We didn't waste much time on gathering a large party to storm the witch's lair. Time was of the essence, and our goal was not to bring the battle to Zelena's, but to win it through stealth and subterfuge. To that end, with myself counted among the six chosen, we split into two groups of three, the men in one car, the women in the other. Joining us, was the one time Evil Queen, and a man that wasn't much more than a stranger to me though I had saved Robin Hood's life not once, but twice. It still made us smile at each other, Robin with a genuine warmth, and I myself with a sad sort of acknowledgment. I was glad to see him, glad that he and his cross bow were coming with us, but more than that I welcomed the memory that the sight of him caused me. The memory of the day I had first began to realize there was more to Rumpelstiltskin than the monster that he would pretend to be.

I needed that memory. I grabbed at and clung to it, to the warmth that it brought, to the sheer pleasured surprise of that moment when the arrow had MISSED Robin's heart. Of course Rumpelstiltskin had tried to make some flimsy excuse, but we had both known it to be a lie. There was no way he could have missed, no way for the magic on those enchanted arrows to fail, the silver tipped projectiles meant to always find their intended mark. Rumpelstiltskin HAD spared him, a thief who had stolen from him, and stolen to save his pregnant wife. I hadn't loved Rumpelstiltskin then, but something in my heart had moved for him, the relief I felt buffeted by a joy that had brought my lips pressing softly to his cheek.

That had been my gratitude expressed, such a silly, whimsical thing to offer when I had nothing else. But it had affected Rumpelstiltskin more than he would have admitted to, not more than a day passing, before he had gifted me with the library. Of course he tried to play it off as more work for me to do, that I needed to thoroughly dust and care for each book, and every nook and cranny of the room. He hadn't been fooling either one of us, this particular room created on a whim, created for me, and it would create more than just work, it would set the faint stirrings of an affection to grow in my heart.

That affection would have plenty of time to be nurtured, month after month following of small little moments that it built upon. And with each of those moments I saw past the beast, saw to the man AND the heart that still existed inside the Dark One. I saw Rumple, saw the dangerous, manipulative man of power that could and did do evil things, but still retained enough of his heart to have the odd moment of kindness. And to have it for ME.

My affection would feed off his kindness, off the gifts and the stolen looks. I'd listen to his stories, the tales of his long and intriguing life, of the people met and the deals made, and share my simple dreams in return. I hadn't lived even a quarter of the life that Rumpelstiltskin had, and as a sheltered princess I had barely lived at all. As a princess my life had been boring, mapped out for me from the day that I had been born. Betrothed to a man I hadn't loved, who had cared more about elevating his status and reputation with our marriage and the children I would give him, it was not until I was forced into servitude, that I had truly come alive.

I had been happy then. Happy and infatuated, and veering closer to love. I admired and respected Rumpelstiltskin, was in awe of him, of his power, and of the kind of man that he was. The Dark One was like nothing I had ever encountered, his tempered evil still a million times better than the worst brutes and bullies of my father's court. There was a purpose to his sins, Rumpelstiltskin never torturing just for the fun of it. He made deals and punished those who broke them, but rewarded those who didn't. Yes, he could and was scary, but it wasn't terror that I felt. Instead I thrilled to the danger of him, actually reveled in the fact there was a side to the Dark One that Rumpelstiltskin showed only to me. I embraced the darkness, and came away in love with the man, That should have, WOULD have been enough, if not for the evil queen's interference.

My eyes now veer towards her reflection in the mirror, Regina appearing distracted and sullen. She hasn't noticed my staring, too lost in thoughts of her own. I should be grateful for that, for the quiet it gives the car ride but I am not. It's oppressive, the guilt and accusations that go unspoken in the silence. I can't bring myself to glance at the driver, to glance Emma's way. but I know she is upset, that she disapproves of what has happened. I know she must have a hundred questions at least, and I brace myself for the moment when she will finally ask them. It doesn't come now, but I know it will not be put off forever, that the town will not always be in a danger that will distract Emma from prying.

I feel partially to blame for the danger, for failing to be that which can save both the town and Rumple from Zelena. My cheeks burn with shame, and I go back to staring out the window to my side. I am worrying about what will come, what will happen when it becomes apparent to Regina and the others that I'm not here to kiss Rumpelstiltskin, but to talk and buy the others time.

