So, I just wanted to clear up a few questions left in the reviews. First, no, I have not written about Tobias and Tris having sex...yet. Second, no, Marlene did make it through to the present day setting. I didn't want the entire group of friends to be coupled off except for Tris, and I really didn't see a place for her character to develop more or continue in the story.
And yes, BK2U, thank you for your review, as you hit Tobias's current state - and Tris's - right on the head.
TRIS – PRESENT DAY
I lean back onto my beach chair, closing my eyes and concentrating on the sound of the waves of the ocean. I'm beyond thankful that Tori had a destination ready for me when I showed up at work yesterday. She could tell something was off, but promptly booked me a flight for the next day and told me to have a good time and enjoy myself. And work.
I had never written about traveling before, and I certainly wasn't a critic or an experienced reviewer. But Tori felt I would be able to capture the feel and the atmosphere in a way that critics couldn't. She didn't want to just hear about good food and great nightlife. She wanted to know what kind of feelings a place could evoke.
Right now, I'm feeling content, but only because I keep my mind on the sound of the waves and continually push Tobias out of my thoughts. His words…the look on his face. I still couldn't process exactly how I felt about it, so for right now I just wanted to avoid the topic all together.
It had taken me hardly any time to pack a suitcase and I was thrilled when my flight went smoothly, even if I had to take the tiniest plane I'd ever seen on my connecting flight. I landed in Jacksonville and despite the insanely compact airport, there was a rental car waiting for me because Tori could do anything she put her mind to. The drive to Topsail Island had taken a bit of time, but it wasn't anything I was complaining about. It was easy and I enjoyed the drive over the bridge and the view of the ocean. It was breathtaking.
I'd stopped at a small grocery store on my way in to grab some essentials, but Tori had encouraged me to eat at as many restaurants as I could find and visit attractions and (as long as I felt safe) bars and nightclubs. Reaching down, I grab the largely oversized water bottle I'd found in my rented townhouse. I'd bought a bottle of premixed margarita this morning and poured it over ice to sip on at the beach.
There was no need to get drunk, but the familiar warmth of the tequila took a little bit of the edge off and allowed me to relax and take in the sights of the beach. When I came down, I'd walked down far enough to get a feel for the atmosphere. There was a good mix of people on the beach, from families with children, to couples with dogs, to younger groups playing football and volleyball. The water was warm, an unexpected difference from Oak Street Beach in Chicago, and I had no problem going out in the water to cool off.
I lay on the beach for several hours in peace. I'd been worried I would be bored with no music or reading material, but I wanted to turn my phone off and unplug. This was the perfect location to do so. When my cup is drained and skin slightly tinted red, I pack up my stuff and head back to my townhome. The row of townhouses is just across the street from the beach, an easy and enjoyable walk. Once inside, I shower and dress for the day, deciding to hit the local aquarium a few towns over and then make my way back over to the island for dinner.
Because the nearest city houses a military base, the places I visit are crawling with young, presumably single young men. Most of them are fit and attractive, their short haircuts giving off a clean cut look. I don't want to sleep with any of them, but part of me wonders if I could even do that anymore. It was a typical tactic I'd resorted to in order to get my mind off Tobias in college, so maybe it would work again now.
It's on my second night, at a restaurant and bar called Beach Bums, that I realize I couldn't take advantage of that opportunity. It's the ultimate beach style restaurant, with outdoor seating and live music. So close to the beach, I can still smell the salty water as I walk in. The lively staff treats everyone the same, regulars or tourists, and the customers appear to be just as friendly towards others. There's a place for kids to play in the sand and an expansive menu, so I snap a few pictures as I walk to remember the details to write about later.
I take a seat at the bar since I'm alone, ordering a cocktail to start while I peruse the menu. The service is great, so it doesn't take long for me to order and eat. I'm finishing my first drink when a man leans on the bar beside me.
"Can I buy you another?" he asks.
"You can, but it doesn't mean you're getting laid," I reply thickly.
He laughs. "I didn't ask to get laid."
I sigh. "They don't usually ask," I say, thinking of how men typically expect one thing to lead to another.
"Hey, I'm sorry if I upset you. Wasn't my intention." He slaps a $5 bill onto the bar. "For your drink. And that's it."
He started to take a step back, and I look over to him for the first time. He's tall, built different from Tobias. Lanky and still somewhat lean, with a clean shaven face and tousled hair, like he'd just come from the beach.
