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DISCLAIMER:

Detective Conan /名探偵コナン

Gosho Aoyama©1994

::Memories in Mozaic::

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FRAGMENT #10:

Apology

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IN HIS ELEVEN-YEARS-OLD figure, Edogawa Conan ran across the street, his skateboard was secured in his armpit as he made his way between the other pedestrians. He had just received a call from Professor Agasa that Ran collapsed and was taken to the Beika Hospital an hour ago. Professor also told him that he had tried to call several times, but there was no answer. The one which Conan managed to pick up was his eighth trial.

Conan cursed silently. He was too drowned reading the old crime articles his father collected in the library back then; he almost didn't hear a thing. What made him realize the phone call was because he was thirsty and got out of the library to pour himself some water.

When he arrived at the other side of the street, Conan quickly stepped on his skateboard and pushed its button with his left heel. It growled noisily, gaining the turbo energy before dashing forward in a full speed; making some people shriek in surprise and leap backwards to avoid collission.

Ran...!

His thoughts were filled with worry.

All he wanted to do was to reach the hospital as soon as possible. He couldn't stand it if anything bad happened to Ran, who had been his childhood friend for years.

No—scratch that.

Kudo Shinichi's childhood friend.

Even though they were the very same person, somehow it didn't feel the same. He was now Edogawa Conan, even though some parts of him still remained as his old self.

Indeed, Kudo Shinichi was only his past.

But he cared about Ran.

And nothing could change that.

"SHINICHI!" Professor Agasa waved his hands, giving a code for the young detectives who approached him with tensed face. "This way!"

Having made his last steps towards professor, Conan bent down as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat was all over his body—face, neck, back, arms—even though it was one day in winter. Running through those stairs to the seventh floor was really something. But it wasn't like he had other choices; he couldn't make it to the only elevator in this hospital before the door was closed and Conan didn't feel like to wait.

"How.. how is she?"

He glanced around, noticing that it wasn't only Professor Agasa that was there. By his side was Haibara Ai, who just sat there and watched him with a pair of cold, enigmatic turquoise eyes.

"She had gained consciousness," said Agasa. "Kogoro and his wife were having a talk with the doctor. Why don't you go seeing her?"

Ai slumped down from her chair and pulled out a white handkerchief from her handbag. "There's no one inside," she said, referring to a certain room where Ran was hospitalized. Then she added nonchalantly, "Fix yourself up. You look... wonderful."

Conan knew it was one of her infamous sarcasm. Reaching out to accept the handkerchief, he muttered a simple "Thank you" before walking to the door with 'Mouri R.' written on a small board.

The door creaked a bit when Conan pushed it open, revealing a pale-looking Ran lying on the bed. Her head was bandaged, and she had an IV needle on her left hand, but apart from that she was quite okay. Nothing to worry about.

Or so he thought.

He stepped closer and saw her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Shinichi...?"

"I'm here," he replied. "Feeling better?"

Ran nodded weakly. "My head hurts."

"Maybe your head bumped onto something when you fell. They had bandaged it properly, don't worry."

"No... that's not it. I fell unconscious because all of a sudden my heart ached so much."

"You're pushing yourself too hard." Conan stated in a final tone, the one he always used when he made deductions. And when Ran didn't oppose, he knew he was right. He could read her like an open book—even if he still had to work harder it comes to feelings.

He also knew what made her suffer foremost.

"Ne, Shinichi..." Ran called out, breaking the silence between them.

"Hn?"

"Is there no way for you to return as 'Kudo Shinichi'?"

Conan had expected this moment to come. Ran's reaction when he told them everything was... unnatural. She was definitely trying to bear everything all by herself, she bottled up her disappointments, anger, and sadness. He had been aware of it since long ago. The main reason that made him keep silent was because he wanted her to say it without being forced, neither cornered.

But today was proven to be her limit.

He thought for awhile before answering, "I had chosen to continue living as Edogawa Conan."

"Why, Shinichi?"

Looking up to meet her gaze, Conan had his hands fisted on his side as he fought to find words. "It's because—"

"...Why can't you love me?"

Finally, it was said.

Her true wondering.

"I do." He whispered, not averting his eyes from hers. "I love you. But it's not the kind of love that you wanted."

Ran gave him a small smile. "I've waited for so long..."

Hearing this, Conan found himself tongue-tied. All he could say was only, "I'm sorry, Ran..."

Sorry.

That was all.

But he meant it.

Wholeheartedly.

"It must be her, right?" Ran guessed, her orbs somehow had a perpetual glint. She didn't have to mention the name, but Conan had understood. She must refer to one particular girl with strawberry-blonde hair who was right out of the room.

She was talking about the reason of him staying as a child.

And Conan made up his mind.

For she had properly asked.

So, he had to answer it properly in return.

"Yes."

Ran smiled. "I see..."

"I... I hated her at first," Conan said, shifting his gaze to the window as his mind scanned over the memories. "I hated her, yelled at her, ignored the hurt look in her eyes. I was the worst. But... as time passed by, she became an important person. I know i can't lose her no matter what."

He stopped, in hesitant whether to continue or not. Was it really okay with Ran?

Sensing his dilemma, Ran encouraged. "Go on."

"I... I want to stay close from her. Her parents are dead, so is her sister. If it had been not for Professor's kindness, she would have no family at all. She would be all alone in this world, having nowhere to go. No place to call 'home'. No friends. She had lost everything in her life but she never complained about it. Masking her emotions with sarcasm and poker faces... that's how she deals with her life everyday."

Conan took a deep breath, his fists tightened.

"She deserves love. She deserves it, Ran. Something you always have, but she doesn't.

Family.

Friends.

Happiness.

"You'll always be happy, Ran. With or without being with Kudo Shinichi," Conan added, this time was more careful—he didn't want her to be hurt by his words. "Someday... you'll find another person. I'm still here, though, whenever you need me."

"As a friend?"

He thought about his reply for awhile.

"How about a best one? Obviously I won't lose to Sonoko."

From the corner of his eye, he could see her smile in understanding. And this one, he was sure she won't suffer inside.

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end of the tenth fragment.