But most of all I worry for Rumple, for what he might be waiting for me to do. I can't bear the thought of hurting him, can't stomach the pain of my betrayal, of my kiss failing to be true. Hook's words whisper through my head, that mocking certainty that he is right, that I don't love Rumple, that I can't given what I have done, what I have continued to do. It's not just the sex that is the betrayal, it's my feelings, that twisted, torn up need that I have for Hook that haunts me even now. It makes me remember, divides my thoughts in two. I should be thinking about Rumple, about the love we had once shared, about the affection I still have for him, that warmth that maybe I could rekindle into something more.

Instead I remember Hook, the determined look in his eyes just before we had joined Neal and the others in the front of the shop. I remember more than that, the way that he had acted, both trying to protect and control me, and the effect that had had on making me feel. It confuses and embarrasses me, and if I am honest, there is a part that thrills to the idea that Hook would care at all. It doesn't stop the next doubting voice, the snide whisper that says Hook just doesn't want to lose his plaything any time soon.

My eyes water, and my fingers clench on my lap. The dig of my nails into my soft palm is a pain that holds back the worst of my tears, and now I am glaring at the forest scenery that the car passes by at a fast clip. It's no short drive to Zelena's, her witch's lair located on the far outskirts of town. It leaves plenty of time for talk, or it would if anyone was in the mood, my thoughts instead veering wildly in the silence. I try to keep them focused, try to stay centered on Rumple and the love I had once been so sure of. Hook remains on the outskirts, a dark, attractive shadow that still distracts me to this day, that mocks and destroys my love, a love I had known once to be true. I had seen it with my own eyes, had felt the proof in the magic that had tingled between our lips. That first kiss HAD been magic, Rumple's skin rippling with an attempt to change. The dark curse had fought it, had fought it's breaking, and I think if Rumple himself hadn't panicked, so much would have been different. The queen's schemes, Hook's revenge, my own betrayal of that love, most likely none of it would have happen, Rumple and I HAPPY.

Or so I tell myself. It's not Hook's voice alone that casts doubts in my head now. Back then, there had been so much I hadn't understood, Rumpelstiltskin open about so much except the truth surrounding his son and the boy's mother. One lost, the other dead, Rumple hadn't been about to give up on the boy, and Hook would have still sought his revenge, regardless of what state Rumpelstiltskin had existed as. It was these factors as much as anything else, that left Rumpelstiltskin loathe to abandon his power as the Dark One, that would have kept him from truly achieving a happy ending with me. He may have been in love with me, but he had also loved his son and his magic, needing that power to safeguard the things, the people most valuable to him. He would have resented me, resented the love that we shared, the pure magic that would have stripped him of that which made Rumple the man he now was.

My eyes now open to what I hadn't known back then, I can grasp a total understanding of Rumpelstiltskin's anger, of why he had lashed out. At me and at true love, the man not trusting, not able to believe. Scared of it, scared of me, it was for his own good that Rumple had sent me away. That and his reaction, his denial of my love, had been devastating, and it had sent me careening out of control. Instead of returning to my kingdom, to my father and fiancee, to the life I had thought lost, I became little more than a vagabond, wandering from village to village. I lost myself to drinking at the more reputable taverns I could find, heart sick and bitter, but not having lost my feelings of true love.

In tatters but not broken, I even fit in time for an adventure or two. The hunt for the yowagi, some manner of beastly monster terrorizing a village, would ultimately renew me, would restore my faith in love and happy endings, but also bring back my courage and self confidence, the strength to believe in myself and the life that I had wanted. Determined to go after it, after him, and still not understanding even half of what had motivated Rumpelstiltskin, it was the evil queen who had disrupted my plans. Her capture of me, the months of imprisonment that followed, played their part well in my breaking, my spirit, my heart suffering. In that cold, dank, colorless room, I wilted, waiting for a rescue, while wondering why, each day taking more of my hope, as Rumpelstiltskin failed to appear.

What I perceived to be Rumpelstiltskin's total abandonment, the bleak, solitary future I was fast coming to believe was all that was left to me, was all that was needed to render me vulnerable to Hook and his sudden arrival. Cutting a dark, dashing figure, I had barely been able to believe my eyes, Hook's smile the first to be given without malice to it, a dark warmth in his eyes that been quick to smolder as he looked at me.

Sensing I was soon to be free, it was not the anticipation of it that had me sitting up straighter at Hook's approach. What felt like butterflies had stirred in my belly, that smile of his rendering me light headed. Even Rumple had never looked at me with that dark open hunger, his eager lust growing, exploding when I licked at my dry lips nervously in response. Hook had zeroed in on that nervous gesture, his smile becoming something wolfish. I'm sure he had said something to me then, but the dizziness that I had felt, the surreal feeling that had hit me, had left me unable to focus on his words, my body breaking out into a fever, trembling with excitement as one strong and steady hand had touched my wrist.

