Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys.
As the holidays and finals season progressed, I finally gave in and bought all my Christmas presents online this year. Finals were kicking my ass, paired with the copy edits I got in the mail for Benefits. Ben and I hardly saw each other during finals week, and by the time it was over, I took a day just to sleep, but was woken up at about 3:30 by a call from Kate.
"Hey," I said. "I was just napping."
"Sorry to wake you up. How did your tests go?" she asked.
"Just fine. I think I made all A's this semester," I admitted.
"Well, I'd like to ask you over for dinner. Your dad is making herb-encrusted tilapia tonight."
"That sounds heavenly. I think all I've eaten in the last week is Goldfish crackers and coffee."
"Yeah, I remember surviving on coffee during finals weeks on college. You can tell us all about it over dinner. Oh, and you got a few packages delivered here."
"I… what?"
"I had to sign for them," she said. "You know that your father has our address as your forwarding address."
I remembered vaguely that I had put an extra shipping fee that the packages that meant the came early and with extra care. I had had no idea they'd want me to sign for them, too, or that Dad had his address as the forwarding one. I had been so busy with finals, I had forgotten. "I'll pick them up tonight. Don't open them, they're Christmas presents!"
"Okay… If you say so," Kate replied.
"Alright, I'll see you tonight!"
I got out of bed and took a long, hot bath with iPad playing music on the bathroom counter. I stayed in there and relaxed until the water turned tepid and got dressed to go over to the loft.
I rang the doorbell and walked in. "Hi Dad, hi Kate!" I called into the apartment.
"Finals are over?" Dad asked as I walked into the kitchen.
"Yes! I'm already getting some of my grades," I said. "So far, nothing but A's."
"I'm proud of you!" Dad said, stirring the vegetables in the wok.
"Can I help by setting the table?" I asked, opening the cabinets.
"It would be appreciated." I put my purse down on the counter and started.
As we were cleaning up dinner, Dad told me to go relax by the fireplace and have another glass of wine and keep Kate company. She was as big as a house at this point, and really not enjoying this part of her pregnancy.
"Is there anything I can get you?" I asked her, setting down my wine glass.
"No, but I wanted to ask you about something," Kate said, sounding uneasy. "Your father and I have noticed you've got a lot of new things, and he reviewed your allowance and… we're just wondering where this extra money is coming from."
"As long as I'm not up to my ears in credit card debt and I'm paying my bills, why does it matter?" I asked.
"Because, Alexis, you're my daughter…" she stopped, then corrected herself, "my stepdaughter. And if you're involved in something scandalous or illegal, it's going to come back to me. Really hard."
"What do you think I'm doing?" I asked, surprised.
"Well…" she began, put on the spot. "I'm not trying to insult you, but we know you quit the work-study program. Yet, you're spending like crazy."
"I'm not, I swear," I said. I hadn't been able to wear any new clothes or shoes around her and Dad in forever. I was planning on wearing that A-line dress for a while this holiday season, which would kind of suck. "I happen to be very thrifty."
"Well, we've got seven boxes in the study with your name on it," she said, shrugging. "Your father thinks you're dealing or something."
"Dealing?" I spluttered out. "What?"
"I know you're a kind, good girl, but Castle always comes up with the wildest theories," she said, shaking her head. "I keep telling him you've got a good head on your shoulders, but he's worried someone is taking advantage of you, somehow. You're not doing anything… with sex, are you?" she asked awkwardly.
"No!" I cried out. "No way! What makes you think that?"
"I don't know… just, you're a pretty girl, and girls your age can get a lot of attention…"
I almost choked. "I have a lot more self-respect than that!"
She blushed- something I didn't see her do often. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."
"Kate, how could you think such a thing?"
"Your Dad and I see the worst of the worst things that can happen to young women when they get out of their own… Everyday, it's terrible, terrible stuff. It's a trap and so easy to fall into... We make up things in our heads as parents, the worst possible scenario- just tell me where you're getting this extra income and tell me it's not from the sex industry."
