Team Rocket popped up back in the Moor of Icirrus and sang,
He's a critical critic,
He's real quick, and serious,
He'll review a fanfic,
In the Moor of Icirrus.
Along with a dragon,
He's ragin'
He's snobbish
And when these two butt heads,
It comes out like rubbish
He's happy, He's snobby,
Get ready for some comedy,
The next review features
Keldeo and Spikey!
"Eh, put a sock in it!" Keldeo said, and he fired another Focus Blast at Team Rocket.
"We're blasting off again!" they shouted as they vanished into the distance.
"That's Keldeo the Critic!" Spike the Snob sang.
BOOOOOM!
A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.
No matter what we say or do,
Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.
It's never up to me and you,
Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.
We smile now and sing a cheer!
Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.
Ghost Pony Rider roared.
Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.
Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.
Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.
The show must go on!
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.
"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.
"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.
The show must go on!
Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.
Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.
Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.
A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.
Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.
Never fear . . .
Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing Wonderbolt Free Fliers.
Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.
The show! Will! Go! On!
Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.
Keldeo the Critic
Season 4 Episode 3: Fate by Skiptastic
"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said.
"And I'm Spike the Snob, of course," Spike said.
Keldeo nodded and said, "And we're back to review Spike's favorite Animaniacs fanfiction. Fate by Skiptastic.
Fate
By: Skiptastic
We do not choose how life plays out, and change is something we must accept, but no one said you had to do it gracefully. Skippy Squirrel learns that when one thing changes, a wave of it will follow. Left on his own, the young boy's fate is decided by that of an aunt he never knew existed. Yeah, you know how it'll end, but the journey might be fun.
"Now, while Skippy's Story had a more comical and funny, yet still touching, tone that felt a lot like the show; Fate take a way more darker and serious look at Skippy's backstory," Keldeo explained.
"And that's a good thing!" Spike declared.
"We'll see about that," Keldeo said sounding unconvinced.
"Pay no attention to the pony without a Cutie Mark," Spike snarked, "This is Fate."
Keldeo ignored the comment and said, "So our story begins with Skippy being taken from his baby sitter by the police after it is discovered that his mother has died."
He turned to the cops, but they were already out in the parking lot and hopping back into the car, mouths moving in a way that had his ears burning.
"Hello little boy, it's nice to meet you." He looked back to see the woman holding out her hand. He gingerly shook it, too confused to hide his discomfort and usual shyness. The sincerity in this woman's voice, even the way she smiled, raised alarms from deep within Castle Skippy. She was faking everything and trying to lure him into thinking this place was safe and friendly, that everything would end with lollipops and praise. "You're Skippy, right?"
"Yes," the squirrel answered in a hushed voice.
"I need you to follow me to my office, I have some questions and I need you to answer them as best as you can."
What happened next was so quick that it fit in the blink of an eye, but the feeling of his world crumbling when he finally received an explanation would last his entire life. His mother wasn't coming back, would never come back. She was dead, had been for the past two hours ago. She was lying in a hospital morgue awaiting her ultimate fate, leaving him behind. This had to be a joke, some cruel prank, maybe some sick lesson that he was supposed to learn. Just this morning she had rushed out the door, running so late for work that she didn't have time to fix him breakfast. There was no way that was going to be his last memory of her? No way that she could have died in such little time? In what was probably a total of ten seconds a truck had ran a red light and now she was gone, it was impossible. Tears were shed as he cried into his hands, the urge to scream and shout and make irrational demands to bring her back overwhelming him until he had to give in.
The woman did not try to comfort him; instead she stood by and let him cry his heart out. After a good twenty minutes he finally calmed down, too tired to continue.
Keldeo swallowed hard. "Wow. This feels almost too real."
"Hey, wait a minute, Keldeo! Why'd you skip everything?!" Spike complained.
"What do you mean 'why'd I skip everything'?"
