Less than a week since I last posted an updated and here I am again. I don't know about you guys but I'm in shock!

Good evening you beautiful people. I should absolutely be in bed right now. Well actually, I am in bed... what I meant was that I should be asleep. I have a super early meeting in the morning and I need to be on top of my game. Makes sense that I'm staying up late to write fanfic doesn't it? But you know what? Minerva and Severus must come first! (not sure my boss would agree!)

So, this next chapter picks straight up from chapter 8 where Minerva is upset about Lydia's behaviour and Severus is with her. This was fun to write – maybe fun is the wrong word and you'll see why when you read this chapter. It was interesting to see where this chapter took me. I've actually had this chapter planned out in my head since I started First Cut and had decided that Lydia was to have a disease but there moments in this chapter that kind of happened as I wrote. It just felt right in the moment and especially for where Severus and Minerva are right now.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added me to alerts, etc. It's just so wonderful to hear that you guys are enjoying it and I love to hear how passionate you are about this storyline. I hope you like what's coming up!

Thanks for stopping by to read. Please remember to let me know what you think.

Love to you all xxx

P.S. to Alyssa who left a review I couldn't reply to – welcome aboard the MM/SS Ship :)

Chapter 10

Minerva opened her eyes, recognising that a noise had interrupted her sleep. She lifted her head slightly, saw that she was in her living room and let her head fall back onto the solid pillow she'd woken from. Except it wasn't a pillow... she felt his hand land in her hair and she turned to look up at him. Severus's head was tilted back against her sofa and his eyes slowly flickered open as he continued to caress her hair. She smiled up at him when he suddenly jerked upright and looked down at the weight on his legs.

"You stayed," she stated.

"I hadn't meant to," he rubbed at his neck, his muscles must have been stiff from sleeping in such a position. "I'll leave before Lydia wakes up." Minerva sat up and turned to face him.

"I'm not angry," she said. "Thank you… for staying with me." Severus looked at her, there was so much understanding in his eyes and she gave him a slight smile.

Severus hadn't said much else that morning. He'd asked how she was, had gently touched her shoulder in support when she'd silently nodded to let him know she was holding up. He offered to bring them lunch after his morning classes, to which she gratefully accepted and he'd left soon after. He hadn't lingered and Minerva knew he didn't want to be there when Lydia emerged from the bedroom. He had made it clear in the way he'd touched her that he would have stayed had she asked. But she knew that it was better for Lydia if he wasn't there.

Minerva heard the door to her bathroom open and close and she moved toward the door to her bedroom. She knocked softly and when she heard nothing on the other side, she carefully opened the door and entered.

Lydia's clothes she'd slept in were nearly folded on the dressing table, her toiletries strewn about next them. Minerva sat on the edge of her bed and waited, waited to see what the morning would bring her.

"Good morning, Neva," Lydia said brightly as she emerged from the bathroom. "You look tired, you didn't sleep on that sofa did you?" Minerva stared at her sister, confused but overwhelmingly relieved that she seemed to be herself again.

"How are you feeling?" Minerva asked hesitantly. Lydia's eyes fell to the ground and she nervously swept her short hair from her neck.

"I'm sorry about last night…" she began.

Minerva let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. She had been dreading having this conversation, questioning her on what had happened. What she had worried about even more, was that her behaviour would have continued and her mind as addled as it was the night before.

"I wasn't myself," she said. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's never happened before?" Minerva asked as she stepped closer to her sister. Lydia dropped her gaze again and skated around her, moving to the other side of the room where she began to make the bed.

"Never," she said as she put all her focus on fluffing up the pillows she'd tossed on the floor in her sleep.

"Lydia, look at me," Minerva couldn't help it, she was suspicious of her sister's avoidance. She waited a moment for her to turn around but she continued fussing with the bed. "Lydia," she said her name with more force and took a step toward her. Lydia stilled as Minerva touched her arm and turned her toward her. "What aren't you telling me?" Lydia closed her eyes and gave a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry Neva…" she began but stopped as her words caught in her throat. She began to cry and Minerva's concern for her sister grew.