Well… technically, it kind of was. "I'm not doing anything of the sort, okay?" I replied. "Will you two calm down and stop digging in my finances?"
"Well, this has been sufficiently awkward…" Kate said. "You're never going to tell us where you're getting this money, are you?"
I felt like my boundaries had been "I'm being an adult," I said. "An adult doesn't have to let her parents review her money."
"Fine," Kate said.
"I'm going home," I stated. "I'll see you this weekend. Good night."
On the way out the door with the packages from the study, I hailed a taxi, who helped me load everything. In the taxi, I called Ben, but he didn't answer. I sent him a text message only to get something halfway home.
Hey this is his girlfriend. We're kind of busy right now, can it wait?
My stomach dropped. Ben was with Ashlyn. I should have known.
I did not text back.
After having Kate drill me concerning my finances and coming up with worst-case scenarios, I decided what the hell and wore my new dresses to all the Christmas parties being thrown around town that we were invited to. Dad and Kate stopped asking questions, and usually, it was just me and Dad at the party. Kate was sleepy and her feet swollen, she didn't want to go out.
"You'll never tell me where that money's coming from, will you?" Dad asked in the cab on the way to the Windmere's party in the Upper East side.
"I'm just good at budgeting," I replied.
We had a lot of parties to attend; more than I wanted to go to. I thought about asking Dad to say was sick to a few of them; it was kind of true with anxiety. Being around people constantly was not my idea of fun. Worst of all was when I had to hide from Sept Lindo when he'd arrive. I'd be standing there, talking to someone when I felt a hand ghost across the back of my waist. I turn around, and there was Sept Lindo, in all his handsome, but creepy glory, and I felt my skin crawl. I had once found him cute enough to make out with at a party. Now, felt sick at the thought.
I ignored all of Ben's text messages, too. I didn't want to intrude on whatever was making him busy with Ashlyn. I missed being around him and just talking to him.
On December 23rd, Dad took me home from a Christmas party, and dropped me off at my apartment. I just wanted to clean and finish that bottle of wine I had opened last night, but I got a text from Ben. I clicked ignore as I was climbing the stairs to the front door.
"I know you're ignoring me," Ben's voice rang out. He was standing beside his restored motorcycle in an old, cracked and faded leather jacket, watching me. "Was it what Ashlyn texted you over my phone?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry, but Ben, I'm not going to be the other woman."
"Who says there's somebody else I'm committed to?"
I sighed. "Ben, don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm going through the social season here in New York, and it's not easy. I'm around all these people I don't like and that slimy asshole that got you fired last summer-"
"You have to be around him?" Ben asked, cupping my cheek with one of his gloved hands.
"I know. It sucks," I admitted. "But what can I do? He's everywhere. Him and his money."
"I hate that you have go through this," he muttered.
"But Ben… I can't be with you like this," I said softly.
"Ashlyn's dating other people," he said, shrugging. "I think she saw your name on my phone and got nervous… Can I come in? I'm freezing out here."
"Fine, okay," I said, opening the front door. We up to my apartment and I made sure the heater was on and he sat down on the couch while I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a cup of coffee on my Keurig. "Here, I'm being a stereotypical woman and making you a sandwich."
"No, you're being a good hostess," Ben said. "I swear, everything that's happening with you these days… I feel like I've been a bad influence in you."
"Yeah, you kind of have," I joked, sitting down as he started eating the sandwich. "But seriously, Ben. Tell me what's happening with you and Ashlyn. I know everybody tells me that I don't know her, she's not my problem, but she kind of is. I don't want to cause her pain. The only person I want to cause pain is Sept Lindo."
"For obvious reasons," Ben noted. "Alexis, what do you want? With me?"
"I don't know," I admitted.
That night, we ended up having sex out of necessity of lacking for the last few weeks, and talked ourselves in circles about the subject until I fell asleep out of exhaustion. I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing:
"Hi, Dad," I said, answering the phone.
"Honey, it's happening. How soon can you get here?"
"What?"
"Kate broke her water about an hour ago while we were making coffee, and we're heading to the hospital."
