Wow, I haven't updated for a very long time. I'm really sorry. I've been really busy but I'll try to keep updating.

Receding

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

After a few days Lucas and Haley got out of the hospital and Brooke continued with her everyday life. Or at least tried to. She went to school like everyone else but she counted the days to her leaving. There were 19 days left and she had too much to do. She had thought a lot about how to act with Peyton and Lucas and she hadn't figured it out. Of course she wanted things to get back to normal but it wasn't obviously an option anymore. She didn't even know if they wanted to make everything okay. She screwed things up a little. She didn't go to the hospital when they wanted and didn't even answer their calls. But she had her reason. She only hoped that they would understand.

At the school she had a lot of things to do. The most important – she had to organize their prom. She didn't want to but she had to. She didn't even have a date to go with. She ran around in the school and finally felt relieved when she had time to sit down with Haley and Nathan outside the school.

"It's driving me crazy!" She growled when she sat down on the bench and took out her notebook.

"What's wrong?" Haley asked and put away her books.

"I hate that freaking prom. Nothing's going as planned!"

"Maybe you should let someone else do it."

"No, Haley. I'm the student council president and I can't give my assignments to others." She really loved Haley for caring her because seemed like no one else did but she knew she had to do it by herself. It was her last thing to do in Tree Hill High.

"Are you sure? I mean there are lots of people who would like to help you, including me."

"It's really sweet of you but I think you have to think about your broken foot and rest as much as you can."

"Okay girls. I'll leave you alone now." Nathan said as he put his books to the bag and stood up. He gave Haley a kiss and walked away. At the same time Brooke noticed Peyton and Lucas walking out of the school. They sat down beside a table as she kept staring at them.

"Still uncomfortable?" Haley suddenly asked and Brooke looked back at her.

"I don't know. I just really don't want to be with them and seems like I'm tearing you away from them."

"No you're not. I give them their space that they need to build up their relationship. They need some time alone, you know."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to talk to them now. Are you coming with me?" Haley stood up and put her things to bag.

"No. I have some things to do." She answered quietly and waved to Haley as she walked away. And again she was alone. She sat there alone like for five minutes when someone sat next to her. It was a male. Blonde. Lucas. She didn't even see him coming! She kept ignoring him.

"Are you busy?" He asked and tired to look what Brooke did. She raised her head looked around to see if Peyton was spying on them but she didn't see her anywhere.

"Yes." She answered and stayed focused on her notebook.

"I just wanted to talk to you. We have things to discuss."

"Oh, now you can talk to me when Peyton's out of sight. That's so you, Lucas Scott." She huffed and finally looked at him. He was so different. He glowed and had those little sparkles in his eyes. Without a doubt he was happy and that devastated her because deep inside she hoped that Peyton won't make him happy so she could do it. But that hope was now gone forever.

"Brooke. Don't do this, okay? Even Peyton knows we need to talk. She told me you promised to come to see me when I was in hospital."

"I didn't promise anything. That was Rachel. I was there when you weren't awake. I'm sorry that I didn't come but I just didn't want to see you." Now she finally got to say what she wanted to say. It was such a relief. For the first time she had told Lucas that she didn't want to see him. That was the first step to pushing Lucas far away from her.

"You didn't want to see me?"

"Yes. Does hearing that hurts your ego much?"

"No but I think you are trying to avoid a subject that's more important." He said and he almost broke her protective husk. How can he be able to get inside her so quickly and easily? He broke her down.

"I don't think there's anything I need to discuss with you." She tried to protect herself as much as possible. She knew that he won't let her leave just like that.

"Please don't do that, Brooke. You know we can be friends and have normal conversations. And I need you to tell me about your plans to move away."

"Like you care." She was bleeding inside. Again. She actually thought that she could forget how that felt like. She didn't get why he always had to be near her.

"If I ask you, then I care, okay? And you are also carrying my babies. You can't just cut me off."

"I can if I want to, Luke. But the thing is my designs got accepted to Victoria's Secret and it's a great opportunity for me to get into the fashion world." She explained and looked into Lucas' eyes. She felt like he was happy for her but probably he knew the moving part too. So she couldn't say if he was happy about that too or not.

"Wow. That great, isn't it?" He said.

"Yeah it is. But I guess you know that I have to move away to L.A. so I could use my mom's help."

"I know. That's the sad part. But hey, it's a too good opportunity to turn down. And you can always come back to Tree Hill."

"No. I'm pretty sure that it will be goodbye forever." She swallowed hard. She felt weak and she had hard time keeping away the tears. Once again she looked at Lucas. "I'm not coming back, Luke. I have no future here."

"Oh," He responded quietly, like he didn't have anything to say. "So. You are leaving forever and taking my kids with you?" He finally pulled himself together.

"Yes. Of course they can come to visit and you can visit them. I won't cut you out completely. I can promise you that." She said, hoping that he will say something about her leaving. But he only cared about the babies and it made her hurt anymore.