"I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I appreciate the gesture…I didn't mean to be so hard on you."
"I just thought…you're here alone, maybe you'd like to join our group." He gestures to the other side of the bar, standing near the outside eating area.
I laugh internally, thinking about all of the dangerous possibilities that could entail with me 'joining a group' of people I don't know while drinking. He seems like a nice guy, but you never know.
"I think I'm-" I start off, until one of the members of his group turns around and his eyes meet mine.
Robert.
"Dating" Robert during our senior year of college wasn't anything to write home about, but it wasn't terrible either. He was a really nice guy, and we got along well enough to hang out regularly with a small group of friends. We started sleeping together probably out of convenience rather than attraction, but either way it'd been enjoyable enough for us to keep it going for a few months. After graduation we'd gone our separate ways, exchanging a few texts for the first year until that faded out.
He saunters over and by the time he's reached the bar, it's obvious his friend has gathered something is up.
"Stay away from this one, Ryan," Robert says to his friend. "She'll do a number on you."
"Oh shut it," I says with a laugh.
Robert introduces his friend Ryan to me, and when the waitress approaches again, Robert taps the bar. "Michele? Put her drinks on my tab."
"No!" I say, grabbing his arm. "You don't have to do that!"
"Tris, I haven't seen you in…years. And you randomly end up here. Come on."
"Thanks," I reply, defeated. "It's really nice to see you."
He motions to his group of friends, where Ryan had already returned. "No one should be sitting at the bar by themselves."
I follow Robert to his group of friends, and amongst the chatter of everyone else they manage to catch up with their lives. Robert tells her me moved to the coast three years ago, working for a property management company before managing to save up enough money to buy some vacation rentals. Turns out, the townhouses I'm staying in belong to Robert, along with a few others.
"Why'd you come out here?" I ask.
"I love the environment. The ever changing atmosphere. People come and go from everywhere. They bring their families, they get married here…and then new people come when they leave."
I nod. Robert had always been a very unattached person, from leaving college with a simple good bye, to being able to keep our relationship simple and uncomplicated.
"Still in Chicago?" he asks, which is where I was the last time I talked to him. I rehash the details of my job and what has brought me to North Carolina.
"Not married?" I ask, strictly out of curiously, as I pick up his left hand.
Robert can't help but laugh. "Nah," he says as he looks at the ocean and shakes his head. "It's not in the cards for me yet."
"Maybe someday," I answer.
"You and Tobias end up together?" he asks bluntly, as if he has no doubt in the answer being affirmative.
"What?" I say as my eyes snap to his. "What are you talking about?"
Robert's head snaps back. "Did you two break up…or am I bringing up a bad topic?"
"Why are you asking about Tobias and me?"
He drops his head down and shakes it lightly. "Because I always thought you two would end up together. There was so much to the two of you."
I stand, speechless, wondering why Robert is bringing this up two days after Tobias confesses his love for me, and years since he ever saw us together.
"I felt like I was real lucky when we started our little fling, or whatever it was, because you were just…you. And I mean it was great, we had fun, but I knew it wasn't going anywhere. And it didn't take long for me to figure out that he was it for you. I guess it's part of why it was so easy to walk away at the end of college."
"What are you talking about?" I whisper, stunned.
"I didn't mean to get all serious. I really thought the two of you were dating right after you moved to Chicago," Robert honestly admits, slightly avoiding my question.
"Why?"
He shrugs. "You guys just had this connection. It was obvious. I mean, I'd wake up in your bed, having just had sex with you the night before, and you'd check your phone, and there'd be a text from Tobias. And you'd smile in a way you didn't with me."
"Robert…" I start, feeling guilty I ever made him feel that way.
"Tris, don't apologize." He puts a hand up to stop me. "I knew we were just having fun. And I don't think any less of you for it." He continues on. "We didn't talk much after college, but you usually mentioned his name. I just assumed you guys had finally gotten together."
I chuckle. "It definitely isn't that simple."
"I guess it never is. But whoever ends up with you, Tris…shit. They're real lucky."
TOBIAS – PRESENT DAY
My apartment is full of the furniture and housewares I'd bought and the things I'd unpacked, but I'd never felt more empty.
Aside from missing Tris's constant physical presence that I'd grown accustomed to, my chest ached at the thought that she possibly walked out of my life forever.
