Koutai: Haha special prize to mrs. nick jonas who summed up last chapter in two words: NO NICK!!! Lol. So true…hehe…

I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!

()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()~~~~~~()NICK'S POV

I took out a needle and filled the vial attached with a little more than necessary, making sure this would do the job and fear mounted in my heart, causing my hand to shake and thoughts of why I was doing this to run through my brain.

I looked over to my vibrating phone and found a text from Joe…How did he get my number? But I did not bother to read it because it would delay my task at hand and each second lost was another second of suffering added. I took a deep breath and readied the needle, knowing exactly how to give myself a shot, thanks to my insulin shots.

I closed my eyes and pricked my arm, feeling the deadening burning and I heard my door open and a woman screamed, but it was too late.

DIANE'S POV

As soon as Nick abruptly hung up, a feeling of dread weighed down my heart as I analyzed his stressed voice and I ran from the house, hoping I would be able to stop his father from going too far. I dialed Amanda's sitter to tell her I would be late and in the other hand, I rammed the keys into my cars ignition. It was crucial I got to Nick's house, to save him like he saved me.

In three minutes I was banging on Nick's front door and to my surprise, it swung open easily and my fears increased as my mind raced with questions I knew I alone could not answer. I walked in and the silence deafened me until all I could hear was the pounding of the blood in my ears and the slight echo of my footsteps on the marble floor. I walked up the stairs, to the very top and I heard it. Almost soundless sobs that only a mother's ear could detect; the tears of a broken hearted and suffering child.

I knocked gently on the door he hid behind and softly called his name, not wanting to frighten him or alert his father of my presence because I had no doubt he did this to this innocent boy. Nick did not answer, but his sobs stopped and I gave him a moment, thinking he was composing himself for my entry. I knocked again and no sound was heard, it was like he was waiting to see if I would go away, like he thought I did not know he was in there…But no, my heart told me otherwise and I knew something was terribly wrong, I could feel it. I threw open the door and it slammed against the wall, but the bang was covered by my scream.

JOE'S POV

I raced to my phone when it finally rang and was please but angry to se e Nick's number on it and I picked it up, forcing calmness into my rushed voice.

"Nick, we need to ta…" I started but a women's voice cut me off.

"Joe? It's not Nick, this is Diane…I saw your number on his phone and I've seen you with Nick before so I…" She trailed off, sobs coming from her shaking voice. "I thought you should know…"

"Wait up." I said gently, trying to calm the hysteric woman, though I felt no calmness myself. "What happened to Nick? Is he ok?"

I heard Diane sniff. "No. He…he…" She stuttered, unable to compose herself to say what Nick did.

My breath caught in my throat until it was impossible to take another breath. I thought of the many ways she could finish that sentence. He bought a lolly pop, he was abused or he was dead. The last two made the most sense. But Kevin still had Nick's knife so he couldn't have…could he?

"Is he…dead?" I whispered, unable to bring my voice higher and I lost the calm composure.

"Not quite. But he is in the hospital and critical…he tried…he almost…he poisoned himself." She stuttered and I could hear her ragged breaths as mine stopped all together again.

I was silent, not able to comprehend the simple meaning of her words. But it made sense. Nick was a jerk to us to push Kevin and me away so it would be easier for us, for him, if he had actually succeeded. He had been trying to cut the small bonds we have formed with him so we would not stop him or even hurt too much after his…passing.

"I hate to ask this but I can't call his father….can you come here? I need…He'll need someone who cares if…when he wakes up." Diane asked, pausing, unable to say that there was a chance Nick would not awaken.

"Where are you?" I asked her, already grabbing my coat, Kevin, and writing a note to the parents and explaining everything to Kevin after I hung up and we were out to door.

DIANE'S POV

I sat on the cold, butt numbingly hard chair in the waiting room, not capable of fighting the cold grasp of the memoires I never wanted to relive.

Flashback

I screamed and was rooted on the spot by my terror and shock. Nick…NO!! My eyes skimmed quickly around the room and rested on a lone needle on the floor, a small brown bottle with a red lethal sticker upon it on his nightstand, and finally back to the teen on the bed.

He was laying back, eyes clenched closed in obvious and indescribable pain as the lethal poison quickly took its toll on his body. He was paler than freshly fallen snow and his lips looked as if they were a faded painting of blue. Fear filled my heart as he hissed lowly in pain, but did nothing to try and save himself. All thoughts stopped and I forgot about my theories of his father. Nick did this to himself…he wanted to die…and I would not let him.