"You skipped like seven paragraphs about the the baby sitter finding out and crying, and the cops taking Skippy away as his thoughts wander as the worry consumes him, and-."
"SPIKE! I can't include everything in these reviews! If I did, not only would they all be too long, but they would also ruin it for anyone who wants to read the actual story themselves!" Keldeo argued, "Sure, I have to admit, the writing is phenomenal. The emotions put into every sentence, every thought, every subtle action is amazing. The descriptions, the use of words, it's some of the greatest writing I've ever seen. That's what I meant when I said 'this feels almost too real.' The writing is just that good."
Spike poked Keldeo's chest with his walking stick and said, "So why didn't you just say so in the first place."
Keldeo groaned.
"Well, anyway," Spike said as he adjusted his top hat, "It's here that Skippy realizes that, to his knowledge at least, he has no more living relatives."
"What about your father, do you know where we could find him?" she asked. Either too polite or too sorry for him, she had yet to acknowledge his multiple breakdowns. In a way it kind of annoyed Skippy, as if saying it wasn't important enough to acknowledge.
"I've never met him." A single word popped into his head: orphan. It was his new label, his lifestyle, the first thing anyone would think of when they saw him. Holidays would be filled with the faces of strangers, people celebrating new customs and traditions while his would vanish into obscurity. There wouldn't be hot chocolate with little walnuts used as sweeteners drank at five past midnight on Christmas Eve, or sitting in front of the tree and shaking presents to guess what was inside while his mom offered up the occasional shrug. Skippy could feel himself on the edge of his third emotional outburst of the hour, but it wasn't sadness this time. He didn't have the energy for something that hard, not again. This feeling was simple and clean. This was hate and rage and all the things that boiled his blood and turned his knuckles white beneath the fur. Even better was that he could direct it to whatever and whomever he felt deserved it, like this woman sitting before him with that faux look of compassion, as if she knew what he was going through.
"Did your mom ever mention god-parents?" her voice was suddenly grating and unpleasant on his ears, like nails being dragged across a chalkboard.
"No," he answered immediately. She seemed a bit taken back by the harshness that had corrupted his voice, but continued to smile. He simply stared back at her, so intensely that he might as well be trying to set her on fire with his gaze. She didn't seem to mind his anger though. Her job was to be the messenger of bad news so it was to be presumed that she was used to hateful glances and misplaced anger, in fact it was likely one of the first things she was warned of when taking on such a job. Still, a reaction would've been appreciated, even the fake ones she was only capable of delivering.
He resisted the itch to reach behind his back and bring out a mallet to slam down on her desk. It was only in times like this, when he was being pushed by anger, that he could produce the instrument of destruction, and passing it up meant he might never get the opportunity again.
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by.
"That Munna is really starting to get on my nerves," Spike growled.
"You got that right," Keldeo grumbled back.
"What if I don't want to be adopted?" he asked, feeling the wakening powers that came with being angry.
"Well it's . . . not really up to you Skippy, you're only a boy." Skippy had expected that answer but wasn't expecting the boost in rage that came with hearing it aloud, accompanied by the shaking of his arms.
"So I don't get a say in this?" his voice raised a few octaves, just a little under shouting level. He didn't want to waste what little energy he had from his anger by using it up quickly, instead he wanted to let it build until he reached his limit. "It's my life and I don't get to decide what happens next, where I go or who I go with? I just have to deal with it!"
"Skippy, we can't just send you back to your house. You need supervision and guidance and someone to take care of you." She explained, though it fell on the deaf ears of a stubborn and frightened child.
"So I need a mother, but since mine is dead it needs to be a new one?" he asked, finding his voice beginning to lose its hostility and start to crack. He was close to tears, the only thing holding them back being his anger.
"Skippy, you need to calm down."
The squirrel threw his arms up in an exaggerated shrug, bent on voicing every thought he could before the approaching tears broke through. "Heck, let's throw in a father and maybe a sibling or two, just to sweeten the pot!"
