Everywhere Naruto went, he saw the faces of his friends everywhere. He saw Ayame cooking, Konohamaru playing, and Teuchi laughing at the pranks he did while they were still alive.

It was as if Konoha itself was mocking him.

None of the civilians had been at their funeral three months ago, though the Sandaime himself had been there. It was the first time civilians were ever honored as ninjas, and his three friends were engraved on the same stone as the Yondaime had been engraved on. But what was the point of being honored when you weren't there to witness it? What was the point of celebrating potential when potential had not been reached?

You killed them.

On the wooden floor where Naruto laid, he took a deep breath.

I didn't. It was the Uchicha that killed them, not me.

But it was your birthday they celebrated. If not for you, they wouldn't have died.

But if they weren't there, they would have been killed anyway by the released fox.

Then it just means you're a danger to everyone.

No. If they killed me from the beginning, the fox would have reformed again.

And he would have reformed as a weak being. But you were eight, you've had supplied him with enough chakra-

I'm not arguing about this.

Naruto forcibly ejected the depreciating thoughts out of his mindset. It was something he went through every now and then, and he was determined not to succumb to it. Guilt was irrational, he told himself. And it wasn't ever his fault, right? At least, that was what his psychologist had told him. At least, that was what everyone around him believed, and what he told himself when he pored over the Shinobi's Psyche fifty times in the last month. It was a phrase, right? Jinne-san had told him that he was suffering from survivor's guilt. He had talked with her about a lot of stuff, from PTSD down to bipolar disorder.

Unfortunately, Naruto really wondered whether knowing psychology made him feel any better.

Monsters don't deserve to feel-

Shut up and go away.

The thoughts didn't come back, and Naruto repressed the self-doubt. Don't be irrational, he told himself. He took deep breaths to calm his racing heart, and flipped to a specific storage seal. Sometimes, reading about his condition objectively helped him out, and today was no exception.

With a poof, the Shinobi's Psyche appeared in his hand with a flick of a storage seal, which he probably knew most it by heart. He read it regardless, but after a while his eyes just skimmed through the words.

Finally, he threw the book against the wall and felt the ensuing thump ringing throughout the house. Damn it. What was he doing? He put his hand to his head and groaned soundlessly as his head fell back against the floor, and watched the fluttering birds outside the tower. So he could have some days when he was just depressed. So what? Most of the time, depression went away, at least in the long term.

His eyes then drifted upwards, taking in a big chasm. Since the ANBU base was so high up the mountains, Naruto could watch most of Konoha from his vantage point. Only rails separated him from rolling over and ending it all.

He didn't want to though.

He stood up shakily and made his way to the room where he spent most of his time transcribing seals. It was completely white with paper, top down left and bottom. With a poof of smoke, his favorite paintbrush appeared within his fingertips along with four vats of ink.

He started with two seal arrays at the entrance.

It was hours later that Jaraiya arrived at the ANBU tower that he saw Naruto furiously scribbling and writing. In his hands were two plastic bags, both holding chicken rice and a brew of coffee. There was no ramen, because Naruto didn't touch it ever since –their- deaths.

"Naruto. You hungry?"

Naruto stopped his scribbling, and looked up at the toad sannin. Jaraiya took a look at the entire room, filled with seals and blotches of ink. The first time he set this room up with paper lining everything; Naruto had taken his brush and smashed ink everywhere. He supposed it was an improvement since last time.

At least until he saw the snake seal behind Naruto's back. Jaraiya's eyes widened.

"Shi-"

The two seal arrays near the entrance exploded with ink and Jaraiya had barely been able to substitute in time. Although he got the food out of the way, his cloak wasn't so lucky. He growled and body flickered back into the house.

"Damn it Naruto. You little-"

Jaraiya halted at the slumped posture and down-trodden face of his student. If Naruto had been his normal self, he would have probably been laughing at a successfully pulled off prank.

But there wasn't even a hint of a smile, just weariness and disappointment. Just the face of a boy who has lost interest in something that he thought he liked.

Wanted to see if it was enjoyable, Naruto signed to Jaraiya, not even looking up. Naruto closed his eyes. But it's pretty pathetic without them.

Jaraiya sighed and sat next to the blonde boy.

"Kid. Everyone eventually loses interest in something."

Naruto shook his head. Not like this, he wanted to say. Not like this. It felt like he was betraying everybody. Konohamaru would have wanted him to be happy, after all, Konohamaru had been his pranking partner. Teuchi and Ayame would have wanted him to continue making ramen, but he couldn't even look at it without pangs of guilt and pain.

He didn't even go near the Ichiraku house, and everywhere he went he was reminded of them. The fact that he had hurt himself was another shameful blow, and another reminder that Naruto had betrayed their memory. It was why he was so ashamed of meeting Jaraiya at first.