"Why are you sorry?" Minerva asked as she pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry…" she repeated as she pulled away. "I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want you to worry…"

"It's too late for that," Minerva said, not unkindly, as she followed her sister toward the window seat. "I was worried about you from the moment you were born, from the first time I held you and promised to always take care of you." Lydia gave her a warm smile as they sat down side by side.

"I have Fronto-Temporal Dementia." Lydia's words were like lead in Minerva's stomach.

"You…" she paused, her mind furiously trying to recall her medical journals for what this form of dementia was. "Pick's disease," she said all of a sudden. "That's what the doctors nicknamed it. It's primarily a muggle disease, one that affects the personality, speech and…" Minerva stopped as the full meaning of what took place last night meant. "It causes memory loss… Lydia… how long have you known about this?"

"Just over a year," there was an unspoken apology in Lydia's eyes and Minerva felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. "I didn't want you to know, I knew it would hurt you."

"What hurts more is that you felt you couldn't tell me," Minerva felt tears well in her eyes. "That you didn't want to tell me…"

"Please Neva," she grasped Minerva's hands tight. "Please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not angry," Minerva said as she held Lydia's hands tight in return. "I'm upset but not angry. I just wish you'd told me because I might be able to help, there must be something we can do…"

"There is no cure," Lydia said in a voice so calm that it shook Minerva. "My magic will fade, along with my memory, and eventually I will die. I was angry at first but now… I just want to enjoy whatever time I have left, I don't want it to be filled with this terrible disease."

"This isn't your choice alone," Minerva said.

"Yes it is," Lydia gave her a sad smile. "This is my body, my disease, my choice."

"So you're giving up?" Minerva felt herself becoming angry. "Logan is missing, perhaps even dead, and so now you have nothing else to live for?"

"That's not what I'm saying," Lydia stood up and began to pace in from of Minerva. "I made this decision when I found out about the disease… I didn't want this to come out, especially not now."

"I don't understand why you won't let me help you," Minerva felt helpless and hated it. She preferred to be in control, to be able to manage a situation but in this one, with Lydia's sudden stubbornness, she knew there was nothing she could do. "I just…" she felt tears falling across her cheeks. "I just want to help…" Lydia was by her side once again but this time, it was Lydia who pulled Minerva into a loving hug.

"You can help by just being you," she said into her dark hair. "I just want my sister. I don't want anything to change."

"I promise nothing with change between us," Minerva pulled away and wiped at her tears. "I won't treat you any differently but I will look for a cure and you can't stop me. There will come a time when things will have to change, when you will no longer know who I am…" the thought pierced her heart. "If there is something that can prolong the inevitable, I will do everything I can to find it. I ask that you let me, please let me. I just want more time, don't rob me of that." To Minerva's surprise, Lydia smiled and gave a slight laugh.

"I had a conversation just a few months ago. I may be forgetting a lot these days but that conversation has stuck with me, haunted me really…" Lydia shook her head. "He asked me to tell you, to not rob you of the time we had left."

"Who did?" Minerva asked, wondering who her sister told despite confessing to Minerva that she hadn't wanted her to know.

"Severus," Lydia said softly. "He came across me when I had an… episode."

"When?" Minerva felt breath catch at the news. Severus had kept this from her?

"It happened at the festival," Lydia admitted. "Please don't be angry with him," she said quickly. "I made him promise, threatened him actually, to stay quiet."

Minerva felt as though her heart had stopped all over again. She felt betrayed… how could he keep something like that from her? She paused in her thoughts as she recalled their conversation from last night. How could she have not seen it? The hurt stung even deeper as she realised that Severus had been researching types of dementia and their affects on magic folk for months. Had he been using Lydia as a rest subject? As someone to be studied for his own research?