She had a brief look of anger, but it disappeared almost immediately. It was a mild relief to find that she actually had honest emotions and feelings, to learn that she just might be human after all. He started to have his doubts when all her emotions came off as fake and insincere. "No one can replace your mom Skippy, but–"
"But you'll sure try!" he yelled, eyes watering. He hands were shaking beyond his control, to the point that he clutched at his armrests just to try and keep them still. That wasn't the only reason he gripped at the wood though because there was also the increasing need to reach behind his back and summon his mallet. Skippy was scared that if he didn't restrain himself he'd do something regrettable.
"Like turn into Judge Doom!" Spike exclaimed.
"You have a point there," Keldeo said, "Loosing your mother at an early age might drive you crazy enough to becoming a psychopathic murderer. Especially if you have Toon powers."
"Listen young man," she began, but the young squirrel refused to hear the rest. He jumped out of the chair and stomped out the door, slamming it shut as she called his name. He was in too bad of a mood to cry in front of this woman again and despite all his anger he didn't want to swing his mallet at her face, not yet anyway. The squirrel ran down the halls, dodging everyone he passed along the way and hoping they didn't notice the tears that were starting to fall down his cheeks. Skippy rushed back into his room and slammed the door, burying himself in the couch and starting to sob into its cushions. Earlier that morning he had questioned what point there was in getting out of bed and now, a breakfast and argument later, he still had no reason to get up. The confirmation of his fears had given him even more reasons to just curl up on the sofa.
"Okay, I gotta give this story points for realism," Keldeo said, "This is how a kid would react to loosing his mother."
"I'm glad you understand," Spike said with a smile.
"I didn't say this story was better than Skippy's Story!" Keldeo said quickly.
"Humph! Well fine. Anyway, after a little research by Miss Fake Emotions, Skippy finds out that his mother had been purposely hiding the existence of his Aunt Slappy from him," Spike said.
She explained that the police had found an envelope tucked in his mom's closet drawer, slightly ripped and unopened. Inside were two fifty dollar bills and a card, addressed to him. She sat in the wooden chair beneath the television and handed him the card to read. It had an illustration of a cake with the caption wishing a happy birthday. "Dear sis, sorry I couldn't make it to Skippy's birthday party, but you probably wouldn't want me there anyway. Tell the kid to buy himself something nice and wish him a happy birthday from his aunt. Love, Slappy."
He was torn; on one hand relieved to know that it wasn't off to an orphanage, and on the other sad that life was still moving forward, despite the loss of his mother. As unbelievable as it sounded he couldn't imagine a world without her aid. He had no idea what Slappy was like, obviously caring enough to send him a hundred dollars, but not enough to ever introduce herself. Why wouldn't his mom have wanted her to come to his birthday, or had denied her existence to him? Was she a criminal of some kind? What conspiracist paradise had he found himself in? And lastly why was his mind digging to find a face and description for the name of someone he knew beyond a doubt he'd never met? "So we looked her up and she lives in Burbank, California. Have you ever met her?"
He shook his head, "No . . . I don't think so, but the name sounds familiar."
"About thirty years ago she was a cartoon star with Warner Brothers. She was never as big as Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck, but she had a few classics. I think they still show some reruns every weekend." At once everything clicked into place, at least everything that involved Slappy. He'd seen her once about two years ago while channel surfing and was immediately hypnotized be her actions. He watched for three or four minutes as the grey and white squirrel outsmarted a wolf in red overalls at a construction site, bouncing from one situation to another as she spat out one-liners and bombs. He enjoyed her antics and planned to watch more until his mom walked into the room and changed the station, bluntly stating that Slappy was a bad influence. He never would have considered that the person his mom had strictly forbidden him from watching would turn out to be his aunt, her sister.
"Huh," Keldeo said thoughtfully, "You know, this actually makes sense. Someone who acts all loony, zany, and screwy and blows other people up isn't exactly an ideal role model. I can understand why Skippy's mom would not like her sister very much. Oh, and speaking of which. . .!"
