SO Derek is finally having a reaction to things. Hope you'll like.

The nurse's eyes followed him as he walked through the entrance of Seattle Grace; Meredith had called him and asked him if they were going to ride together this morning. They had barley spoken during the entire car ride; he had nothing to say to her. Meredith nudges his shoulder.

"Are we eating lunch together?" Derek nodded at her and she reached up to kiss him before heading towards her locker room. Derek couldn't help to feel guilty, about the way he treated Meredith and that he and Addison slept with each other numerous time in New York and that he took the first step when they where sober, he didn't regretted it though or he didn't felt like he regretted it. He walked towards the attendings locker room, it held some good memories of him and Addison as well, and he smirked when he glanced at the shower. He then froze, he wasn't suppose to think about all the good memories he and Addison had when he already was doubting his relationship with Meredith, as soon as that thought had entreated his mind he realized what he was thinking. Since when did he doubt his love towards Meredith, he let out a long sigh.

"Problems man?" Mark was leaning against a row of lockers.

"None of your business" Derek snapped and looked at Mark, and for the first time when he saw Mark's hands he doesn't picture them running along Addison body and pleasing her, and he doesn't picture Mark and Addison's sweaty bodies pressed together groaning.

"It just seems a little bit odd that the day after Addison has gone to New York you also go to New York and when you come back you won't let Meredith know"

"It was about Lily, Savy called and said she was a wreck" The grin Mark had been having on his face disappeared and his entire body shifted making him look smaller, Mark was supposed to be Lily's god father.

"I'm so sorry man, she had a few of those when we were together, it was terrible to not being able to help her"

"She never told me that she had them when she was in Seattle, she told me when I was in New York but what is horrifying and heartbreaking is getting a phone call in the middle of the night from Addison when she cries out that it hurts so much and you aren't there to take the pain away" Derek slams the locker shut before storming out of the locker room, Mark was hoping that Derek maybe was confiding in him and actually could tolerate being in the same room as him, he leaned against the lockers again defended.

In the privacy of his office Derek relaxed, he hadn't meant to be so harsh against Mark; he knew how helpless he would have felt when he couldn't help Addison. For once in Seattle the sun was shining and as one of Richard's favourite's he had one of the best offices at Seattle Grace, at least when the sun was shining which was making the room almost vibrating in the light. He leaned into his chair and thought about Mark and Addison, how he had thought what he and Meredith had was better and what Mark and Addison had because he had fallen in love with the rescue, but what if Mark had been to Addison what Meredith had been to him with the exception that she fell out of love with him or never was in love with him. To be able to stand with herself and survive she had stayed with Mark because her husband had fled across the country. Derek shock his head, he would never be able to figure this out without Addison and he was pretty sure she didn't know either. Not seeing the images of Mark and Addison over and over again when he talked to Mark was a relief maybe he was a step closer to forgiving not that he never would forget. He wondered why Addison had waited to after the divorce to tell him that she had stayed with Mark, he would have gotten mad at her if she would have told him when they still where together but he would still work on their marriage, right. He let out another big sigh as his pager went of and he hurried of.

"Derek, are you listening to me at all?" Meredith looked slightly annoyed at him, as she stabbed her salad with her fork.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Meredith smiled at him again, letting it pass.

"Major things happened as you were gone, for example you knew that Burke and Cristina wasn't talking" Derek nodded as he drank his coffee

"They broke up, Burke said something about make Cristina into something she's not and now Callie and George are defiantly over, she slept with Sloan " Derek nearly choked on his coffee

"Mark slept with Torres, well other relationship as survived adultery with Mark" He said while trying to dry some of the coffee with a napkin.

"Well you and Addison divorced because of it"

"Our marriage didn't end because of that" Derek almost snapped at her and Meredith looked like she was on her way of saying something when her pager went of.

"I'm going to trailer tonight" Derek said as she walked of, before getting deep in thoughts again. Why Addison hadn't told him about Mark had bothered him all day, he got up and walked out of the cafeteria.

Addison reached for her alarm clock to shut it of when she realised it was the phone, she jumped out of the bed and hurried towards the phone.

"Addison Montgomery" she answered with her breath caught in her throat, whose idea was it to only have one phone and have it nowhere near the bed room.

