Ch 10:

Heaven and Hell Were Words to Me

They continued on that way for three more days; making slow progress across the terrain and then, stopping to find shelter. Jyn tired quickly each day. By day four, it was just he and Cassian taking shifts out searching. They were convinced that they had found the battlefield, or where it would've been, and that meant the storage facility, if there was one, if it survived, had to be near.

It was Bodhi who found it in the wee hours of the morning. He came back to their hideout shouting and yelping and hollering. Cassian and Jyn joined him and soon they were all three of them shoveling sand and dirt with their bare hands, attempting to expose the hangar door, now buried in the earth.

They got it uncovered and got it open, then slipped inside. There were several shuttles to choose from. Cassian picked a small transport, hoping it would be the least conspicuous when they landed at their next stop.

How they got the ship through the small hangar door was still a blur. The Captain swearing in another language had been involved.

But, they got the shuttle up and running. Sure enough, there wasn't much fuel. There was enough to get them to the next planet or moon, but not enough to make the jump to hyperspace and certainly not enough to get them to Yavin IV.

Bodhi wasn't complaining, though. There were more nutribars, some medical supplies, cots, and even a small 'fresher…and the shuttle moved. It was a vast improvement.

The posthumous award ceremony was brief and private. There had been a hiccup with the Death Star plans. Raddus's ship the Profundidty had received the plans from Scarif and delivered them into the hands of Princess Leia Organa…but she'd been intercepted by Vader. So, perhaps that was more than a hiccup, Galen thought.

The award ceremony had been Draven's idea, surprising as it was. He didn't want to distract from the fact that the Princess was still missing, but he wanted to give the rebels a small display of hope. In his brief speech in the crowded bunker he'd said as much adding that, "It is true that there is still work to be done…but there will always be work to be done. If we don't take the time to recognize and celebrate the small victories, we will lose sight of hope. We almost did lose sight of it…and if not for the actions of one brave rogue crew, there wouldn't even be an Alliance to fight for today."

They'd cleared Galen from the medaby so that he could attend the ceremony. Draven got slightly choked up as he presented Galen with his daughter's, Captain Andor's, and Bodhi Rook's medals. There had been some curious whispering when he accepted them all. Draven had been quite fond of his Captain it seemed.

Each medal in Galen's hands was another stab to the heart. Bodhi, who'd been roped into this through Galen's own actions. Bodhi, unassuming, kind-hearted, Jedha boy, who'd only wanted a better life. Jyn, who'd been born to this fight through no fault of her own. Cassian…the Captain was still a mystery, one Galen would never get the chance to solve. Cassian, who loved his daughter, who died for her and the dream she'd rekindled in them all.

Last, Mon Mothma awarded the two survivors of Jedha. Baze Malbus, a burly man with more hair than some women, and Chirrut Imwe, a blind holy-man, who had the same sort of energy about him that Lyra had. The same ethereal aura.

Mon Mothma finished by saying that every effort was underway to find the Princess and that the Force was on their side. She gave a cryptic smile and that was that.

Everyone filed out of the bunker, but Galen stayed. He had no where to go even if he'd wanted to. Then, his daughter's shipmates were there—Baze and Chirrut.

"Your burden seems heavy, Galen Erso." Said the blind one.

"They should be here." Was all he could think to say.

"Have you given up hope so soon? Do you not believe that they are out there?"

Galen shook his head. "I've been informed by some…that the odds are not favorable to that outcome."

Baze laughed, a deep hearty sound, "Since when have any of us listened to that rot? Unfavorable odds seem to be our specialty."

Galen studied them, "Does that mean you believe?"

Chirrut fixed both hands on his staff and rested it before himself, the line of it perfectly aligned with his nose, dividing his body down the center. It was placed with such accuracy, Galen couldn't help but believe the man's extra-perceptions. "I trust the Force," He said.

It had been a long time since Galen had trusted anything...let along the Force. But, his message had gotten through, he'd looked upon his Stardust once more, the plans had been liberated from Scarif. Maybe it was time that he tried. Galen took in a long slow breath and he felt something shift in the air. It was a subtle change, but there all the same. He'd have sworn a hand touched his face. They are waiting for you. "Lyra?" He said aloud. He felt the warmth of her there. It was oddly familiar, like it had been there all along if he'd only thought to look.

He didn't miss Chirrut's smile. Baze seemed to understand what was going on, even if he couldn't feel it. He said, "Even if the Alliance doesn't sanction a rescue mission—it wouldn't be the first time we've borrowed a ship…"

"We need a pilot." Said Chirrut.

"I'll get us a pilot," Galen said. "Leave that to me." With three medals clutched in his hands he set off to assemble a team.

Finally, she was warm and safe and moving as the stolen shuttle made slow but steady progress toward wherever they would go next. For all her past escapades, Jyn had never been more relieved to put a planet behind her than she was as they left Scarif.

