Chapter 8

Hi, I gotta say I'm quite impressed by how quick I've updated this. I wasn't going to upload it till tomorrow but I'm having a stressful day deciding whether to go to sixth form or college and then what courses I want to take although I'm fairly sure I'm taking Sociology, Performing arts, R.S and English Lit and maybe Psychology depending on whether I go to college or not and you guys probably don't care but whatever I'm rambling so I'm putting this up a day early lucky you. I'd really love to read some reviews to de-stress me a bit So I hope you enjoy.

"She never made it off the table." JJ informed the team. Spencer couldn't believe his ears, he got up to go see for himself. "Spence," JJ said blocking his path.

"I never got the chance to say goodbye." He said, JJ pulled him into a tight hug, he wept into her shoulder, Spencer's whole world was crashing around him. She was dead. Emily Prentiss was dead. His Emily… his. JJ let go of him and walked out of the doors to talk to Hotch. Morgan got up from Garcia and kicked the chair. "Damn it!" Morgan shouted in frustration. Spencer looked at each member of the team. JJ and Hotch looked like they were finished talking.

"JJ," Spencer said through tears. JJ turned to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"I-I need to give Emily something, but I can't… go in there." He cried.

"What is it?" She asked. Spencer dug through his pocket, his hand quickly finding the chain. He took it out of his pocket and held it up. JJ's eyes filled with pity, when she realised it was an engagement ring.

"Spence, I had no idea…" She whispered.

"I was going to give it to her when we found her. I know she'd of said yes." He replied.

"How do you know?" She asked.

"The last time I saw Emily, she… she told me she loved me and hugged me. She whispered yes into my ear. I had no idea what she meant by it. When we were looking for Doyle. I remembered proposing to her one night, she said no and started talking about wanting to keep me safe… I put two and two together fairly quickly after that." He explained his voice cracking under the weight of his grief. JJ took the ring out of his hand.

"I'll make sure she gets it." JJ promised.

All Spencer could think about was that night in the hospital. Giving JJ the engagement that Emily would be buried with today. Spencer had been staying in Emily's apartment ever since that night. It still smelt of her, it was like he could still sense her with him. He knew he couldn't however Emily was dead. No matter how much he'd like a believe it She was never coming back to him and there was no part of her still in the apartment, he had slowly started calling home.

He was looking through one of the side drawers for his old wallet where he saw a letter addressed to him. He picked it up and saw that it was her handwriting. Intrigued he picked it up and sat down on the edge of the bed.

My Dearest Spencer,

If you are reading this, then I most likely didn't make it. I don't know when you'll find this, but I believe you'll find it when you're ready to read it. Don't roll your eyes at that and say it's impossible to keep something hidden for long enough for the other person to be ready to find it or some other smart ass comment. I didn't write this to yell at you so I'll get to the point. None of what happened to me is your fault. I really need you to understand that no matter what you would have said to me I'd of still gone after Doyle myself. No one could have changed my decision. Okay? You have to promise me to believe that. The time I spent with you has been the most frustrating, confusing and happiest moments of my life. You made me feel a love I gave up on finding a long time ago. You truly are one of the most special people on the planet, I have a huge wall barricading me from people, but you knocked that down and the next thing I knew I was in love with you. I know that this will be hard on you, but I need you to do me one thing, I know that you'll need time to mourn me, but I want you to let people in Spencer. You were my life; I was a chapter in yours. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Don't use me as an excuse to close yourself off from the world. I will love you until the moment my heart stops beating. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I promise you it may not seem like it now, but you will start to feel like the world is slowly going back to normal. I have to go now. I love you with all my heart, I will cherish out time together and I'll never stop loving you. Goodbye, your Emily xx

Spencer held the letter close to him as he cried as though the world was coming to an end.He cried for Emily, he cried because he would never hold her again. He re-read the letter over and over until the words were forever embedded in his memory, so he could hear her voice saying it to him.

His phone rang letting him know that JJ was outside of the Emily's apartment. He put the letter back where he found it; then left the apartment.

XXX

"Hey, how are you holding up?" JJ asked him as he got into the car. She turned to look at Spencer and found her question answered fairly quickly.

"Where's Will and Henry?" Spencer asked. Noticing the absence of his godson and JJ's partner.

"I didn't know how to explain to Henry what happened to Emily, so Will offered to stay behind and look after him." JJ replied.

Spencer looked down at his hands as JJ drove away from the apartment. "I don't know if I can do this JJ." Reid said breaking the silence.

JJ pulled the car over. She turned to look at Reid and took his hands. "Spence, you know Emily she wouldn't want you moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost Will. But I know that I'd have to be strong even if it's just for Henry's sake. Look what I'm saying is this will be hard and for a while it will seem like you just want to give up. But I promise you'll start to feel better after a while. My doors always open if you need someone, but trust me this today… saying goodbye. It will help." JJ explained thinking back to how she felt after her sister killed herself.

