silence his inner demons. These thoughts had lessened over the past few weeks. After being around Gary again, he had grown desensitized to the fact that the auburn haired boy was a monster. Being in love made him forget, being in love numbed the pain, being in love made him stupid.

The bittersweet taste of horror filled his mouth when he realized he was crying.

Oh, for the love of...!

"Ash?" Gary's concerned voice. "Come in before the chlorine makes you scratch your skin off."

"I can't."

He hoped Gary couldn't hear how badly his voice was shaking.

"Don't be shy. It's just you and me. No one else is here."

When he put it that way, so casually, it sounded easy enough.

And it also sounded like he didn't think of Ash as anything more than a little kid.

That was good. Maybe Ash could suppress his need to touch him.

He gritted his teeth and pulled off his shorts as quickly as he could. Ash knew that if he hesitated for even a second there was no way that he would be able to do this. So he stepped into the shower and hot water blasted the top of his head.

There. He was naked with Gary. It wasn't so bad.

He raised his face to the faucet and the evidence of his tears were washed away.

But his legs still felt like jelly.

"Feels nice, doesn't it," Gary said over the dull roar of the water. "I'm used to bathing in streams. Nearly froze to death once." He chuckled. "Plus, it's pretty weird having wild Pokemon watching."

"And this is okay?" Ash hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I mean, well, I..."

"Does it bother you?"

The concern in Gary's voice pissed him off. "Why would it?"

"Never thought you'd join me here. Dawn says you're so sensitive and everything. Getting naked with me is a surprise."

"Don't make it sound like that!"

"Like what?"

"Forget it." Ash reached for the soap dispenser but Gary caught his hand. "What the hell, let go of..."

Gary managed to manoeuvre him until they were facing one another. He still held Ash's hand. Ash told himself not to look down. Looking at Gary's chest wasn't a big deal, but as for that other part of his body located south...

Too bad that meant he had to look at Gary's face.

Ash knew he was blushing and hated himself for it.

"Tell me," Gary said. "You can't back away now."

"Huh?" It took a second for the information to register. "No, I told you that I won't!"

Was that desperation on Gary's face?

"Please, Ash," Gary said softly. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"I..."

They were too close. Just inches away from each other. They could easily kiss if one of them decided to lean forward ever so slightly. Ash felt a shiver crawl down his spine and Gary's grip tightened on his hand. Oh no, he couldn't breath...he only got like this before the flashbacks started...he needed to get a hold of himself, he wasn't in danger.

But his body screamed at him to run.

All it knew was that Gary was the enemy, and that it was in a situation that mirrored the event from five years ago.

He forced himself to inhale. "Trust me, it is that bad."

"Maybe if you let me know I could do something to help!"

"You can't."

"It's not fair, Ash. If I'm a part of your past, you need to tell me about it."

Ash tore himself away from Gary with a strength he didn't know he had.

"It's not fair?" he repeated. "You know what's not fair, Gary? What happened to me when I was a kid." He smiled bitterly. "But I'm trying to deal with it, and you're not making that easy for me!"

"Did someone hurt you?" Gary asked, and as he spoke, a curious expression appeared on his face. "Did...did I...?"

"Stop it!" Ash screamed.

The ugly sound echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls. It even drowned out the noise from the showerheads for a moment. Gary stared at him, his lips set into a thin line. Breathing heavily, Ash stepped into his shorts and yanked them over his hips roughly. He needed to get out of here. He had said too much.

Fuck, he was such a stupid little bitch.

He tried to march to the locker where his backpack and dry clothes were, but his legs wobbled with every step. God, what had he done? Basically told Gary that his messed up attitude was because of him. Instead of freaking out, he should have calmly said, No, Gary, you didn't hurt me, and proceeded to make up a lie about something else.

Then Gary would be satisfied and the topic would never be brought up again.

He tried to yank open the locker a few times before he realized that it was locked.

That was the point of a locker, but still. His escape plans were ruined.

"Fuck," he hissed.

"Looking for this?"

Ash pressed his back flat against the locker door, trying to get as far away from Gary as possible. Gary held the key to the locker in his hand. He had pulled his shorts on, too. Well, maybe Gary wasn't as comfortable about being naked as he first appeared to be. Water from his wet hair dripped down his face.

"Leave me alone," Ash said.

"No."

Ash swallowed. "Just give me the key and go."

"Don't worry, I will." Gary's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Answer me first."

"Not if it's about that." Ash attempted to grab the key, but Gary snatched it away just in time. "Come on, I'm tired. Let's talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

"That's impossible."

"Why?"

"You're never going to tell me, are you."

"Please, Gary, you have to understand..."

"I do."

And just like that, Gary leaned towards him.

Their lips brushed together.

Neither of their eyes were closed, so Ash saw his shock reflected back at him.

Gary's lips shifted against his own and Ash couldn't believe that this was happening. He was so scared, and yet...there was a warmth that flooded though him. This felt so good. It felt impossibly good, dream like. The scent of chlorine still clung to Gary and it made Ash lightheaded. He closed his eyes without realizing it. Gary pulled him closer.

Their kiss was hungry, full of wishes, full of...regret?

Ash felt himself melting into Gary's embrace.

And then Gary pulled away.

"I'm sorry." Gary nudged him aside and opened the locker, pulling his stuff out in one quick motion. "That was stupid of me, but I couldn't help it." He reached towards Ash, as if to pat his head, or kiss him again, but stopped himself. "Just...I like you."

Ash couldn't find the words to answer him.

"And Ash?" He smiled, and Ash's heart shrivelled in his chest at how hopeless the boy he loved looked. "If this traumatized you even more, since I'm a guy and all, sorry. But you don't need to worry, because it won't happen again."

Why couldn't he say anything?

This felt like...this felt like...

Gary seemed to be waiting for him to say something but he couldn't.

"See you around. Be strong for me."

Ash watched him go and slid to the ground in disbelief.

He had become numb from head to toe.

Only his lips tingled.

And that's how Dawn found Ash shortly after, his face buried in his knees.

A/N: And so, Gary and Ash have a moment just before Gary leaves him. The return of the angst! I hope this chapter was okay, because I'm not sure how it turned out. Let me know what you think! Reviews are the cherry on the Palletshipping cake. ;) If you're reading this, thank you so much! I appreciate it immensely.