"I know you care for him, Neva," Lydia broke through her dark thoughts. "You might have thought you'd kept it hidden from me but I saw it even before you did."

"And you warned me against it," Minerva said with a shrug. There was nothing left in her to be surprised that Lydia knew there was more to her friendship with Severus than she had let on. "Against him."

"Yesterday made me rethink a few things," she said sadly. "With Logan gone… and with my disease, I'm glad you have him."

Minerva looked away. After finding out he knew and didn't tell her about it, she wasn't sure she wanted him around. Not after this kind of betrayal.

"I…" Minerva stood up and made her way to the door of her bedroom. "I'm sorry Lydia," she said. "I need a moment…" Lydia nodded in understanding and Minerva fled her quarters. She quickly made her way through the castle, managing to avoid the eyes of students and portraits. In one dark corridor, she collapsed against the cold stone wall and gasped for air. She covered her mouth as her breaths turned to sobs and she tried her hardest to keep quiet to avoid catching any attention from roving students or teachers.

She replayed her conversation with Lydia in her mind and she felt her heart shatter into tiny pieces. Lydia was dying. Her disease was slowly taking her away and Minerva felt lost. She had lost her family all over again… but what made things even worse this time, was his betrayal. Severus had kept it all to himself, had lied to her and was using the situation for his own gain.

Minerva furiously wiped at her tears, pushed herself off the wall and forced herself in the direction of his potions classroom where she knew he would be teaching his first class of the day.

The door to his classroom was closed but she could hear his deep tones from behind the heavy oak door. She knew she should wait, that she should have given herself some time to calm down, to come to terms with what had happened in just one day. But her anger had overtaken her and logic played no part in her actions. She flung the door to the classroom open with the flick of her wrist.

"Get out, all of you," she barked sternly at the students who were watching her with wide eyes. She noticed a few of them look toward Severus but most of them were tentatively rising from their chairs and collecting their belongings. "I said get out!" She snapped. The children dropped what they were holding and ran from the classroom as fast as their legs could carry them.

"Professor McGonagall, I…" Severus looked furious but she didn't care. She gave him a look that cut off his sentence and ignored him.

As soon as the last student had fled his classroom, she slammed the door on them and cast a sound-proof charm over the door. When she turned to look at him, the anger had faded from his eyes and he looked at her with concern.

"What is it?" He asked as he made his way toward her. "What's wrong?"

"I talked to Lydia," she hated the way her anger caused her voice to tremble. "She had returned to herself but imagine my surprise when she tells me she has Fronto-Temporal Dementia…" she watched the colour drain from his face.

"Minerva…" he reached a hand toward her but she held up her own hand, asking him to stay away from her. He frowned but he did as she asked.

"First Logan, then Lydia…" she fought to keep her tears at bay. "And now you…"

"Me?" His frown deepened. "I don't understand…"

"You knew about my sister, didn't you?" Minerva watched Severus look to the ground and shake his head.

"Lydia asked me, made me promise not to tell you," he said, his eyes finding her once again.

"And you did as she asked, why?" She took a step toward him, her anger and hurt making her want to lash out at him. "How could you spend so much time with me, knowing what you know? You held me, you made me trust you again and all this time… you kept this hidden from me…" she saw anger in Severus's eyes now too.

"It was not my secret to tell," he said, his tone dark. "That news should not have come from me…"

"Was this all just a plan to get closer to my sister?" She was interrupting him before she could stop herself. She wanted to take it back but she felt herself continuing down the path she'd started on. "When you came to my home, was it just to study her? Did you want new material on her? Was screwing me in front of the fire just a way to pass the time until Lydia's disease got worse?" She hated herself.

"No!" He said emphatically. "Do you really think me so heartless?"

"I don't know," she said with a shake of her head. She wanted to hurt him. "I no longer know what to believe anymore… I don't know who to trust…"

"You can trust me," Severus said, his eyes reflecting the pain she felt herself.

