A/N: For inspiration on certain LG questions in this chapter, thanks go to: iluvchocs & Immortal Sailor Cosmos. I'm sure you two will recognize what I added just for you!

I hope you all like my biological twists! Cookies! to the following people for getting close, or kind of close, to the answer to question 4: Artemisa-arcanum, Lena Yvonne, darrena, OccAmy Phyre, rowlinglover222, TorringMay, iluvchocs, Skyline Romance, blob, Liria Nai

Chapter 10 – Interview 2

The Quibbler, October Edition, Tuesday, October 22, 1996

Harry Potter Eliminates Majority of Suitors!

Read the exclusive interview with our very own Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood!

Our second interview with Mr. Harry Potter covers the results of his first two tests of worthiness of his suitors as well as some surprising information. The Quibbler also presented to Mr. Potter some of the questions you, our faithful readers, proffered up to be asked. While Mr. Potter was most accommodating to our curiosity, please understand that we kept the intensely personal questions to a minimum. Below you will find our conversation that took place in Hogwarts' Great Hall on the morning of October 21st.

LG:"Good morning, Harry!"

HP:"Good morning!"

LG:"Well, shall we jump right to it?"

HP:"Absolutely."

LG:"Friday you provided the total number of suitors and, just in case anybody has missed it, the official count is 4,192."

HP:"That's right."

LG:"Goodness me. I can't imagine."

HP:"Neither can I, really, and I'm living it!"

LG:(chuckle) "And I thought I had a bad time in school trying to date!"

HP:"Yes, well."

LG:"All right, then. You've had a busy weekend, I understand. Was it productive?"

HP:"Yes, I did and yes, it was."

LG:"Good, good. I'm glad to hear it. Have you recovered? It must have been quite draining."

HP:"It was, but I'm fine today. I got a good night's sleep last night."

LG:"Did all those people actually show up?"

HP:"They might have. Only 3,869 made it on time, though."

LG:"And the, ah, let me do a quick sum here…"

HP:"The 123 that were late?"

LG:"Yes, exactly. No! That doesn't seem right, not if you started with 4,192."

HP:"There were exactly 200 women that I had declined previously that didn't come. Surprisingly, or maybe not, 21 of them did show up. Anyway, by my calculations, that leaves an additional 123 that either didn't show or were late."

LG:"I see. All right. The 123 that were late, then. What happened with them? I heard a magical barrier was raised on the entrance?"

HP:"There was. They were eliminated."

LG:"Eliminated? For being late?"

HP:"Yes. They've known for ages when and where the meeting was going to be held and you've been publishing the count every week. Given the number of attendees, they should have known to allow plenty of time to arrive. Not doing so shows, at the very least, a lack of forethought and/or planning. At worst, it shows disrespect for myself and the situation. I don't need a mate like that."

LG:"I guess I can understand that. So, that was your first test?'

HP:"That's right."

LG:"And your second test?"

HP:"Only 1,029 passed my second test of worthiness."

LG:"Oh, my! That's a lot of suitors eliminated!"

HP:"Yes."

LG:"Well, well… So, Harry, how did you eliminate so many when you didn't even talk to anyone?"

HP:"It was easy. I asked four basic questions and eliminated the ones that gave unacceptable answers."

LG:"Well, don't leave us in suspense! What did you ask?"

HP:"Well, the first thing I asked was their name. So I could put their response with any previous letters they had sent me, you see. Nobody got eliminated from that question."

LG:"And the second question?"

HP:"Year of birth. Anybody that lied, or had a birth year outside 1950 to 1981 was eliminated."

LG:"How could you tell if someone lied?"

HP:"I had rented a bunch of Auror anti-perjury quills and the response parchments were spelled the same as Auror anti-perjury parchment. When someone lied in their answer the writing turned bright red. It was easy."

LG:"And everybody used those quills?"

HP:"Surprisingly, yes. I really thought I would be eliminating a few people for not following those directions, but I didn't."

LG:"Hmmm. And how many did you eliminate because of age?"

HP:"206."

LG:"And your next question?"

HP:"Gender. And I eliminated 193 with that question. If you include the women that wrote to me before the first article came out, there were a total of 414 women eliminated."

LG:"A lot, but not nearly close to the three thousand or so you say you've eliminated."