And then there were the nightmares. Before, he only saw the Uchicha and the Ichiraku family in his dreams. Now he saw Asuma too, accusing him of killing his nephew. He didn't sleep very well last night.

"Taijutsu, Naruto?"

Jaraiya stood up, leaving the food behind. He walked and took a stance in the middle of the room.

Here? Naruto signed quizzically. Sparring indoors?

" Here. We'll eat afterwards," replied Jaraiya. "You look like you need to clear your mind."

And Naruto gave a regretful face before his body shot forward.

Best not to think about anything for now.

….

"Sensei, I'll have to go in a few days time."

Sarutobi frowned at the proclamation, but he had already accepted this outcome. If Jaraiya didn't start maintaining his contacts again, he would lose them.

Damn. He would miss Jaraiya's kage bunshin and Icha Icha books. Jaraiya seemed to generate Icha Icha books like a storm while he was in Konoha, and Sarutobi was very much a pervert, though Minato didn't seem to share that mentality.

What was he kidding? He wanted to think about this positively.

"Worried about Akatsuki?"

"Very. I'm also worried about what is happening in Ame. I really haven't had time to visit that place though."

"Leaving your teacher alone? I'm going to miss being able to sleep eight hours a day."

"Do your own paperwork you lazy old man."

"I'll just get Naruto to do it."

Sarutobi went back to flipping through the paperwork. For a while he ignored the white haired man in the center of the room. It took five minutes to pass before he regarded his student.

"Well? What do you want?"

"…that's a stupid reason to keep Naruto inside the village."

The atmosphere abruptly changed.

"Jaraiya. Is there something about Naruto you're not telling me?"

The words were amiable enough, but the menacing tone behind the mildness was clear. Jaraiya's mouth set into a thin line.

"Sensei, Naruto needs to get out of Konoha."

"I thought we already established this. Naruto is not leaving until after he becomes a chuunin."

Jaraiya felt the frustration line his jaw and his hackles rose.

"Why? I can take care of him just fine."

"Better than an entire village?"

"Seeing what the village did to him, yes."

Twin hands slammed onto the table as Sarutobi met Jaraiya's glare head on.

"Are you accusing me of being a negligent guardian?"

"You know I didn't mean it that way."

"How should I take it then? Is there anyone directly targeting Naruto? I have personally assigned squads of ANBU to guard him, as well as tracking seals on his clothing."

"It isn't about that. This is about Konoha-"

"So Naruto is leaving Konoha too? Is that it?"

"You blame Tsunade for leaving then?"

"That has nothing to do with this."

"It has everything to do with this! Tsunade couldn't even function normally near the place where Dan and Nawaki used to eat. You think Naruto has it any better of-"

"OF COURSE I DON'T!" Sarutobi lashed out. After a moment of silence, his tone turned hollow and empty. "If you think you can do a better job than I can, then just take Naruto and leave. Don't even ask me."

Jaraiya had to keep himself from lashing out with frustration. It was always this way; he was always this way. The argument he had with him when the sannin split, Tsunade's abandonment of Konoha, Jaraiya's own departure of this village…

"Fine," he gritted out.

He didn't expect to come face to face with Naruto when he left.

….

The first instinct Naruto had was to run.

"Kid wait!" Jaraiya exclaimed. He heard the thumps of desperate fleeing. "I said wait!"

Jaraiya flickered forward and grabbed his wrist, forcibly pulling him backwards to meet him face to face. He met his sensei's face, gentle yet stern.

"Kid," he began, voice gentle. "You didn't do anything wrong-"

Nothing wrong? He signed with his free hand.

What part of that conversation was there anything right?

His entire body was trembling, and he felt nauseated with what he had seen. It was about him again. It had always been about him-

"You were here before. You heard sensei's argument with Asuma."

Naruto winced, and Jaraiya felt more frustration.

"Do you seriously blame yourself for Asuma leaving?"

Naruto refused to meet Jaraiya's eyes. This elicited an even greater growl of anger.

"What good does a psychologist do if you're in a village like this? Just tell me. I can get you out of here, and you won't have to deal with all the hurt anymore. You won't have to lock yourself in your room everyday and check the door every five minutes. "

Jaraiya could hear the heat in his voice, and he could feel his body boiling. He saw himself in Naruto, and he wanted to save that self in Naruto that he had lost many years ago. He didn't want to leave Naruto alone, and everything about Naruto reminded him of the regret and the pain. That face was still fresh in his mind. He never forgot those dead eyes.

It reminded Jaraiya of the time when Orochimaru was gone and he knew that he was never coming back.

I'm okay. Naruto kept trying to assure him. I can deal with it.

"There are grown-ups thrice your age that can't deal with it."

I can. It's not so bad…it's just nightmares-

"Jesus kid!" Jaraiya exploded. "You tried to kill yourself when you were eight!"

I wasn't trying to kill myself.

"You stuck a blade through your wrist! What else could that be?"

I don't know!