"I don't know how you can do this to me. Remember when we had a pregnancy scare last year? I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure about my feelings back then. But then we started to grow and I realized how much I loved you and I imagined us being married and having a lots of children. I had this image in my mind for a long time. I'm terribly sorry that things are going the way they do right now."

"Oh, please. Don't do this, okay?" She interrupted him because she couldn't hear anymore of that. Like he hadn't hurt her enough.

"Do what?"

"Give me that speech about how you've always loved me and blah-blah. I don't need it because I already know the truth. You've always loved Peyton and you always will. I don't need that pity speech and fake feelings. Just leave me alone from now on." She stood up and walked away from him. And he had done it again. He got into her heart and she couldn't get him out. She needed to cut it off so she'd have enough strength to leave and never come back, to say goodbye to him.

And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
that are looking for purpose
they're still looking for life

Later after school Brooke went to Haley's place to get her mind off of the prom and everything else. They sat on the couch together, like they usually did when they lived together, and drank lemonade.

"So, tutor girl. What are you going to miss most about me?" She questioned her enthusiastically.

"Umm. I don't know actually." Haley responded hesitantly but teasingly.

"C'mon. There must be something." She begged and begged. She really wanted to know what she had given to people she loves.

"Well, mostly I'm going to miss you. But I guess I'll miss how bubbly you are and how you always come here and lighten up my day. You've been great friend, Brooke. I never believed that we could become so close but we did and I sometimes even wish we'd still live together. You couldn't even imagine how much I'm going to miss you when you are on the other side of the country. But it's an opportunity of a lifetime so you have to go. It's your time to make great things, change the world. I know you can do this. You are Brooke Davis after all. And you are my friend. You'll always be. And I'm going to be so proud of you." She had tears in her eyes but she smiled.

"Oh, Haley. I'm going to miss you more than anyone or anything else." She pulled Haley to her embrace and they both sobbed. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, tigger."

"But we can't be so sad. We have to enjoy ourselves!" She suddenly said and pulled away from the hug. "Let's go out." She said and took Haley's hand. They went to the Karen's café and ordered the best cake and some juice.

"I love that place! I could sit here forever." She praised while chewing a piece of cake and she sound funny so Haley couldn't help but laugh. "What are you laughing at, huh?"

"You."

"Am I that funny?"

"No. You just make me laugh because you make me happy, hun."

"Aww, don't be so sentimental, Hales." They teased each other there and had a lot of fun. She hadn't felt so good for a long time. She knew that Haley was the real friend that she didn't want to lose. Suddenly someone walked into the café. She had no doubt that it was Peyton. She looked at them. Haley waved and she waved back. But she couldn't do anything more than look at her and manage a little smile, and then turn her face quickly. Peyton walked to the counter.

"Hey Karen. I need some of that cake that Luke likes. We are having dinner together but I'm not the best cook so I don't want to kill him with my terrible food." She said to Karen. She smiled and disappeared. She reappeared with a cake and handed it to Peyton.

"Here you go." Karen said. "Good to see you both so happy. I haven't seen him smiling like that for a long time." Peyton answered with a smile and she left. Brooke was so hit by the words she over heard.

"Are you okay?" Haley asked and took her hand. She looked at Haley and she teared up a bit.

"Things like that hurt me all the time. I can't help it." She really couldn't. No one but she knew how much she wanted to throw Lucas off her head and heart and many times she did it but he kept coming back over and over again.

"But why? I thought you were over him."

"Look Haley, I'm probably going to regret saying that later but … I can't get over him. I've truly loved him for past two years and now I'm not sure if he loved me too. It breaks my heart because he was my first true love and I don't know if there will be the second one."

"Of course he did. And I think that somehow he still does. I'm his best friend and I know those things."

"I wouldn't be so sure. But let's not talk about it anymore."

"As you wish. Actually I have to go to the tutoring centre. Are you leaving with me?"

"No, I'll stay for awhile. You go."

They hugged, kissed on cheeks and Haley walked out. She sat there alone, sipping her juice and thinking about everything she had thought about for last few days and these thoughts like wanted to kill her. She startled when Karen touched her shoulder.

"Is everything okay?" she asked and sat down beside the table. Brooke smiled to her.

"Yeah, I was just thinking." She tried her best to smile and seem like a happy girl.

"I know you're having some hard times. You can always come and talk to me. And remember that Luke also wants to be there for you."

"I know. I know. But I don't want to depend on you so much. I have to leave soon and I don't want to get used to it."

"I understand. But I'm just saying. Don't cut Luke out. He wants to be part of his babies' life and I also want to be a good grandma." She smiled sweetly and caressed Brooke's head. She found it surprising and sweet, she felt like she had some family around her.

"I thought you didn't like the idea of us having children in high school."

"Of course I was shocked and I'm still a little scared, even more scared when I know that you're leaving and that you have to be alone with two kids. But I still fully support you; I'll always be there if you need me." She looked deep into her eyes and when she saw tears there, she wrapped her arms around her. She felt so good again but she knew that after leaving Tree Hill she will be lonelier than ever before.

The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now