Chapter 10. "I'm sorry."

Disclaimer: VK is not mine, I merely have too much time on my hands (not really, but this is better than homework).

Kain's brain was working at an amazing speed after Aidou had told him about their meetings, accidental at first, but more frequent later on. Aidou's subtle hints, Ruka's actions... It all made sense now.

"You don't think she's seeing someone else, do you, because that's just silly." Now, where had he gotten that idea from?

"What if you don't like what you find? What will you do then?" If he didn't like it? He knew he wouldn't like the truth.

"That bloody bastard!" As if he could talk! The pot was calling the kettle black.

"Here I am, trying to keep you from getting hurt..." Hypocrite! He was the one hurting him!

"The only people who were here were Rima, me, you and now your stupid cousin." She hadn't lied. There had only been four people there that day. The soft lavender fragrance he'd smelled in her room wasn't because of Aidou's sudden arrival, it was because he had been there moments before. Kain was sure he had used his vampire speed to get the doughnoughts or had them prepared already just in case he needed an alibi.

Just minutes ago he had wondered since when had those two been able to stand each other enough to sit together, but now he knew thay had been doing more than just sitting together. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know exactly what more they'd been doing behind his back.

Aidou had told her how he, Kain, felt. That's why she had avoided him when he decided to tell her himself, that day when he'd seen her with Shiki. And then she'd used Aidou's nose injury as an excuse to sidestep the conversation that he wanted to have with her. She didn't want him to say it. She didn't want to hear those words... At least not coming from him, anyway.

And Aidou had been telling him that it was simply "not the right time". Traitor, he just wanted Ruka all to himself. That selfish, uncaring, self-centered, air-headed bastard of a cousin...

Yes, now everything fitted perfectly together in his mind.

Those two were still sitting there, looking at him. Aidou seemed to have won a bit of courage in the last few moments and was looking at him directly in the eyes now, instead of just avoiding his gaze as he had done before.

In reality, Aidou was trying to make up for his cowardly behaviour earlier, when he had blamed it all on Ruka, detaching himself from this whole business by placing the responsibility on some other guy. He grimaced as it dawned on him that he had just blamed Kaname and Ichijou for his acts. Oh God, he'd just blamed the two most powerful people in that Dorm, one of them a pureblood of the Kuran line. He was sure Ichijou would be more understanding than Kaname, but he did not want them to find out anyway.

Had the circumstances been different, he knew Kain would never tell them and get him into trouble. Now, he wasn't so sure. Ruka usually wouldn't bother with his silly words. Now, she was furious at him. And she had every right to, he concluded sullenly. He'd told her that he loved her and would always be by her side. And what had he done at the first sight of danger? Deserted her and left her to fend for herself. He knew Kain would have stood his ground, no matter what was thrown at him. His cousin would have never let Ruka down.

His guilt-filled blue eyes widened as he gazed at the red-head. If he hadn't done anything, would Ruka and Kain had gotten together eventually? He knew Kain had wanted and even tried to confess a few times before, so... this could all have been avoided. Demolishing remorse gripped his entire being. He had destroyed his cousin's best shot at happiness, stolen it from right under his nose. He deserved whatever punishment Kain had planned for him and more. And the worst part was that... Aidou sighed. He couldn't even admit the worst part to himself.

Kain's voice broke the strangling silence around them all. "So, you told her that I..." He paused. It was funny that even after all this had happened, he still couldn't bring himself to say those words out loud in front of her. "...how I felt for her, and still you went ahead and kissed her?"

Aidou's shoulders slumped immediately, but his strong gaze was unwavering. "Yes."

Ruka bit her lower lip. "It wasn't just his fault. I'm responsible too. The second kiss was my fault."

The blond boy looked at her and whispered, concern lacing his voice. "Don't." He turned to Kain. "I'm sor..." His voice faltered as he saw Kain's expression suddenly become harsher. He obviously did not want his apologies. Aidou scowled. Well, he was going to have to hear his apology anyway. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Kain nearly spat the words. A low chuckle that combined sadness with sarcasm graced his voice. "No, you're not. I've known you all my life, I know how your mind works and your mannerisms as if they were my own. And I can see you're not sorry."

"You're giving yourself too much credit then, because I truly am sorry, Akatsuki, whether you like it or not." His eyes softened. He spoke to the two people sitting with him. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to both of you. I meddled when I shouldn't have and now everything's a complete mess because of it. I'm sorry for telling her about your feelings and then later kissing her anyway. I'm sorry for being selfish and taking your mind off anything that wasn't me, and preventing you from noticing Akatsuki. I'm sorry for all those promises of being always there for you that turned out to be empty words." His eyes fell to the floor, but he forced them up again. "And above all, I'm sorry for not being sorry."

He had finally admitted it. He wasn't completely sorry. He did despise himself for what he had done. It was sneaky, disgusting, loathsome, every negative word would be appropriate to describe his actions. He did feel sorry for everything he had just apologised for. However, part of him didn't feel sorry at all and was glad this had happened. Because, even though he had ultimately blown it to pieces, he would always cherish what he and Ruka had had, so there was no way he could regret it 100%.