HP:"The rest of them were eliminated from the last question. It was a nice little trick question and I expected to get a third to a half with it, but it was actually closer to sixty percent."

LG:"Just one questions eliminated, let's see…"

HP:"2,420."

LG:"Right. What did you ask that could have had such an impact?"

HP:"At our initial mating, where would you insert your penis?"

LG:(pause) "I'm afraid I don't understand the importance of that question."

HP:(chuckle) "You and two thousand other people."

LG: "So…the obvious answer isn't the right one?"

HP:"Exactly. With that question, either you knew the right answer or you didn't. And if you didn't, well… if someone answered incorrectly then that told me that they hadn't done even basic research on x-male half-Veela. I don't have any desire to educate a potential mate, not to mention it's offensive that they obviously couldn't be bothered, and so I eliminated them."

LG:"And what is the right answer, if you don't mind me asking?"

HP:"I don't mind. My mate would need to insert his penis into my cloaca."

LG:"Cloaca. Isn't that bird anatomy?"

HP:"Yes. Veela and half-Veela are a magical mix of human anatomy and bird anatomy."

LG:"So…so…could you explain this a bit more?"

HP:"Sure. Humans have two external openings for waste, one for their bladder and one for their intestines. Females also have the vagina for sex and babies which makes three external openings for them. Birds, though, only have one external opening."

LG:"The cloaca. I remember that much from my classes on care of magical creatures."

HP:"Right. But, see, birds really do have two separate openings for waste, just like humans. It's just that in a bird those openings don't empty to outside the body; they empty into the cloaca, which then opens to the outside."

LG:"Yes, I think I'm remembering this. The, uh, you know, in girl birds also opens into the cloaca, doesn't it?"

HP:"Yes, exactly. Female full- and half-Veela and x-male half-Veela have a cloaca that leads to the Veela reproductive tract that appears once they reach sexual maturity. That's where they conceive in the Veela way. That's where my mate would need to insert his penis on our initial mating. I want babies."

LG:"You want babies. Do you mean… If I'm understanding right… You can get pregnant?"

HP:"I can and I want to."

LG:"That seems…very odd, Harry, I must admit. I cannot even conceive of the idea of getting pregnant myself."

HP:(laugh) "That was a very bad pun, sir."

LG:"Pun? What do… Oh…ah…that's not…I didn't mean to make a pun! I just meant that the idea is very foreign to me."

HP:(laugh) "I understand."

LG: "But…why? I still don't understand the question. Why is it necessary for your mate to, ah…"

HP:"Insert his penis into my cloaca during the initial mating?"

LG:"Um, yes. I'm glad you can say that so straightforwardly. Now, I do understand that that's how you would be able to conceive. Your cloaca is similar to a human woman's, ah… It leads to your womb, right?"

HP:(snicker) "Yes, that's right."

LG:"Are you wanting to get pregnant right away? Is that why? Or is it some type of Veela thing?"

HP:"Definitely a Veela thing, as you put it. You see, a Veela can conceive the Veela way only during the initial mating. After that, zilch. Oh, the girls can still conceive the human way, so it's not so much a big deal for them. But the x-males don't have that type of equipment and can only conceive the Veela way. Once. During the initial mating. If he doesn't conceive then, he doesn't conceive at all. And, as I've said several times, I want babies."

LG:"Ah. Hence your elimination of anyone who didn't know the proper, um, procedure."

HP:(laugh) "Exactly. I don't want to mate with someone who won't give me babies. Plus, like I said before, if someone answered incorrectly then that meant they hadn't done their research. I mean, a quick letter and a couple galleons to the Veela Council and they could have had a nice introductory book on Veela and half-Veela where, I might add, that specific information is quite prominent. If they can't be bothered, then neither can I."

LG:"That might sound a bit harsh to some but I can certainly understand why you would feel that way. With so many suitors, I imagine you have to have some pretty rigid guidelines."

HP:"Exactly."

LG:"I do have one question, though…"

HP:"Yes?"

LG:"You keep saying babies, but from your description it sounds like you'll only have the opportunity to get pregnant once. How do you plan on having more than one child?"

HP:"Well, you see, conception only happens during the initial mating, but more than one child can be conceived."

LG:"So you're hoping for twins?"