I think I might have gasped, feeling something spark at his touch. Hook had felt it too, his eyes widening ever so slightly. I stared at him as the man bent over me, as he used his hand and his hook to pick the locks of the chains on my wrists. That hook of his didn't frighten me, my senses too taken with him. I breathed in the scent of him, leather and spice with an underlying hint of sweat and blood from his recent excursions. Having fought his way to me, my right hand once free, had brought my shaking fingers to touch at the blood on his sleeve. Worry had filled me over the perceived injury, but at that touch, the warmth that I felt of another human being, had brought tears to my eyes.

He had preyed on even that, quickly freeing my left hand, then pulling me against him. Holding me in a facsimile of comfort, his good hand had run over the back of my tangled hair. That touch on my hair, the strong arms around me, it had been sensory overload to a body starved for attention of any kind. I had been the one to then press further, to lift up my head from where it had rested on his shoulder. With tears of gratitude glistening in my eyes, I had moved to kiss him, to give expression to what I had been feeling, the relief, the joy, and the appreciation that he had set off in me.

Overcome as I had been, it hadn't been a chaste kiss I had intended. But neither had I meant for it to be a total devouring. But like kindle to a flame, the kiss had ignited instantly, our lips burning with a need that I don't understand still to this day.

Like all the other times that would follow, it hadn't stopped with a kiss. I shift in my seat in the back of Emma's yellow colored car, the memory both uncomfortable and titillating. My thighs squeeze tighter together, the arousal flickering to life within me. I curse Hook then, and I hate myself, despising that even the memory of the pirate can affect me so. He makes me unfaithful to Rumple in so many ways, and my sin is made worse that it's not just my body, but my heart and my thoughts.

Shaking in my seat, my nails dig hard enough to draw blood from my palm. That sharp bit of pain doesn't help with the desire, but it keeps me from turning in my seat, keeps me from peering out the back window at the car that follows close behind us. Hook's back there somewhere, and I don't trust myself or him. No to be alone together, and not the sudden acceptance he had displayed, Hook giving in surprisingly quick to the plan that Emma and I intended. He's planning something himself, but what I can't imagine, too mentally and emotionally exhausted to even try to get inside Hook's head.

It hasn't been the easiest of days, the stress of our relationship drama, the jealousy and the worry, the hurt and the confusion, draining me near to my limits. I'm running on empty, tired and afraid, unable to do what is really needed. Its not just the kiss, but my betrayal, my inability to see past my unfaithfulness to find and rediscover the love I had once had. I don't hate Rumple, I can't, but Hook is right when he says I am not in love with the man either. But I'm not in love with Hook, I don't think I even like him. I feel none of the warmth, the affection that had grown, the fondness and friendship that I have STILL for Rumple. I care for him, I like him, and I value Rumple's place in my life.

Dear as he is to me, it's not romantic what I feel. It hasn't been for a long time now, and I've been a fool for lying to him and to me. I can't stomach what I've done, what I've cost us both, and if Rumple gives me even half a chance, I'll spend my life trying to make it up to him. I'll be whatever he needs, friend, lover, companion, even slave. Anything I'll do, from the lowest of the low, if it means I'll have repented for my sins.

That determination falters when I get my first sight of the witch's house. The nervous feeling inside me increases, my anxiety leaving me nauseous. I'm sure all color has fled from my face, and I am forced to take several deep, steadying breaths before I can nerve myself to get out of the car. Hook looks towards me, actually takes a step forward before being stopped by Emma.

"Cool it, Romeo." She mutters it softly. "We need to secure the perimeter first, make sure Zelena is not here."

"I don't see a car." Robin says, his cross bow armed and at the ready.

"Not that that means much when magic is at play." Regina points out, but she quickly turns away when Robin looks at her. There's something going on there, something unexpected, something that had played a part in who went in which car before coming here. I'd wonder about it more, about the queen's attempt to maintain a coldness, if my own problems and fears weren't so distracting.

"Wait here." Emma tells it to me and to Regina. "We're going to do a check of the house."

"Make it quick." Advises Regina. "Who knows for how long Zelena will be gone."

"Let's just hope she doesn't have the dagger glued to her side now that she knows we're on to her." added Neal with a grimace. "There's no telling what she'll make my father do to us..."