When we were in college, I knew that if I started dating Tris, I'd inevitably just fuck it up and break her heart. I wasn't ready or mature enough to be responsible with someone else's feelings. Fuck, I spent my freshman year hooking up with a lot more girls than I should have, and there was no way I would have been able to change just because Tris walked through the door. If we would have dated, shit would have been bad between us right from the start.
It's what I told myself over and over in college, and what I had told Uriah over and over the night day after Tris left, when he sat in my apartment assembling my furniture.
For a guy who was usually loud and boisterous, he sat and listened to me ramble on and on about things I normally didn't share. He couldn't fix my problems or tell me what to do, but listening had helped me vent my frustrations as I analyzed every fucking thing I'd done wrong with Tris. College had been one setting, but after we moved to the city and got settled into our lives, there's no real excuse for my lack of effort. I still had worried it would ruin our friendship, but two mature grown ups should have been able to figure their shit out. Actually, I should have been able to figure my shit out.
Besides craving her emotionally, living with her had been driving me wild, sexually. It'd been a long time since I had such a stretch without sex, and the urge to run my hand down Tris's body was growing every day. She was comfortable around me, so more often than not, she woke up and walked into the kitchen in her typical oversized T-shirt and underwear, as if her ass was calling me over to slip my hand under the shirt to grab it. The older we grew, the more Tris has grown comfortable in her body and I saw that confidence regularly, as opposed to when I'd only seen it in private.
Which sent my mind reeling, at times. I'd never treated Tris poorly, I knew that. But I had always taken more care and paid more attention to her in bed than I had anyone else, even Lauren. Fuck, sex with Lauren had been good…really good. But even when I was with her, there were still times when I was alone, that I finished to the thought of Tris on my hand...in my mouth…
Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me? That should have been a sign a long ass time ago. And because of how blind I am, now I'm stuck, torturing myself with memories of Tris.
TOBIAS – SEVEN YEARS AGO
"Well, thanks for the ride," Tris says slowly from the passenger seat of my jeep.
"Anytime. I'm glad you called."
Easter weekend had brought both of us home to see our families, and Tris had gone out with friends from high school. I'd been surprised to see her name light up on my phone, but when I'd arrived at the bar she'd been intoxicated and giddy, flirting with me in a way that I adored.
But she's drunk, and I'm not sure what she expects to happen here, in my car in front of her house.
"Is that…it?" she asks and I can hear the disappointment in her voice.
"What?" I reply. I'm not sure she wants to do this, that this is the right time or place.
She hesitates, her long hair hanging over her shoulder enough to hide the sexy curve of her neck. "I'll see ya," she says softly and pulls slightly on the door handle.
"Tris," I say, grabbing her wrist to stop her from opening the door. It only takes a second for her head to turn and I immediately cover her mouth with mine. I can feel the way she melts into my touch, her muscles relaxing under my touch.
I hate the center console of the car, keeping this distance between our bodies. But it's not long before Tris's hand snakes over to my lap, spreading over the bulge in my jeans that is straining so hard for her and growing more uncomfortable by the second. My hands roam over her in return, and she starts to unzip my pants. With the steering wheel in the way, it's hard for me to work them down over my hips but Tris manages to get my cock out, pulling it free.
She leans over further, her mouth reaching for me. My hand slips down her back to her ass. She can't quite reach me the way I want her to…and the way I knew she wants me. I tap her shoulders and urge her up, then kiss her before I nod towards the back seat. "Wanna go?"
With no hesitation in her eyes, she follows me to over the console and to the back seat, where I pull her on top of me to grind her hips down on me. I slip my hands up her skimpy tank top, the one that made me instantly jealous when I walked into the bar and knew everyone could appreciate her curves that are under the clingy material. I move her bra out of the way and suck a nipple into my mouth, playing with it with my teeth while Tris attempts to grind her hips harder on me, her jeans providing a thick barrier between us.
I turn her over onto her back and cover her body with mine in a slow kiss before I make my way down to pull her jeans off. Despite our location and our need to be quiet, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to enjoy her body.
She gasps when my mouth is between her legs, and I ignore the way the door is digging into my ass and the painful arch I'm keeping in my back for us both to fit in the backseat. My fingers sink into her and she moans again, but I notice that she throws her forearm over her mouth to muffle them.
"No," I say, pulling her arm away. "I want to hear that."
Her eyes are wide at what I'm asking, so I reassure her. "We just need to keep it down."
