Him

It is most strange. This feeling that stirs within me. I am not certain I have even felt it before. Not so strongly at least, of that I am certain. I'm no fool, I know very well what I'm feeling. I wish to deny it, but I cannot. The intensity of it overwhelms me. He should not be so and yet unmistakably he is. Such an utterly beautiful man. Such kindness and pain echoes in his eyes. I feel always that he is on the verge of tears and I long to soothe that pain. It would not be proper, it would barely even seem sane... Our Father's were allies once, yes... And perhaps after 10,000 years it is time to rekindle that alliance. To solidify it... I could so easily make the case that my actions are purely for the sake of the universe. It would indeed be true to an extent. Yet also, to be at his side... I have never felt so much this longing... Though, I am a Princess. I cannot let it seem that my decision is made on any basis but that of a diplomatic necessity. No, there is no passion here... No, there is no yearning... I am not fallen deep into love... Those lies I am sure that some would believe... But not Him... He would know the truth, from my first kiss to my last he would know the truth of my feelings...

How though can I think of this...? I have seen such suffering inflicted on this universe. The enclaves of the Kuy, burned to cinders for not swearing fealty. So many Balmera even now suffer, and in the centuries, the millennia, surely hundreds have not simply died... But died in such awful torment... Worlds beyond number have been drained to the last all their Quintessence, every being nothing more than energy to the murderous hunger of Zarkon. And here I am, gazing into the stars and thinking so...so... Wantonly and so amorously of the child he raised... Can just a smile and glowing markings upon his cheeks be enough to sway me from that truth...? Yes, it as though he sets my heart aflame, he is still the son of Zarkon. I long to feel his embrace, soft trails of kisses to my neck... Goodness... I would share my life with him, yet he is the son of Zarkon... Despite this...for all the suffering that Zarkon inflicted, there is one more victim who still suffers from the tyrant's wrath. One more who even now, having ended Zarkon, shall be forever haunted by that monster... Him...

To even think of him...it confuses, thrills and elates me so...

Lotor...

Shining smile and intellect both, so very well sculpted a form... A very grand example of hybrid vigour in action... Even his hair... I am almost jealous... That he should make me feel this way is maddening, but I cannot deny it. That he was once an enemy I also cannot deny... That I was so ugly and rash in treating some Galra badly... Poor Keith whom I so wronged... The blade of Marmora whom my prejudice nearly kept from our alliance... Even those few commanders, the ones I pretended did not stand upon the bridge of their vessels... I watched those starships blossom into death in the darkness... Father, help me, I smiled... I knew that I brought death and it gladdened me... Never once considering those dead worthy... They after all were merely Galra... Those feelings of mine are so foul, so ugly and wretched... Is it that they stir again? Is it my hatred of the Galra that keeps me from being honest even with myself...? He is not Zarkon and I cannot deny what I know I feel... Though nor can I deny he has betrayed us in the past...

Of course. I am a fool... It is part of his manipulation that I feel this way. It must be. Peace may come, but at what cost? Peace under Lotor as a tyrant, and we shall merely be stepping stones. My passion so warped shall condemn the Universe, a reality of devastation beyond anything Zarkon could dream. Given infinite power, it will mean and new era of war and suffering. Of course it's all a trick... What else could it ever be...? How could I even consider the possibility of a political allegiance... A marriage to unify the universe... How could I be so foolish to be blind to his Hatred...?

No... No what am I thinking, what is this venom and bile...? No, I am not so easily manipulated. I cannot cast aside the best chance the universe has for peace! I am letting fear and hatred blind me, blinker me... Twist and warp my heart. I must cleanse my self, my very soul of these awful feelings. I must do it, for myself and for the universe... And for Him. If I am so bound by the weight of hatred, how can I be the true peacemaker I know I must be... I think I understand now... He needs me. Not simply to embrace, to look upon and be looked upon with love... No, he must be reminded of the universe and our duty to it. I could, perhaps I must be that guiding light for him. It could be so easy...

Yes, so very simple as well... By allowing myself to love him, as I feel growing in me every day... The warmth I feel as I think of him, the yearning... I know I shall fall deeper still, and expunge my every hatred that the war created in me... I will be as my Father's kindness and he shall be as My Mother's vision. Yes, a lasting peace that may endure with us both guiding and bettering the other. Just as any partnership should be. Why would I turn back from that fate? Shared passion is but one worthy and most distracting thing to desire, but more importantly we can be the compass to one another's souls... I must act as an Altean, I must see the bigger picture. The universe needs us more than either one of us needs the other... And yet, I see it clearly now, we need one another more than anything... I hope that he can see this too...

Dear Lotor, with kindness that needs love to flourish. I could keep you from the darkness in your soul and you could keep me from my own... Would you wish for such a fate...? Wedded to this relic of a dead world...? Do you ever dream of love at all...? Is there room for it in your future...? Should you dream of it, do you dream of me...? What could I say and would I dare to ask...? If I asked you for your hand... I would ask you for the universe, for yourself, for me... Would you say yes merely as an Emperor? Could you say yes as my...beloved...? Could you even say no...?

What is to be done...?