"Why didn't you tell me you stayed with Mark until after the divorce?" It took awhile before Addison connected the voice with its owner.

"Give me a minute Derek, you woke me up" Addison pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she started to make herself a cup of coffee.

"Okay I'm back, what where you saying?"

"I asked you why didn't you tell me you stayed with Mark until after the divorce?"

"I was mostly afraid that you would leave me if I told you, but you where also busying flirting with Meredith, and you kept saying that you where trying to work on our marriage but still nothing really happened, so if you had stopped flirting with Meredith and gave our marriage a real chance I would have told you because I didn't want to give you my everything and get no effort in return" Derek considered the answer for awhile.

"Why didn't you just tell me ?"

"I just told you that and if I had told you would have left me in the blink of an eye; I was going to tell you I swear, I was just waiting for you to be in it with me and things to calm down" Derek thought that she was probably was right, he would have left her. She had lied, she had made him believe that it only was a one time thing not that she might have fallen in love with Mark, it was a totally different thing to forgive a affair then a one night stand, but did it really matter she was still Addison, the person he had taken vows with and the person that carried his child. Derek had loved Addison for 16 years and he still might do and he knew Addison, he was probably one of the few people that really knew her and Addison knew him, she had seen his worse days, best days and everything in between, Meredith had only seen his good days but not the best and defiantly not the worse. He had forgiven Addison, he believed so but that didn't mean he was still hurt and mad about it.

"So, how are things in Seattle?" Addison changed the subject quickly

"Slow and… dull, I think and…I told Meredith" Addison nodded slowly not thinking that he couldn't see it and Derek had no idea why he brought Meredith up

"Okay, that's fine, so how are you? I mean you and Meredith" Addison didn't want to be the bitter ex-wife that's why she asked, it wasn't like she actually wanted to know

"I don't know, we're okay I guess" The fact was that they was most not okay, Derek had no eager to see Meredith at all and he really hoped it would pass, and he and Meredith could truly be happy, because that what he had wished for the most of the time, probably not most the time either because he and Addison had actually been quite happy from time to time in Seattle. He got his wish.

A awkward silence began to form between them, Addison where trying to come up with anything to say.

"I'm going back to work today"

"Oh, well that's good, you going back to Mt Sinai?"

"Yes, It felt like the smartest move, but I'm coming to Seattle for a visit, I swear" Derek nodded into phone

"Good, I'm sorry 'bout calling you, you said you didn't want us to talk so yeah I'm sorry" Addison felt a warmness spread through her body, he was saying he was sorry for the most trivial thing.

"Thank you Derek, but I'll see you when I get to Seattle, I hope you can make space for me because it isn't a date or even a week I rather not spend alone"

"Oh, okay I'll see you then, Bye Addie" Derek wanted to tell her he loved her, because he did but he loved Meredith but he was fairly certain that he loved Meredith for being the help and what did that leave their relationship since she didn't help him to breath anymore.

"Bye Derek" The ex spouses hang up on each other, both left with a feeling of defeat. Addison clutched the phone in her hand keeping it her chest.

Addison stopped for a moment before stepping into Mt Sinai, she had so much memories from this hospital , from her and Derek in on call room as attending's but this also was the hospital she was admitted to after she fell and had to deliver Lily. She had been so sure that she had felt her moving after she fell but they where 150 yards from the hospital so Derek carried her there. At the time she had joked at him and that he didn't have to carry her. Many people including Derek had questioned her when she said she wanted to work at Mt Sinai again afterwards but it was here Derek was and all of their colleagues, some of them that they had known from med. School, was there, it was hard those first months but it got easier and most of the days Derek was near, or she knew he was anyway and that helped. Addison took another deep breath and went inside.

Addison spent the bigger portion of the day with the chief and filling in admin. Stuff but she had a few hours meeting her staff and interns and residents. There was especially one the chief wanted her too meet or the former head of Neonatal wanted her to meet anyway.

"Hey, Dr Montgomery I'm Mary Adams" The brunette stretched out her hand towards Addison, who took it

"Dr Richards was my mentor before she moved to Seattle and now you're my mentor" Mary smiled at Addison but her eyes betrayed her, she didn't like Addison according to her it was Addison's fault her mentor had moved.

"And I used to be Dr Richards mentor" A intern was not going to question her "Why don't you spend the day in the pit Dr Adams?"