Spike nodded, "Yeah, it's just about that time. Time to head over to Burbank, California and see Slappy's initial reaction to being informed that her sister just died."
Slappy had been standing in the kitchen for the past twenty minutes, replaying the message over and over. Not only was her sister dead but her nephew was now waiting to be picked up. Of course a large decision had to be made upon learning this information, one that would drastically affect everything. Slappy had never been close to her sister. From birth they couldn't have been more different, and time only managed to strain their already fragile relationship. It was bad long before the death of their mother, but that was the event that severed the relationship. The older sister had not attended the funeral, stating that their mother wouldn't have wanted her there, and the younger sister was unable to view it from any perspective but her own. Slappy was painted as someone of pure selfish-
Keldeo and Munna sang out, "EX - PO - SI- TION! EX - PO-."
"NO! NO! NO! You can't skip through this!" Spike exclaimed. He then dealt Munna a hefty kick, sending her flying like a hoofball.
"Will you calm down, Spike!" Keldeo said as stared at the angry little dragon in shock, "We all know that the writing is amazing, and I already explained how showing every single sentence ruins it for the people who want to read it themselves. All they need to know now is that Slappy is estranged from her family because her mother and sister didn't like it when she went into the Looney Tune business to the point where they downright hated her. So stop being so easily offended and review the story with me, okay?"
Spike had taken a few deep breaths, and had finally managed to calm down. "Okay Keldeo. You're right," he said as he hung his head, "I just really like this fanfic. And when I really like something, I get defensive-."
"To the point where you join forces with M. Night Shyamalan and force Ryu Taylor the Ferret to watch the live action adaptation of Avatar The Last Airbender?" Keldeo said with a sly grin.
Spike sighed, "I really need an attitude adjustment, don't I?"
Keldeo gave a reassuring smile and said, "Well, you did a good job reviewing that Land Before Time movie with him, didn't you? See, you're getting better!"
Spike smiled back, "Yeah, I guess I am."
"Good, so let's get back to the review!" Keldeo said resolutely.
That led to the next reason why she shouldn't take the kid in. Her life could be summed up in very few words, and most of them were just synonyms of each other. There was dangerous, reckless, carefree, and most of all there was irresponsibility. She had grown use to only taking care of herself, having forgotten what family felt like. She was a lousy cook, a horrible housekeeper, rude, attracted to danger, and not very good with her emotions. Did any of that equal quality parenting? The kid would probably be better off living with someone else, a nice family with a large yard and plenty of toys to keep him occupied. Her gift to him would be to never meet the aunt his mother had good reasons to hide from him. It wasn't entirely selfish though, and that's what she kept telling herself as she sped out the house without the intention of calling them back.
"Aha! And here is the beginning of one of the major plot points. Slappy is not sure if she even should take Skippy in," Spike said.
"Well, okay, Slappy does make some good points," Keldeo relented, "But still, Slappy's is his only family."
"But if she can't take care of a child-."
"But she can," Keldeo stressed.
"We know she can, but she doesn't. At least, not yet. The point of the story is her learning that Skippy needs her and she needs him," Spike said.
"Well, how does she learn that?" Keldeo asked.
"Well, she started by going in a ride in her shiny red super stocked Dodge from her famous music video, Little Old Slappy From Pasadena.
Driving down the streets, one had to be prepared for extended fingers held out car windows, language that'd make George Carlin blush, and drivers that were practically trying to kill you just so they could get home a little faster. And for all those reasons Slappy loved this city. Anywhere else and she'd be told she had an anger problem, but here in Burbank she was just another ordinary citizen, albeit one who could store a good two tons of explosives in her purse.
Keldeo nodded, "Okay, that's a nice continuity nod, but where is she going?"
