I knew what his choice would be. Would have to be. That didn't make it cut any less when I heard him say it. It took him so long to say it that I practically wanted to beg him to just choose and get it over with. But it wasn't until he whispered..

"Annie"

Through gritted teeth as he clenched the side of the table, that I felt like I might pass out. I saw stars, and I felt a tiny needles pressing into my skin and burning and I couldn't catch my breath.

Don't hate him. Don't hate him. Don't hate him.

I tried to ignore my hurt but I couldn't look at him. It hardly mattered because no sooner had he said her name, the peacekeepers flung her at him and he picked her up, flanked by them as they escorted him out of the room. I didn't look up enough to see if he even bothered to look back at me but somehow I knew he hadn't.

I sat stunned. Frozen even. Which played to my advantage because the next couple hours of my life played out like a movie that I was watching from some other place in the room.

The Avox quickly cleared the table and emptied the room, closing the doors behind them. I was staring off in my chair when Snow approached me and rounded my seat to begin rubbing my shoulders. I would have recoiled but I couldn't even move.

"Oooh, dear Katniss. So young. Inexperienced. It's his job...to make women think he has feelings for them. And he's very good at it."

I made a pact with myself in that moment that he was not going to break me. Not physically and sure as hell not mentally. I didn't so much as bat an eye at his comment. I knew what he was trying to do.

"What makes you think I'm not just as good." My voice was low and throaty and expressionless. He ran his fingers over my shoulders.

"Well we will just have to see won't we."

He lifted me to my feet and pushed the chair away from the table. His hands ran down my back and tugged the zipper on my dress down. Tugged. Hard. He pulled the fabric from my shoulders and let it pool around my feet before pushing me down over the table.

Right here? Like this?

His hand was in my hair, pressing my face against the cool wood of the walnut table and I just laid there motionless. I was staring straight ahead and not sure if I even blinked. I heard him undo his belt and I tried to take myself somewhere else. I was silently promising myself not to cry. Not to fight. Not to let him see that he was hurting me. I would not give him that.

I felt him press his bare skin against mine as he lifted my lower body in his hands, shoving me against the table as he forced his way inside of me. I said I wouldn't cry but I bit my tongue so hard I thought it might fall off. No warning and no preparation just a sudden punishing thrust that I felt deep inside my belly. It was a far cry from what I had felt with Finn and it was like he was aiming to tear my body in half.

He tugged at my braid and pulled me up off the table. I remained emotionless as he grew with speed. He disgusted me. I was grateful to not have to look at him. The sounds he was making were making the bile in my stomach rise. There was nothing less than gutteral and disgusting sound. And my gut was starting to ache but I forced my mind to ignore it. Soon he was digging his free hand into my back, his fingers so sharp I was sure they were piercing my skin. I pursed my lips and refused to make sound for him. He was pulling my hair so hard I thought it might come out and his speed only intensified. He was moaning my name and speaking, maybe asking me to do something but the ringing in my ears was so loud I couldn't hear him.

Suddenly he slammed my head back onto the table and I remember my vision starting to get grey and then slowly black as my head spun and my ears rang. I was passing out and there was nothing I could do about it.

I don't know how long I was out but when I woke up I was in my own bed under a huge heated blanket. I don't think I had been there long because the bed beneath me was cold and my God did my back hurt. I opened my mouth like I wanted to cry out but nothing came, and for a moment I wondered if I was dreaming. My vision was becoming less gray and I noticed someone beside me, resting an equally hot towel on my forehead. As I stared and then and tried to focus I recognized the familiar haze of white hair. It was Mags. Her face was pained as she pressed the rag to my head before noticing I was awake. Her eyes met mine and she furrowed her brow, asking me with her eyes if I was ok. I silently shook my head no and arched my back. It stung so bad I couldn't stand it.

She pressed me back against the bed and pushed the heavy blanket against me, gently trying to hush me. I felt bad fighting against her but everything in my body hurt. I tried not to cry, but being comforted by her made me feel like a child and I wanted to curl up and weep. I was grateful that I had been knocked out through whatever it was that was making me hurt so badly.

I heard commotion in the hallway but my hearing was still muddled and I felt like I was under water. Mags tried to tuck me in and adjust me again. I winced at her touch, and she tucked the blanket around my neck. I tried to close my eyes, wondering if I could somehow just make it all disappear. I wanted so badly to go back in time before this horrible week, to start over. And the more the slide show of events played in my mind the more I realized nothing was as painful as Finnick leaving me with Snow. I begged myself not to care and not to cry and not to be bruised by him. But I couldn't help it.

"I'll take it from here, Mags."

I heard his voice faintly but couldn't see him. Mags brushed my forehead once more before slipping out of my sight and soon enough she was replaced by that familiar waft of auburn hair. He took her seat by my bed and I turned to look at him until his face came into focus. His eyes were tired...puffy and tear stained. He looked exhausted. Worn. But still a welcome sight. Until I let myself relive the night before. I just stared at him for a long while and he stared back. There was something that we weren't saying and maybe didn't have to, but I also knew that I must look like hell because he was clearly upset about it.

"I won't ask you to forgive me..." He finally whispered, his voice almost not coming. I just stared at him for a minute and thought about all the ways I could answer, but all that would come was a barely audible, "ok."

I know it hurt.

We sat in silence until I attempted to adjust in bed and winced at the pain. The blanket over me was heavier and heavier still...warming and letting out a light lavender scent but just not helping me to feel any less inhuman. Finnick grabbed the blanket at my shoulders and pulled it down to look underneath. He tried not to let me see him wince.

"Is it that bad? What's wrong?" It's scared me that he couldn't answer. Instead he called for Mags who must not have gone far because she appeared almost instantly.