Before the fiery vampire could reply, his head snapped up as soon as he noticed Aidou standing up. Ruka's lips twitched, was he leaving? She soon learned that he was not. Aidou walked up to Kain, standing in between the amber-eyed boy and the girl who had unwittingly broken his heart.

Kain arched an eyebrow. "Wh..."

"Punch me." The words came out matter-of-factly.

"What?" Both Ruka and Kain asked the same question at the same time. Was Aidou mad? Didn't he know that Kain was much stronger than he was?

Aidou simply repeated his request, this time with a more determined tone. "Punch me. As hard as you can."

Kain resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Stop playing around."

"I'm not playing. What I did was despicable, I deserve a punishment. Besides betraying your trust, I even tried to deny it and let Ruka deal with it alone." He glanced at her, an affectionate, loving sadness filling his eyes. He didn't expect her feelings for him to remain unchanged after that. His gaze went back to Kain. "You would have taken responsibility for your actions."

Kain considered his request for a bit. He wanted him to punch him? The idea of taking his frustrations out on Aidou was very appealing. Almost too appealing. "No."

The blond groaned. "Why not? Didn't you hear me? I'm not even sorry for what I did, and still you won't beat the crap out of me?" He pressed his hand against his forehead. "How can you be so understanding and kind?"

Kain smirked. "I'm not. This is your punishment."

Aidou shot him an inquisitive look. How was doing nothing to him a punishment? However, Ruka understood what was going on and gave him an answer. "He's going to let you wallow in self-pity and bottomless guilt. Beating you up would be an easy way out for you." She nearly glared at Kain, but couldn't do it, merely managing a hurt look. "You want him to put himself through hell?"

He gave her a sharp look and remarked, with a smooth voice. "I've been through hell for years. I'm sure you'll soothe his pain though... as I imagine you have before."

She understood what he really meant. He was angry that she hadn't noticed how he felt for years and was now accusing her of sleeping with Aidou. Her eyes narrowed minimally as this thought crossed her mind. "You have every right to hate me, but you know that I didn't do what you're insinuating."

Kain's temper flared slightly. "You kissed, that's all I meant."

"Yes, we did. And to tell you the truth, I am sorry that it happened," She didn't notice the disappointed look on the face of the blond as those words cut right through him. "but you know what? I never promised you anything or even lead you on. If I did, I didn't mean to and you know that. But don't you dare sit there on your high horse and look down on me for not feeling what you want me to feel, because you do the same thing."

His eyes widened a fraction, and he looked at her, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"How many girls have you turned down? And I'm not just talking about human girls, but vampires as well. I can think of a few who loved you for years and then confessed, just for their dreams to be gently and politely shattered by the man who never once looked their way. It doesn't excuse my actions, I know that, but you never gave them a moment's thought, so maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge me."

The room's temperature rose significantly. Kain merely stood up and walked to the kitchen door, stopping to gaze at Ruka. His lips parted, but no words came out, and he left.

Aidou took a deep breath as soon as he realized that he had forgotten to breathe for the last seconds. It was done now, and it had turned out exactly as he had imagined it would all those times before, when he had debated with himself over whether to tell Kain everything or keep lying until he found a better solution. He slowly turned his head to his left to look at Ruka. Remorse gnawed at his insides once more when he realized that she was holding back tears.

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Kain could feel his muscles twitch with anger as he walked away from it all. Stupid! He didn't know if he was talking about Aidou, Ruka or himself. Maybe he was referring to the three of them at the same time. Aidou had done the worst imaginable thing to him. Of all the inconsiderate things he had done to him, this was unarguably the worst one. How could he? What had he done to deserve this? And Ruka, what was wrong with her? How could she choose his childish playboy of a cousin over him? He was the one who had always been by her side, not Aidou! It wasn't fair. He had endured her devotion to Kaname for years, but Aidou suddenly feels something and gets her in a matter of weeks? He gritted his teeth. Maybe he should have punched him after all. He took a deep breath. No, letting him drown in guilt and shame was a more fitting revenge. Kain knew he wasn't acting as his usual self, but he was really hurt. And the worst part was that he had been hurt by the two people he cared the most about.

"I'm sorry."

Kain scowled, his fists involuntarily clenching. 'No, you're not sorry at all.' And that pierced his heart like a poisoned dagger. His cousin wasn't nearly as sorry as he wished to be. Kain had seen it in his aqua-marine blue eyes. Yes, he had been sorry for all the things he apologised for, that was a fact. However, not once had he actually apologised for having a relationship with Ruka. He was obviously not sorry about that and was being honest with Kain. The red-haired boy shook his head, frustrated. Did he really want that kind of honesty coming from his usually immature cousin?

"I've always been mature. It just took you this game of spies to acknowledge it." Kain smirked. No, Aidou was wrong, he hadn't always been that mature. Kain was sure this was all due to Ruka's positive influence on him.

"Really, you're so immature..." Ichijou's remark was right. The opposite situation had happened to Ruka and she had become slightly more childish than before. Obviously, Aidou was rubbing off on her too.

"Kain, would you like to join us?"