I pulled out my phone after five seconds of starring and dialed three numbers I knew well and waited. A man picked up and I told him what I thought had happened and I read the label of the poison to him and he swore under his breath and I told him the address.

"Ok, Paramedics will be there shortly, keep him conscious!" He hung up and I sat on Nick's bed and pulled him into a sitting position and held him tightly, marveling at how little he weighed.

"Oh Nick…" I whispered, but not in disappointment, but in sorrow as I starred at the dying teen who struggled to take one more breath. I wished I knew he was hurting this much from that sorry excuse for a father…if I had I could have saved him like he had me, but I hope I would have time for that in the future.

"Di…Diane?" He choked out, his voice soft and strained.

I leaned forward. "Yes Nick?" I answered, equal in volume.

"Le…Let me…go…Let me d…ie" He whispered, longing for me to leave shrouding his pain but I could not. His final wish I would not fulfill.

"No." I told him and I saw one single tear fall from his eyes at the one simple word as my own tears fell as well.

I heard the sirens and the door slam open so I screamed for them to come up quickly, but they were too slow. When they reached the top floor, Nick went limp in my arms and his breath began more ragged and erratic than before and his face was one of pain.

"Hang in there!" I told him quietly, but he was too gone in the pain to hear me and to respond.

The next part is more of a blur. Two Paramedics ran in, one took out a needle and shoved it into Nick's arm, telling me that this would sustain him until the proper amount could be found from doing blood work and that Nick was lucky, in a way, because this antidote was found three months ago. The guy saw Nick's dog tag and swore.

"Shit. This antidote raises blood sugar levels drastically. In a healthy person, they would be fine, but this could kill him if the poison does not and we cannot give him insulin to help him either!"

Without another word they loaded him onto the gurney and ran him into the ambulance, using the elevator in Nick's house, and I was there the whole way, holding Nick's cold as death hand.

End

"Diane?" I looked up and saw Joe standing a few feet away with an older…brother…behind him.

"Joe?" I asked and he nodded, introducing himself formally and Kevin, his older brother. They both walked forward as I stood and engulfed me in a much needed hug and I broke down, sobbing onto Joe's shoulder and I felt his tears fall onto my back. He did care…I wonder if Nick knew?

"Where's my son?!?" The booming voice of Mr. Grey yelled and we all turned to see him storm in and a brave nurse ran forward to either help him or tell him off. I really hoped it was the second one.

"Excuse me sir, but Nicholas is still unstable and we cannot allow visitors until we can get him stable again. So, if you wait here or we can call you when he is ready to be seen." She told him, not a hint of fear in her voice.

"Bull Shit. Take me to him!" He screamed but the nurse shook her head, a gleam appearing in her brown eyes.

"I am sorry sir, but rules are rules. You can wait quietly or I am going to have to ask you to leave." She informed him, standing tall and not backing down. I admired her bravery.

"Oh really? You expect me to just sit peacefully while MY SON IS DYING?!?!?" He snapped and raised his hand and slapped the unflinching nurse across the cheek and she calmly looked back at him.

"Security, please escort him off site." She asked the men behind her and they nodded and when Mr. Grey was out of site, she swore, and touched her cheek before turning to us.

"Is one of you Diane?" She asked and I nodded. "This was found clenched in Nicholas's hand." She held out a note and I took it and she left.

I opened it with shaking hands and was surprised to see two pages, one with a song one it and another, a letter. I read;

Diane,

I address this to you because you have gone through and hidden what I have gone through and kept secret for almost ten years. You will be the only one to understand why I had to do this merciless act. You understand the pain, the heart break, the nothingness. You understand the feeling of seclusion.

I want you to know, Diane, that I am not doing this to hurt you nor the fools that tried to interfere with my life and get close to me, like Joe has repeated tried to do. I only call them fools because everyone, despite my warnings and attempts to push them away, gets in too deep and my father gets involved until the cemetery has another headstone. That is why I yearn to be alone, and yet, I need the company of someone, but I know if I am to be selfish, another life will be taken and another piece of my shattered heart, destroyed.