She was also relieved to find some semblance of privacy from her companions. She'd thrown up her fifth nutribar that week and it was getting harder and harder to find excuses to sneak off into the cliffs alone. Now, there was a working bathroom to hide in.

Not that she was hiding…she just knew Cassian well enough to know that he would worry. He would make this into a big deal and it wasn't. Maybe she had a concussion. Maybe it was heat exhaustion. Maybe stress. She'd survived worse.

She turned on the 'fresher and shrugged out of her borrowed imperial clothes, curling her lip at the sight of them lying there on the small bathroom's floor. She'd burn them as soon as she got the chance.

She stepped under the water, sighing as her muscles relaxed. She rifled through the little basket of supplies: a bar of soap, a straight razor for shaving (which looked far too dangerous to be used on a moving aircraft), a couple of toothbrushes. She took the soap and began scrubbing Scarif from her skin. As she passed the soap over the inner bicep of her left arm, she saw the tiny bump where her implanted birth control was.

She paused. It was something she never even thought about…it had been there for five or six years now. Five or six? How long did those last? At some point they needed to be replaced…right?

Everything, each detail of the last couple of months, came back in a rush. Corulag. Cassian. Chirrut's words. Unalterably bound. Her dream. The colored strings. The nutribars. She ghosted a hand over her stomach, it was flat…but there was an almost imperceptible rise—no bigger than there was after a large meal—but it was new.

How long had it been since Corulag? Nine or ten weeks? More? It was before Wobani…

No.

She didn't even realize the razor was in her hand until she'd sliced a small line on her bicep and the tiny metal implant was in her hands. She was sitting on the floor of the 'fresher, staring at the offensive device, the razor forgotten, when Cassian had come to find her.

He saw blood and his eyes went wild with the fierce protection he'd developed toward her. "Jyn! What have you done?"

She looked at the mixture of blood and water swirling down the drain. The cut wasn't deep, but straight razor cuts bled like none other. It must have looked far more horrific than she'd meant for it to. "I had to take it out." She managed, though her mind was still reeling too fast to communicate in any coherent way.

"Take what out?" He said as he shut off the water and pulled her naked body up. He wrapped her in the scratchiest towel the Empire had to offer while he frantically mumbled something about the medkit. Then, there was a sting as a bacta patch covered the self-inflicted wound.

"Jyn!." He demanded again. "What were you thinking?"

There were so many things to say that she didn't know how to begin. She started with the most obvious explanation. She held out the little implant. "I took it out."

"What is it?" Cassian scrunched his nose, examining the quarter-inch piece of copper.

"My birth control implant."

His handsome brow wrinkled in confusion. "Okay…why did you feel the need to take it out here…on a stolen shuttle?"

"Because it didn't work." She heard the words fall into the air and hoped he understood. Her hazel eyes met his dark ones. She didn't know if she was ready to give voice to the other thing, the truth of what this meant.

She watched as a thousand thing played across his face. Confusion. Realization. Understanding. Acceptance. Excitement. Love. Then, that accented voice that drove her wild most days said, "Are you sure?"

She nodded.

Cassian stared at her there on the shower floor, certain that his heart had stopped beating. All he could see was blood. It took a moment for his panicked mind to realize that there wasn't that much blood. A minor cut. Nothing fatal.

Still, when he'd come to grouse at her for stealing all the warm water…he hadn't expected blood.

"Jyn! What have you done?" He shut off the water and reached for her. He knew she'd been different since the crystal did whatever it did…but was she so far gone that she would hurt herself? How had he missed that? This wasn't the Jyn he loved.

"I had to take it out." She said simply.

"Take what out?" He asked as he dried her body. The water had gone cold and her skin was covered in gooseflesh. He doubted she even realized she was shivering. Once she was dry and bandaged he tried again. "Jyn! What were you thinking?"

She held out her palm. A tiny metal object was in the center, no bigger than a small nail. "I took it out." She repeated.

"What is it?"

"My birth control implant."

Maybe she had hit her head harder than he and Bodhi thought. "Okay…why did you feel the need to take it out here…on a stolen shuttle?"

And then she said four words that would change him completely. As if this small woman hadn't already turned his world upside down, she looked into his eyes and said, "Because it didn't work."

At first he didn't believe it. It seemed to good to be true. Miracles like this happened to other people. People who hadn't murdered and lied to survive for twenty-years. "Are you sure." He asked, afraid every passing second that this would all be a mistake. That she would take the words back.

She didn't. She nodded.

"Oh, Jyn." He crushed her to his chest, tucking her head in the crook of his neck as he kissed her wet hair over and over again. The front of his shirt was wet where she buried her face, from the shower or her tears…he couldn't say. His own cheeks were wet from tears. Both of them stood there, clinging to each other. Crying, shaking, existing.

He pulled her back so he could look down at her face. She was red and splotchy and more beautiful than he'd ever seen her…but she wasn't smiling as much as he was and his heart broke a little at that. Wasn't she happy? Did she not want this? Maybe, she didn't want it with him? That thought opened up a dark void that he didn't want to fall into.

