Why hello my readers…I don't know why I am trying to be mysterious... but okay then. Well anyway I am back, I will try to make this one longer, but it depends on if I get to a part and decide if it is a good place to stop and such. Now, on wards to hug the Undertaker~
"My lord it is a pleasure to see you…" The coffin lid slid away completely revealing the crazy gray haired man. "Do I have the pleasure of fitting you for one of me coffins today~"
T~T~T~T
After beating down my inner fan girl and suppressed the urge to strangle hug Undertaker, I think I effectively cut the circulation in Sebastian's arm with how hard I was holding him. Well I had to latch on to something to stop from killing one of my favorite characters didn't I? Either way I can tell you he wasn't very happy but I didn't give a damn.
I was in the presence of UNDERTAKER! This guy is the bomb in my book! He is so awesome, and his voice. Oh god, HIS VOICE. Now it isn't deep and sexy like Sebastian's but it just has that tone to it that really adds to the crazy person he acts like.
"Actually sir that isn't why we are here," I said my voice and strangled whisper as I tried to keep it from a high pitched shriek. His hands came together; you know his long black fingernails are pretty creepy. It just isn't natural, they add to the creepiness of it all.
"Oh I know, you see creature-" Undertaker began
"Why does he call her creature…?" I heard Lau mumble.
"-My last few customers have been a biiiiit unusual, I helped however, I made them look beautiful once more~" He had brought his hands up to his face as if in a dreamlike state, you know how in a class room when you are so bored your head is in your hands? Sort of like that, but… not… like that.
"Oh I see," Lau began, "The funeral parlor is only your cover business, and how much is it for information."
What happened next however would have you believing Undertaker was the FLASH. Suddenly he was in front of Lau and talking like a mad man… well then again he kind of was.
"I have no need for the queen's coin! There is only one thing I want from you~!" He turned to Ciel, I pulled him to me with great haste. As much as I love this crack pot he just goes a little overboard. This didn't faze the gray haired man however, "Please my lord," he begged, "Give it to me and I shall tell you anything you desire!" Dude that just sounds wrong! "Give me the extraordinary gift of true laughter!" Undertaker's arms had been spread out wide when he suddenly wrapped himself in an effective hug.
That settles it, this man has drugs somewhere. "Fucking psycho…" I mumbled as the gray haired man stood there squirming about in his self-embrace.
"Allow me my lord," Lau started causing us all to look at him, "It is a classic." He took a dramatic pose as I took out a flash light and shined the light on him. All our expressions showing one's of great boredom. "On which side does the tiger have the most stripes? On the outside!"
Oh I see what you did there Lau, and may I add. Failure. "Boo…" I started when Sebastian clapped a hand over my mouth cutting me off. I licked his hand to see if I could get a reaction, I immediately regretted it when I tasted the material on which his glove was made of. I never think these things through.
"My turn…" Madam read stated walking forward, "I live for gossip. So that means this story will make you laugh so hard you will simply curl up and die." Oh fuck no. Before she began her dreadful tale I slapped my hands over Ciel's ears which may or may not have startled him and caused a ringing in his ears. "So Alice's boo gave her the most extraordinary *** for her birthday, it was a *** white and so *** *** with thick veins running *** don't you see *** you could use-"
"ENOUGH!" I shouted surprising Sebastian himself. A few minutes later Madam Red and Lau stood to the sidelines with a surgeons mask over their mouth covered by a giant red X. I stood next to them glaring.
"Now my lord it looks as though you are the only one left," Undertaker stated his hands folded neatly. "I gave you a special discount this time but I am not going to do it again~" Ciel sighed angrily as I continued my death stare contest thing.
"I suppose it can't be helped," Sebastian sighed as he walked forward, I stared at him dumbstruck. Wait, wait, wait, did he have something this entire time? WE DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO MADAM RED THEN. Bitch is going to get it… "Everyone please wait outside." He said adjusting his gloves, "No matter what happens do not attempt to listen to this." He glared back at all of this.