HP:"Well…not exactly. I'll have twins, there's no doubt. Unlike in humans, where twinning has various factors, twinning occurs in Veela if the carrier has enough magical power. It's a simple yes or no, flip of the switch type of determination."

LG:"But how will you have more than just the first two?"

HP:"All the children that can be conceived in the Veela fashion will be conceived during the initial mating. The maximum possible is twelve and whether or not they all get conceived depends on the magical strength of the submissive, and the magical strength of the bond between the mates. The fertilized eggs are then held in a kind of magical stasis, releasing at different times in the future."

LG:"I see. How odd."

HP:(snort) "True."

LG:"So you're going to have twins? Every time? Assuming you get pregnant more than once, of course."

HP:"Yes."

LG:"So those six children you were hoping for will only take three pregnancies. Efficient, I suppose."

HP:(laugh) "Yes, I guess it is."

LG:"Do you mind if I ask a few more questions about this?"

HP:"Please."

LG:"Do you always have it? Your cloaca, I mean. I know you said it didn't appear until maturity, but with it being a Veela change…"

HP:"Yes, it's always there. The cloaca may not appear until sexual maturity – I've only had mine for a few months – but once it's there, it's there. Human or bird form, it doesn't matter."

LG:"That…must be odd."

HP:(snort) "You've no idea. At least I had some warning. My mother, in her journals, talks about when hers appeared and how freaked out she was. At least I didn't have to do four months of research to figure out what was going on with me."

LG:"I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure your mother's spirit is glad to have helped you."

HP:(laugh) "I like to think so. But, I tell you, it was really weird reading those pieces of her journal. It was like getting The Talk from my late mother in a dissociated first-person perspective sort of way."

LG:(chuckle) "I can see that. So do you have a, uh, well…never mind."

HP:"No, what? Go ahead and ask. Whatever it is I'm sure you're not the only curious one. If I don't want to answer, I'll say so."

LG:"Ah, well, I was just wondering if you, since you have a womb, if, well…ifyouhaveacycle."

HP:(pause) "If I what? Oh! Oh, I understand. You mean, do I have a menstrual cycle like a human woman? No, no I don't. Neither do female Veelas. That is, not with their Veela anatomy."

LG:(sigh) "That's good to hear."

HP:"Bird gonads are mostly dormant when it's not time to mate. And Veelas only mate the once."

LG:"Only once? But…well…"

HP:"Only once the Veela way.

LG:"Ah. Right. So normal…no, no, never mind."

HP:(laugh) "Further recreational sex shall be at the discretion of myself and my mate."

LG:"Right, right. Of course, of course."

HP:(chuckle) "Anything else I can clarify for you?"

LG:(pause) "Well, I admit I'm curious about the fertilized eggs. Twelve possible conceptions, you said, that are held in stasis. How do you actually become pregnant, then? Twins or no."

HP:"Hmm, well, that's complicated. The easy answer is that my Veela magic decides when to release the eggs for pregnancy. Consciously, I don't have anything to do with it."

LG:"Your Veela magic just up and decides? You don't have any choice?"

HP:"Basically, yes. There are limiters, though. A pregnancy won't be initiated if I'm sick, for instance. Or if I'm not getting enough to eat, or I'm doing too much physical labor, or if I'm too stressed. Things like that. My Veela magic has to feel I am sufficiently safe and healthy before it will release an egg."

LG:"What if you don't want a child at that time?"

HP:"Too bad."

LG:(pause) "I see. Well, I think I now know all I ever want to know about Veela reproduction! So, how about we continue on?"

HP:(laugh) "Sure."

LG:"Let's see, let's see. You said you still had 1,029 suitors left. How do you plan on dealing with them? I mean, how will you continue the eliminations? Do you have more tests planned?"

HP:"I do, yes, though I'll not discuss them at this time. The next step is setting up meetings and getting a chance to feel their magic to see if it's compatible with mine. The meetings will start on the first of November and go through until the start of the holiday break."

LG:"That's a lot of people to meet in just seven weeks."

HP:"I know. It's about 150 people a week."

LG:"You're going to be busy."

HP:"Very…"

--end chapter—

More than you ever, ever wanted to know about bird reproduction… people.eku--edu/ritchisong/avianreproduction.html