I sat up in bed, surprised. "She's in labor?" I repeated, surprised.
"Yeah. Meet us at the hospital?"
"Okay, I'll be there in a little bit!"
I hung up with Dad and ran to the bathroom to take a shower. Ben knocked on the door.
"Hey, Alexis?"
"What?" I called back.
"Is Kate going into labor?"
"Yes! I've got to get ready! I'll probably be there all day!" I called while rinsing shampoo out of my hair.
When I got out and was dressed, Ben had put some coffee on and was making eggs for me. "Thanks," I said, sitting down to take a bite, my hair still wet.
"Anytime."
"Where is Ashlyn right now?" I asked.
"She went back home to Chicago for Christmas."
"Well, I'll probably spending Christmas at the hospital this year." I wolfed down my eggs and toast. "I'm going to go dry my hair and get going. Let yourself out, okay?"
"Alright. Bye, Alexis."
I arrived in the Maternity Ward of St. Vincent's to see that Kate was just hooked up to the TENS machine and Dad was playing Candy Crush.
"Hi, I'm here!" I cried. My outfit was mostly from White House Black Market, save for my top from Henley top from Anne Taylor Loft.
"I love your top," Kate noted as a I walked in.
"Kate, how are you doing?"
"i've had my epidural," she said. "I'm hungry, but can't feel anything from the waist down."
"I'm so glad!" I cried, relieved that I wasn't going to have to watch her go through incredible pain."
"Yeah, she broke her water, and I rushed her here," Dad admitted, putting down his phone.
"So what happens next?" I asked.
"We wait for me to dilate. Oh look, I'm having a contraction!" she cried, took at the TENS machine read out.
"You are?" Dad asked.
"Yeah!" Kate said. "It really hurt when I first got in, and they immediately told me I was three centimeters, so they could put in the epidural. So far, this labor thing is a breeze!"
This was disappointing. On TV they always made birth look like an intense and hilarious event. Kate was sitting in the bed, happily eating ice chips and Dad was screwing around on his phone, waiting.
"I was hoping I'd be more instrumental in your labor," I muttered.
"Oh, this is fine," she said, writing it off. "Don't stress. I hope this is going to be a big deal for you."
"Well…"
"I know it's not very intense right now," Kate apologized. "But I'm sure it's going to get worse soon. You look great."
"Thanks," I said, sitting down. "And you do, too. I thought giving birth was a messy event."
"It is," Dad spoke up.
"I had time to put my make-up on," Kate admitted. "So now, we just wait."
I wanted to work on my edits, but I was too afraid of Dad getting curious and looking over my shoulder.
It ended up being so boring the first few hours. I modestly looked away when the nurses came in to check Kate's dilation and told us the status. Five centimeters, six centimeters, seven centimeters...
By the time the sun set, she finally hit nine centimeters and her OB GYN came in and had the delivery team assembled.
"How are you feeling, Kate?" he asked.
"There's a lot of pressure on my pelvis," she admitted.
"That's pretty normal. The epidural doesn't work the same way on every woman."
"Good to know," Kate muttered.
"I'm going to call for the delivery team to be assembled, now," he said. "We're going to have a baby in the next hour, alright?"
"Oh my God!" I cried. It suddenly became real; I was going to be a big sister, my only child status was expiring. There would be another child, a little boy, who would hold my father's attention. It was sudden realization for me; a part of me was not going to be Dad's number one concern. It all became real to me.
"Alexis?" Dad asked.
"I'm fine!" I lied.
"Alright. This is the big moment," he said.
"When the delivery team gets in here, I want you to take my hand," Kate said. "Your dad will have the other. And I'm going to start pushing and we'll have a baby."
"Oh God," I muttered.
"It's going to be okay," Kate promised me. "We've been planning on this."
I took a deep breath and wished I had some hard liquor. When the nursing team came in and set up the birthing kit, I ran up to Kate's side and took her hand.
"Dad," I said, "I'm not going to be your baby any more."
"Yes, you will," Dad said. "You'll always be my baby."