"But I don't want to…" I stated looking at him with big childish eyes. "You can't make me leave either," We stared at each other for a few moments before I was suddenly being strangled. Turning my head slightly I caught the glare of glasses and the swish of brown hair. Grell.
Moments later we stood outside with my ear pressed up against the door. Let me tell you… what I heard… oh dear god. Words cannot describe it, and for the safety of some people it should not be repeated. The joke-if you could even call it that… dear god…- did its job. A booming laughter came from inside at which I am sure my counterparts where sweat dropping as where I had let out a silent shriek and had gone flailing back into Lau when the sign started to break. Sebastian opened the door with that closed eyed smile that I really wanted to punch off his face at the moment. "Please do come back in now, I believe he will tell us everything we need." A good torching could do the trick… note to self: ask Bard for flame thrower.
We walked back in and there was Undertaker… twitching on a coffin, still giggling. I looked at Sebastian and I backed away, ever so casually. Which is code for I almost fell over like 5 fucking coffins.
T~T~T~T
Once we had all gotten situated with beakers full of some dark and unknown substance along with cozy coffins to sit on Undertaker began to tell us all he knew. "An interesting pattern I have seen these last few days…" He started, "I often get customers who are incomplete."
"… How so?" I asked looking at the man before me. He sat there hugging an autonomy doll or whatever the fuck those things are called. I half expected him to lose all his hair and start petting it and whispering 'My precious' right then and there.
"Yes, the uterus is missing, which is quite odd." I stiffened, and suddenly felt dead inside, "The killer makes a big mess of the body, but that particular part is always precisely excised." He said cleaning the dolls face, how could he act like he was stating the weather! Oh wait… this is Undertaker… be calm Kaitlyn.
"He did it on a road that was public though, high trafficked as well. Wouldn't an amateur have difficulty doing the job quickly enough?" Sebastian asked as Undertaker put the doll down.
"You're a clever one… butler. That is exactly what I was thinking…" He walked over to me and made me stand, "Come now creature…" He said, he spun me and I stopped directly in front of him, facing them all. They all slightly backed away, I wonder why. "You see he slits her throat with a sharp weapon." He dragged his nails across my throat; his hand was kind of cold. "Then," His other hand lowered to my stomach area. "He rips her right here, and takes her precious womanly parts.
He poked my cheek with his nail. He led me back to me seat and I sat down, he began to stroke my head. That is just plain creepy! Even if you are insane! "There will be more slain I am certain. Sadistic killers like him don't stop until somebody makes him. Can you stop him? Will you sniff him out? Like a good little guard dog…" Undertaker cackled.
"My lord is bound by the honor of his family, he is to eliminate any threat the queen asks him to," I looked at them all with a small smile, continuing to speak, "by any means he finds necessary. With all of us that shouldn't be too hard."
T~T~T~T
"With this new information it narrows down our suspects, first we must look at those with the necessary skills, and crossing out anybody with an alibi of the night in question. With the particular organ being taken it suggest some kind of gruesome ritual. This means we should concentrate our investigation on people dealing with secret societies." I stated the one line I actually memorized. Honestly how do I get dragged into this shit?
"As if that narrows the field Kaitlyn?" Madam Red yelled, "Why even I would have the medical skills necessary for this!"
"Well that just makes you one of our suspects now doesn't it?" I said as if explaining a simply problem to a five year old.
She ignored me, only after giving me an irritated glance, "Besides… the season is ending soon, any doctor that follows the nobles to the cities will be returning to the country soon then what?"
I was about to shout at her when Sebastian butted in, "Then we will have to conclude this investigation quickly. I should be able to do this much at least. Otherwise what kind of butler would I be?" A normal one, maybe? Just a thought.
Madam Red and Lau stared dumbstruck and Ciel just smirked. "Let me guess. You are going to make up a list of viable suspects and begin questioning them immediately?" I said with fake enthusiasm earning me another glare.
He opened the carriage door, "Now if you will excuse me…" And with that the demon butler was gone. I had to bite my hand however when I saw the others faces.