"No," she shook her head and stepped away from him when he once again reached for her. "No I can't… not now… not after this…" she wrapped her arms around her chest in a protective gesture. "Every time we're together after this, I won't be able to stop wondering if there is a hidden motive behind every meeting, I can't move forward like that…"

"So why not ask me," Severus snapped as he pounded a fist against his chest. "As me if I used you, and this time let me answer. You're making assumptions and jumping to conclusions without hearing what I might have to say."

"What can you say that will make this better?" Her tears ran freely and she let them. He had hurt her and if he had come to care for her even in the smallest way, then she wanted him to see what he had caused.

"Fine!" He picked up a text book from the nearest desk and threw it at the wall out of anger. "Then how about this? Logan is gone, just like your own son and pretty soon your sister will be dead and then what? You'll be alone. You're chasing me away so that you can dwell in that dark, empty house in your own self pity and hate…"

He didn't get to continue because Minerva had marched toward him and slapped him clean across the cheek.

"You bastard!" Her heart had stopped, had been torn apart and crushed under the weight of his words. She could no longer fight it. "Damn you Severus Snape!" She lifted her hand to hit him again but he caught her wrist and instead pulled her into his chest backwards so that he could wrap his arms around her and hold her close.

"Get off me!" Minerva fought against him as she felt her chest tighten. "Get… don't…" she gasped for air as she struggled to take a breath, it felt as though she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. "I can't… breathe… let go…"

"Hush," Severus whispered into her ear as he continued to hold her.

"Too… tight… I can't breathe…" she pushed at his arms to try to get away from him as panic started to take over her.

"It's not me," he said said softly. "You're having a panic attack," his arms moved down to around her waist and she felt him direct them both to the ground. She was half kneeling, half sitting on his legs, as she leaned forward slightly to try to take in more air. Her ears were ringing, her vision darkening and she knew she was teetering on the edge of blacking out.

"Severus…" she hated the panic she heard in her own voice.

"I've got you," his voice was calm and soothing, his arms still wrapped around her waist securely. "Hush, just breathe…"

"I can't…" she tried to suck in another breath but she was crying too much.

"Here," Severus's hold loosened just a touch and she felt him gently pull her body back against his chest. "You know what this is," he said. "Think back to your training." She knew what he was doing, he was trying to get her to focus, to calm her panic.

"Deep… breaths…" she managed to say. She felt him nod against her shoulder.

"Breathe with me," he said. "In…" he sucked in a long deep breath and she felt his chest expand against her back. She tried to follow along, to copy his movement but she faltered and gasped. "And out…" she felt his breath against her neck and felt her own breath come out as a sob.

"You can do this," he rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms back around her waist. "In through your nose, just like me," he took in a breath and Minerva failed to follow him. "Can you feel it?" He took in another deep breath and slowly released it. "In through your nose," he repeated. This time, Minerva followed him, her breath caught in her throat but she managed to do it. "And out through your mouth, slowly," again she copied him. Her breath was shaky but she recognised that her body was beginning to listen to him. "Good," he said in her ear. "Now again, just like me, feel my breath."

With every breath they took, the fog in her mind began to dissipate. The darkness in her vision began to fade. Her chest started to feel lighter and each breath became easier. She closed her eyes and listened to Severus breathe behind her, let her body focus on the rise and fall of his chest. She felt him tighten his arms around her slightly and she lifted a hand to the back of his head where she stroked his hair.

"You scared me," he whispered into her neck. Minerva felt tears prick her eyes again and she let her hand fall to his neck, holding him to her back. "Please don't do that again."

Now that she was calm, Minerva felt the full weight of what she'd done. She pulled away from him, his arms slipped from around her waist and she turned to face him. She was mortified.

"Severus… I'm sorry…" she reached a hand to his cheek and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch.

"I'm sorry too," he replied. "You're hurt and angry, I shouldn't have let you get to me like that… I was cruel."

"No more than I," she edged forward and touched her forehead to his. She could see the self-torture in his eyes and she was angry at herself for causing it.

