Elphaba attacks at once. She hits Maleficent with a batch of flying monkeys and the bitch goes down.
Vader tries the hand to the neck thing, but it doesn't work. He sighs in frustration and whips out his light saber, slashing wildly at Elphaba. She blocks the move with her broom, but the saber slices it in half.
The vamps have pinned Maleficent to the ground and they're devouring her. Jasper, in particular, looks like he's having a good time. I don't have the heart to tell them they're only human. It would break their hearts. Besides, it's kind of sick, you know?
I go after Voldemort, who's swinging that wand around like he's batting clean up for the New York Yankees. I sidestep the wand and plow into him, knocking him to the ground.
Charlie gets off a shot, but it does no good, ricocheting off the Dark Lord's head.
Bella/Kristen is hovering in a corner, chanting "There's no place like home. There's no place like home" and clicking her heels together. I don't think it's going to work.
Elphaba has Vader pinned beneath her. She's got a knee on each side of his head as she straddles his chest, ripping out wires as she goes. She's reaching for the mask when Voldemort slips from my grasp, grabs his wand from the ground and thwaps Elphaba with a blast.
Her hat goes up in a poof of smoke, and her hair catches fire. She's screaming when Vader gets up, all seven feet of him. He stomps on her head, which at least has the effect of putting the fire out.
I tackle him to the ground and, why not, launch for his neck with my non-fangs. But all I get is a mouthful of mask. It's not pleasant. I may have cracked a tooth.
Voldy, meanwhile, has reanimated Maleficent into some kind of princess queen zombie. She looks, frankly, terrible. But she's tough. She rips Rosalie's head off in a single
swipe. Alice, who'd apparently seen it coming, screams. Jasper wipes blood from his face with the back of his hand, a maniacal grin covering his face.
"You want some of this?" he screams. He tears his shirt off, and soon, so do the other vamps. Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, shirtless, fighting the dark queen, blood running down their chins.
Damn, I wish I had my phone with me. This shit is begging for an Instagram filter.
Jasper launches himself at the bitch, knocking her to the ground once again. Vader tries to pull him off, but the rest of the pack pounces on him. They've nearly got his mask off when Elphaba regains consciousness. Just in time, too, as Voldy is about to go to
town.
Struggling to her feet, Elphaba grabs the two halves of her broom and begins beating Voldemort over the head with it. He shrugs them off and a flash sparks from the end of his wand. The entire lair is overtaken by a powerful burst of light, knocking nearly all
of us unconscious.
When I come to, the villains have retreated, the vamps are huddled in a corner, Charlie is comforting Bella/Kristen, and Elphaba is dying in a circle of green, acidic blood.
-30-