"HE KNOWS THAT WE'RE MOVING RIGHT?" Madam Red practically yelled in my ear.
"Well of course he does madam, but this is Sebastian we are talking about. If he didn't do something to prove how great he was at least once a day then where would we be?" I said smiling.
"Sebastian can take care of it; we can head home and have a cup of tea while we wait." Ciel said ignoring me again.
"You know when you ignore me it's rather hurtful! Okay?!" I yelled while flailing my arms, the bastard only smirked.
T~T~T~T
Walking up the front stairs of the town home I opened the front door unsurprised to find Mr. Tall, dark, and sexy standing there waiting for us. "Welcome back everyone, I have awaited your return. The tea is ready for you in the drawing room." He said taking Ciel's hat.
"Have enough time to clean Sebastian?" I teased him getting me another glare. What was that 18? Personal best if I do say so myself. It clicked for Madam Red.
"Hold on! How are you here?!"
"I finished that little errand so I made my way home."
"You made the suspect list already?"
"Well, yes I made a list of names based on the things we had discussed-"More like what I listed,"-and contacted them all to ask the relevant questions." He stated motioning to the three scrolls he held.
"Come now Sebastian, that's impossible even for you."
"Here we go…" I hummed as a knife sliced the ribbon of the first scroll and he began to list off names and alibis. I however couldn't give a fuck and tuned it all out. You know I am kinda hungry, I thought, Some chicken would be nice… or even a burger, hell I could go for one of those weirdo biscuits Undertaker always has on him. Damn why didn't I get one of those to go? I always wanted to try one.
I looked around at all their faces; Lau's was of… well Lau. Madam Red's was of complete shock, her hat was falling off her head. I let out a small chuckle at this. Grell however was by far the best… it was pure adoration. You would have thought her had been kissed by god himself. I swear I saw a heart next to his head.
Wait… was he… was that bastard… BLUSHING? Oh dear god this is to funny! Sebastian dropped the last scroll onto the floor. "From this information I have narrowed down our lists to one possible suspect."
"Are you certain you're just a butler? Not a secret military intelligence officer?" Madam Red asked, oh come now Madam Red. That is just foolish; next you will be saying that he is a demon and that your butler has a weird fetish for death. Hmm…. That is strangely funny. Just you wait this is all gonna come back to me at the worst possible time EVER.
"See, my lady. I am simply one hell of a butler."
T~T~T~T
Oh god, this is just too funny, seriously shoot me! The amount of fun I am having can't be legal. "Stop touching me Kaitlyn." Ciel snarled.
"Oh seriously Ciel this is just too damn funny…" I said with a devious smile on.
"The Viscount Druitt…" Sebastian said pulling us all back to reality, I stared at him and had the sudden urge to punch him in his face to hear the satisfying crunch of his glasses breaking under my fist as he adjusted them for no reason. But sweet damn he did look fine with them on. "Also known as Aleister Chambers, he graduated from Medical School but has never gone into practice."
"Lately, he has thrown several parties at his home; behind the scenes of these things are secret gatherings that only intimates maintain." I finished.
"I heard he is into black magic and those occult sort of things." Madam Red added.
"So your suspicion is that he is holding these parties to preform ritualistic sacrifices of local prostitutes?" Lau asked.
"Tonight is the last party of the season," Ciel said stepping out; I had to clamp my mouth shut at the sight of him as the light hit him and lit up his whole apperance. "Which means this was our last chance." Oh Ciel, why couldn't you have been born a girl? That dress and pigtail extensions look so nice on you. Oh, I guess I should fill you in.
That's right… Ciel is in the legendary pink dress.
And that's where I shall end it now. I am debating on finishing up the episode or not but I will try to make it longer for you people. Not much to say except please review! Thanks to those who have reviewed, alerted and favorited this story. I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes, my computer was being really weird when I was writing this so this may or may not have gotten fucked up. That's about it. Oh and don't forget to take the poll on my bio!