His amber eyes looked around him, his senses awakened by Ichijou's question. Without realizing it, he'd wandered to the main living room where Shiki, Rima and Ichijou were sitting and chatting about something, even though Ichijou was doing most of the talking.

Kain's eyes hardened and automatically glared at the blond. He looked so much like his stupid cousin: same hair colour, just lighter, same personality, just friendlier. However, it wouldn't have hurt half as much if it had been him betraying him, instead of his cousin.

Ichijou gulped, suddenly feeling extremely uneasy under Kain's angry, deadly stare. Had he done something wrong? He asked, hesitating somewhat. "Is everything alright?"

Kain's eyes softened considerably and he opened his mouth to answer in a voice completely devoid of hope and life. It came out as a sorrowful whisper strangely laced with hatred for the green-eyed boy. "Why couldn't it have been you?"

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Ruka's feet felt like lead as she slowly walked through the forest's dusty floor as if it was made of pins and needles. She lifted her gaze. Those trees, once so calming to her, were now mocking remembrances of her own selfish stupidity. Before today, whenever she looked at the foliage, she would smile, silently thanking them for the tranquility and security that she had found among them. But now, she could only glare, silently wishing it had never happened, that she had never set foot here. And still, here she was again, seeking solace from her problems.

Aidou wouldn't be here today, that much she knew. Actually, she didn't know, she merely hoped for his absence. At least that's what she was telling herself, that she didn't want to see him right now. Since when had she started lying to herself? She desperately wanted to see him, to talk to him like they did before... before this whole mess happened. She didn't have the will to turn around and tell Rima about it just yet, and the only other person she trusted was somewhere she didn't know about, hating her guts.

"He's not going to forgive..." She let out a long, heavy sigh. She'd known that since the very beginning. She had imagined what his reaction would be like, and even though it wasn't as violent as she imagined, it was twice as painful. She wasn't sure if he was planning on giving her the same punishment as Aidou, but it was already working marvelously well. Her lips twitched. Punishment. They were waiting, hoping for something from Kain that would make them feel less guilty and called it punishment. They wanted to believe that it would make him feel better, but what they really cared about was in making themselves feel less remorseful.

She shook her head and decided not to think about it until she reached her secluded place, where she could sort out her thoughts and feelings. She wondered how Aidou would be feeling right now, and what he was doing. Looking ahead, she saw someone already sitting there. Carefully stepping closer, she recognized it as a male silhouette. Her heart skipped a beat. Could it be? She inhaled deeply. No icy lavender, just hot spices. Kain.

Sensing someone near, the boy with fire locks looked behind him. Ruka was there, a stormy twirl of emotions behind her worried brown eyes. She turned to go back. Something inside his chest tightened and he couldn't control his mouth. "Wait."

She stopped suddenly, trying hard no to move at all, fearing that doing so would break... What else was there left to break?

"There's room for both of us." He mimicked her words in a soft whisper, silently pleading with her to stay.

She understood his silent request and, unlike what she had done when his cousin begged her to lie with him earlier that day, she acquiesced to Kain's gentle demand. Turning around, she slowly walked up to him, nervously sitting beside him.

After several moments of silence, Kain cleared his throat. "Why?"

She didn't look up at him. Why? What exactly was he talking about, there were so many things he could be referring to. "Why what?"

"Why would you choose him over me?"

'You can't choose who you love.' Her eyes hardened. Love, such a fickle thing. Cupid was a devil with an angel's face, and hearts were his toys. "I don't know."

Kain didn't say anything for a while, pondering on her answer. She was being honest, he could tell that she really didn't know why. He had a theory. Maybe it was because Aidou had taken the initiative, instead of simply looking from the sidelines, as he usually did. Maybe, just maybe if he had told Ruka how he felt before, maybe... He didn't dare go on, for fear of what he might do. "Has he ever... drank...?"

Ruka's eyes widened at the unexpected question. "No." Blushing, she remembered a moment in her room when it had been particularly difficult for them to resist, but they had refused to give in to their urges. "Nor have I."

Kain nodded. Somehow, it made him feel slightly better to know that. It meant that Aidou wasn't as ingrained in her mind as Kaname had been. He looked up at the sky. He had never told her, had he? Even though she knew it now, he still hadn't told her. He closed his eyes, slowly opening them again. It was only fair. "I love you."

Ruka tensed immediately, taking in a sharp breath. He had finally said those words. She bit her lower lip, trying to stop it from trembling too much. He was waiting for an answer, and she didn't have a clue of what to tell him.

He noticed her uneasiness. He knew he had put her on the spot, but he wouldn't take it back. Not now. He deserved a chance to tell her, didn't he? But something inside of him sank as he saw her guilty expression avoiding his eyes. She looked so broken, so helpless, so... vulnerable. He knew Aidou was observing them from afar, but he didn't care. Not anymore.

He kissed her, claiming the lips that Aidou had tasted so many times before.

A/N: Well, here's the update. I really don't know what to say, really, it pretty much speaks for itself, I guess. I truly hope that you all like it and that it was worth the wait :)

So, guys if you liked the chapter, didn't or have any opinions/questions, you know what to do...

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW ^_^!