Slappy Squirrel wasn't one to freak out, often the picture of calm and collected, but those few instances where she did have a breakdown she always ran to the same person: her closest and dearest friend Walter Wolf.
Keldeo looked scandalized. "What?" he said flatly.
It sounded pathetic calling the very person she'd consistently caused bodily harm to her closest friend, not to mention crazy, but the honest truth was they got along quite well.
Walter, dressed in a long white nightshirt and matching cap, groaned and mumbled as he shuffled to the door. He was almost asleep when the loud knocking began to echo through his apartment, and it was less than enjoyable to have to be separated from his warm and cozy bed. "Hold your horses you mishugina!" he shouted as he fiddled with the locks, cursing them under his breath with every fumble. He opened the door and found Slappy, a hand in her purse, no doubt trying to find a mallet. "Do you know what time it is?" he asked, expecting the usual smart-aleck response. Much to his surprise she had no reply, just heavy breathing as she shoved her way inside. "Slappy, you okay?"
Keldeo buried his face in his fore-hooves and made noises that sounded like a mixture of laughing and crying.
"What's wrong with you, Keldeo?" Spike asked.
Keldeo looked up and said, "So, the author knows the show well enough to reference Little Old Slappy From Pasadena, and then has the nerve to suggest that Slappy Squirrel and Walter Wolf are not just friends, but close and dear friends?!"
"Well look Keldeo, they were Toon actors," Spike explained, "They were acting in their Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel episodes. That's not how they are in their normal lives."
"YES IT WAS!" Keldeo exploded, "They were like that in their real life! Okay, let me explain when the Slappy Squirrel shorts take place. This is after Slappy and Walter have retired from being in cartoons! They are done acting! DONE! And what does Walter do in those shorts?"
"Uhhh," Spike said.
"CONSTANTLY TRY TO EITHER MUTILATE OR KILL HER!" Keldeo exploded yet again, "He pretended to be a plastic surgeon so he could disfigure her! He faked his own death so he could slice her in half with a sword and blow her up! He despises her! How the in the name of biscuits does Skiptastic not grasp that concept!? This is like Sonic asking Eggman for advice on how to propose to Amy! Or Ash asking Hunter J how to catch a Dunsparce! Walter and Slappy do not get along!"
"Well, they were watching TV together in The Slapper commercial," Spike said timidly.
"That was an in universe commercial. They obvious got paid a truck load of money for that," Keldeo said flatly.
Spike took off his hat and threw it to the ground. "Alright! Fine! You win! I admit it! Slappy and Walter being friends flies in the face of everything we've seen in the show. But, holy guacamole, is that really such a tragedy? So it's an Alternate Universe fanfic, so what? And besides, who else is Slappy supposed to go to for help in this scene?"
"Vina Walleen," Keldeo said without hesitation.
Spike blinked, "Who?"
"Vina Wallen."
". . . Is she a friend of yours or-?"
"NO! She's an Animaniac's character!"
"From what season?"
Keldeo face hoofed and said, "She's the deer actress who played Bumbie's Mom in the episode Bumbie's Mom."
Spike's eyes widened, "Oh yeah, her! . . . Wait, you actually remembered her name? Uh, whatever, but why should it be her instead of Walter?"
"Because Slappy and Vina are actually best friends," Keldeo explained, "Within seconds of Slappy showing up at her Vina's trailer, unannounced, the two of them are hugging, Vina's inviting Slappy in, they're happily reminiscing about old times, and they're laughing at each other's jokes."
Vina: (Opens door a crack) "What!?"
Slappy: "Vina! It's me!"
Vina: (Quickly unlocks door) "Slappy? Slappy darling, is that you?"
Slappy: "If it ain't, you better call my agent!"
(The two laugh uproariously and share a joyous embrace)
"Oh my gosh, Vina would have been perfect for this story! She's the best possible character for Slappy to go to for help!" Keldeo exclaimed.