"Don't worry," Kate said. "I'll love you just as much as I love this baby."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," she said as the nursing tied her legs into the stirrups. "I promised myself, and I'm promising you right now."
"She's right at ten centimeters," the nurse said to the doctor.
"Alright, Kate," her OB GYN said. "We're doing to start pushing now. Take a deep breathe, hold it for a count, and then release, and take another deep breath and push all the way through your pelvis. We'll have a baby here before you know it."
"Alright," Kate agreed. She looked terrified as they took the sheet off her stomach, and I could see nothing but bare skin. At least her enormous, stretch-mark covered belly kept me from seeing her vag.
"Okay, Kate," the doctor said. "Let's do this. One, two, three."
Kate took in a deep breathe and held it, then exhaled. She took another one, and then her face turned red, starting to push.
"Good job!" he coached. "Good job!"
"You can do this, honey," Dad told her. She squeezed my hand so hard and tried again. I lost count of the number of times she pushed, but sweat soaked the roots of her hair and she looked the opposite of the glamourous doppledanger of a Victoria's Secret model for once.
After several minutes, the doctor said, "The baby's crowning, I can see him!"
Dad darted forward to see the baby crowning.
"Oh my God!" he cried. "This is amazing! You're doing a great job, Beckett! Alexis, you've got to see this!"
I cringed, but took a step forward.
And I saw it; the head of the baby peeking out. I wasn't prepared. I honestly thought I'd be disgusted, but it was fascinating. There was the head of my baby brother, peeking out. He was almost here. And I wanted to meet him, suddenly.
"You've almost done it, Kate!" I cried.
"One more push and I'll help him out so you don't tear," the doctor said.
"Alright," Kate nodded. "Let's do this!"
She took a deep breathe, exhaled, and then took another.
"That's it!" he shouted. "That's all you need! I'm going to help the baby out!"
He assisted the baby out, and I saw the face, then the shoulders, then the chest, and then the legs.
"What do you know, we were wrong!" he cried. "Rick and Kate, you've got a healthy and beautiful baby girl!"
"What?" Kate and Dad cried in unison.
We were stunned and completely unprepared; the baby was a girl, not a boy. Noel Lovecraft Castle had a vagina.
"What do we do?" I asked. "What are you going to do about the name?"
"Well… that's just part of the plan," Dad said, rocking the baby in his arms. Kate had already held her, but had to let Dad hold her as she birthed the placenta.
"Johanna," Kate said. "My daughter's name is Johanna."
"Are you sure?" Dad asked.
"Yes, I'm sure," Kate said. "My baby girl is going to be named after my mother. I'm insisting."
"Are you sure?" Dad asked.
"Yes, I'm sure," Kate said, leaning back against the table, relaxing.
"She's Johanna," Dad said. "She's beautiful. Beautiful. Look at her!"
I peeked into Dad's arms.
What a beautiful girl. "She's a redhead!" I cried. "Can I hold her?"
"Here," Dad said, gently transferring her to my arms. "She's all full of surprises." He chuckled.
At that moment, Johanna Castle opened her eyes to look at me and I saw she had dark eyes, like Kate. I don't know what came over me, but I burst into tears. "This is my little sister!" I sobbed. "She's beautiful! Look at her! I love her!"
"Welcome to the club," Dad said.
"You're my little Jo-jo," I said, my tears dripping down my nose and splashing onto her face. "She's looking at me! I love you, Jo-jo, I love you. I have a little sister," I rambled.
I was in love. I was meant to be her big sister. She may have been my dad and Kate's baby, but she was my little sister.
"That's perfect," Kate said. "We can call her Jo-jo. Some distinction between her and Mom. I love it!"
"I'm so happy for you, Kate," I said. "Dad, I'm so happy! Jo-jo, I'm your big sister, Alexis! I'll show you everything, okay? Everything Dad and Kate can't teach you, I'll teach you, alright?" I rambled on about promises, and she closed her eyes, but I didn't care. She was my sister.
I had a sister.
It was suddenly an enormous deal. I understood the gravity of becoming a big sister, now. I was her big sister, and it was the world. I had so much to teach her as a little person. I was her big sister.