Even talking about it was painful. In every single therapy session when he recounted his experiences, Naruto skipped over that part every time. This was the first time he was talking about it.

I don't know. It was dark and empty, and I saw black everywhere. I felt so dirty, so numb; I wanted something as an outlet. I just saw the knife, and my head got a little less blurry, and I thought that any pain was better than the pain I felt…

Jaraiya sighed and crouched down to meet his pupil face to face.

"Jeez, why are you so adamant about leaving this village?"

Naruto bowed his head slightly, but there was a sudden life to the movement.

Jiji didn't deserve that at all.

It certainly was an answer that Jaraiya didn't expect.

"What?"

Heated eyes stared back at him.

He didn't deserve that all. If you take me away, then there won't be anyone left for him.

For once, Jaraiya's quick tongue and mind failed him. Always he had been a man of passion and never looking back, but his resolve was suddenly dealt a hammer blow.

It suddenly made sense now, why his sensei had been so upset when he had asked to bring Naruto with him. He didn't want Naruto to leave. Sure, he knew his sensei had people he really cared about, but he had always seen his sensei as a hokage who placed his faith in the village more than he did in the people around him, seemingly disregarding other people for the safety of Konoha. But what he had seen just now was personal attachment and a true bond between grandfather and grandson, and for once the Hokage seemed to be clinging on to someone instead of doing the logical thing.

That is, allowing Jaraiya to start his apprenticeship with Naruto early, leading to a safer and more powerful Naruto.

It stunned Jaraiya with this realization. Sarutobi had given up his entire clan, his wife, his son, almost everything for the sake of Konoha. But with Naruto…

Jaraiya realized that Sarutobi was doing his best, in his own way. He sighed.

"Jeez kid. You really are stubborn."

Just like your father and mother, went unsaid.

…

Kakashi didn't dare go near the ANBU base. From what he had heard from ANBU members who tried to check up on the place, it was rigged with at least 500 different security seals, a majority of which were made by a very paranoid kid.

Make that a supremely paranoid kid. He couldn't even see past the walls with his sharingan because of the sheer amount of seals inscribed behind it. If the blonde tenant had been here, he wouldn't even have dreamed about attempting this, but he wanted to know how Naruto had lived after the incident.

"Why don't you just meet Naruto face-to-face?" a voice ringed from behind him.

"Sarutobi-sama!" he replied, turning around in barely restrained surprise.

The Sandaime chuckled and took a puff from the pipe.

"I suggest you don't try," he said, ignoring that he just demonstrated how easily he could have killed Kakashi. "Only Jaraiya and I could get inside without being fried to a crisp."

"He's only been practicing seals for four years."

"A seal master could do anything with enough preparation. And perhaps, if we had prepared for the possibility of Naruto's assassination, things would not have gone the way they are now…"

Kakashi could only feel dismay.

"Sorry sensei."

"Don't apologize. It caught us all by surprise that day."

"Not about that. I'm sorry about not visiting Naruto."

"It's fine."

The way Sarutobi answered him was so light-natured that it was frustrating. The fact that he wouldn't see Naruto again for a long time made the guilt even worse, as if Sarutobi was too disappointed in him to even say anything else. He deserved it of course: all those years of watching over him in ANBU, and he had never even approached him once…

"..ashi. Kakashi."

"Huh?"

"You should pay more attention to your Hokage. I asked you whether you'd be willing to watch over Naruto tonight."

"…I thought he had already left with Jaraiya?"

Sarutobi was silent for a while, but then he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"No. Naruto chose to stay."

"Why?" What is possibly important enough to him to stay?

If Sasuke Uchicha had been offered the same chance, he would have accepted it in a heartbeat. Kakashi knew that he would have accepted it as well, even if it wasn't offered by one of the sannin. Hell, being taught by one of the sannin alone would be an honor people would kill to get.

"He said he didn't want to leave me alone."

Just like Jaraiya, he was stunned to silence.

"T-that's surprisingly mature."

"Isn't it? I laughed when I heard his reason. It makes me a little happy too."

"Well…" Kakashi began sheepishly. Now that Naruto wasn't gone, he wasn't as inclined to break into Naruto's house. "I guess I apologize for trying to break into Naruto's living quarters…"

"Nonsense. You came here to meet Naruto, so you are going to meet him."

"Wait!"

"And besides, Naruto will be going to the academy starting tomorrow. As ANBU captain, I expect you to prevent all assassination attempts. So don't argue with me, you are going to meet Naruto, and you are going to tell him that your ANBU are not secretly Uchicha in disguise."

It was going to be a long day.

A/N: I don't like how this chapter turned out. In-between tests and other crap, I could hardly finish this. But oh well. Next chapter, Naruto will go to the academy. I don't know, this chapter feels like a long-ass explanation why Naruto is not going with Jaraiya early. And maybe quite a bit of foreshadowing.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. O.O