"But doesn't see live in Tucumcari, New Mexico?" Spike argued, "In the show, Slappy and Skippy had to take a plane and the a train just to get to there. That would take way too long. Skippy would be in a orphanage and possibly adopted by then!"
"She could have just called Vina up on the phone," Keldeo suggested.
Spike picked up his top back on his head and said, "Look, Walter is more iconic here, so it makes sense that the author would use him. And maybe the author just wanted to put a kind of love/hate relationship on them. It's his fanfic, after all. Sure, maybe it doesn't make total sense, but it's not as bad as, oh, I don't know, making Misty evil and having her kidnap and torture Iris-."
Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and pointed it at Spike.
"Not. One. More. Word," Keldeo said in a tone of intense anger.
Spike gulped as he shyed away from the sword point. "Heh, heh, heh. Okay. Um, back to the review?"
Keldeo lowered his Secret Sword, smiled, and nodded. "Back to the review."
Slappy's breath finally seemed to catch up with her and her heart stopped from beating out of her chest, allowing her to give Walter a frantic explanation. "So are you going to go get him?" the wolf questioned when she finished. The squirrel was amazed with how calm her friend remained, envying how not one glimpse of panic had flashed across his face the entire time she was talking.
"I . . . I can't." She stuttered, leaning forward on the green couch. "I mean what am I supposed to do with a kid?"
"Play, have fun, be childish?" the wolf suggested, taking a sip from the tea he'd made before setting the cup back on the coffee table. "So no big change, huh?"
"Yeah, but I'm also irresponsible and reckless. You think that'd be good for a kid to be around?" Walter nearly did a spit take, unaware that the squirrel could acknowledge her shortcomings. Slappy was very prideful and in the twenty plus years he'd known her she never admitted to being anything but amazing. He suddenly had a good grip of how stressed the squirrel really was and scooted closer to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"I bet it's better than being all alone, which is what he is right now. His mom, your sister, just died. Can you honestly say he'd be better off getting sent to an orphanage than he would be with you?" he asked. Slappy opened her mouth, prepared to say she did feel that way. An orphanage could look after and provide for the kid way more efficiently than she could, but the more she thought about it the less sure she was. Skippy stood a much better chance if he stayed with her than he would on his own at an orphanage. He had a better chance of getting through this if he had some family to lean on versus an army of strangers, as much as it killed her to admit it. "Listen, why don't you take him in for a few days, at least until some other options come along?" he suggested.
"It's a kid, you can't lease them out." Slappy chuckled, leaning her head back against the couch and staring at the fan blades as they swung around and around.
"My sister took in a girl once, they got along horribly. Still, they did love each other deep down. After about two weeks she found a nice foster family, but she still sends birthday cards." Slappy looked at him with wide eyes, intrigued by the idea. The wolf knew he had her; the only thing that remained was to go in for the kill and hope for the best. "Besides, don't you think you owe it to your sister to look after her son, even if it's only for a week or two?"
"Come on Keldeo, you gotta admit that this debate between 'I'm not a perfect parent' and 'the child really needs someone' is just so awesome and thought provoking."
"Vina could have done this better," Keldeo grumbled.
"Holy guacamole, you're nearly as bad as I was," Spike remarked.
"Ahem. Well, Slappy decides to compromise and agrees to take care of Skippy until a foster family is found for him," Keldeo said, "And Skippy does not approve of this half measure compromising."
Skippy sat in the woman's office yet again, only this time his emotions weren't as easy to label. Slappy, the aunt he'd learned of only yesterday, had called them back and said that she would take him in until a foster family had been found. Clearly Linda was expecting relief and gratefulness, but why? He was still motherless, was still being taken to a temporary home, and now that was only until they could find another temporary home. He was being passed around like some unwanted little nuisance and she thought that deserved a smile and hoorah? It was enough to make the young squirrel question the sanity of whoever gave her this job.