I had to share parenting responsibilities with Dad and Kate over my baby sister the next few days. I didn't mind, I wanted to. It was a need. I wasn't allowed to spend the night at the hospital with them, but I went home and went straight to bed after tweeting pictures of her to the Twitterverse. She took her first professional pictures while flipping the bird. This made me so deliriously happy, I had to share it.
I went home and went straight to bed. When I woke up, I went back to the hospital just to study Jo-jo. She was a pale little ginger baby, and we had that in common. I had to teach her to appreciate her red hair and how much fun it could be. She mostly slept, but I swore, I'd be the first person she could go to if her mom and dad weren't what she wanted to go to. I'd teach her all about boys and how to survive being so different with red hair. Dad and Kate couldn't do that. I could. Yes, there was an age difference, but I'd be the third parent. I loved her. I loved Johanna Vonnegut Castle so much.
When she was brought home, I wanted to be there to baby-sit her. To give Dad and Kate a break, as if she was kind of my baby at the same time. She was the coolest thing ever. She even gave me a toothless smile as I changed her diaper.
On Christmas Day, I brought her downstairs and we sat around the living room just watching the Macy's Christmas Parade. When she got hungry, Kate finally took her from me to nurse her. "She's so cool," I said, watching her latch onto Kate's breast.
"Wanna try my breast milk?" she teased.
"Ew!" I cried.
"I've tried it," Dad admitted. "Just like I tried yours when you were baby. It tastes kind of like a chai latte when it's still warm."
"Gross!" I cried. "Isn't that like drinking urine?"
"No!" Dad laughed. "It's part of my job as Jo-jo's father. To help with the nursing process."
"What?"
"I had to suck the milk out so they could get started," he explained.
"You guys are so gross," I muttered.
"Well, it's normal," Dad said. "Usually the father has to do that. Parents have been doing this since the beginning of time."
I watched as Jo-jo nursed so peacefully from Kate. "I've never seen this before," I admitted.
"It's fascinating, isn't it?" Dad asked. "It makes you feel really useless too. All this mother-baby bonding time and we're not included."
I felt a pang of jealousy. I wanted to be this close to a baby, who wasn't even aware of how closely I was related to her. My breasts didn't lactate and I was on the outside.
"Your day will come," Kate promised me. "She makes this face when she goes to nurse, it's so cute and only i get to see it!"
"This is the moment of motherhood that I am sad about only being the father," Dad admitted.
"Only being the father?" Kate teased as Jo-jo fell asleep in her arms.
"I could watch the two of you while you're nursing all day long," Dad said. "And feel so lucky that this is us. Our love. A physical part of how I feel about you, and it's real. And physical, and she's a person. Our love brought a little person into this world, and we are so lucky."
The first week, we got so many cards and bouquets of flowers. I helped out with the thank-you notes and organizing all the presents. I loved having moments when Kate put Jo-jo into my arms. I didn't mind diapering her, either, even when she pooped. It was on New Year's Eve that we finally got the chance to leave the Loft to show Jo-jo off.
We went to a New Year's party in the Upper East side, and Kate agreed to come along with Jo-jo in her arms. I didn't blame her; she couldn't be left alone. I had no intention of leaving them alone, either.
The people at the party were so excited when we came in with Jo-jo asleep in Kate's arms. Everyone wanted to see her. Kate proudly showed her off. "This is my baby sister," I announced proudly. "Isn't she sweet?"
Then, Ellington showed up. I stuck close to Kate so that she had a buffer against Ellington. God knows, Ellington had a twisted crush on my father and would not react kindly to Jo-jo being here. I sat down beside Kate on the couch as she rocked Jo-jo in her arms, feeling a little too drunk after two cosmos to trust myself to hold her.
"I'm here for you, Jo," I whispered, running a finger over her baby-soft cheek.
"I'm so glad you came with us," Kate said. "I know you're going to be important in Jo-jo's life."
"I'm going to the restroom," I said, getting up. "I'll be back soon, Jo-jo! Bye!"
