Thank you for the reviews.

Right so I think this is the chapter that a lot of you have been waiting for. And it is all from John's point of view.

Just hope it is to everyone's expectations.

Letting You Open Up To Me

She kept telling him that it was two way and he knew that but he couldn't explain to himself, let along her, why he kept coming back. John stopped typing. He would let her down. Something would happen and she would walk out of his life like everyone else did. He would be left alone again and go back to his destructive ways.

He opened up another word document and started to write down everything Clara had done for him from the little things to the moments that she should have turned away from him for. She had stuck with him through his relapse.

The thing he couldn't really understand is why she kept him around. He knew he was her idol as a child but there was defiantly more to it now. He had no idea how to react when she said that she was attracted to him. He always looked in the mirror and saw the greying hair and his face becoming more and more wrinkled. It amazed him that she could see passed all that to just see him.

She could just tell him to go and he would.

John looked up to see her marking. Her eyes flicked from side to side as she read through what her student had written, her hand in her hair, keeping part of it out of her face. He knew that she enjoyed what she did by the amount of effort he would see her put into helping her students. She was probably an amazing teacher and the type of English teacher he would have wanted at school.

"Clara?"

"Hmm, yeah." She said as she wrote something down.

He looked over at the list again before closing up his laptop and placing it to one side. "Why do you do this? Why do you let me into your home?"

She turned to him before placing down her pen. "Because … well the first time you were drunk and I didn't want anything to happen to you. Then I just wanted to help you. Not because of who you were though."

"Do you want a break?" He said as he could feel his courage slipping.

She gave him a small smile before she got out of the chair and joined him on the sofa. She sat next to him but kept the space that she thought he would need. He wanted her to be right next to him. Part of him even wanted to reach out and grab her hand.

"You keep telling me to let you help me and to let you do this, that and anything else. Well let me open up to you." He said.

Clara gave a few small nods before biting her lip. He knew that she was nervous about what he had to say and she had probably read the news articles about him but hoped they weren't true.

They had known each other for a few months. He had been around her flat a hundred times during that period. She had been nothing but kind to him. She deserved to know. But something stopped him for a moment.

It had only been a couple of weeks since his relapse, as he called it. He was still healing from it. He needed her and he was scared by what she might think about it.

No, she had to know. The sooner the better.

"I have joked many times about your control freak tendencies but … sometimes they freak me out." He started. "It was a long time coming when Death in Heaven was finally published. I was hit by writers block and it just wouldn't go away. I tried everything. I almost when to counselling over it. My publisher was on my back constantly over when I would have it finished. I just put my head down and tried to get it written. Once it was written then I could have a few months to myself again before they would start on me again.

"So that's what I did. I shut myself away from the world. She knew what I was like. She knew what I was trying to. But for some reason that time, it was different. I had become more popular at this point. I had always had a loyal fanbase but it had become more over the years. Book signs and interviews were still all new to me. She had got it into her head that the reason I was shutting myself away was because I was having an affair. I kept telling her I wasn't and it was just my publisher that was ringing me but she wouldn't believe me. It took me weeks just to make it up to her.

"She just started to control … my life. She would always answer my phone first. She would tell me if I had an upcoming book signing or interview that I hadn't agreed to. She organised what I was going to write and when. She would read through my work before it was complete and tell me to write it again. It was a real knock. The person who had been there for me when I kept being turned away from publishers had become the opposite."

"Oh John." Clara muttered

"I just had to keep up. I had to do it because I was scared of what she might do next. She had started throwing the paper at me or hitting me over the head with it. I had to forgo a few thing. I stopped sleeping. I stopped eating." He paused for a moment. "I suppose I did it to take back some control. I had always allowed her to dictate the direction we were heading in because I wanted to make her happy.

"When I finished Death in Heaven, there was nothing of me. She had broken me down and I hadn't helped myself either. I sat waiting for the meeting with my publisher. I stood up to go into the room when I was called. The next thing I knew I was in hospital.

"Even after that I didn't know how I was meant to leave her. We were … engaged. I knew I had to get away from her but didn't know how. So the more she tried to control my life, the more I tried to control the few things I could. I was just … I kept going in and out of hospital. Eventually it became so often that I was sent to see a therapist that I spilled to. She managed to help me out. I have just been trying to rebuild my life ever since."

Clara reached out and placed her hand on top of his. He could feel her hesitation so he reassured her by taking her hand in his. He could feel that she wanted to rock forward and place her head on his shoulder.

"John … thank you."

"For what?"

"For telling me. I can't imagine that it is the easiest thing in the world."

"No, I am usually judged by it. Be told that I should have manned up or I should have grown a pair."

"I'm not judging you."

He turned to look at her. There was the same look in her eye. The look that she gave him every time she told him to let her help him.

"I still need time."

Clara nodded. "I have all the time in the world."