"I might just take you up on that JJ." Spencer replied quietly.

"I wouldn't of said it if I didn't want you too." She said, giving Spencer a hug. She held onto him for a moment. She pulled back and turned back so she was ready to drive. "You ready?" She asked.

"As I'm ever going to be." He mumbled.

JJ tried to ignore the tears that were burning in the back of her eyes.

XXX

If he thought carrying her coffin was difficult, this was harder. He was stood, with other mourners. Across from him was Emily's mother and father and other people he assumed were related to her. Spencer had only met Elizabeth once on a case before he and Emily started dating, from what he remembered of her she seemed very together. The complete opposite to what he was seeing now, She had tears falling freely. Throughout the whole service he would stare at the coffin and then glance back up to see ambassador Prentiss still crying. Each member of the team placed white roses on the top of Emily's grave.

"I love you." He whispered as he placed his on top of the coffin.

XXX

The whole team had gathered in a large hall that had been hired out for Emily's wake. Her parents had been sat at the top of the hall accepting condolences off people that knew their daughter. Reid had been watching them for most of the day. For someone who was always described by Emily as a cold woman, her mother seemed genuinely devastated at the loss of her only daughter. Reid had been stood by a refreshment table. He never dealt well with big crowds of people, he was wishing for Emily to be with him. What he'd give to just see her smile, he was sure it would be enough to at least get him through today... That's when he saw her, he was sure of it. She was making her way towards him. It was the same raven hair, those incredible brown eyes.

"Hey, you're Doctor Reid right?" Spencer could feel himself sigh internally, it wasn't Emily; just someone who could easily be past as a sister.

Spencer nodded his head.

"Em, told me loads about you." She informed him. She held out her hand. "I'm Chloe Martin, I'm Emily's cousin… was, I was Emily's cousin." She said correcting herself, her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Spencer replied.

"Yeah, we were really close as kids, but after she joined the FBI we sort of lost touch." She told Spencer. "I guess this must be hard on you too." She said indicating to the room full of people.
"I don't understand." Spencer said; why did she only know him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure she said that it was you that she dated." Chloe replied, confused and slightly embarrassed.

"She did what?" Spencer asked, this girl must of gotten her facts wrong. Emily told no one that the two of them were together.

"Umm I must of gotten the wrong person." She mumbled looking away from Spencer.

"No, you didn't. I just didn't know she told anyone." Spencer replied.

Chloe smiled. "You're being serious right? Emily never stopped talking about you, I guess it's a shame we all get to meet you like this." She chuckled quietly.

"She did?" Spencer asked, not really believing her.

"Yeah, it was nice to see her so happy." Chloe reassured him.

"She never told me that she told anyone about us." Spencer replied.

"That explained, why we never got to meet you." She said.

Spencer was shocked, he thought back to the argument he and Emily had, before all of this mess. He'd accused her of being embarrassed of him when in truth she had told her family. He felt an overwhelming surge of guilt for yelling at her that night.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…" Chloe said noticing the tears fill his eyes.

Spencer took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, it's… it's hard to…" He trailed off.

Chloe offered him a sympathetic smile, "I know what you mean."

"Chloe," Ambassador Prentiss walked over to Spencer and Chloe. Up close she looked very drawn. Spencer noticed that she had been doing a lot more crying than he'd seen today.

"Aunt Elizabeth, this is Doctor Reid." Chloe introduced Spencer.

"Ambassador." Spencer greeted.

The Ambassadors eyes sparked with recognition. "You're Emily's boyfriend. The one that worked with her?" She quizzed.

"Yes," Spencer nodded.

"Why couldn't you save her? You were on her team why couldn't you notice something was wrong with her? You are all supposed to be profilers for god's sake. You were her boyfriend why didn't you protect her?" The ambassador questioned through tears.

"Ambassador, I'm so…"

"Don't tell me you are sorry. My daughter is dead. She out her faith in you and you let her down." She accused, bordering in a shout. Spencer couldn't help but agree with her. Elizabeth turned around and walked back towards her husband.

Chloe stood there dumbstruck. She'd never seen Elizabeth lose control like that. "I'm sorry, she's just upset" She apologised to Spencer.

"She's right. I let Emily down. I'm sorry I have to go." Spencer said rushing out of the room.

All of the team bar Reid were in a corner of the room, talking quietly. They'd seen Reid rush out. Morgan went to follow him when JJ stopped him. "Let him go." She instructed.

All the team looked at her. "He'll be fine." She assured them

Or will he? Please review and subscribe to let me know if you are enjoying the story Rhian