I watch her eyes flutter back closed as my mouth is back on her, sucking her in the right places and moving my fingers exactly where I know they need to go. Quickly, she's writhing beneath me and it causes me to shudder.
"Goddamn," I whisper, savoring the way she's moving under my mouth.
Her nails claw at my arm, and despite the way she's wiggling away from me, I hold her in place. "So…good…" she whispers breathlessly.
"I can't wait to feel it," I whisper back, but return my mouth to her immediately.
And that does it. She comes undone, wetting my fingers and my hand with her orgasm, dripping down onto the back seat. Without a doubt, I'm going to think about her every time I look back here from now on.
After she rides it out, her breathing is still ragged, but she pushes herself up, reaching over to push my jeans and boxers down the rest of the way. Her eyes light up at the sight of me, and I know she's dying to return the favor.
I sink down to the seat, turning so I'm resting against the back of the seat instead of the door. Tris angles her body so her mouth hits me just the right way. She doesn't start slow or build up, she goes all in, sucking me in her mouth hard and deep right from the start. I know this isn't going to take long, so I reach my hand down to cup her ass from where her body rests on the seat next to me and enjoy the way she lets a content groan out around my dick.
She keeps her mouth on me, maintaining contact with me for what feels like an ungodly amount of time. No one knows exactly how to work me the way Tris does. It's not long before I let out a keep grunt, nearing my release. I put my hand on the back of her head to let her know not to pull away. She gets the hint and takes me as deep as she can into her mouth and it sends me over the edge, spilling into her mouth as I whisper a few choice words.
When she feels she's done, she sits up, running a hand through her hair.
"Damn," I whisper as I look at her, reaching forward to kiss her softly. "That was good, Tris."
She grins. "I can't complain either."
I don't move, my body still tingling from the sensations she sent through my body. We sit in the back of the car for a while, talking about Tris's night while my hand roams her body. I brush her thigh, run my fingertips over her ass, and brush them through her hair. If we weren't in my car, I'd probably suggest another round. It's almost 4 am and we'd been at this for way longer than I'd anticipated.
Eventually, Tris exits the car and grabs her stuff from the front seat. I follow, walking around to the side of the car to say goodbye, putting my hands on her hips and giving her a lingering kiss.
"I'm glad you called me," I confess. "And not just cause of that." Tris's childhood home isn't in the best neighborhood and I'd hate to see her walk or get a ride from someone who was irresponsible.
She nods. "I'm glad I called you too. But mostly, because of that." Her grin is mischievous, and I lean forward, kissing her again. It must light the same fire in her that I feel in my own abdomen, as her fingertips reach into the front of my jeans and brush over my hardening dick.
"You're killing me," I say with clenched teeth, my forehead against her.
"See ya later," she says before kissing me softly, withdrawing her fingertips, and walking towards her front door.
TRIS – PRESENT DAY
Grabbing my suitcase, I walk through the airport at a leisurely pace while everyone around me hustles, all in a hurry to get somewhere. I might have been in the same hurry if Tobias was still at my apartment, full of excitement to see him after several days apart. But instead, I am going home alone.
The trip had been exactly what I needed, in a sense. I'd spent hours laying on the beach, and after running into Robert, he showed me around to a few local places and gave me suggestions for some others. He was even able to introduce me to the owners of some establishments, giving me insider tips so I could write informative and proper reviews. In a way, being around Robert had reminded me of who I was when I was younger, before I worried about being alone forever.
He'd offered me an open invitation to come back whenever I wanted with a hefty discount on one of his townhouses – which he promised he'd have more options of by the time I planned another trip. I wanted to take him up on his offer – I could only imagine living life so close to the ocean, having a house constantly full of sand and the lingering smell of salt. The thought was tempting, the idea of starting my life over here could maybe give me something I needed.
But as soon as I hopped on the El, I knew I was where I belonged. Chicago had called me since I was a child, always craving more trips to the city and a lifestyle that involved public transportation and walking instead of driving. I couldn't run from this issue with Tobias, and I knew deep down I didn't want to.
I had managed to text him after I left, a simple reply letting him know I was traveling for work and we would talk when I was ready. I owed him that, after his multiple pleas and semi-apologies. I didn't appreciate how he'd blindsided me, but how many times did I almost blurt out the words of my feelings when we were younger? I'd never been open and honest with anyone like I was with him…except for that one thing. Our feelings.