"Well, isn't that why she's here?" Regina asked, nodding towards me. "To kiss him free of his curse and his power..."

"She's not going to be breaking any curses today." Emma says in a curt dismissive manner. She doesn't meet anyone's eyes, too busy scanning the area for any signs of danger or of the witch's return.

"WHAT?!" Regina snarls in disbelief. "Then why are we even here?!"

"I must admit, I am now wondering that too..." agreed Robin Hood. "I thought the whole point was to remove the threat that was the Dark One in the only way that we could."

"It's not that cut and dry." Emma says, while the breath gets stuck in my throat. I feel as though I am suffocating, as though I might fall down, fearing Emma is about to reveal what she had discovered, what she had witnessed with her own eyes. My guilt and fear drive me to glance at Hook, my nervous, frightened gaze meeting his calm darkness. He's not bothered one bit by what Emma may be about to reveal, might actually be enjoying the idea of it.

"Of course it is!" Regina's hands are on her hips. "We have the greatest magic there is when it comes to breaking curses. Belle and Rumpelstiltskin will share true love's kiss, which will put an end to the Dark One and the witch's control over him."

"And then what?!" Emma demands. "Taking the Dark One out of the equation, won't guarantee us a victory against that witch."

"It'll even the grounds though..." suggests Robin, while Regina still scoffs.

"Without her controlling the Dark One, I'll wipe the floor with her remains."

"Maybe, maybe not..." Emma cautions over Regina's hiss. "We don't know how powerful Zelena is on her own. Even without the Dark One, she may stand a chance of winning...Which is why I think we need Gold...we need him and his magic on our side."

"So we go off on a wild goose chase, searching for a dagger that may not even be here?!" Regina demands.

"It's the only thing we can do at the moment..." Emma glances my way. "Belle, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Regina is exasperated and it shows. "Why is she even here then?!"

"I've got to talk to Rumple." I say, ignoring Regina who sputters and snaps that I can talk to him after this is all over. "I might be able to find some things out, such as what Zelena's ultimate plan is for Mary Margaret's baby, what she even wants. But more than that...I can be a distraction."

"A distraction?" Robin asks, and Hook lets out an unhappy sound. I fear he is going to start protesting again, and make a scene that cannot be easily explained away.

"Rumple would NEVER hurt me." I speak quickly, Hook still grumbling unhappily under his breath. The look he gives me is angry, Hook doesn't like one bit what I am saying, or what I am going to do. "If the witch has some sort of fail safe on him, I CAN buy you lot the time needed to find the dagger, or even just to get away."

"We're not leaving without you!" Hook snaps, the other men and Emma quickly agreeing.

"You won't have to." I say with false confidence. "But we're wasting time..."

"She's right, we are." Regina sides with me. "Go...do what you have to. Belle and I will be ready as soon as you know that the house is empty."

"Right."

The others move into action, and it's only Hook that hesitates. He looks straight at me, frowning with the weight of what he has to say. "Belle, I..."

"What are you standing around for?!" Regina interrupts, clearly annoyed. "You have a dagger to help find!"

Hook blinks slowly in response, as though he had needed that reminder. I have a bad feeling as a smirk creeps in at the edge of that sensual mouth of his, the look in his eyes no less determined than before, but with a darkness there that makes me uneasy. I shiver with the uncertainty that he is up to something more, but before I can ask or try to caution him away from it, Hook is bowing in mock regard to the queen.

"As her majesty commands." Hook says, then takes off running to catch up to the others. I'm left with Regina, my already monumental unease increasing, my anxiety such that I am close to panicking. Regina doesn't notice, too lost to her own thoughts that don't deter her from complaining about blonde headed saviors and half thought out plans that are destined to fail. She's wrong though. It's not Emma she should be mad at, and it's not the savior who will be at fault if things do go bad. It's me, I did this, I caused this mess, and it will be on me if Rumple hurts someone on Zelena's command.

To Be Continued...

Didn't advance to the part I thought...thought the Belle and Rumpelstiltskin in the shed scene would have happened this chapter. I also did find time to research watch, and ended up watching a lot more of that particular episode. (Certainly more than I had intended.) So yay for that!

I had a little trouble getting the chapter started..something like 20-30 attempts...it started to flow when wrote all that stuff about Robin and Belle. So yay!

Not much to say this time around. I did finally write up a new summary for this fic, one that hopefully fits it better as this story has developed. :) I'm also hoping after I post this chapter (Still got to spell check and proof read!) to go fix the Zelena name error in chapter one. Wish me luck or something!

-Michelle