I went to the restroom and when I came out, I went to get another drink.
In the bar area, not far from the lounge where Kate was sitting, I saw Ellington talking to a group of people.
"…Can you imagine having an ugly, pasty red-headed baby and gaining that much weight?" Ellington asked. "I mean, seriously, what does Ricky Castle even see in her now, anyway! She's low-class white trash, she doesn't belong here! In the South, we'd call women like that trailer trash. She better drop that baby-weight as fast as she can- she'll have to wire her jaw shut! That's all she's got going for her!" She and her minions were giggling, like she had any room to talk with her fat ass.
I had liquid courage running through my veins. "Hey, fuck you, Ellington," I snapped, elbowing my way into her circle.
Her expression turned icy, but I was ready for a smack-down. "Excuuuuuse me?" she drawled.
"She just had a baby, that's why she's so heavy. Have you had your quadruplets yet?" I continued. "How dare you think you can horn in on a marriage five years in the making! Kate's got more class and strength than you ever will. And fuck you for talking shit about my sister, she's just a baby!"
Her lips set into a thin line as her face turned tomato-red. Suddenly, I was soaked in Chardonnay. Ellington smirked. "You look awfully good in white wine," she replied and her friends sauntered off.
I almost tore her a new one, but Dad grabbed my arm, "Come on," he said. "We were only going to stay a minute, let's go."
"Did you hear what she said?" I seethed. "I hate her! I really hate her!"
"I know," he said. "But her behavior and you being drunk is no excuse, Alexis."
On the ride home, I had mopped up the white wine and put on my coat. Jo-jo rode in the carseat right beside me. "I will never, ever let anybody talk bad about you, okay? If a group of snot-nosed little bitches try to do that to you in jr. high, let me at 'em, okay?"
"Alexis, you didn't have to do that," Kate said in a defeated tone from the front seat. "I have gained weight."
"You just had a baby," I argued.
"You know, I've never had anybody criticize me about my body before," she muttered. "I get it, now. I get how it feels to be mocked for being fat."
Dad took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Honey, don't beat yourself up," he said. "It's coming off. And I love you even if you have gained weight."
"I will knock the shit out people like Ellington when they insult you and Jo-jo," I blurted out. "I don't care-
"Alexis, you're drunk. You won't be singing this tune in the morning," Kate warned, turning around in her seat. "You gave Ellington exactly what she wanted."
I woke up on New Year's Day with a bit of a hangover from last night's drinks when Jo-jo began to cry. I stumbled to her room and saw her in the crib.
"Hey, calm down!" I sang, turning off the baby monitor and picking her up from the crib. She was so little and so new the world was unfamiliar to her. "Do you need your diaper changed?"
I took her over to the diaper-changing table and set her down, examining the state of her diaper; it was runny baby poop. She had filled it up, a complete blow-out. I cleaned her up and made sure she was powdered down. She was still crying. I assumed she was hungry, since the diaper was fresh and her clothes were clean. Kate wasn't pumping her own milk, yet.
Oh yeah. She took the baby to a party to show her off, and this is what happened. I had told Ellington Taylor to fuck off when she was griping about how Dad was still with Kate, despite being heavier from giving birth to his baby. Ellington had the nerve to call Kate fat white trash, that cunt. But, I had made a fool of myself and called her fat, too, the ultimate insult between women.
I cringed at the thought as I brought her downstairs to see if Kate had pumped any milk, yet. She hadn't.
I groaned and considered what needed to happen to get Jo-jo happy again. I knocked on the door to Dad and Kate's room and opened it up.
"Hi," I said. "Jo-jo's awake and hungry, I think. There's no breast milk in the freezer."
I heard Kate groan and she sat up. "Just a second," she muttered.
I went over to her side of the bed. Dad moaned and rolled over. She took Jo-jo from me and unbuttoned her top so she could nurse. "Is that better, Jo?" she asked groggily. Jo-jo quieted down and began to nurse.
"I'm sorry about last night," I admitted.