"Do not so easily excuse what I said to you," he said as he lowered his eyes to the ground.

"I'm not," she said as she pulled away and directed his eyes back to her. "You struck a nerve and it hurt but I know I hurt you too… I was angry but that doesn't excuse my behaviour."

"I'm sorry about your sister," he said softly.

"I haven't forgiven you for keeping this from me," she said.

"I don't expect you to," he said, his eyes flashing with something she didn't recognise in him. "I wanted to tell you and I hated Lydia for the position she put me in. It's no excuse but I made a promise to her…"

Minerva understood that Severus was a man of his word. That if he made a promise, he would never betray it. No matter who got hurt in the process. She leaned forward, her arms coming up around his neck as she pulled him into a hug.

"Give me some time," she felt his arms wrap around her in return. "I need some time to think."

"Of course," he said into her shoulder. "A lot has happened in the last day."

"What I wouldn't give to be sitting in the window seat of that cottage," she pulled away and gave him a slight smile.

"We can go whenever you want," he said. "Just say the word and I'll arrange it, even if you wish to be alone there."

"Being alone is the last thing I want right now," she said. Severus lifted his hands to her face and she closed her eyes as he wiped away the tear marks on her face.

"I will be by your side whenever you wish it," he said and Minerva was touched by his kindness, by his gentleness. Her heart swelled at his affection. She once again leaned forward into his arms and was content to be held by him.

They sat together for a moment, enjoying the silence and the warmth of each other's arms. Minerva's mind was full of dark thoughts, they swirled and twisted themselves into her heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the smoky scent that was uniquely his. He made her feel grounded, calm and she wished she could stay there with him, to ignore the world that was crumbling down around her. But she knew she needed to return to Lydia, to allow Severus to return to his class. She felt guilty that she had disrupted his class.

"I've taken up too much of your time," she said as she reluctantly pulled away. "And I'm sorry for throwing your students out of their lesson."

"The brats were testing my patience anyway," he said with a shrug. He stood up from the floor and offered his hand to her. She gladly took hold of it and allowed him to pull her up to her feet. "After you jolted them from their day dreams, perhaps they will pay a bit more attention to what I'm saying." Minerva couldn't help it, she laughed a little.

"I suspect the rumours will be halfway through the school by now," she smiled.

"No doubt," Severus sneered. "By lunch time the rumour will be so far from the truth that they will be discussing who won the duel and which of us has been sent unconscious to St Mungos." Minerva laughed again and touched his chest in a silent thank you for cheering her up a little.

"I should go," she said, tilting her head toward the classroom door.

"Use the fireplace in my quarters," he offered. "Then you will not need to pass the students on the way out." Minerva touched a self conscious hand to her cheek.

"Yes," she said. "I must look a fright."

"You look as beautiful as you always do," Severus said matter of factly. Once again, Minerva's heart swelled with affection and she strode toward him to wrap her arms around his waist

"You're a good man, Severus," she said as she felt him lift his arms to return her hug.

"I am no such thing," he mumbled against her hair.

"Then you are good to me," she pulled back and looked at his face. There was guilt in his eyes.

"Not as good as you deserve."

Minerva narrowed her eyes at him as he once again put himself down. She leaned forward and kissed him.

"Will I see you later?" She asked as she pulled away.

"I hope so," he watched her walk away. "And I'm sorry Minerva… for what I said." She turned to look at him over her shoulder.

"So am I," she gave him one last smile before she pushed aside the tapestry and headed for his room, wanting to get back to her sister.

She knew that she still had much to discuss with Severus but she also knew it would come when they were ready. When she was ready. If she ever would be.

I'm on a roll kids! I hope to have Chapter 11 typed up in about a week.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please let me know what you thought about it. While I did enjoy writing this chapter, the parts with Minerva's panic attack made me a little nervous and I wasn't sure if I'd taken it too far. Your feedback is, as always, most welcome.

Thanks again for reading. See you next time :) xxx