"Start the water please."

She nodded at him and scurried off.

I saw him swallow hard and silently resign himself.

"Was it...just him?" He asked, almost pained.

I turned away from him, not wanting to look at him or think about it or answer him.

"Katniss..."

His voice was louder now, more stern but still thick with concern.

"I don't know. I blacked out." I answered without turning to him and I a tear finally escaped and rolled down my cheek. I hope he doesn't see it.

"Damnit..." I hear him whisper through gritted teeth. And just like that his arms were under me and scooping me from the bed, blanket and all. Although as we made our way across the room to the bathroom, the blanket fell off and hung from Finnick's arms and I noticed my legs which werebent and lifted over his right arm. I inhaled sharply.

My legs were covered, absolutely covered, in finger nail claw marks. At least I assume that's what it is since I'm sure a wild monkey attack would have woken me. I'm staring at my legs in shock when we reached the bathroom.

"Put me down, Finnick." I ordered him as he hurried past a mirror, he doesn't listen.

"I said put me down."

He paused and lowered me to the ground. I held the blanket around me partially and walk towards the floor length mirror. I can no longer hold back the tears.

My face was bruised. Lip and eyes swollen. My chest and stomach were covered in scrapes and dried blood. My knees were raw and bruised. And my back, damnit my back hurt. I reach for it and can feel only one deep gash on my shoulder. Like a welt or a whip. I couldn't stop staring. I knew I had gone numb long before I blacked out but this didn't even look like my face or my body. I felt my knees start to go from under me and just like that Finnick was right behind me again, catching me just as I lost my footing and crashed backwards into him. He held me there for a minute. I screamed out as my raw back pressed against his shirt.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered. I was trying to fight back tears as I felt I so often was anymore and I just shook my head. I didn't know what to tell him and in that moment I didn't care about his feelings. He gently turned me and I let my arms fall about his neck to steady myself. He gingerly held me so as not to irritate my already painful back. He helped me to walk towards the tub. The familiar sweet smell and crystal blue water. I knew I'd feel better after but the idea of climbing in covered in raw wounds made me freeze.

"I can't Finnick."

I planted my feet against his pull and refused to move, shaking in his arms.

"You can."

His voice was calm and I remembered again who I was talking to. He let me stand for a moment before stepping out of his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head. He left his pants on as he grabbed my side gently and led me down the stairs.

I screamed out as the heat of the water pierced every inch of my body and Finnick only held me tighter, steadying me under the water as I shook violently at the pain.

"Please, Finnick, I can't. I can't..."

I was screaming at him, begging it to stop, begging for him to let me out, beating against him so hard and crying so violently that I hardly realized it had worked. The pain had stopped. I was still shaking involuntarily but let myself collapse against him, head on his shoulder as he carried me in the water. I looked over his back at the window outside. Still dark. Still night.

"Where's Annie..." I asked, darkly. Half out of morbid curiousity and half to end the awkward silence as we sat floating together.

"She's gone."

He answered slowly. And I couldn't see his face to read anything into his answer. I just felt how his body tensed as he said it. I kept my head locked into his neck and shoulder, mostly to avoid his gaze. I didn't know how much he wanted to talk, or how much I cared to listen. But a part of me needed to know.

"Did you...were you able to spend the time with her...was it what you wanted...was it..."

Worth it? That's what I really wanted to ask. Was a night with Annie Cresta worth me having the shit beat out of me?

"I said goodbye to her. We fed her, gave her some medicine, hopefully got her on her way to bring back on her feet, and then...I said goodbye."

His body was still tense and his answer confused me, so I pulled back from him enough to see his face. He looked as lost as I felt.

"You'll see her again..." I tried to encourage him, cheer him...as much as it pained me. He closed his eyes and looked away from me.

"I don't think that I will." His voice was a whisper and there was a resignment there that let me know he knew something I didn't. Without thinking or knowing why, I raised my hand to touch his cheek...realizing as I did that my wounds were now just tiny pink marks that were already fading. He lifted his eyes to look at me, and there was a deep seriousness in his gaze that caught my attention immediately.

"She wouldn't have survived him, Katniss. I knew you could. I didn't know what to do."

I watched him silently torture himself over it.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

He wasn't sure whether to laugh or not, and I was trying to let him off the hook. I tried to put myself in his shoes. I don't know that I could have done any different. I felt comfortable enough in that moment to press my luck.

"We're you two able to...you said you'd never been able to..." I was so sure about it as I thought it but then the words wouldn't come. I didn't want the answer but my head was already swimming with the images of him lovingly wrapped up in Annie's arms while I was beat on a dining room table.

"No."

He answered quickly, putting me out of my misery. And I couldn't tell from his tone of he was happy about it.

"But...why?"

I thought...after all this time...the boy who had been with everyone but the woman he loved, would have jumped at the chance.

"Do that...just to have to break her heart all over again and send her away? All the emotions that come with something like that..." His cadence was slowing and I had to wonder if it was only Annie he was talking about. I couldn't let myself think otherwise. Could I? He paused for a long while.

"And I couldn't. I couldn't not think about what you were going through. I wouldn't want to be with her only to be..."

He stopped and swallowed hard, lowering his eyes. He groaned to himself like he was fighting back an inner demon.

"Only to be what, Finnick..."

We were still floating motionless in the heat of the water. He pulled away from me, though, and pressed his back against the edge of the tub...creating safe space.

"Only to be thinking about you the entire time."

I felt a giant lump in my throat. I wasn't sure how to take him. But the look in his eyes let me know that whatever feelings I was fighting off, he was battling, too.

And he appeared to be just as fucking confused as I was.