My next day at work is filled with writing reviews and a recap of my trip, followed by Tori critiquing and editing them. We'd spent over an hour discussing the trip and her asking me to recall some of my favorite things and experiences. I'd visited countless places while I was there, my days jam packed when I wasn't lounging on the beach.
I'd stayed late to wrap up my work, not wanting a single detail to fade from my memory, and it wasn't until I'd shut down my computer that I noticed the time. It was already late, and I wouldn't have any time to head home before the pre-planned dinner I had with Christina and Shauna.
Our meal started out simple, as I told him about North Carolina and lounging on the beach, surprising them when I said I ran into Robert. Christina had hungrily agreed to take him up on his offer to visit again, her eyes lighting up at the idea of a lazy week vacation in the sand. Eventually, our conversation turned right to where I expected it to – Tobias.
I didn't know that they had shown up at his apartment that night as a surprise. I had no idea any of them were planning that. I have to admit I'm thankful, seeing the panic on his face as he tried to explain himself while I practically sprinted out of his apartment.
"How many times do you think I've been here?" I explain. "Way too many. He always comes back to me when he's broken up with someone. It's what we do."
"Yeah, but has he ever told you he's felt this way?" Shauna asks.
"No, but he only thinks he does because he almost married Lauren. It was a pretty drastic change of his life path. And now he looks at me, and he sees comfort and security and that's what he's attracted to right now."
Christina shakes her head. "You're not even going to let him explain himself?"
"I…" I hadn't thought of this part. Of course I needed to talk to him if I expected our friendship to make it through this. But could it possibly remain the same?
"You're in love with him, too, you know," Shauna says as she crosses her arms over her chest. "And to be quite honest, it's been hard on the rest of us to watch you two play this game back and forth. When we were younger, yeah we were worried you'd get hurt. But we all knew how you both felt even if you wouldn't admit it."
I start to argue her but she holds a hand up.
"Personally, after we all ended up here, I thought it was just a matter of time before you and Tobias became a thing. But for some fucked up reason you never did, and he almost fucking married the wrong person! And we've had to sit here and watch you date assholes like Peter or be sad and lonely because you haven't been with the one person you belong with! And these past few weeks, the two of you together… we've all seen the change in both of you. How happy you are." She takes a deep breath, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "Give yourself a fucking chance to be with someone who makes you feel that way."
For the first time, I realize how my relationship with Tobias has affected our friends, which shamefully had never occurred to me before. She's right – they have had to watch me fumble through other relationships because I never found a connection with anyone the way I did with Tobias.
"He would never take this step if he felt he wasn't sure. He wouldn't do that to you," Christina defends. "Maybe he didn't say it at the right time, or the right way, but don't you think he's nervous, too?"
I think back to the night I'd caught Peter cheating on me. How I went to Tobias's, and how he'd whispered everything I needed to hear, but not only because I'd needed to hear it, but because I know it was how he felt.
And then I remember the words he'd said to me when I'd invited him home not long afterwards. 'I don't want to be that guy Tris. The guy you're with to forget about him.' Tobias has had these same fears as I have, all along.
Fuck. I hadn't even stopped to consider that Tobias could be just as worried as I am about how this ends up. That he's worried that I may reject him. But Christina is right – he'd never take this step if he wasn't positive of his feelings this time.
I finish dinner with them, managing to dodge more conversation on the topic but my mind also reeling with the thoughts of Tobias and thinking about what I need to say to him. I don't miss the smug look Christina and Shauna share when they catch me zoned out, unable to answer their questions. They know they've finally got me.
When we're finished eating, I find myself on the El heading towards Tobias's new apartment. I'm still not sure what I'll say or how I'll initiate this conversation, but I feel the need to talk to him in a way that makes my chest ache, and I'm not sure I could survive a night and an entire work day with the knots in my stomach. And, I might just talk myself out of my confession during that time span.
As I come up the street to his building, I enter through the main door, Tobias had given me the code when he'd originally moved in. I hear muffled voices as I make my way up to the second floor, but when I turn on the stairs and see a woman turning away from his open door, my heart stops. Midway up the steps, I freeze. My mind is screaming at me to run, to get away before he can see me, but I can't.
The woman barely glances in my direction as she makes her way down the stairs. I look her up and down – her cropped dark hair cut showing off her high cheekbones and her curvy hips moving from side to side as walks past me. Fucking stupid! I think to myself, wondering why I ever imagined this would be different.