So his aunt was now coming to fetch and drag him back to Burbank, but not for the long run. She was going to pass him off the second her guilt allowed her to, and more than likely never look back. The thought was infuriating and the brown squirrel found a familiar emotion rising up inside him. Skippy stopped outside the door to his room and slapped his hand against the wall, trying to ventilate his anger before he exploded. He opened the door and slammed it shut behind him, finding it did little to release any stress.
"And if you thought Five Nights at Buizel's was disturbing, just get a load of this Psycho homage," Keldeo said with a nervous grin and a twitching eye lid.
A large sound of applause rang out from the television, as if it wanted his attention. It struck him that he'd be leaving soon and that the television was indeed a breakable object, which offered up such nice potential. Of course slamming his fist against it would have little effect, but there was that one little thing he had yet to properly use. He sneered and reached behind his back, searching for the solution to his problems. He found it easily: a trusty mallet whose origins he couldn't explain. Sure, he could use it on the cars and dolls, but that just didn't sound as appealing, and wouldn't it be criminal if he didn't use his abilities properly? With no hesitation Skippy took a step back and swung the mallet. The screen shattered and rained shards of glass and sparks down on him and the carpet. The squirrel took another few steps back, brushing a few tiny bits of glass from out of his fur and trying to pick his jaw off the floor.
A second passed until he regained control of his body and, telling himself that he was already too far to stop, continued to slam his hammer into the broken electronic. He gained more force and momentum with each swing, losing himself in a pattern. There was only one thing going through his head, one small command: swing harder. The crunching and breaking of plastic turned to white noise as he finished with the television. The activity was one of the most enjoyable thing he'd done over the past few days and he was sad to see it finished. But a new feeling had crept out of the darkness, one he hadn't felt in days: calm. His mind was cleared of every single thought and fear, leaving nothing but relief and tranquility. Skippy let out a deep breath, one that seemed to take a good deal of weight off his shoulder, and slumped into the couch, fist wrapped around the handle of his destructive little friend. He could hear the beating of his heart and cherished its soothing rhythm until it faded back into silence. He placed his hand behind his back and felt his grip on the sleek wood disappear, confirming that his hand was now empty. He'd never felt such release like that, never truly gave into the rage, but it was something he was desperate to try again soon.
Keldeo and Spike were clinging to each other for comfort as they shook with fear, wearing horrified looks on their faces. When they realized what they were doing, they promptly separated with embarrassed facial expressions.
"Awkward . . ." Spike said as he nervously adjusted his red bow tie.
"Uhh," Keldeo said with equal nervousness, "Okay, um, thoughts on that scene?"
Spike stopped blushing and said, "Well, I was joking when I mentioned Skippy turning into Judge Doom earlier, but after seeing that, that actually might be a legitimate concern."
Keldeo nodded affirmatively, "Yeah, the way Skippy seems to view violence as a way of escaping painful thoughts and fear and finding relief and tranquility is pretty scary. Especially if he's desperate to try it again soon. I mean, can't you just see it?"
Spike nodded back, "Yeah. I sure can . . ."
The ex-truck driver screamed as the wall was smashed apart and a short figure in a black judge suit, bowtie, cape, gloves, shoes, and fedora; with a white dress shirt; and yellow-tinted spectacles stepped in through the hole carrying a mallet.
"You're a Toon!" the man shouted at the figure.
"Not just any Toon!" the figure shouted, and he threw off all his clothes, revealing a small brown squirrel.
"Remember me, murderer!" Skippy shouted with the light of insanity in his eyes as he approached the man, backing him into a corner from which he couldn't escape. Skippy raised his mallet high above the man and shouted, "When you killed my mother, she screamed just! Like! THIS!"
The man screamed in intense agony as Skippy began relentlessly pounding away at his body with the mallet.
Keldeo and Spike stood stock still with horrified expressions on their faces.
"I think we should take a little break," Spike suggested gently.
Keldeo nodded, "Oh yeah, you're right. We really should."
Keldeo the Critic
We'll be right back!