"I know," Kate said. "God, I've always been so secure in my body. And last night…"
"I don't know who the hell Ellington Taylor thinks she is," I said. "She may have never had kids, but she's bigger than you."
Kate sighed. "I get it, now. The helplessness of being fat and how it feels."
"But that was inexcusable," I said. "It was so wrong."
Kate shook her head. "God… I've never knowingly picked on anybody who was overweight, but it hurts. So bad. God, I've never felt so ugly and ashamed ever before."
"But you're not," I said. "You're just post-pardum, that's all."
"Yeah, I know," she said. "They say your looks go when you have a baby."
"You'll get them back," I promised.
"You never stopped being beautiful," Dad muttered from the other side of the bed.
"I hope so," she muttered. "I felt like I didn't deserve to be with Rick, like everybody was looking at me and thinking that… It felt so awful. Once my doctor clears me, I'm going back into my training program again. I've got to set a good example for Jo-jo and myself if I want to go back to work."
I laid there and watched Jo-jo nurse, feeling the ache that I'm sure Kate was feeling at the same time, too.
"You know I'm right beside you," I promised. "I'll be damned if I let a bitch like Ellington say something bad about you."
"I know. But Alexis, it's not your fight okay? Don't get into this bullshit drama Ellington's starting."
Within a few days, Kate was feeling better, not so depressed. It seemed Ellington was fading from my mind by the first week of January. I asked if I could bring Jo-jo to meet with my friends for brunch, and Kate declined; she didn't like the breast-pump and she liked the baby nearby.
I went on to the restaurant for brunch, and waited on my friends.
They were late. Fifteen minutes late. Then, twenty.
"Mademoiselle," the French-speaking hostess said. "If your party does not show, we'll need to have your table for other customers."
"I'm sorry," I said, checking my phone. "They'll be here soon enough."
She pursed her lips and walked away.
Finally, my phone rang: it was Tara.
"Tara!" I cried. "Where are you?"
"I'm on my way," she said. "I've been trying to talk Nina and Jules into coming to the brunch."
"What's going on?"
"Alexis, do you have any idea what's being said about you?"
"No."
Tara sighed. "Look, I'll be there soon. Can you turn our table into a two-person table?"
"Oh, sure," I said, feeling a little sick. What had I done?
The hostess moved me to a small, two-person table and I waited on Tara. She finally arrived, but her expression was sympathetic.
"Hi, Tara," I said. "Sit down. What's going on?"
"Jules and Nina believe that you've been slumming with the Lindo's servants," she began.
"What?"
"Christina Crossamer ran a blind item this morning in her gossip column," she said. "You didn't see it?"
I shook my head, feeling sick.
"Here," she said, getting out her iPad and pulling something up.
I read with shaking hands.
BLIND ITEM: A certain mystery writer's ginger daughter with a foul reputation picked a fight with one of his many exgirlfriends at a New Year's Party in the Upper East Side. She apparently wanted to hurt his girlfriend, although her father's gotten married and had a little one recently. His daughter has been seeing the help to soothe her sexual insecurities, so much so that she got a drink flung in her face. Too bad she can't see how silly it is to sleep with butlers and maids with her Columbia education.
My jaw dropped. How could this not be me?
"I'm not sleeping with the help!" I cried. "And Ellington was making fun of Kate for gaining weight while she was pregnant and calling her trash, I just rushed to her defense!"
"Alexis!" Tara moaned. "Didn't you figure out that you should never directly attack anybody in the Old Money circle?"
I blushed. I did. I knew better. "I was drunk. And Ellington's not Old Money, she's nouveau riche."
Tara groaned aloud and I felt even worse.
"What did you expect?" she asked. "For Ellington to not present her sob story to Christy? She's in good with Old Money whores because they think she knows everything about sex that they'd like to be doing but aren't."
"I don't know," I muttered.
"Maybe you should stop drinking," she said. "This was really dumb. They'll never forget that at Christy's column!"
I had been so stupid about that. Of course, Ellington was going to cry to anybody who'd believe her side of these story. I had messed up everything so badly.