She titled her head. "You're happy?" She asked. He felt her fingers touch the corners of his lips which were still smiling.

"Of course." He said tracing the skin beneath her eyes softly with the pads of his thumbs, smearing away the tears. "Are you?"

Her bottom lip quivered. "Look at us…we're a mess. We barely survived the past week. What right do we have to bring a baby into this?"

They both flinched because she'd said it. Given a name to what they hadn't yet. Baby. Now that the word had been said aloud it became even more vivid in his mind. More real. More wonderful.

"Jyn, babies are born every day. War doesn't stop time—life goes on in spite of the Empire and their hate."

"But what if we can't keep it safe?"

"But what if we can?" Cassian smiled down at her, trying to convey everything he couldn't say, "I love you, you know that. I stopped thinking of myself as a person at some point. I was just part of the tapestry that was the Alliance. I couldn't afford weaknesses so I couldn't afford to care about things. Then, I met you. I think that was the first time I imagined that there might be a life for me full of more than just war."

He was getting through to her. It was subtle but he saw her grasping at the possibilities. "You're going to be the kind of father who brags to everyone he sees, aren't you?"

Again, she'd said words without realizing the weight they carried. Father. He was going to be a father. He kissed her then, sealing any arguments with his lips. She climbed up his body until her legs were around his waist, their faces level with each other.

He wanted nothing more than to carry her into the cabin and make love to her right then and there…but they weren't alone. So, the small bathroom would have to do.

His hands trailed down her body, pulsing when they reached her stomach. He pulled away from here abruptly. He looked into her eyes, asking permission. She nodded, already following his train of thought.

Slowly, he crouched down so that he could press a kiss to her stomach, and the small curve that had already formed. He never would've noticed it, but now that he knew…it seemed huge. Well, not huge, but present? No, that still wasn't right, he thought. But who could form words at a time like this?

Jyn was painfully aware of how long they'd both been gone by the time they went to join Bodhi. They were going to give the poor man a complex. That or he'd never volunteer to be alone with them again.

As soon as they were in the cockpit, Cassain proved that she had been right about his bragging inclinations. "Bodhi! Guess what!"

"Cassian…now? Really?" she mumbled, immediately wishing she could retreat back to the bathroom. Maybe it was just her maternal instincts and need to protect already kicking in. Yeah, that was it. Maybe one day she'd believe it.

"Yes, now." He said taking her hand and pressing a kiss into her palm.

Bodhi put the ship on autopilot and spun the pilot's chair around to face them. He eyed them warily—Cassian with a goofy grin and Jyn with a slightly more reserved embarrassment.

"Jyn's pregnant!" Cassian announced, and Jyn thought he'd never sounded more pleased with himself.

At first Bodhi's eyes went wide. It was probably the last thing he expected to hear. It really was the most impractical thing she'd ever done and she was highly aware. What she didn't expect was Bodhi's enthusiasm. He sprang up and threw his arms around them both with a, "Guys! Congratulations!" It seemed everyone but her thought that babies were the solution to all the world's problems. "That's great news!"

"Thank-you, Bodhi." Cassian hadn't stopped grinning. He was excited enough for the both of them and that was enough for now.

"Your father's going to be so proud, Jyn." Bodhi beamed at her, completely unaware of what he'd just said.

Her face crumbled into sobs. Bodhi looked thoroughly cowed, "Oh no, did I say something wrong…I didn't-"

Her father...she barely knew the man. He had missed his chance to know her-but he'd have a chance with his grandchild. She shook her head frantically, finally smiling through the tears, "Happy tears." She said throwing her arms around the pilot. "Happy tears. Ugh, I feel like a girl." She retreated, wiping at her face, trying to reign in all that was pouring out of her.

Cassian turned serious. "Okay, not to break up the celebrating…because believe me, there will be more celebrating…but we are coming up on Corulag."

"Corulag?" Jyn asked with disbelief. She looked out the viewport, and sure enough the planet was coming into view. "Are you kidding me, Cassian?"

He might as well have shrugged, "It was the closest stop. We need fuel and food…and I think a solid night of rest in a real bed is also in order."

"I'm wanted on Corulag."

"You're wanted across half the galaxy. If we were sticking to planets that were Jyn-friendly, our options would be severely limited."

"Thanks a lot." She said shooting him a narrowed glare.

"We're probably all wanted by the Empire at this point…or would be if they knew we were alive. We will just have to be inconspicuous."

"Yes, because you are the master of subtlety." She said, still ruffled by his earlier comment.

"When I want to be." He argued, "You are talking to one of the most decorated intelligence officers in the Alliance."

Her shoulders deflated and she conceded the point. "I know…sorry…I'm just—"

"I know." He said tucking her against him once more.

"Awe, guys." Bodhi smiled. He shook his head. "Come on you crazy kids…let's get off this shuttle."