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Chapter Ten: Dinners Can Sometimes Be Awkward
Spencer frowned as he stared down at his menu. Why did everything on this menu have to be so outrageously expensive? He frowned a little bit harder at the menu hoping that he could find the cheapest thing possible.
He had decided to order the cheapest thing he could possibly find mainly because he didn't want Natalie's father to have to pay so much for everyone. Spencer had offered to pay for Natalie and himself, but her father wouldn't let him.
To tell the truth the thought of someone buying him dinner made him feel pretty awkward. He guessed it was because no one had ever bothered to buy him dinner before. When the team went out for dinner he always bought his own meals. Even when Natalie and he went out for dinner he usually always paid the bill and Natalie always paid the tip.
He finally settled on the spaghetti with meatballs knowing that it was the cheapest thing on the menu that wasn't an appetizer. He closed the menu laying it down on the table below him as he looked around the table.
Everyone was busy doing their own thing. He could admit this made him feel a little bit like an outcast.
Natalie's father and her brother were busy talking about some football game. He knew he couldn't exactly join that conversation considering he didn't know very much about contact sports. Yes he knew all the technical things like how the sport was invented and such, but he didn't know anything that would be helpful in a conversation.
Natalie's grandmother was still reading her menu so talking to her wasn't an option. Even Natalie was busy. She was busy coloring with crayons with her niece on the little paper child's menu that the waiter had brought.
He couldn't help but to smile a little seeing Natalie with her niece. He sometimes wished he could be as calm around kids as his girlfriend was.
He guessed he was so uncomfortable around kids because of the way he'd been raised. He rarely had the chance to play with the other children in his neighborhood. Not that they would have played with him anyway. They all thought he was weird, but then again kids were cruel. He'd learned that a long time ago thanks to all the beatings and all the taunting that he'd endured through high school.
Natalie was really the only one that had ever bothered to get him out of the house when they were kids. He was usually always cooped up in the house reading and memorizing poems with his mother, or busy reading every single little statistic and fact he could find at the library.
He let out a sigh of relief feeling a little bit calmer as he felt Natalie reach under the table and take his hand in hers.
He glanced over at her seeing that she had finally quit coloring with her niece. She gave him a comforting smile as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He smiled back at her wondering how she could always tell when he was feeling a little bit out of place.
He tore his eyes away from hers as he heard her father speak up. "So Spencer Natalie says your working for the government now? Your a profiler now right"?
He nodded his head swallowing the lump in his throat as he spoke up. "Yes sir. I work for the uh the Bau. The behavioral analysis unit in Quantico".
"Well that must be a stressful job especially at your young age. I imagine that your mother's proud, but it must worry your mother quite a bit. I mean I imagine your jobs a dangerous one to have". Natalie's grandmother stated finally looking up from her menu.
He felt his cheeks flush as she said this. Oh god why was she asking about his mother? He spoke up nodding his head deciding that he wouldn't go into a lot of detail about his mother. "Yes she's really proud and it does really worry her at times".
He felt Natalie squeeze his hand gently as she gave her older brother a annoyed look.
Her brother and her father were supposed to explain Spencer's family to her grandmother. They already knew about his mother's illness and they'd promised her that they would explain it all to her grandmother so Spencer wouldn't have to explain it. She knew it was so hard for him to talk about his mother. He even had a hard time talking about his mother to her.
Spencer felt another lump begin to develop in his throat as her grandmother spoke up again "What about your father dear? I imagine that he has something to say about what you do for a living"?
"He's um....my father's not really around. He left when I was ten, and I haven't spoken to him since then". He stated feeling his stomach begin to churn.
Natalie sighed giving her boyfriend a comforting look. She knew he hated having to talk about his father. He rarely talked about it.
Spencer started to feel his palms sweat as he looked around the table. Her grandmother had a slightly shocked apologetic look on her face, and Natalie's father and her brother were both giving him apologetic looks.
"I think I....I really need some fresh air. Excuse me". He stated as he let go of Natalie's hand and stood up from the table making his way away from the table and out the front door of the restaurant.
Natalie sighed as she watched her boyfriend exit the building. She turned too look at her family members whom were all still looking quite apologetic. Her grandmother finally spoke up raising her eyebrows. "Oh my......I'm so sorry......I had no idea".
Natalie nodded her head trying to put on her best smile. "It's okay Nana. I'm going to go check on him".
She finally managed to make it outside were she found him sitting on a bench beside the concrete outside ashtray and garbage can, out in front of the restaurant.
She sat down beside him managing to lay her head against his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He spoke up glancing down at her. "I'm sorry....I guess I just needed to escape for a little while".
He flinched a little as he made this statement. He raised his hands up tucking his hair behind his ears as he started wave his hands around a bit. "Sorry that didn't come out right. I meant to say that I just needed to you know get away for a little while and think".
She smiled softly letting go of him before she leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I know what you mean Spence. Relax okay".
He felt his cheeks flush as he finally laid his hands down at his sides. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that. I mean I know she didn't know about my parents".
"Do you want to talk about it. I mean do you want to talk about your parents?......You don't have to if you don't want too". Natalie stated laying her head back down on his shoulder.
He nodded his head sighing a little. "It's just hard you know? I mean I see you with your dad and the rest of your family. You all love each other and get along. It was never that way with my family. I mean my mom and dad were always fighting and I was always really close to my mom. It was like my dad never really accepted me for who I was. So it was almost like my mom was all I ever had. I mean yeah she was sick and I had to take car of her, but she had good days too".
"Why do you think that your dad never accepted you"? She stated taking one of his hands in hers.
He sighed shaking his head a little. "He left when I was ten. My mom she tried to make him take me with him, but he wouldn't do it. It was like he wanted to escape from my mom and me. I used to try so hard when I was really little. I tried to get him to do things with me, but he always avoided me. He used to get so mad at my mom for letting me read and study all the time. He wanted me to be like all the other kids in the neighborhood".
He paused swallowing the lump in his throat. "I used to think that maybe just maybe if I was really good then he'd accept me. I thought that if I tried hard enough we could be like all the other dad's and kids I knew".
She nodded her head as she spoke up "You know how it was with my mom right? I mean you know how she used to.....you know get really mean when she was drunk right"?
"Yeah I know". He stated frowning slightly.
She sighed speaking up again. "The sick thing about it is that I used to take care of her. Even though she never really loved me or treated me like she should have. I used to clean up after her and help her into bed when she was drunk, and I protected her you know. I mean I could've told my dad what she was doing to me, but I never did. I protected her and thats so completely screwed up".
"You were just a kid. Natalie. She was your mother and you were scared of her". He stated managing to reach out and tuck her hair behind her ears.
She smiled softly speaking up. "You know your dad didn't deserve you right"?
He raised his eyebrows as he spoke up "What do you mean"?
"I mean your way too wonderful and sweet to me. He wasn't that bright for not noticing how amazing you are. He didn't deserve to have someone like you as a son".
He felt his cheeks burn as she said this. He felt them burn even more as she took her head off his shoulder and pressed her lips to his kissing him deeply. She finally pulled back from the kiss before she spoke up. "I love you so much".
He smiled nodding his head "I love you too".
She laid her head against his shoulder as she spoke. "It's going to work out Spence. I promise by the time Thanksgivings over their going to completly and totally adore you".
He nodded his head truly believing that she was right. She had to be.