I am doing this to end all of that. To end the cycle of lost lives brought on by my mistakes. I am, in turn, ending my father's trip to wealth and a clean record, and ending the pain he puts me through every day. It is just too much for me, for anyone I expect, to handle now. When physical failed, he used other methods I am sure you know of. He broke me with them…

I am only 17 and yet not a day goes by when I wish I was six again, when my family was alive and I was happy. For ten years, happiness is a feeling I have felt not, only acted. I am a shell, a puppet, if you will, only made to do the biddings of the ass hole master I still have the insanity to call my 'father.' I have nothing, nothing but ache and sorrow. I am broken and alone. No one can help me…even if I let them try.

Attached is a song inspired by Amanda and you, think of it was my last gift to you as my soul wanders to either Heaven or Hell. Take care of Amanda and raise her to forget me. Her soul need not be burdened with the memory of another death. They are my last words for you and in a day, you will find the first and only recording of it in your mailbox…

I cry alone and no one will see me through. I've made my choice; there was nothing you could do. (In the End by NJATA…altered a bit)

Goodbye,

Nick Jonas

More tears fell as I pulled out the last song and my hand found my heart as I read the words only he could create. The words he wrote for me.

Stay

It's hard to believe,
Where we are now.
Your hand in mine, babe,
Feels right somehow.
But now its okay, So don't make a sound.
Cause its almost perfect,
So, baby, Don't you look down.

We've had our past, leave that behind.
Cause none of it lasts,
All that we have is tonight.

Cause you're not the only one,
Who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done
There's no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Beautiful, one of a kind.
You're something special babe,
And you don't even realize
That your my hearts desire.

All I want and more
I know you're scared,
But I promise, babe,
I'm not who I was before.

Cause you're not the only one,
Who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
No need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Cause you're not the only one,
Who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Tell me, tell me you'll stay.
Now, tell me.
Tell me that you'll stay

I cried silently at the simple beauty of his song. He asked me to stay when he could not. He told me my pain was done and he ended his and that there was no need for me to be afraid of mine coming back. I did not have time to waste dwelling on it. I had to stay strong, happy and ready for Amanda. It was hard to believe he was only 17 and yet the songs he wrote were mature and beautiful beyond compare. He had a talent and he almost took it from the world.

"Wow…" Joe whispered as he read the lyrics over my shoulder. "I knew he had talent…but this…wow."

I nodded and wiped away my tears. Just because Nick was gone yet, did not mean his words would be ignored. He was right. From the very beginning he was right.

"Diane, Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lucas, Thank you for waiting." A man said, walking up to us.

"How's Nick?" Kevin asked, in perfect harmony with Joe and my voice.

The doctor frowned. "I am Dr. Lawson and Nick is not doing well. We were able to give him the antidote but for this kind of poison and its age, it will be needed to be given in a total of five doses, which is extremely dangerous for him with his diabetes. We have the right away from his father, who we called, so we will proceed but do not get your hopes up. This has had a taxing toll on his body and right now…his blood sugar was too high, resulting in a coma. We don't know how long it will take until wakes up, if he wakes up."

I wiped away another tear. "Can we see him?"

Dr. Lawson nodded. "You may." He led us to a room and we hesitated before Kevin took a breath and walked in, me following him and Joe behind me.

He looked so small on the hospital bed and so pale. His lips were no longer blue and his breathing was still sgort but regular, thanks to the breathing aid in his nose, even though, according to Dr. Lawson, Nick was breathing on his own and this was to regulate his breathing more.

I took his hand ignored the ice he seemed to hold beneath his skin and for the first time, I saw the scars that laced around his wrists and I cried openly.

"Can he hear us?" Kevin asked his voice quiet.

"We like to think that he can." Dr. Lawson replied before leaving to give us privacy.

NICK'S POV

Fire burned in my arm, heart and forehead, sapping my strength and making moving impossible. I wasn't asleep but I wasn't exactly awake either. I had neither the will nor the strength to move a finger or even open my eyes. Why wasn't my breath or the fire ending? Where was the light of Heaven or the glow of the fires of Hell? Why…why was there no end?

"Nick…if you can hear us, please hold on." Three voices whispered, one of Diane, one of Kevin and the other of Joe.

Of course. The three who actually tried to care were the ones that were causing me the most pain. Why wouldn't they just let me go?

Koutai…I came up with an ending today…but it won't occur for several chapters. Until Next Update.